JEALOUSY - Healthy or Unhealthy in a Relationship ?
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Regarding the jealous half of the partnership, I'm really not certain. I suspect the particular situation would determine if jealousy was warranted, and even then, it's difficult for me to ascertain how healthy/unhealthy such a response is.
But there is a point I would like to make. Some partners actually put themselves in situations to provoke a jealous response.
This disgusts me. Granted, I evaluate females thoroughly for such superficial behavior long before I establish a relationship of trust and love, but if I somehow ended up with a SO that enjoyed jealous responses, that would be The End for that relationship.
So, ruminating on all this, if I view intentionally provoking a jealous response as unacceptable, it seems only fair that I would avoid embracing jealousy.
But there is a point I would like to make. Some partners actually put themselves in situations to provoke a jealous response.
This disgusts me. Granted, I evaluate females thoroughly for such superficial behavior long before I establish a relationship of trust and love, but if I somehow ended up with a SO that enjoyed jealous responses, that would be The End for that relationship.
So, ruminating on all this, if I view intentionally provoking a jealous response as unacceptable, it seems only fair that I would avoid embracing jealousy.
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I think jealousy is perhaps the hardest emotion to tackle in terms of coming up with a balanced and consistent answer. So I will just throw out some hypothetical scenarios to present my point.
Relationship 1: A and B are both jealous type individuals. But they don't know the other one is as well.
Relationship 2: A and B are both jealous type individuals. They have communicated this fact to one another.
Relationship 3: A is non jealous type and B is jealous type. This example has many permutations. A could know about B, B could know about A, they could both not know, etc.
Relationship 4: A and B are both non jealous type individuals.
Trying to find a consistent and logically flushed answer to these questions will make your head spin. I will examine it in extreme detail later on in a post when I have time. But right now my intuition is telling me that the answer is not as black and white as healthy/unhealthy. It is very dependent on each situation. It fact, it may even not be worth it to find the root of jealousy. It is probably more efficient to learn how to adjust to different degrees of jealous tendencies instead of trying to wipe out this emotion all together.
Relationship 1: A and B are both jealous type individuals. But they don't know the other one is as well.
Relationship 2: A and B are both jealous type individuals. They have communicated this fact to one another.
Relationship 3: A is non jealous type and B is jealous type. This example has many permutations. A could know about B, B could know about A, they could both not know, etc.
Relationship 4: A and B are both non jealous type individuals.
Trying to find a consistent and logically flushed answer to these questions will make your head spin. I will examine it in extreme detail later on in a post when I have time. But right now my intuition is telling me that the answer is not as black and white as healthy/unhealthy. It is very dependent on each situation. It fact, it may even not be worth it to find the root of jealousy. It is probably more efficient to learn how to adjust to different degrees of jealous tendencies instead of trying to wipe out this emotion all together.
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Thank you my dear. It is my superpower.
Jealousy is known for being associated with abnormal and unhealthy behavior, but I don't think it implies that jealousy itself is bad or good. It is just an emotion, and emotions are not inherently good or bad. I can't really think of a example of "good" jealousy right now, but I do know that like all emotions, it is a strong motivator and reinforcement tool. Like an artist who uses anger to create a masterpiece, he or she is using a negative emotion and turning it into something positive. I think jealousy is among those lines, but its hard to categorize because jealousy's cousin, envy, looks so much alike that I can't tell the difference.
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I don't think jealousy is a good thing, unless its in the case of wanting the best for your partner... being jealous that their work is taking so much of their time... being jealous that their alcohol addiction is taking them away from their kids... etc. I don't know if I used the right examples.
I've never had a boyfriend or anything, but if I did, he would have to trust me, and be happy for my accomplishments/friends/life etc. I would still want to hang out with my guy friends, because they have helped me get this far, and made my life worth while. I guess it goes both ways though.
Without trust, there is no relationship.
I wouldn't want to be with someone that has to always know who I'm with, what I'm doing, when I'll be back etc.
I've never had a boyfriend or anything, but if I did, he would have to trust me, and be happy for my accomplishments/friends/life etc. I would still want to hang out with my guy friends, because they have helped me get this far, and made my life worth while. I guess it goes both ways though.
Without trust, there is no relationship.
I wouldn't want to be with someone that has to always know who I'm with, what I'm doing, when I'll be back etc.
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it depends on what kind of person you are. but most of the time, it is unhealthy.
I've dated this girl who wasn't the jealous type, she didn't mind another girl gave me a kiss or hug because in her mind, other people were just being friendly. and it made me feel like she didn't care about me.
I've also dated a girl who was the jealous/protective type, too protective that she made me feel uncomfortable. like I had to tell her where I went, what I did and with who.
I'm the jealous type, but I try to act like I'm not. I'm scared one day my s/o will leave me. I want them to be all mine, I know it sounds kinda selfish but that is what a jealous person think.
so in a relationship, partners should communicate with each other, tell them what type you are and of course, honesty is the key to a healthy relationship.
I've dated this girl who wasn't the jealous type, she didn't mind another girl gave me a kiss or hug because in her mind, other people were just being friendly. and it made me feel like she didn't care about me.
I've also dated a girl who was the jealous/protective type, too protective that she made me feel uncomfortable. like I had to tell her where I went, what I did and with who.
I'm the jealous type, but I try to act like I'm not. I'm scared one day my s/o will leave me. I want them to be all mine, I know it sounds kinda selfish but that is what a jealous person think.
so in a relationship, partners should communicate with each other, tell them what type you are and of course, honesty is the key to a healthy relationship.
