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How do you experience the emotion of jealousy and its related emotion, envy? Is it something you feel only in relationships, or only in your work or career? Do you feel envious of those who are more successful than you, or over people you have close personal relationships with? And finally, when you're in the grip of jealousy, how do you tend to react? What does it drive you to do?
 

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I really don't get jealous, I wish well for those who have something that I want, I hope they appreciate what they have. There's no sense in comparing yourself to others in life as it only breeds negativity. Whether it's developing an ego for what you have or feeling poorly about yourself for what you don't have. Acting on jealousy or feeling envy goes against the grain for me, it's unhealthy and often leads to a bad choice.

The most jealousy I have is playing Mario party when someone gets a star right before me hahaha.
 

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I feel it in a peculiar way, one that is free of resentment. I don't begrudge somebody for being better off materially, spiritually, intellectually or financially, I just wish I could also have what they had. Maybe it's because I'm yet to physically run into anybody who I feel is completely undeserving of their privilige.
 

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Jealousy
Jealousy is typically rooted in insecurity. It is because you are not comfortable enough with yourself to be happy with yourself. This can be a positive or negative force, but jealousy is a bit different in relationship versus an aspiration setting. I think this is because people tend to be a bit more egocentric and selfish when it comes to relationships as opposed to their life goals or aspirations. Ultimately, jealousy can be a positive or negative force in each situation; however, it is rarely a good force in relationships.

Jealousy in workplace/aspirations
For work purposes, it has the potential to be of great motivation as you may wish to be alike someone, a role model for an example. It can be a positive force for self-growth and change. While Jealousy, when rooted in the need to put others down to make yourself feel better and in terms of aspirations, is rooted in insecurity.

Jealousy in relationships
I am sure there is an exception, but jealousy in relationships is almost always due to egocentric motives. You are upset that your needs are not being met by X source. Very rare is it that you hear someone say, "you know what, I wish I can find myself a good wife and end up in a happy marriage like yours." Jealousy can be a positive and almost an innate compliment to someone else, this is a very small subset and drawn by a very fine line.

To me, true love is being able to put someone else first as your upmost priority, unconditionally. By definition, if you ever feel jealousy in a relationship you do not love that person. Jealousy is at a basis of unmet expectations, greed, or unmet needs. If you feel jealous of someone it is because you feel you are entitled to something or you are insecure with yourself. You can't truly love someone if you are to worried about your own insecurities or your own needs/desires/wants being met. This is why I do not believe jealousy ever to be healthy in a relationship, sure it may show that they care but it does not make it healthy. (Insecurity is never a healthy basis for a relationship)

My personal example
The only time I felt something close to jealousy, was not really jealousy. I was a child in a neglective, emotionally one sided, and emotionally abusive relationship at the time. I got caught up in her going from one person to the next in a search to try and find her own sense of security (bad past), and would go from one person to the next. She fell for me hard, made her insecure, and so she started to move on. She still loved me, so I still wanted to be able to fix it, and wished that I was that next person who was able to make her happy. I had no resentment towards that person, it was just more of a feeling of loss and rememberance of looking at something similar than envy, yet close.
 

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When it comes to accomplishments, I don't get jealous. I tend to be happy for them and want to best them; however, I don't want others to know that I've bested them, I just want to know it.

Meaning, I like being the best at anything I do, but I don't want to put others down, so the competition is internalized, rather than externalized.

However, with relationships and friendships, I easily become jealous. :)
 

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I have a weird relationship with jealousy in that it only surfaces in the earlier portions of a romantic relationship. During those times, we're spending countless hours of the day together just talking and bonding -- ANYONE or ANYTHING interfering with this would be a hindrance. Strangely, it takes a radical change after a week or so once I'm confident and secure with our connection, plus your investment in our relationship moving forward. It's like I always push to be #1 in your life, but once I have that assurance, then I'll wilfully put myself in last place and ask you to take care of everyone or everything else before me. I never quite understood it, but while I'm jealous early on, then I tend to be the complete opposite in due time -- almost pushing you away.

As for envy, I'm honestly relatively ambivalent regarding people and their success, gifts or alike. "Good for you" -- and back to my life.
 
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Accomplishment-wise, I think I'm more likely to tell myself to work harder--as opposed to getting jealous--if someone accomplishes something I wish I would have.

Int
erpersonally, I guess I can get jealous about how people respond to different people. For instance, one of my friend's birthday is today and people have been doing a lot to make it special for her. I also have plans to make it special for her, and in no way wish her to be getting less attention; however, not much was done for my birthday last year. Part of me was feeling, do you guys not like me as much? However in other situations and in this one, I pretty much tell myself I shouldn't feel that way, and it isn't really externally obvious to others as far as I can tell.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Interestingly, my understanding of jealousy seems to be the opposite of most of the people here. I can easily become jealous of someone who is more successful than me, which either manifests as a desire to work even harder so I can beat them, or as resentment if I recognize that I'll, for whatever reason, never accomplish what they have. However, I rarely, if ever, get jealous in relationships -- if I don't feel I can trust the other person, I'm not attached to them, and if I do trust them, jealousy is not a problem.

