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So i met this guy on bumble a month ago. From the get go he was very attentive complimented me so we moved into messaging on snapchat and instagram. Physically he was totally my type, tall blonde chiselled features athletic, coupled with him being introverted made me insanely attracted to him. As an Entj, i tend to be more attracted towards introverts because for one, the harder they are to get to know the more intrigued i am to find out more. And boy was this guy hard to crack.

He mostly initiated conversation at the start, and we had some interesting back and forth. I mean when I told him about the briggs meyers test he said "ill do it tomorow". Paused for a second then said " actually ill do it now". To me this was a good sign as he wanted to do it for me, so we could find common ground. One thing I found annoying was i would always ask him questions about himself and he would his response but never return the question. And he would never ask me anything personal.I just assumed because he is an Intj (he did the test twice to be sure) that it would take him more time to get to that level with me. He also sucked at texting but when he spoke over the phone or video call, the connection was much stronger and he explained he didnt like texting much as it was less personal since you cant gauge someone's reaction through tone and body language. Which is the same for me. But often he would be online on Whatsapp so clearly texting someone but not reading my message. This kinda pissed me off because regardless of personality, don't say you don't like texting but are constantly texting people while ignoring my message. Im a very direct person and always hold people accountable for what they say. However because this thing we had going on was new I refrained from being a pushy bitch. Another annoying thing he would do is, he would only ever answer a question which he wants to answer and just completely ignore what he doesnt feel like responding to. Which is also rude.

A week passed. He had a soccer match and I flirtatiously said "if u win ill give u a reward". Which was basically me video chatting with him in lingerie since he did win. So he just kinda stared at me like a deer in head lights, not knowing how to react. And i was like.......r u kidding me? I look freaking hot and you have nothing to say about that? Later I found out he is a virgin (19 years old) and he was surprised i did that and thought it came across kinda whorey. So naturally I toned the flirt down. I then explained to him that I don't usually do that and certainly just to any guy. To which he responded by interrogating me "So what guys do you do it with?". And i said " Ones that im really interested in".

2 weeks passed we meet up twice because his parents were away on holiday. It was actually a really good date we had. We had in depth conversation and just cuddled on the couch talking. So in my head, this guy was sweet and innocent and insecure because he had never been with a girl. So 2 nights ago he asked to call over the phone later in the evening. So i messaged him that I was free to talk now. He says "gimme 5 mins" and then the rest of the night didnt even call or message me that something came up. The next day I asked him what happened? And he literally just played dumb like "what do you mean?". Then made up some stupid excuse with no apology. So i again looked the other way cos i didnt want to make a big deal out of it.

THEN THIS HAPPENED A FEW HOURS AGO:

Me: Hey whats up (8pm)
Him (was texting other people on whatsapp and only responds to me at 10.45pm): Hey
Me being annoyed i just opened his message 30 mins later and didnt want to reply. 30 mins later.....I receive a dick pic from him on snapchat only to realize that soon after he sent me the dick pic I had been blocked on snapchat and whatsapp. So i went on instagram and messaged him.
Me: Wtf why you block me after sending me a dick pic?
Him: I was embarrassed so I blocked you. (notice how zero apology again)
Me: Thats so stupid. First of all, I usually dont like dick pics but i didnt mind one from you (yes i said that LOL) so you have nothing to be embarassed about. Now unblock me silly
Him: Ok. (so he unblocks me and we continue to talk on snapchat).
Now he gets all flirtatious with me and tries to initiate sexting
Me: Well im down for that because you know im attracted to you but just be direct with me next time. No more blocking bulshit
Him: Kk (notice how it was just a quick one word response to me wanting him to take responsiblity and not be an immature idiot)
Me: Im surprised though because I you said it was a little whorey when I showed up on video chat in my lingerie
Him: No I like it :p (completely contradicted what he said to me previously)

So after we sext a little......we both go off to do our own thing THEN HE BLOCKS ME AGAIN on snapchat. And before he could block me on whatsapp I said to him "ok i'm done with this bull shit. you are so disrespectful to the point where u cannot even be direct and have a proper conversation. You literally are only direct when its something you want or is convenient for you, other than that you're just evasive and rude!"

