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MOTM Dec 2012
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It seems like these days, people want their voices to be heard, and as a result want to participate more in tribes and communities. Yet, I don't feel an overwhelming urge to join a community or have my voice heard by everyone. I like listening and then maybe discussing it with a close friend, but never with complete strangers or even from people from community groups. I always did things alone or with a few close friends/acquaintances. Even with facebook and twitter and all that new media, I never felt like I wanted to express myself, as myself. When it comes to PerC, I feel more like I'm around like minded people, so I worry less about what I say. I don't feel like someone's gonna come at me with a steak knife if I say something. Perhaps the anonymity provides a certain level of protection. But in real life, I feel very wary about being part of something or some group just for the sake of being part of it. The lone wolf in me has made me numb to the feeling of rejection that I get when I fail at being part of a community IRL.

Anyone else feel the same way?
 

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I dislike the idea of conforming, as well. I am comfortable with being a loner wolf, but some tend to take it the wrong way and think I'm conceited or cocky, when all I really am is scared of rejection or judgment. But if I'm in a group, it's much more fun to observe and enjoy the entertainment/conversation of the group that one is in! Rule number one of INFPs in group conversations is: You do not talk too much! :laughing:
 

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Agree 100%. I have opinions about everything and its mother, seriously, I'm suuuuper opinionated, but it lives in my head. I have no urge to say it out loud, or to speak mindlessly in a group. That's actually the reason why I'm unable to keep my blog active. I write only once every three months or something, because I just don't feel the whole 'I have a voice and I will use it damnit!'. I do have a voice, but have no desire for constant expression; I say it once, when I truly really feel like it's time, then I'm satisfied. I will discuss certain things with a close friend or a tiny small group of friends over coffee, just cause it's fun to toss ideas back and forth, but there's no desire in me to be 'heard' at all costs and have attention on me.
It's also the reason why I'm incapable of joining groups that organize marches and protests. I prefer to do those things in my own. I tried to belong to groups when I was younger and always failed. Sitting in a room with strangers, presenting ideas, debating, making a plan and then present it in the street.. I didn't find it amusing or stimulating at all. I go to all marches and protests that interest me, and I do so by myself. I enjoy debating the issue at hand with the person marching next to me, but there's been times when a big group forms and everybody has the chance to talk, and I'm just not interested in speaking. It's not fear of public speaking (which I do have), but it's just that I feel repetitive. There are so many people who are already speaking my mind with their voice, I have no need to be repetitive.
It's also one of the main reasons why I couldn't be an enterpreneur if I wanted to, because that whole "you have a message for the world, say it loud and reach a million people!" and I'm like... but why? What's the point? I don't want to reach a million people, I'd like to reach my people. I like to be heard and seen by people I care about, but strangers... I couldn't care less.
 

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It starts with the basic question of: what do you think is the purpose of community? If your answer is communication and expression and those two thing aren't high on your values list, then community really serves no purpose in your life.

I think the purpose of community is to create under a shared purpose. Certain things can be created better with more than one person, like a house for example. So for me, any tribe that doesn't have a shared purpose and members dedicated to that purpose does feel like community. It just feels like a bunch of people hanging out.

So next month I'm meeting with a group of 30 or so people from one of my tribes to discuss the logistics of time banking (Time banking - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) with the tribe. Who would be willing to participate? Which of the time banking applications would works best? I'm not sure if a system to trade services without money is feasible but that doesn't mean like-minded people shouldn't try. So stuff like this only works within a small community where you've built up trust. I don't think it would work that well among strangers.

So it's for stuff like this that makes me want to participate in Tribes because I don't have anything I have to say or express about myself that I wouldn't prefer doing alone.
 

