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I can't stop thinking and replaying what we had and the fact that he's probably going to move on far quicker than I am. He is an INTP. The story that we had together was typical fairytale story - we met and clicked immediately and got together. But now a couple of months down the line, after giving a lot and bending over backwards, he broke up with me. What irks the living being out of me even more is that his decision seemed to be such an easy thing for him and even a week before this, we had spent time together and he assured me that everything was alright (despite my intuition telling me otherwise).

His reasons for breaking up with me was that we had different wants; he views relationships as something that is done during the free time, over other priorities like college, professional and personal development. Then he said that at our age he would like to prioritise personal development and focus on growing as individuals. He's 21 this year and I'm 20.

When we had 'the' conversation, he also told me how he felt intimidated by how he got so close to someone so quick after such a short time. He started contemplating all this and he started feeling 'strange' towards the relationship after realising how much focus he had put into the relationship.

I'm just incredibly angry that it had ended this way because I had invested an insane amount of time into this and he just let it go so easily. Clearly I wasn't good enough for him to put a fight for.
 

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I can't stop thinking and replaying what we had and the fact that he's probably going to move on far quicker than I am. He is an INTP. The story that we had together was typical fairytale story - we met and clicked immediately and got together. But now a couple of months down the line, after giving a lot and bending over backwards, he broke up with me. What irks the living being out of me even more is that his decision seemed to be such an easy thing for him and even a week before this, we had spent time together and he assured me that everything was alright (despite my intuition telling me otherwise).

His reasons for breaking up with me was that we had different wants; he views relationships as something that is done during the free time, over other priorities like college, professional and personal development. Then he said that at our age he would like to prioritise personal development and focus on growing as individuals. He's 21 this year and I'm 20.

When we had 'the' conversation, he also told me how he felt intimidated by how he got so close to someone so quick after such a short time. He started contemplating all this and he started feeling 'strange' towards the relationship after realising how much focus he had put into the relationship.

I'm just incredibly angry that it had ended this way because I had invested an insane amount of time into this and he just let it go so easily. Clearly I wasn't good enough for him to put a fight for.
Dear diary..

So, what do you want us to say? There's no question in your post, just a story.

Breakups suck and it takes time to heal. To speed up the healing process is take the lessons from it, accept that it happened and now it's over, then cut all forms of communication with him out of your life so you don't constantly fall back and wonder "what if" and what could've been. Harsh but to the point, good luck and stay strong.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Dear diary..

So, what do you want us to say? There's no question in your post, just a story.

Breakups suck and it takes time to heal. To speed up the healing process is take the lessons from it, accept that it happened and now it's over, then cut all forms of communication with him out of your life so you don't constantly fall back and wonder "what if" and what could've been. Harsh but to the point, good luck and stay strong.

Hahah I probably should've included a tag on vent. I think a part of me is looking for an answer to whether he bothered as much as I did or not. What's going on in his mind now.. etc. It's annoying to me that I'm behaving this way, but I can't quite help it either.

It just happened yesterday and I've purged everything - chat logs, pics, and other things we shared online. It was a rather LDR thing, so yep.

I'm raging and I want him to feel the pain he has put me in. I really want to just bludgeon or stab him to death right now. -.-
 

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Hahah I probably should've included a tag on vent. I think a part of me is looking for an answer to whether he bothered as much as I did or not. What's going on in his mind now.. etc. It's annoying to me that I'm behaving this way, but I can't quite help it either.

It just happened yesterday and I've purged everything - chat logs, pics, and other things we shared online. It was a rather LDR thing, so yep.

I'm raging and I want him to feel the pain he has put me in. I really want to just bludgeon or stab him to death right now. -.-
Haha no it's totally understandable and relatable. But, especially since he's INTP, picking his brain and wondering whether he's as bothered as you won't work to lighten the blow of breaking up. Embrace the pain for now and get it out of your system, don't look to him for emotional closure.

What's important now is understand what went wrong and what you didn't like, become clearer about exactly how you would like your next boyfriend to be and how the relationship would look like.