After that I did a 3 way phone call with 2 Intj friends of mine (males) who basically told me...."yeah....see you played it right at the start by making him chase you. Because despite what some websites say about Intjs don't like playing games, if you make yourself too readily available to us at the start we won't be interested. But you need to remember that Intjs dont really have the broadest moral compass so we tend to be very manipulative if it gets us what we want."

Im so mad right now. Like this guy was pretending to be all innocent and saying how he wanted a real connection right from the start and that now I think back to several points in our conversation and Ive realized that my Intj guy friends were right, he was being super manipulative from the start and really didnt give two shits about me. If youre actually into someone and respectful towards them, 1) you dont block and ghost them multiple times 2) youre direct and say how you feel rather than giving a false impression 3) No matter how "busy" you are doing whatever you're doing, as long as you claim to be interested in getting to know someone, just fucking respond. Even if its a "hey im busy now or hey im not in the mood to talk now lets message later".

And this is all regardless of personality types.

And i thought Entjs can be nasty......Jesus Christ after talking to my Intj friends who admitted to me that they too tend to be manipulative as long as it gets them what they want, I have a question. Is this a common trait of Intjs?
 

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So i met this guy on bumble a month ago. From the get go he was very attentive complimented me so we moved into messaging on snapchat and instagram. Physically he was totally my type, tall blonde chiselled features athletic, coupled with him being introverted made me insanely attracted to him. As an Entj, i tend to be more attracted towards introverts because for one, the harder they are to get to know the more intrigued i am to find out more. And boy was this guy hard to crack.

He mostly initiated conversation at the start, and we had some interesting back and forth. I mean when I told him about the briggs meyers test he said "ill do it tomorow". Paused for a second then said " actually ill do it now". To me this was a good sign as he wanted to do it for me, so we could find common ground. One thing I found annoying was i would always ask him questions about himself and he would his response but never return the question. And he would never ask me anything personal.I just assumed because he is an Intj (he did the test twice to be sure) that it would take him more time to get to that level with me. He also sucked at texting but when he spoke over the phone or video call, the connection was much stronger and he explained he didnt like texting much as it was less personal since you cant gauge someone's reaction through tone and body language. Which is the same for me. But often he would be online on Whatsapp so clearly texting someone but not reading my message. This kinda pissed me off because regardless of personality, don't say you don't like texting but are constantly texting people while ignoring my message. Im a very direct person and always hold people accountable for what they say. However because this thing we had going on was new I refrained from being a pushy bitch. Another annoying thing he would do is, he would only ever answer a question which he wants to answer and just completely ignore what he doesnt feel like responding to. Which is also rude.

A week passed. He had a soccer match and I flirtatiously said "if u win ill give u a reward". Which was basically me video chatting with him in lingerie since he did win. So he just kinda stared at me like a deer in head lights, not knowing how to react. And i was like.......r u kidding me? I look freaking hot and you have nothing to say about that? Later I found out he is a virgin (19 years old) and he was surprised i did that and thought it came across kinda whorey. So naturally I toned the flirt down. I then explained to him that I don't usually do that and certainly just to any guy. To which he responded by interrogating me "So what guys do you do it with?". And i said " Ones that im really interested in".

2 weeks passed we meet up twice because his parents were away on holiday. It was actually a really good date we had. We had in depth conversation and just cuddled on the couch talking. So in my head, this guy was sweet and innocent and insecure because he had never been with a girl. So 2 nights ago he asked to call over the phone later in the evening. So i messaged him that I was free to talk now. He says "gimme 5 mins" and then the rest of the night didnt even call or message me that something came up. The next day I asked him what happened? And he literally just played dumb like "what do you mean?". Then made up some stupid excuse with no apology. So i again looked the other way cos i didnt want to make a big deal out of it.