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Very interesting link Perspicaious. If jealously is indeed a drive and not an emotion, then we are all asking the wrong questions.
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I think I would be worried if jealousy was non existent between 2 people. Im not talking the light hearted peck on the cheek or flirting but the link above gave a good point in that mammals in the wild also experience jealousy when provoked by another male gearing in on the female. Its about competition in that sense. I think there is a very good reason why it exists within humans.
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Personally, I find it unhealthy. I suppose my views on the issue can be summed up by this quote from Robert A. Heinlein:
This is not to say that I have not on occasion engaged in jealous behavior.
As I've said before in a similar thread, I believe there is a righteous type of jealousy. Such is the type that comes out when what is rightfully yours is given away (partner cheating unless open relationship is agreed upon etc.). Envy is when you lust after something that does not belong to you. There is also a jealousy that comes from insecurity which I consider to be the unhealthy type of jealousy because in that case, nothing warranted it.
Jealousy comes from insecurity .. Insecurity is not healthy for any relationship.
Everybody feels insecure sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that .. It's normal.
You can't help what you feel.. You can always help how you behave.
If you are in a relationship and you feel that insecure, this is not a healthy relationship and jealousy would just be a symptom of that anyway.
Everybody feels insecure sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that .. It's normal.
You can't help what you feel.. You can always help how you behave.
If you are in a relationship and you feel that insecure, this is not a healthy relationship and jealousy would just be a symptom of that anyway.
Unhealthy usually, but not always. I hate when my boyfriend gets jealous and it stresses our relationship. He trusts me, but he still thinks people are going to try to steal me away from him. I sometimes get jealous, but not as much anymore. I used to get jealous in my last relationship, but I had a right to
He was lying to me and cheating on me.
He was lying to me and cheating on me.How you respond to your own jealousy is what really matters, if you ask me. You should be able to stop, determine why you're jealous, realize you're probably just being an idiot, and minimize your response.
My SO had this roommate that would pinch his nipples. |: I hated her more than I can express in words, but did I grab her by her hair and smash her face into the table? Of course not.
My SO had this roommate that would pinch his nipples. |: I hated her more than I can express in words, but did I grab her by her hair and smash her face into the table? Of course not.
1 Corinthians ch:13: v 4-8
Sometimes Love disconnects.. That is OK.. If you know what love is you know you will reconnect.
Love is totally safe.
If you feel unsafe you have disconnected from love.. Both can exist at the same time. But they are not a part of each other.
Jealousy is not a part of love. They knew this 1000's of years ago .. It's fundamental.
Sometimes Love disconnects.. That is OK.. If you know what love is you know you will reconnect.
Love is totally safe.
If you feel unsafe you have disconnected from love.. Both can exist at the same time. But they are not a part of each other.
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This is pretty much how I feel about it too and what I was gonna say. :]
“To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is, a dissatisfaction with self”...Joan Didion
Jealously is not healthy and it has nothing to do with the person/object that you are been jealous of in the first place. It is always an external projection of our inner insecurities and fears(specially of abandonment). Jealously is an expression of fear and usually cause suffering and pain of both parties involved. I believe that no one owns anyone but if there is an agreement( relationship) if should be honored and don't engage in behaviors that cross the boundaries of the relationship. If someone feel jealous, he/her should share his/her preoccupations with the partner so the anxiety that these feelings cause diminish a bit. Those feelings should be explore to find what causes them in the first place. Because you will keep repeating the same pattern in other relationships. Sometimes also a jealous partner could be cheating and its reflecting his/her inner paranoia of been caught in the other person. Like I said before, it has nothing to do with the object/person we are jealous of...it has to do with oneself. Trust in the other person and confidence in oneself should clear any jealously feelings we have.
I can't remember a single occasion in which I have experience jealously in my entire life. Don't see the point of being possessive or restrictive.
Jealously is not healthy and it has nothing to do with the person/object that you are been jealous of in the first place. It is always an external projection of our inner insecurities and fears(specially of abandonment). Jealously is an expression of fear and usually cause suffering and pain of both parties involved. I believe that no one owns anyone but if there is an agreement( relationship) if should be honored and don't engage in behaviors that cross the boundaries of the relationship. If someone feel jealous, he/her should share his/her preoccupations with the partner so the anxiety that these feelings cause diminish a bit. Those feelings should be explore to find what causes them in the first place. Because you will keep repeating the same pattern in other relationships. Sometimes also a jealous partner could be cheating and its reflecting his/her inner paranoia of been caught in the other person. Like I said before, it has nothing to do with the object/person we are jealous of...it has to do with oneself. Trust in the other person and confidence in oneself should clear any jealously feelings we have.
I can't remember a single occasion in which I have experience jealously in my entire life. Don't see the point of being possessive or restrictive.
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My SO loves when I get jealous of other men spending more time with her than I get, but that's only because she wants me to spend more time with her as well, so it's an incentive to get my arse in gear and spend more time with her, maybe neglect college work a bit, but hey true love is more important than anything else in this world.
Jealousy in itself isn't bad, it's just the most common reaction to the emotion which ends in consequences. I know the source of my emotions, so I can act accordingly and perform "best" as it were.
Jealousy in itself isn't bad, it's just the most common reaction to the emotion which ends in consequences. I know the source of my emotions, so I can act accordingly and perform "best" as it were.
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