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I recently begun reading Jane Eyre for the first time. I came across this moment of Jane's thoughts when she was meeting Rochester (if you're not familiar, he's the love interest) that describe exactly how I would (and have) reacted in similar cases. I suspect the author probably based from her own experiences with men. So it got me wondering is this a common human thing that everyone can relate to or can other NFs can relate to this more profoundly? (I'm not suggesting it's an NF thing, but I am curious how common among us).

Here's the scene:

"He had a dark face, with stern features and a heavy brow; his eyes and gathered eyebrows looked ireful and thwarted just now; he was past youth, but had not reached middle-age; perhaps he might be thirty-five. I felt no fear of him, and but little shyness. Had he been a handsome, heroic- looking young gentleman, I should not have dared to stand thus questioning him against his will, and offering my services unasked. I had hardly ever seen a handsome youth; never in my life spoken to one. I had a theoretical reverence and homage for beauty, elegance, gallantry, fascination; but had I met those qualities incarnate in masculine shape, I should have known instinctively that they neither had nor could have sympathy with anything in me, and should have shunned them as one would fire, lightning, or anything else that is bright but antipathetic."

Correct me if I'm getting this wrong, but isn't what Jane's saying is that she doesn't have hard time approaching men she initially finds unattractive. However if the man is pretty great upon first sight, then she might not have so easily been able to offer her assistance. Right?

If that's the case, I can relate immensely. I mean, now that I'm articulating my thoughts as I write this post, it does seem like a pretty normal human reaction. However, isn't it more ideal among some people that getting to help someone you found attractive would be a good opportunity to talk to them? Or... how should I put this.... it would work in your favor, I guess?

I mean, if I were Jane and Rochester was a young, good-looking fellow I'd probably not offer him any help (I know, it'd look so bad of me) or at least be crazy-nervous in doing so. I know some girls who'd have no problem at all walking up to a guy (whether they find them attractive or not) who was fell off a horse and asking if they needed help.

Is this just a difference in how NFs notice people (like "scanning" them or something) compared to other types (that is, if this in an NF thing?)

So, both men and women, can you relate to this scene?

My apologies for the length of this post. Tooo many thoughts on something that doesn't really matter, lol.
 

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Hmmmm....well, in relation to attractive women, I think I would definitely rush to help them. Although, I would feel way more self-conscious and move and act more awkwardly if I were attracted to her. This goes beyond mere physical beauty. If I saw myself being truly interested in her then I would be very self-aware and self-conscious. If she were only physically beautiful and I didn't foresee (by numerous instantaneous brain/body calculations) a future with her in any practical or metaphysical way then I wouldn't care about how I looked but still help (I'd probably accidentally be way more 'smooth' in this case).

I think there is probably a likely correlation between being an NF and being apprehensive about attraction compared to any of the other three temperaments. Part of it, at least for me, is that is someone is older then they are likely taken and then all the pressure is off. I find that I'm much better at being myself around older attractive women (whether they have a partner or not) because the stakes seem different; I'll assume they're taken or it's just not likely that anything would happen so I'm more me. If a candidate who is beautiful and near my age is near by then, be still my heart, I'm a basket, bundle, heap, and lump of nerves and awkwardness. I wonder how I ever made a relationship happen at all!

I have been vibrantly pursued by more than on ESFJ so I have some evidence that at least some of them seem to have no qualms about it. I'm sure a lot of this has to do with function as well. My introverted sensing friend has trouble with women. My introverted thinking friend seems not to care very much in the moment. My extroverted sensing friend is an unstoppable attract-o-mate machine. My extroverted feeling friend seems to do better but I can still sense the apprehension and feeling. Every introverted feeler I know seems to have some trouble...even the ISFPs (at least the female ones).

At any rate...I don't know. This is a lot to think about.
 

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Oh boy oh boy, place me in the "me too" camp!

The difference with me is that I won't feel that way with just any pretty face. The decisive stroke comes when I (whether through wishful thinking or otherwise) imagine that my attraction for him has been RECIPROCATED, (i.e. that he likes me too) that I start feeling painfully awkward. With just about any pretty face, I am always able to find ways to dissimulate, or rather, to refocus my attention on flaws in their appearance or general bearing, or by imagining myself in the other person's shoes. All this helps to diminish some of the nervous, self-conscious feelings that are liable to make me look stupid in the immediate moment.

None of these tactics have helped in terms of a having a healthy love life (of any sort), of course. :S I've never really been on an official date, per se, as the idea of dating creeps me out, just like all the other social conventions that stand between two people coming together are all apt to make me want to to run in the opposite direction, and indeed, has meant that I have never been in any serious romantic relationships.
 

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@Giannine

I love Jane Eyre!

I think she was speaking about how she would have felt less comfortable presuming to approach him if he had another level of eliteness in his appearance.

But somehow she felt the scenario of approaching him less incongruent, since she could relate with him in being similarly off-beat in how the come across.

I cannot tell you how much Jane Eyre has educated me on things, it is one of the most beautiful stories :D
 

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I think that's just completely normal and unrelated to mbti.

It's more to do with your own relationship toward physical attractiveness, and how you've grown to perceive it as you've grown up.

Also, Jane's perception is meant to be based how she perceives herself. She's inexperienced, she's plain and has probably not received much attention from men in her life in any case to boost her self-perception. Because she's young and inexperienced enough to hope, she'd feel that combination of attraction toward a handsome young guy, combined with the expectation that she'd probably be rejected- hence the increased shyness.


I definitely also get the impression from girls I meet (I'm 23, and still a uni student, so the past 4-5 years of my life have been spent meeting girls with a variety of experience) that girls who are less experienced and more naive have this kind of perspective. Once girls go through the motions of both romantic success and getting their heartbroken, they start to balance out a bit more throughout their 20s.
 

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Yeah, I think she is describing her reaction to beauty as beauty being something beyond human nature, awe-inspiring like lightning, so that she cannot feel sympathy for it. I think she is also saying that while she admires beauty, she doesn't find it attractive. It wouldnt stir something like sympathy in her because it is so unrelatable, or inhuman almost, and so not endearing.

I definitely find beauty in men very intimidating, although I think I could be persuaded to get past it :p. Seeing the beautiful that way does them a disservice - they deserve to be seen and loved for who they are also.
 
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