THEN THIS HAPPENED A FEW HOURS AGO:

Me: Hey whats up (8pm)
Him (was texting other people on whatsapp and only responds to me at 10.45pm): Hey
Me being annoyed i just opened his message 30 mins later and didnt want to reply. 30 mins later.....I receive a dick pic from him on snapchat only to realize that soon after he sent me the dick pic I had been blocked on snapchat and whatsapp. So i went on instagram and messaged him.
Me: Wtf why you block me after sending me a dick pic?
Him: I was embarrassed so I blocked you. (notice how zero apology again)
Me: Thats so stupid. First of all, I usually dont like dick pics but i didnt mind one from you (yes i said that LOL) so you have nothing to be embarassed about. Now unblock me silly
Him: Ok. (so he unblocks me and we continue to talk on snapchat).
Now he gets all flirtatious with me and tries to initiate sexting
Me: Well im down for that because you know im attracted to you but just be direct with me next time. No more blocking bulshit
Him: Kk (notice how it was just a quick one word response to me wanting him to take responsiblity and not be an immature idiot)
Me: Im surprised though because I you said it was a little whorey when I showed up on video chat in my lingerie
Him: No I like it :p (completely contradicted what he said to me previously)

So after we sext a little......we both go off to do our own thing THEN HE BLOCKS ME AGAIN on snapchat. And before he could block me on whatsapp I said to him "ok i'm done with this bull shit. you are so disrespectful to the point where u cannot even be direct and have a proper conversation. You literally are only direct when its something you want or is convenient for you, other than that you're just evasive and rude!"

After that I did a 3 way phone call with 2 Intj friends of mine (males) who basically told me...."yeah....see you played it right at the start by making him chase you. Because despite what some websites say about Intjs don't like playing games, if you make yourself too readily available to us at the start we won't be interested. But you need to remember that Intjs dont really have the broadest moral compass so we tend to be very manipulative if it gets us what we want."

Im so mad right now. Like this guy was pretending to be all innocent and saying how he wanted a real connection right from the start and that now I think back to several points in our conversation and Ive realized that my Intj guy friends were right, he was being super manipulative from the start and really didnt give two shits about me. If youre actually into someone and respectful towards them, 1) you dont block and ghost them multiple times 2) youre direct and say how you feel rather than giving a false impression 3) No matter how "busy" you are doing whatever you're doing, as long as you claim to be interested in getting to know someone, just fucking respond. Even if its a "hey im busy now or hey im not in the mood to talk now lets message later".

And this is all regardless of personality types.

And i thought Entjs can be nasty......Jesus Christ after talking to my Intj friends who admitted to me that they too tend to be manipulative as long as it gets them what they want, I have a question. Is this a common trait of Intjs?
869865


Nope.
 

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I know two INTx's. They both have a similar communicative style. I find it can be exasperating to have to communicate anything of importance with them over text. The ones I know are quick to take offense when none is meant, and for supposed thinkers I find this odd. Maybe they are thinkers because the feelings they do have ar e inappropriate.Yours sounds a little neurotic and judgemental. Not necessarily a complete write off but keep in mind, communicating over text poses fairly new challenges that haven't really been analyzed or explored. Sound sliek you guys clicked better on the phone. I hate to say this but you sound a little overanalytical and clingy. I mean, there are no written rules of text ettiquette, and no unspoken ones either, so it's really a free for all. If you are getting a bad feeling htough I'd say let him go, but if you really like him, why not just communicate with him and let him set the pace a bit. I mean, you two are still just getting to know each other right? Blocking is very immature and can be hurtful. That is definietely a red flag though to my mind. He'd have to do a lot of making up for that and definitely stop that kind of behavior. eta- and yes they both seem to be very attemptful at manipulation tactics. i find it infuriating
 

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IDK many intjs who give even one shit about someone they've only just met, never mind two. So to me it's weird that you'd even expect him to.

This is such a strange story, and I'm not sure where 'manipulation' comes into it. Guess I don't see what you imagine him to have wanted as motivation for it - again, never mind got.
 