The rage is expected but directing it towards him will only backfire and isn't very resourceful. Walk up to your bed and give your mattress a good beating with your fist (my personal favourite thing to do in these situations), don't bottle the rage up.. physically expressing it helps. Cry it all out and get it out of your system, you will come out of this stronger and wiser eventually.
 

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By the looks of it he felt uncomfortable with the feelings that were developing inside him, so he packed up shop and left. Being "T" i'd imagine he was having great trouble understanding or accepting the feelings. Perhaps a over investment on your side aggravated the confusion he harboured, or he is just a very distant person (maybe both). I suspect he is scared, of what? hard to say. But no denying this is a sucky situation, no one deserves a cold backhand. Maybe send him a thought out text, you might get some peace of mind.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
By the looks of it he felt uncomfortable with the feelings that were developing inside him, so he packed up shop and left. Being "T" i'd imagine he was having great trouble understanding or accepting the feelings. Perhaps a over investment on your side aggravated the confusion he harboured, or he is just a very distant person (maybe both). I suspect he is scared, of what? hard to say. But no denying this is a sucky situation, no one deserves a cold backhand. Maybe send him a thought out text, you might get some peace of mind.

I'd like to believe that. I think that's the biggest underlying thing here. Did he really like me? Or was it just convenient for him.

But at this point, I just don't have enough emotional capacity to even talk or start a conversation. I was already the one to always initiate a conversation - any conversation when we were together. If he want's to be alone, let him be alone.

:(
 

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I'd like to believe that. I think that's the biggest underlying thing here. Did he really like me? Or was it just convenient for him.

But at this point, I just don't have enough emotional capacity to even talk or start a conversation. I was already the one to always initiate a conversation - any conversation when we were together. If he want's to be alone, let him be alone.

:(
Sounds like you have nothing to lose. Try in a few days time. hugs.
 

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He's got cold feet and feels he's too young to be committing to someone.

For INFPs this is incomprehensible because we are so romantic.

Just by pure logically standard though, he's correct. I really wish I hadn't invested ANY time in my so-called relationships in my late teens and early twenties. I was basically a completely different person at that age than I am now. I was a child. There is no way I'd want to be with the people I was attracted to at that time.

This is personal though. Some people "grow up" more quickly than others and kind of stay consistent through their lifespan. Others don't. They have a shocking amount of metamorphosis to do.

If he feels he's too immature to be committing than he likely is. He didn't want to waste your time.

You may think he isn't hurt by this but he likely is. He's just more able to make cut throat decisions and stick with them. I've gotten to know a few men like this and the truth is, they cry. They just never, ever, ever tell anyone about it.

Clearly I wasn't good enough for him to put a fight for.
This circumstance has nothing to do with you or your worth. You could have been any girl that he had good connection with. You could have been prettier/more intelligent/fitter/more devoted/richer/talented and he STILL would have nonchalantly dropped you.

It's tough to get things going but I promise there are men out there that would cherish your love and be comfortable with something more committed.

*hug*
 

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I can't stop thinking and replaying what we had and the fact that he's probably going to move on far quicker than I am. He is an INTP. The story that we had together was typical fairytale story - we met and clicked immediately and got together. But now a couple of months down the line, after giving a lot and bending over backwards, he broke up with me. What irks the living being out of me even more is that his decision seemed to be such an easy thing for him and even a week before this, we had spent time together and he assured me that everything was alright (despite my intuition telling me otherwise).

His reasons for breaking up with me was that we had different wants; he views relationships as something that is done during the free time, over other priorities like college, professional and personal development. Then he said that at our age he would like to prioritise personal development and focus on growing as individuals. He's 21 this year and I'm 20.

When we had 'the' conversation, he also told me how he felt intimidated by how he got so close to someone so quick after such a short time. He started contemplating all this and he started feeling 'strange' towards the relationship after realising how much focus he had put into the relationship.

