Personality Cafe banner

1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I got my dad to take the test and he just tested as INTP which was actually my gut feeling long time ago. i had a harder time pinning anything for sure except for IxTx. and now I have my answer. :proud: Things make more sense now.

I also realized that we don't talk as much even though we're extremely close (closest in the entire family, and we have a really good synch/understanding of each other). I also found out another mentor-teacher figure of mine is INTP.

For my dad, INTPs- my question to you: what are some things you would like to do with your adult daughter once she is on her own, living independently? or if you had a daughter growing up, what kind of things would you look forward to? What he seems to want most is for me to settle down near home, but this is out of the question because I am in a post-bacc program in a different city, and i will most likely work nearby until i go to grad. school. I also do not plan on moving back to the city my parents reside in (for specific reasons) and i've spoken to them about this in a serious conversation already. That is all I can honestly think what my dad wants, but I am curious if there is anything I could learn from hearing about just your opinions? my dad rarely expresses things like this, but I do notice when he seems disappointed, so I am trying to better understand my dad and continue a strong relationship with him . Any wisdom I can gain from you guys would be helpful.

For my teacher-mentor, i honestly looked up to this person as a teacher even though we've only interacted in a classroom setting. I remain in touch with other college/high school teachers , but I am saddened at finishing my post bacc program because i don't really see the possibility of maintaining a relationship after school ends . He is not much of an email person and im just one student in his many classes after all! Is there anything i could do in the time i have NOW to further my relationship with my teacher-mentor? i really appreciate his insight on some things, but sometimes i'm too shy to ask for them! they are school-related, but not class-related, so i feel bad about taking up his time or straying off topic. i really want to keep in touch with this prof when this class ends and talk about topics we do, but i don't want to be a bother.

Anyway, i know this was a long post but any insight will be helpful for me!:proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
50 Posts
Well I'm hardly old enough to be in your dad's position (19), but I think he just wants the same thing you want: to stay close. I know for me it's really tough to be away from the few people I feel really close to, and it's never fun to feel like I'm losing one. Not to say that your dad necessarily feels like your relationship is moving in a negative direction, but I can definitely relate to wanting someone you love to stay close.

Since that's not a possibility, I would suggest that you just make a concerted effort to remind him that he's important in your life and that you value his opinions. I think my dad is somewhere in the INTP realm too, and I know it frustrates him to no end when he feels like I'm not listening to his advice. It's actually been a source of a lot of friction for us, as we both suffer from the "I think I'm right, so I'm right" syndrome lol, but I think it would go an awfully long way if you'd make a point of asking for his opinions on things. It doesn't even have to be anything big or deep or even personal, but I think even just an in-depth conversation about your studies or anything where he can feel like you're making more than a superficial connection would be enough to remind him he's loved.

Just pour on the "I love you"s and make your effort to stay close. If he does the same, you can't go wrong :D, just like any other long distance relationship.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,207 Posts
It seems that your dad is saddened by your choice not to live nearby, and he doesn't express it very much because INTPs aren't very expressive by nature and because he doesn't want to seem like he is trying to impose his will on you. For me (and probably speaking for many people), just being with the people I love matters more than any activities we might do together. Even if we're each doing our own thing, it is comforting just to have loved ones nearby. We INTPs might ignore you more than you'd like, but we love you very much. :tongue: Activities are great too, especially if it is around a shared interest or a project you work on together. You know better than we do what kinds of activities you and your dad might both enjoy.

As for your teacher, most INTPs love mentoring people, especially if they are intelligent. It makes us feel like we're competent and valued. Ask him for his insight, and I bet he'll be flattered and happy to talk to you. If not.. well, what's the worst that could happen from trying to build a rapport? You feel awkward when it doesn't work? INTPs are shy about approaching and "bothering" people too.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I totally know what you guys mean by "INTPs aren't very expressive by nature." but for some reason, even if my dad isn't expressive, i can totally just feel his wave of disappointment or just hear it in his voice. with my dad, things don't move into a negative direction which is what i appreciate about our dynamics. it's always like still water- never changing. constant. is there any other way to bond without having to make the effort that i value his opinions? it's not that i DONT value his opinions, but i'm just at the phase in life where im trying to figure things out on my own instead of constantly looking to my dad for advice.

As for the mentor, I guess that is what i was trying to get at- trying to build rapport, but then I feel inappropriate asking him for insight outside of strictly class related material, even if it is school related. And yes, i feel awkward when it doesnt work. especially because with this mentor (and also seeing my dad who sometimes teaches), i just get the sense they don't want to get too personal with students, even the ones they think are intelligent or the ones they like.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,273 Posts
I have a 11 year old daugther and my biggest fear is not having a close relationship with her as an adult. I'm afraid she will drift away from her strange and sometimes distain father who should be talking to her right now instead of sitting in front of a computer screen. Keep him close to you no matter how far a distance you may live and tell him how important he is to you. Thanks for a great thread.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top