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Discussion Starter #6
I know two INTx's. They both have a similar communicative style. I find it can be exasperating to have to communicate anything of importance with them over text. The ones I know are quick to take offense when none is meant, and for supposed thinkers I find this odd. Maybe they are thinkers because the feelings they do have ar e inappropriate.Yours sounds a little neurotic and judgemental. Not necessarily a complete write off but keep in mind, communicating over text poses fairly new challenges that haven't really been analyzed or explored. Sound sliek you guys clicked better on the phone. I hate to say this but you sound a little overanalytical and clingy. I mean, there are no written rules of text ettiquette, and no unspoken ones either, so it's really a free for all. If you are getting a bad feeling htough I'd say let him go, but if you really like him, why not just communicate with him and let him set the pace a bit. I mean, you two are still just getting to know each other right? Blocking is very immature and can be hurtful. That is definietely a red flag though to my mind. He'd have to do a lot of making up for that and definitely stop that kind of behavior. eta- and yes they both seem to be very attemptful at manipulation tactics. i find it infuriating
I am very over analytical. I know there's no written rules of text etiquette but there is decent and functional communicative behaviour and then there's rude and evasive. Yeh I've already let him go. To me blocking after you had an orgasm is just fucked up. And never being direct is another red flag. I'm sorry but how hard is it to just be direct and say whats on your mind. The only time you ice someone out and refuse to give a response is if....you really dont give a shit or respect that person.

Yeh i agree with the manipulation tactics. Because those 2 intj friends of mine....welll lol ive known them for years and am really close to them both but I always get the feeling that when it comes down to it they don't really truly give a shit about anyone but themselves lol. Which im fine with it because ive been aware of that for a long time.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
IDK many intjs who give even one shit about someone they've only just met, never mind two. So to me it's weird that you'd even expect him to.

This is such a strange story, and I'm not sure where 'manipulation' comes into it. Guess I don't see what you imagine him to have wanted as motivation for it - again, never mind got.
Of course its fair to expect someone you been talking to for a month and been on 2 dates with to give a shit. Not in a deep meaningful sense but in a respectful sense. Where you don't block someone and ice them out because you send them a dick pic then block them again an hour later after you have a talk about it to which you agree to cut that silly bull shit out.

Its manipulative to give deliberately say you are a certain way, present yourself a certain way, say certain things, then do the complete opposite for personal gain.
 

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Is this a common trait of Intjs?
No. He probably thought you were manipulating him which is why he started blocking you. He sounds like he's way too young and inexperienced for you, so it's probably best if you'd consider someone else instead. Like someone more mature and on your level instead.
 

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Two things:
1. You have way too many INTJs in your life. How is that possible? 2 INTJ friends plus 1 INTJ guy you're trying to date. I've never met an INTJ in my entire life, they're rare for a reason. Maybe you're jumping the gun with judging their types.
2. Inexperienced guys and girls get shocked by their first encounters with romance, and the first most likely thing they will do is run to discuss the situation with their friends. The inevitable result may be that you are not simply dealing with him in your semi-relationship, but are rather dealing with a person who is influenced by a conglomerate of "expert opinions" on what to do and how to act, which results in a cocktail of contradicting randomness. If you want to get any sense out of this relationship, be straight upfront with him about everything, and don't let 3rd opinions get involved in your duet.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
No. He probably thought you were manipulating him which is why he started blocking you. He sounds like he's way too young and inexperienced for you, so it's probably best if you'd consider someone else instead. Like someone more mature and on your level instead.
impossible he thought i was manipulating him given how i always act according to what i say. And he blocked me the first time because he was horny and sent me a random dick pic so he got embarrassed. I suspect the second time it was because he got his rocks off and couldnt be bothered anymore. Regardless of the reason its still rude, immature and disrespectful af to do that. I hate dating in 2020 -_-

I do agree with you tho regarding his age. Im 3 years older than him and while he seems mature in person, mentality wise he is not
 

