[HandiAce]

I get told by a lot of people that jealousy is healthy in the context of relationships. Why do they say this?

The reason I am creating this thread is not to argue that jealousy is or is not healthy, but to get reasons for why it is or might be healthy. I always thought jealousy is unhealthy because it appears to set up conflicts that keep the relationship from being enjoyed in the first place.

 

[Tanuchiro]

The only reason I can think of is for monogamous relationships. A little bit of jealousy is better than not giving a crap what your SO does, I guess. Still, I probably wouldn't totally agree with that..

 

[MyName]

If you care about something you'll want to make sure you hang onto it even if you know you're not goign to lose it. Even if you live in the safest suburb in the world you'll still lock your door every night because you value what's inside the house.

 

[Nomen Nescio]

For me, it's less about whether or not it's healthy and more about whether or not it's attractive. Jealousy in men is often seen as unattractive so I do my best to not act jealous. On the other hand, I personally prefer it when women become possessive and clingy so jealousy doesn't bother me.

 

[bellisaurius]

If you're not lonely when someone is missing, perhaps you're not in love.

Part of jealousy is possessiveness, but another part is a fear of that loneliness.

An inability to control one's jealousy is a sign of immaturity, or at least a level of love one isn't able to handle at that point in their life.

 

[MuChApArAdOx]

Jealously can sabatosh a relationship, and friendships. I don't think healthy is the word i would use, although i do think that a bit of jealously isn't harmful. It can show that you care enough about the relationship to notice if things are broken/damaged by other people. Just like being needy or clingly. I think a relationship can handle small amounts of this, although too much isn't a good thing. People who are obviously jealous can appear unattractive, especially if its over the top and not necessary.

Personally i like that my husband is a bit jealous, it turns me on when he shows this side of him. It makes me feel special. He would say the same about me. I wouldn't want it to effect our relationship thou, again, too much is just too much.

 

[FillInTheBlank]

I wouldn't exactly consider jealousy "healthy," but in a way, its a good indicator that you love the person you're in a relationship enough to not want them to be around anyone else (speaking from the little experience in relationships I have had).
Exactly how much jealousy have these people said is healthy anyway? I can't imagine large quantities of jealousy being healthy in a relationship at all.

 

[Manhattan]

I understand that people view it as a sign of love, because they assume that you are only jealous of what you care about. I've found this to not always be the case.

Jealousy cannot exist without distrust. Because of this, I find it insulting. Also useless; If a partner is the type to cheat, someone else can have them.

A friend of mine called her boyfriend "protective" when addressing his jealousy. I said protection is shielding something you value from harm. The word she's looking for is possessive, which is making sure nobody else gets what's yours.

A former friend used to play games with a girl by constantly pushing her away, then pulling her back when she was dating another guy. Once he had her back again, he'd say "I can't hang out, I have a date with a girl". He didn't care about her, but he didn't want anyone else to have her.

Reasons jealousy might be healthy:

1: It's not too hard to see that jealousy can hold a relationship together, at least by preventing interference from outside partners.

2: Some view jealousy as a sign of love, so it may make them feel more desired.

3: Some express love by controlling what is important to them.

Reasons jealousy might be unhealthy:

1: Could prolong relationships that don't have long term compatibility.

2: Could cause resentment, over feeling untrusted or controlled.

3: The feeling itself is stressful.

 

[Promethea]

Jealousy in itself isn't an unhealthy behaviour, but a natural human emotion. How someone handles this emotion can be unhealthy.

There are also people who are very anxious or have a low self-esteem who are prone to a deeper anxious form of jealousy because of a hyper-vigilant attitude they adopt due to the anxiety. This is an issue of anxiety -- not simply jealousy. I did a quick browse on google scholar to see if I remembered right.. and yeah, the scientific papers I saw mostly pointed to jealousy being a normal human emotion.

But just like any emotion, it can get out of hand, sure.. doesn't mean its not capable of being handled in a healthy way by a healthy person.

