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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
In a nutshell, I've liked this guy for awhile(INFJ) and i never really had the stones to tell him my feelings, as a result a more extroverted girl(ENFJ) swoops in and does what i've been wanting to do for the past 6 months or so. i don't think she's known him long, not as long as i have, and they already seem to be kicking it off. Its anoying cus i thought i was getting to know him alot better, ona deeper level when i influenced him to do the test, im thinking he influenced her to do the test also.
I don't want to be jealous, if he's happy i'm fine with that, but i don't want to be one of those people counting the days till he brakes up and comes back to a devoted friend. I want to carry on with my life too :/
I just want to get over the feeling because it's frustrating, has anyone been in this situation too? whats your story and what helped?
 

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In a nutshell, I've liked this guy for awhile(INFJ) and i never really had the stones to tell him my feelings, as a result a more extroverted girl(ENFJ) swoops in and does what i've been wanting to do for the past 6 months or so. i don't think she's known him long, not as long as i have, and they already seem to be kicking it off. Its anoying cus i thought i was getting to know him alot better, ona deeper level when i influenced him to do the test, im thinking he influenced her to do the test also.
I don't want to be jealous, if he's happy i'm fine with that, but i don't want to be one of those people counting the days till he brakes up and comes back to a devoted friend. I want to carry on with my life too :/
I just want to get over the feeling because it's frustrating, has anyone been in this situation too? whats your story and what helped?
hey hun
i know exactly how you're feeling, trust me. im in this same situation now. he likes the more "girlie" girls, whereas i am feminine in my own right but i HATE TO WEAR dresses and skirts[pants & capris FTW], whereas he likes girls in tight dresses and glasses. i dont like glasses, they hide my eyes. but he likes those girls...
i don't think they even want a "devoted friend"..they just want someone who treats them badly but is physically attractive. jeez. idiots.
ill tell you what everyone else has told me and im trying to do..forget about the loser, he's so not worth it. unless he likes you first, don't even bother. but if u dont think u can forget him & love him deeply, there isnt much u can do at this point until you find that 1) he's not happy or 2) he breaks up with her and then u can tell him ur feelings.
i got rejected by the same guy im referring to because[and he's too polite to say this but it's exactly why] im not attractive or sexy enough for him. so be it then. i wish i didnt even like him but i do =(
 

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Hey odd,

There are multiple angles we can look at this, but generally the devoted friend will outlast most relationships. Right now he may not have had enough experience to truly appreciate how important you are to him. That is unfortunate for both of you, really. However, sometimes just being there for each other during times of need is a tremendous support system that not enough people have. At the minimum, I think you want to maintain that friendship and if something romantic flourishes from it in the future, then that's an unexpected bonus. Yet, even if that does happen, it doesn't necessarily mean things will all work out either.

While you were a bit vague in your description, I'm imagining he hasn't quite separated you from a friend into a potential romantic partner. Otherwise, he likely would have made a move towards you by now, so I can't fault -you- for not making your feelings better known.

If you believe your feelings are incredibly intense and it will actually obstruct your ability to carry on with your numerous responsibilities in life, then I would sit the guy down and tell him how you feel, followed up with a "i'm happy for you." At least you will get the weight off your chest.

In the end, there are likely a number of romantic partners you will have in your life. Focusing too much on any single -one- of them when you are not dating them, impedes your ability to find "the one." My logic is, if he can't see you for who you are now then that's his problems, you shouldn't have to sell yourself like a salesman to win his favor. True romantics are intuitive and will want to uncover everything about you, look for those kind of guys.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you Lad! i'm going to have to copy and paste that :D You're right, i really shouldn't have to jump hoops for him to win his favour, this has really put things into persective for me, i've been going nuts over it for ages when i should've just gotten on with my life. I prefre focusing my attention on my friends and family and when i did it on that one guy, i seemed to have lost my sence of independance. :/ spoz when i find the one, it's be the other way round, i can focus all this love into one person and it being reciprocrated will be even better :D
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
hey hun
i know exactly how you're feeling, trust me. im in this same situation now. he likes the more "girlie" girls, whereas i am feminine in my own right but i HATE TO WEAR dresses and skirts[pants & capris FTW], whereas he likes girls in tight dresses and glasses. i dont like glasses, they hide my eyes. but he likes those girls...
i don't think they even want a "devoted friend"..they just want someone who treats them badly but is physically attractive. jeez. idiots.
ill tell you what everyone else has told me and im trying to do..forget about the loser, he's so not worth it. unless he likes you first, don't even bother. but if u dont think u can forget him & love him deeply, there isnt much u can do at this point until you find that 1) he's not happy or 2) he breaks up with her and then u can tell him ur feelings.
i got rejected by the same guy im referring to because[and he's too polite to say this but it's exactly why] im not attractive or sexy enough for him. so be it then. i wish i didnt even like him but i do =(
Thanks for the adviice Staryu :D That guy seems a bit shallow to me, it would nice to be around someone who accepts you for who you are so you dont have to feel obligated to constantly look nice for him. That sorta guy will pop up somewhere. For me ive always had problems with my weight, im like the kelly osbourne of dieting, i think it translated on how i felt on the inside cus i was so shy, ive noticed if you dont show some sort of persoanlity, they dont look twice, and i never did that. D: Be true to yourself Staryu ;3
 

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Thank you Lad! i'm going to have to copy and paste that :D You're right, i really shouldn't have to jump hoops for him to win his favour, this has really put things into persective for me, i've been going nuts over it for ages when i should've just gotten on with my life. I prefre focusing my attention on my friends and family and when i did it on that one guy, i seemed to have lost my sence of independance. :/ spoz when i find the one, it's be the other way round, i can focus all this love into one person and it being reciprocrated will be even better :D
No doubt about it.