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impossible he thought i was manipulating him given how i always act according to what i say. And he blocked me the first time because he was horny and sent me a random dick pic so he got embarrassed. I suspect the second time it was because he got his rocks off and couldnt be bothered anymore. Regardless of the reason its still rude, immature and disrespectful af to do that. I hate dating in 2020 -_-

I do agree with you tho regarding his age. Im 3 years older than him and while he seems mature in person, mentality wise he is not
Even if you didn't write the second paragraph, I could've told you it wouldn't work based on what you wrote in your original post. 😄 If you being sensual makes him think of you as what he thought then that should've been your first red flag that it's not going to work. 😄
 

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Even if you didn't write the second paragraph, I could've told you it wouldn't work based on what you wrote in your original post. 😄 If you being sensual makes him think of you as what he thought then that should've been your first red flag that it's not going to work. 😄
yeh except the problem was the weeks leading up to the "sensual" situation, he had always given the impression he was a stand up guy looking for a real connection zzz. then the blocking ghosting thing just happened suddenly
 

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So i met this guy on bumble a month ago. From the get go he was very attentive complimented me so we moved into messaging on snapchat and instagram. Physically he was totally my type, tall blonde chiselled features athletic, coupled with him being introverted made me insanely attracted to him. As an Entj, i tend to be more attracted towards introverts because for one, the harder they are to get to know the more intrigued i am to find out more. And boy was this guy hard to crack.

He mostly initiated conversation at the start, and we had some interesting back and forth. I mean when I told him about the briggs meyers test he said "ill do it tomorow". Paused for a second then said " actually ill do it now". To me this was a good sign as he wanted to do it for me, so we could find common ground. One thing I found annoying was i would always ask him questions about himself and he would his response but never return the question. And he would never ask me anything personal.I just assumed because he is an Intj (he did the test twice to be sure) that it would take him more time to get to that level with me. He also sucked at texting but when he spoke over the phone or video call, the connection was much stronger and he explained he didnt like texting much as it was less personal since you cant gauge someone's reaction through tone and body language. Which is the same for me. But often he would be online on Whatsapp so clearly texting someone but not reading my message. This kinda pissed me off because regardless of personality, don't say you don't like texting but are constantly texting people while ignoring my message. Im a very direct person and always hold people accountable for what they say. However because this thing we had going on was new I refrained from being a pushy bitch. Another annoying thing he would do is, he would only ever answer a question which he wants to answer and just completely ignore what he doesnt feel like responding to. Which is also rude.

A week passed. He had a soccer match and I flirtatiously said "if u win ill give u a reward". Which was basically me video chatting with him in lingerie since he did win. So he just kinda stared at me like a deer in head lights, not knowing how to react. And i was like.......r u kidding me? I look freaking hot and you have nothing to say about that? Later I found out he is a virgin (19 years old) and he was surprised i did that and thought it came across kinda whorey. So naturally I toned the flirt down. I then explained to him that I don't usually do that and certainly just to any guy. To which he responded by interrogating me "So what guys do you do it with?". And i said " Ones that im really interested in".

2 weeks passed we meet up twice because his parents were away on holiday. It was actually a really good date we had. We had in depth conversation and just cuddled on the couch talking. So in my head, this guy was sweet and innocent and insecure because he had never been with a girl. So 2 nights ago he asked to call over the phone later in the evening. So i messaged him that I was free to talk now. He says "gimme 5 mins" and then the rest of the night didnt even call or message me that something came up. The next day I asked him what happened? And he literally just played dumb like "what do you mean?". Then made up some stupid excuse with no apology. So i again looked the other way cos i didnt want to make a big deal out of it.