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YES! When I'm with my close friends or just classmates I hang out with sometimes, I feel very comfortable, like even if I say something completely irrelevant or useless they wouldn't really mind, might actually find it entertaining hahahas xD I just feel more welcome in their presence, like if I dared to I could be myself and it would still be okay.
With strangers, just the community in general or even with people I've been seeing for years but haven't really talked with much, I'll feel so awkward. I feel like nobody cares about what I have to say - And if nobody cares, why say it? (PerC's an exception though, hahas >:D) Plus I tend to fear their opinion of me: Oh, this girl I thought was intelligent is actually pretty dumb, and my mind's just like "NO. Just keep to yourself unless they force you to talk!" (Which they usually don't, so yay, I just fade into the background xD)
 

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Well I guess since us are INFP, usually introverted and don't fit too well going to meetings with strangers to discuss when we don't know them would be rather uncomfortable.

So next month I'm meeting with a group of 30 or so people from one of my tribes to discuss the logistics of time banking (Time banking - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia) with the tribe. Who would be willing to participate? Which of the time banking applications would works best? I'm not sure if a system to trade services without money is feasible but that doesn't mean like-minded people shouldn't try. So stuff like this only works within a small community where you've built up trust. I don't think it would work that well among strangers.
(Off topic)

Time banking is AWESOME. I read about it in an alternative and cooperative economy book and man, really, that's the start of a new way of understanding things and building a new society. Glad to hear it's getting spread.

I know that here in Spain there are several working time banks, read from that in my book... But I'm not so sure how they work exactincly. I'd definitely want to try one of those at some point.
 

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Pretty much the same way.

I mean, you've seen some of my posts where I feel conflicted as to whether share something or not. To open up or stayed close.

Yet, I do get the rare itch where I want to go and be a little more social, but my energy levels are drained so quickly that it never lasts for long. I also find many conversations held by most people to be either boring or pointless. So that's another thing that drains me because I don't feel stimulated by the conversation itself.

Other than that though, I'd just rather chat one on one with someone I trust or post here. Even then I'm hesitant to do so sometimes because the thought of all I type is stored somewhere kind of bugs me.

Ah. Lately I find writing my thoughts down is a good alternative for me as long as no one snoops through my stuff. Even better music, due to expression without words.

Just some rambling thoughts on methods of communication without words. Something which I'm starting to enjoy more and more.
 

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I have an opinion about most things and an opinion about having an opinion on most things I don't have an opinion on. But I hate actually voicing that opinion most of the time, because honestly I almost always think it's a waste of my time explaining myself to others. Not that other people are stupid (although there is that argument to be made) but I don't want to spend that time and effort for people I'm not close to, or people who will accept and consider what I say. Because a stranger probably won't listen and won't understand.

I'm happy to voice my opinion to my friends if the conversation is going that way. I'm happy to have my opinion around quite a few people on PerC. I'm very opinionated in, say, politics classes at school, because I sound intelligent and people listen to and consider what I say.

Mostly I find my opinions are more complicated than most others who I talk to, in things like politics. I always find something in the opposing argument as well; even people who agree with me I find something to disagree with about. I don't want to bother explaining, and by the same token I don't want to limit the scope of my opinion by associating myself with x opinion group. My opinions are mine and pretty unique, not something to fit into a big party.

Even amongst like-minded people I'm the lone wolf. The INFP forum is an exception because it's a forum full of lone wolves.
 
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I (most times) refuse to share my personal opinions because of the opinion I hold on sharing. For example it's pointless when no one's actually going to hear you and ponder on whatever you just said; it's not worth speaking your voice unless it's something important, beneficial, interesting or different from what everyone is saying. So in a way, I am expressing a certain opinion by not expressing it. However, that doesn't make me less opinionated on the certain subject others are commenting on.
And when it comes to sharing your views in public places-a lot of other factors count as well. Such as popularity and charismatic presence, bias, how you perceive your surroundings and how they perceive you-all of that has an overall effect on the way your message is going to be received.
Last year I never participated in a single "discussion" in "philosophy" class at school because it was a total parody of a philosophy class. The quality of the discussions had hit the bottom and I knew no one was interested in hearing a new perspective. Besides, my so called teacher and I didn't quite get on-she was biased against certain students(even though she claimed she liked everybody) and glorified others.
 
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