 

[Kriash]

I don't think Jealousy is bad per se, but it does signal to me that the person is insecure with themselves, or might have other issues. I don't think it is the problem, rather it is a symptom of something else underlying. While perhaps some amount of jealousy can be considered healthy- I think it is important to watch and try and understand what it is stemming from.

 

[twoofthree]

To me, jealousy is unhealthy. Very few exceptions (I'd say no exceptions but there always are).

It's rooted in insecurity, and I don't see how that can benefit a relationship.
The further issue is that the jealous party will then try to project that insecurity, and use it to 'victimise' their partner.

 

[Manhattan]

Depression, greed, and hatred are natural human emotions too.

 

[Lala]

Depression, greed, and hatred are natural human emotions too.

Yes, they are, and as such they need to run their course. Denying emotions is never, ever healthy - learning how to deal with them internally, and express them in a meaningful sense is absolutely key to maintaining ones own mental health. Everyone has to deal with the ugly side of their feelings at least once before they learn how to deal with things in a way they see fit. Owning how you feel, and learning how to deal with it without inflicting harm on others, is essential to growth as a person.

 

[Manhattan]

Yes, they are, and as such they need to run their course. Denying emotions is never, ever healthy - learning how to deal with them internally, and express them in a meaningful sense is absolutely key to maintaining ones own mental health. Everyone has to deal with the ugly side of their feelings at least once before they learn how to deal with things in a way they see fit. Owning how you feel, and learning how to deal with it without inflicting harm on others, is essential to growth as a person.

You're correct that denying them isn't healthy. They are not healthy emotions either, which I mention for the sake of this discussion. We should not condone jealousy as a healthy emotions.

 

[Lala]

You're correct that denying them isn't healthy. They are not healthy emotions either, which I mention for the sake of this discussion. We should not condone jealousy as a healthy emotions.

Yes, I think I agree with you here; sorry if I am sounding redundant. I never gave it much thought till now, but I think my stance is merely this: Jealously exists, and it is not something people should made to be feel ashamed of, this I emphasize; too many people are told their feelings are just evil and wrong, when they should be encouraged to deal with them healthily instead of trying to bury or ignore them. But it also not something that should be celebrated, natural =/= healthy. Haha, I feel kind of slow for just catching onto that now. :blushed:

 

[Kyandigaru]

I get told by a lot of people that jealousy is healthy in the context of relationships. Why do they say this?

The reason I am creating this thread is not to argue that jealousy is or is not healthy, but to get reasons for why it is or might be healthy. I always thought jealousy is unhealthy because it appears to set up conflicts that keep the relationship from being enjoyed in the first place.

How about when you first get to know someone and they want to see if you'd get jealous about another man/woman?
I think its pathetic, immature and down right stupid. To jeopardize a new relationship just because you want to seem attractive to the opposite sex.

Anyone that plays a jealousy game, needs to learn that this factor may hinder your chance of attracting a good partner.

I'm just saying...

 

[Thalassa]

A little jealousy is healthy. There's a point where it becomes ridiculous and unhealthy, of course, but a little jealousy is pretty necessary for monogamous bonds.

In fact, I would be turned off by a guy who was NEVER jealous, like he was either some cuckold or else didn't want me that bad.

Everything in moderation.

 

[Paradox1987]

Jealousy = fine in small doses and tempered by trust.

Paranoia = no thank you *runs a mile, pulls binoculars, can still see paranoid person. Runs further*

 

[sorry_neither]

I don't think jealousy is healthy. It's natural, it'll happen, it's nothing to be ashamed of, but jealousy is a signal that there's something one needs to deal with in oneself or in the relationship. The same way pain is unpleasant, but is your body's way of protecting you.

 

[DarkWarrior]

Jealousy isn't unhealthy. It's when you don't trust a person enough to ignore the jealousy is when it's unhealthy.


In other words being jealous is fine, acting on jealousy isnt.

Like I love my SO, and if she was hanging out with another man a lot, I would be a bit jealous, but I wouldn't act on it, I trust her to do the right thing.


Much like it isn't bad to be afraid, but it is bad to let your fear control you.