I'm just incredibly angry that it had ended this way because I had invested an insane amount of time into this and he just let it go so easily. Clearly I wasn't good enough for him to put a fight for.
Sounds a lot like my ex 6 months ago, but at least your INTP had the respect and courage to talk to you clearly about it. I hardly got a word, or a look or hug. Unrecognisable person all of a sudden.
It sounds similar along the lines, the reasoning. Also the ease of moving on just like that after so much time and effort spent in the relationship ... incomprehensible. From deep feelings to stone cold? what?? She was INFP tho... like me
The fact that I am still occasionally overthinking it kills me, and it embarrasses me towards myself even though I understand it. Anger indeed ... uch.

I have no idea what to do but I tried everything. Only advice, meet new people, loaaads of new people :)
 

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Write the angriest letter you can come up to him; then throw it in a fire while playing this song:


You probably don't want to hear this right now, but: at least you can use this relationship to help clarify who to look for in the future.

You can chase people away by being too giving and too "feeling?". I sure know I have in the past. That doesn't mean change fundamentally who you are, I would just let future serious relationship partners know about this.
 

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I'd like to believe that. I think that's the biggest underlying thing here. Did he really like me? Or was it just convenient for him.

But at this point, I just don't have enough emotional capacity to even talk or start a conversation. I was already the one to always initiate a conversation - any conversation when we were together. If he want's to be alone, let him be alone.

:(
*hugs*

If he is so rigorously as you describe, it is probably best to not have contact anymore, you will never get the answers you want or need or the things you would like to hear, believe me. This is so hard and unforgiving, but protect yourself, your feelings, your heart. If he is decent he'll leave you alone now too and don't play with your heart any longer.

If one cuts ties completely you can only do the same and remove any remembrance of him from direct sight, offline and online.
 

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It just happened yesterday and I've purged everything - chat logs, pics, and other things we shared online. It was a rather LDR thing, so yep.
You're hurt & angry now, but you'll likely begin feeling empty or lonely after your hurting subsides. I'd save those images & chat logs to help preserve memories of the good times we shared.
Maybe he's merely scared of falling in love too quickly, kinda freaked himself out & he'll reach out to you after he settles down a bit.
Perhaps you're still able to retrieve most of the purged data & would consider waiting a couple months to decide whether to trash all those memories.
 

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I can't stop thinking and replaying what we had and the fact that he's probably going to move on far quicker than I am. He is an INTP. The story that we had together was typical fairytale story - we met and clicked immediately and got together. But now a couple of months down the line, after giving a lot and bending over backwards, he broke up with me. What irks the living being out of me even more is that his decision seemed to be such an easy thing for him and even a week before this, we had spent time together and he assured me that everything was alright (despite my intuition telling me otherwise).

His reasons for breaking up with me was that we had different wants; he views relationships as something that is done during the free time, over other priorities like college, professional and personal development. Then he said that at our age he would like to prioritise personal development and focus on growing as individuals. He's 21 this year and I'm 20.

When we had 'the' conversation, he also told me how he felt intimidated by how he got so close to someone so quick after such a short time. He started contemplating all this and he started feeling 'strange' towards the relationship after realising how much focus he had put into the relationship.

I'm just incredibly angry that it had ended this way because I had invested an insane amount of time into this and he just let it go so easily. Clearly I wasn't good enough for him to put a fight for.
Hugs Darling...
Im in a similar situation, a bit older too, got dumped by my ENTP 5 weeks ago and it still hurts (we were together 5 years).
Im taking it day by day; some days are harder than others. Don't get rid of everything that reminds you of him, I would say just avoid it for now. I too worry that he will move on quicker and although we started together he moved to a new city for a new job, so Im sure he'll find someone before I do. You are good enough. While it may seem that he let it go easily you do not know how he feels inside for sure. For me, trying to put myself in his shoes and trying to think like he does (which does not come naturally to me) gave me some sort of solace during my fits of saddness. Stay strong.
 

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Breakups really suck! So sorry to hear that it didn't work out. I know it's easy to say and difficult to do but I wouldn't take this as a reflection of you at all. It's obvious that he's got his own issues that he needs to work out. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with though. I think everyone can relate to giving up parts of themselves and then being disappointed when it falls apart.