On the topic of jealousy, I'm jealous of the person lucky enough to experience that with you. I'm sure you have a tremendous level of depth and an indescribable ability to love and cherish someone.

Grr, now I need to make a thread about jealousy :D.
Punk :tongue:
 

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Thanks for the adviice Staryu :D That guy seems a bit shallow to me, it would nice to be around someone who accepts you for who you are so you dont have to feel obligated to constantly look nice for him. That sorta guy will pop up somewhere. For me ive always had problems with my weight, im like the kelly osbourne of dieting, i think it translated on how i felt on the inside cus i was so shy, ive noticed if you dont show some sort of persoanlity, they dont look twice, and i never did that. D: Be true to yourself Staryu ;3
Oh lord, it wasn't just YOU who said he was shallow, everyone said that!
Maybe i should listen to my friends and "drop the loser."
I have the opposite problem. My boobs are kind of non existent and i have stickly arms. And I have tan skin rather than white and dark hair. What wouldn't I give to be one of those pretty girls he likes..
Yeah, I do feel obligated to constantly look nice for him. But it's like that with any guy. Idiots. >.>
I was shy too. They want popular and outgoing. I'm not either. I've got my friends, but I could care less about doing whatever "popular" people do[as in hit up noisy clubs. COCKTAILS and coffee shop any day].
I should. If everyone's telling me he's NOT worth it, they may have a point there. I don't believe he's not worth it though.
 

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The ENFJs always seem to get what they want. I feel for you. I'm bitter because the same thing happened to me with an ENFJ not so long ago
 

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Hey odd,

There are multiple angles we can look at this, but generally the devoted friend will outlast most relationships. Right now he may not have had enough experience to truly appreciate how important you are to him. That is unfortunate for both of you, really. However, sometimes just being there for each other during times of need is a tremendous support system that not enough people have. At the minimum, I think you want to maintain that friendship and if something romantic flourishes from it in the future, then that's an unexpected bonus. Yet, even if that does happen, it doesn't necessarily mean things will all work out either.

While you were a bit vague in your description, I'm imagining he hasn't quite separated you from a friend into a potential romantic partner. Otherwise, he likely would have made a move towards you by now, so I can't fault -you- for not making your feelings better known.

If you believe your feelings are incredibly intense and it will actually obstruct your ability to carry on with your numerous responsibilities in life, then I would sit the guy down and tell him how you feel, followed up with a "i'm happy for you." At least you will get the weight off your chest.

In the end, there are likely a number of romantic partners you will have in your life. Focusing too much on any single -one- of them when you are not dating them, impedes your ability to find "the one." My logic is, if he can't see you for who you are now then that's his problems, you shouldn't have to sell yourself like a salesman to win his favor. True romantics are intuitive and will want to uncover everything about you, look for those kind of guys.
What Lad said is right. Too many young people are immature and afraid, to put it politely. Seriously, if I had to choose I'd never like anyone. Ever. Not unless they liked me first.
This," At the minimum, I think you want to maintain that friendship and if something romantic flourishes from it in the future, then that's an unexpected bonus. Yet, even if that does happen, it doesn't necessarily mean things will all work out either." is true. The most you can do is be there for him. That's what I'm doing..if he still doesn't realize it, then f--him, and my friends are right. He is SO not worth it in that case.
Agreed. He's probably so used to thinking of you as a friend that the possibility of anything else is not on his mind..while im going "yeah right" as I write this since many people do fall in love with their friends, I guess you may have to give it more time.
And this quote " My logic is, if he can't see you for who you are now then that's his problems, you shouldn't have to sell yourself like a salesman to win his favor. True romantics are intuitive and will want to uncover everything about you, look for those kind of guys." Thank you Lad. You're SO right with this one.It's so hard to find a true romantic though :sad:..at least not one that doesn't care how pretty or not pretty you are.I'll give it the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong.
 

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The ENFJs always seem to get what they want. I feel for you. I'm bitter because the same thing happened to me with an ENFJ not so long ago
fuck yeah damn ENFJs and ESFJs and their people skills. they're the "pretty girls"..extraverted, feminine..dammit.
ENTJs get what they want to. especially when it comes to their career. ^_^
and so can INFPs. work that Fi and Te.
 

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I just asked out a girl who has been flirting with me for the last month. She kept looking into my eyes, laughing at my jokes, acting all nervous and aloof, and gave me small signs that she digged me. She works at a sandwich shop. So The last few times I saw her the place was empty and I chatted it up with her and showed interest. She responded well so I decided I better ask her out before she thinks I'm too scared or something.

Anyways, I asked her out and she said she had a boyfriend, but she acted all flattered and I kept my cool and said all of the good ones are taken. But I'm a little frustrated because I know I wasn't misinterpreting her liking me and I'm wondering if she was just wanting attention. Maybe she plans on breaking up with her guy and wanted to know she can do it with a backup or something. I dunno, just seems kind of messed up to me, especially because I am so insecure and lonely and that kind of stuff makes me feel quite vulnerable though I don't show it. Just wanted to vent some frustration.

If I were you I would make a move for the guy, show him your interested, and when he's not walk away knowing that at least you tried. You probably already know how he's going to respond, but then again you never know. If he doesn't go for it, drop him as a friend. Move on, tell him you can't waste time with a guy friend while you're looking for a boyfriend and that way you won't have to suffer being around someone you like. Trust me, I stay far away from girls I like who don't like me. It's the only way to stay sane.
 

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Forgive, fap, forget.
I don't think its so simple for everyone. I would think that for some, forgetting love would take more than touching their genitals while thinking about someone else.
 
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