Personality Cafe banner

1 - 6 of 6 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
802 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Do you guys ever feel jealous? I never thought I was the jealous type until recently. All of my friends seem to have paired off and I'm the only one who is single. It frustrates me sometimes. I know this is terrible, but I feel like I'm a -- well, not a better person, exactly, but more mature and more thoughtful, and as much as I really HATE to say this because it makes me sound like a terrible, horrible person who thinks she's entitled to things, but I guess I feel I'm more deserving of a relationship. I don't like that I feel that way, but let me put it in context a little.

Some of my friends date guys (or girls) they're not really into just so that they aren't alone. These couples treat each other horribly, yet they stay together, continuing to make each other unhappy. However, as much tension as exists in their relationships, at least they have someone there to argue with, while I spend most of my time by myself. Sometimes reflecting on this makes me angry. I know it shouldn't, but I keep wondering what's wrong with me that I'm stuck by myself. Where is my rational, mature, kind partner? Why won't he appear?

I know this is all absurd, but I think sometimes we're given to absurd thoughts.

Any other INFJ's ever feel jealous? If so, how do you cope?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,292 Posts
From people I know and with myself and from this forum a trend is that INFJs will go a long time single and in between relationships and will stay single for a long time. Its a combination of our introverted and withdrawn nature and us having such high hopes and high standards for what we want in a person. So, we meet less people and that small amount of people are put through an incredibly fine filter so only a few trickles drip down into the depths of our hearts and remain there.

In my first relationship, puppy love turned serious, I had a jealousy problem. As much as common human nature it is to be jealous, we should rebel against it and try to expel it from ourselves. Just because something is common and human nature doesn't mean it is right nor should we beat ourselves up too much because of it. I still get pangs of jealousy sometimes when in relationships but I work quickly to notice myself feeling as such and stopping it. However, as contradictory as this may be, sometimes those feelings can aid us in knowing when someone is truly doing something that breaks our trust. There is a difference in allowing jealous to own us and us owning jealousy. The latter is what we should strive for, when we allow jealousy to own us is when it becomes a problem. It is all about control over ourselves.

I cope with it by trying to reason it out. Do I have a good reason to feel this way? Is this legitimate? Why am I feeling this? Is said thing that is making me jealous of my own feeling or of outside stimuli? (If it is internal why am I feeling like this what internally has caused this? If it is external, I have already mentioned those) Am I over analyzing and thinking too much about said event? What can I do to make this go away?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
836 Posts
What Humilis said is true about relationships. I think we've practically 'proven' this with all the threads on the forum.

But I'll respond to the jealousy part - I very very rarely get jealous. And even then, it's usually a product of a power-struggle rather than actual jealously. For example, let's say you worked somewhere for a very long time... and then a new person starts working there as well. The new person is full of confidence, so much to the point that she starts to actually tell you how to do things you've done properly for years. That situation inspired some slightly jealous-like feelings in me. Actually, it's probably more like pride rather than anything else. Like, how dare you tell me how to do my job.

Other than that situation, I don't think I've ever been jealous really.

I'm also not naturally vengeful. I try to forgive and move on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
240 Posts
well I am not jealous in most situations, however when it comes to lovers and boyfriends, I am jealous in a different way. with most people I don't care enough to bother being jealous but if I come across my perfect mate, then I will be very jealous, i don't want anything to touch him, because he is mine. I wouldn't even have children because I wouldnt want to detract from the love shared between the two of us and I expect my significant other to feel the same way. but with current people I dont feel jealous that often, I mean I dont like how some people take things for granted and how easily things go with them, but then Im sure I do the same thing.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,675 Posts
Do you guys ever feel jealous? I never thought I was the jealous type until recently. All of my friends seem to have paired off and I'm the only one who is single. It frustrates me sometimes. I know this is terrible, but I feel like I'm a -- well, not a better person, exactly, but more mature and more thoughtful, and as much as I really HATE to say this because it makes me sound like a terrible, horrible person who thinks she's entitled to things, but I guess I feel I'm more deserving of a relationship. I don't like that I feel that way, but let me put it in context a little.
Well I dont know if I have any words of wisdom or any real consolation to offer, but I have felt like I deserved a relationship... it is a very strong feeling sometimes.

I think it's Fe justice. We hold ourselves to a standard and we expect that after having worked to better ourselves... people would be attracted to this person we'd struggled to become.
 
1 - 6 of 6 Posts
Top