I don't have a cure for break ups but what I usually do, when I'm feeling that much pain, is create something as a way of letting it all out, do you have anything you love doing like painting or song writing or writing?
 

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Dear diary..

So, what do you want us to say? There's no question in your post, just a story.
Wow, you must be a delight to converse with in real life. Any thing that is not phrased in the form of a request with explicit demands is not worth your time!

some person: I had a great day today!
you: so? What are you asking? Please be more specific.

some person: my mom died.
you: that is not question, that's a story. newsflash: mom's die all the time!

some person: I like you!
you: well? well?

prob the majority of human interaction is flexible, implicit, and the response is up to you, if you're too lazy to figure out productive things to say without someone defining your answer for you, perhaps you're actually a robot, not a human being with input of your own, to share, analyze, offer support, disagree, ect ect ect
 

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Wow, you must be a delight to converse with in real life. Any thing that is not phrased in the form of a request with explicit demands is not worth your time!

some person: I had a great day today!
you: so? What are you asking? Please be more specific.

some person: my mom died.
you: that is not question, that's a story. newsflash: mom's die all the time!

some person: I like you!
you: well? well?

prob the majority of human interaction is flexible, implicit, and the response is up to you, if you're too lazy to figure out productive things to say without someone defining your answer for you, perhaps you're actually a robot, not a human being with input of your own, to share, analyze, offer support, disagree, ect ect ect
Wow @sogood, you must be a delight to converse with in real life.... lol
 

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To the OP: I understand why it hurts that you put a lot of investement into this and would have found it harder to end, but I feel you are over looking one facet. It is a matter of different values. That he does not WANT or VALUE relationships at this point in his life, and felt that his strong emotional bond he was developing with you was getting in the way of his other goals, does not say you weren't good enough for him. It says that you were too good too quick. You say, he mattered so much to you that you invested a lot early. Well, he got caught up doing the same thing, but that isn't what he wants, because it changes his life plans. There's lots of smart reasons for people, regardless of hwo cool they think someone is, to want to move slow or remain detached until they are in a place to settle down. Everyone moves at different paces. You value following your emotions right away regardless of consequences, and some prefer to set up the right climate in their life to better pick and take care of a relationship. It is a matter of personalit,y not how highly they think of the other person. And in lots of ways he made a reasonable decision-- is it a good idea to go head first in a relationship if it distracts you from setting up a career or the things you enjoy in life, so you end up broke, miserable, not who you want to be, and resenting the other person for holding you back/not in a place emotionally of financially to love someone as you should?
Basically the fact that he did choose to end things is not a reflection on you. You compare how YOU would have not given up because you invested a lot in the relationship, therefore that he did not makes you think he must think very little of you. However, the real issue is he is not you.
 

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Wow @sogood, you must be a delight to converse with in real life.... lol
if you mean that I wouldn't judge someone for sharing something personal by telling them so what, break ups happen all the time and what is their point, then yeah, I'm pretty nice to talk to, and judging how i'm the one you're focusing on here, then yeah, i'd say neither of us is missing out much!
 

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I went through a break up a few months ago. It's really difficult but I got out of it. From being suicidal and not sure what to do with my life, it's getting better everyday. Use this time to work on yourself, and your own goals. Explore different parts of you, and youjust have to slowly build yourself up. If you need to try speaking to someone close to you. It's common to think that you were not good enough, but you will begin to realize that you are and you will find love again from someone that deserves you. :happy:
Just some encouraging words from someone who has been through that, break ups are tough for a lot of people.

I signed up to this, lol, it was a little helpful though
http://breakup-coach.com/
 

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Honestly, I don't believe it is all that easy for anyone. Especially if he admitted that it was strange to him how fast he got so close . It's never gonna be easy for anyone just removing that from themselves unless they're a robot. I'd say if it seems it's easy for him, he's just hiding it all from you for whatever reason. Either that or he's the kind of person who take a long time to fully internalize things and it'll hit him later

I guess these are the chances you take with people. You never know what they're gonna want or need. Sometimes it can seem like it should be fine, even perfect, but it just falls apart. But you'll move on too and find someone who's worthwhile and wants the same thing
 
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