While Jealousy, when rooted in the need to put others down to make yourself feel better and in terms of aspirations, is rooted in insecurity...Jealousy is at a basis of unmet expectations, greed, or unmet needs.
Perhaps, but as nobody will ever completely meet their needs, this definition of jealousy would make it an innate and unshakable part of the human experience. If so, calling it a vice or a flaw is of limited value.
 

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Okay.. I practice art making, and when I see some artist that was not so skilled get more skilled than me I become so jelly! XD But that just make me go crazy with practicing just to become better artist then that person again. I have issues haha :crazy:
 
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I experience the noun of envy, but rarely the verb. It's a feeling of agitation and painful sense of deficiency when triggered. It's not that I openly pine for what "they" have, but rather, I curse my own misfortune and wonder why I got the short end. I fixate on "Why me?" and keep coming up short when comparisons are made. Though it's important to note that I don't openly compare myself, and that it runs naturally, it's what my attention tends to fall on. I think it has a bit of a enneagram 4 flavor thingymahjig.

I don't think I'm particularly jealous. Sometimes I guess.
 

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I can feel it in both professional and personal situations, but I am more likely to experience it due to the latter. If I feel it professionally, it is just because I am a competitive person and it works as an extra motivator for me to step up my game and improve. For the most part, I feel pretty confident professionally because selection is based a bit more on merit than it is for personal relationships. However, I know we don't have a meritocracy, and there will always be bias. I only feel rage if I feel more qualified than the person who actually gets whatever position I am striving towards. It's just slight envy if I think the other person truly earned it. For personal relationships, particularly those with any romantic potential, I can become very closed-off and bitter toward that. I become less expressive and limit responses to five words or less if I must speak to them. I feel like I am about to boil over internally, but I also feel very guilty for feeling this way, especially if the guy likely has no idea that I am hurt because of their actions. However, I eventually respect that person's free will, wish them best, and move on either by dropping the relationship or just changing the nature of it by keeping my expectations realistic. Friendship wise, I don't really feel jealousy because I am pretty secure with the friendships that I do have established and give my friends plenty of breathing room if necessary.
 

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Personally, I can only be jealous of people I'm really close to, which is weird. I can get ridiculously jealous of my best friend, but that makes me feel guilty that I get jealous (ah, us INFJ's, always wanting to improve) so I am learning to be happy for people. Being happy for them actually feels more natural.
 

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Perhaps, but as nobody will ever completely meet their needs, this definition of jealousy would make it an innate and unshakable part of the human experience. If so, calling it a vice or a flaw is of limited value.
By definition met needs would equate to going up maslow's hierarchy of needs and claims for such individuals have been made. Also, I feel you missed the point, I was not talking about a persons's needs but their expectations of such. You can be in a relationship and not expect them to be 100% devoted to you and trust them enough to talk other people. You can expect other people to not be a solution to your own insecurities.
 

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The confirmed INFJs I know told me they don't experience jealousy - at least not in the traditional sense. I certainly admire that about them.
 

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How do you experience the emotion of jealousy and its related emotion, envy?
There are different types of jealousy. There is the type of jealousy that stems from insecurity and then there is the type of jealousy that is righteous - something that belongs to you is being given to another. So that would be if someone is unfaithful to you in a committed relationship or not valuing you the way you deserve. The first one for me is a passing thing. The second one - I become enraged then cold and then accepting (much like Shea).

There are two types of envy. The first type is you want what the other person has. The second is - you want what the other person has at the other person's expense.

Is it something you feel only in relationships, or only in your work or career?
Relationships

Do you feel envious of those who are more successful than you, or over people you have close personal relationships with?

Not really. Everyone defines success in different ways too so....The way I see it is...I'll never be like that person and they'll never be like me. That is the beauty of it. What is the point in comparing? All I can do is play my own role and let them play theirs. Good on them for using the gifts they've been given.

I do tend to be a possessive person in relationships but it's mostly a playful/passionate thing.

And finally, when you're in the grip of jealousy, how do you tend to react? What does it drive you to do?
I already answered the first question. As to what does it drive me to do? Confront and avoid? Cry? I've never done anything truly crazy to someone though. The feeling is short-lived.
 

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I can get very jealous if someone receives or accomplishes something that I feel they don't deserve (Usually, it would be because they are a bad person or they have done wrong by me) In relationships, I can be slightly territorial and possessive, so I've had a situation where I dated someone who was constantly getting hit on, and it drove me crazy.

This is mostly because she wasn't a particularly faithful or modest or confident girl, so 1. I suspected her of flirting/cheating (Which eventually came to fruition) 2. I know she dressed and acted in a way so as to make herself very approachable and 3. I know she loved to gloat about it to bother me and almost "keep me in line" and feeling like she was desirable to be with, because she didn't feel desirable herself. So that was a bad situation, and my only reference point for relationship jealousy. I don't think I am a jealous person at heart; if I were with a kind, healthy girl I imagine I wouldn't ever get jealous. But, you never know with this stuff.
 

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I admit that I have felt jealousy more than a time or to, mostly through my own insecurities. I experienced this the other evening; I saw two of my coworkers, who are married to each other, walking arm in arm, enveloped in this at,osphere of light and warmth, where the outside world din't seem to matter, because they had each other. And I felt a bit jealous, pettily so, that I don't have the same in my life, a man who wants to be with me. And then I felt embarrassed for feeling that way, because what's the point, really? What does that accomplish?
 
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