THEN THIS HAPPENED A FEW HOURS AGO:

Me: Hey whats up (8pm)
Him (was texting other people on whatsapp and only responds to me at 10.45pm): Hey
Me being annoyed i just opened his message 30 mins later and didnt want to reply. 30 mins later.....I receive a dick pic from him on snapchat only to realize that soon after he sent me the dick pic I had been blocked on snapchat and whatsapp. So i went on instagram and messaged him.
Me: Wtf why you block me after sending me a dick pic?
Him: I was embarrassed so I blocked you. (notice how zero apology again)
Me: Thats so stupid. First of all, I usually dont like dick pics but i didnt mind one from you (yes i said that LOL) so you have nothing to be embarassed about. Now unblock me silly
Him: Ok. (so he unblocks me and we continue to talk on snapchat).
Now he gets all flirtatious with me and tries to initiate sexting
Me: Well im down for that because you know im attracted to you but just be direct with me next time. No more blocking bulshit
Him: Kk (notice how it was just a quick one word response to me wanting him to take responsiblity and not be an immature idiot)
Me: Im surprised though because I you said it was a little whorey when I showed up on video chat in my lingerie
Him: No I like it :p (completely contradicted what he said to me previously)

So after we sext a little......we both go off to do our own thing THEN HE BLOCKS ME AGAIN on snapchat. And before he could block me on whatsapp I said to him "ok i'm done with this bull shit. you are so disrespectful to the point where u cannot even be direct and have a proper conversation. You literally are only direct when its something you want or is convenient for you, other than that you're just evasive and rude!"

After that I did a 3 way phone call with 2 Intj friends of mine (males) who basically told me...."yeah....see you played it right at the start by making him chase you. Because despite what some websites say about Intjs don't like playing games, if you make yourself too readily available to us at the start we won't be interested. But you need to remember that Intjs dont really have the broadest moral compass so we tend to be very manipulative if it gets us what we want."

Im so mad right now. Like this guy was pretending to be all innocent and saying how he wanted a real connection right from the start and that now I think back to several points in our conversation and Ive realized that my Intj guy friends were right, he was being super manipulative from the start and really didnt give two shits about me. If youre actually into someone and respectful towards them, 1) you dont block and ghost them multiple times 2) youre direct and say how you feel rather than giving a false impression 3) No matter how "busy" you are doing whatever you're doing, as long as you claim to be interested in getting to know someone, just fucking respond. Even if its a "hey im busy now or hey im not in the mood to talk now lets message later".

And this is all regardless of personality types.

And i thought Entjs can be nasty......Jesus Christ after talking to my Intj friends who admitted to me that they too tend to be manipulative as long as it gets them what they want, I have a question. Is this a common trait of Intjs?
Ah...well, it sounds like your expectations and his were way off. He sounds immature and shy and just wants to fantasize about women, not actually get with them. He's not ready for true intimacy. It seems to me like this guy just wants someone to jerk off to, and that's just bullshit. He's the sexting equivalent of: "love 'em and leave 'em."

As a guy, I don't want to play games, but I also don't want to rush into knowing too much too soon about a woman's most intimate details. The best relationships I've been in have been slow burns, where I got to know her little-by-little. We didn't rush to get naked right away. We danced a little, we talked a lot, we did things we both found fun, and then, when we felt like our passion could take no more, we fell together in a clothes flying burst of unrelenting lust.

So basically, my feelings on the matter is always leave a little something to the imagination for a while at first. You'll know when the time is right to reveal your mysteries.
 

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i don't use dating apps of any kind, and actually i never did formal 'dating' even in the real world before there was an internet either. so idek what the accepted protocols are that might have grown up in the age of the digital date. but with that said, i've certainly heard a lot from women who've come across pickup artists, and it's certainly possible you ran into a [maybe rather clumsy] one who may or may not be an intj.

assuming that for argument's sake both of those possibilities are true, and to the extent that your actual question seems to have been 'are all intjs manipulative like this' . . . the answer would be a straightforward no. all pickup artists may be manipulative; some intjs may be pickup artists; but putting those two facts together does not make all intjs manipulative.

i really question your view of it all anyway. back when i was 19, one of the commonest themes of my life was other people inventing IDEAS of what kind of person i was, and then pissing all over me for being 'fake' or even 'lying' when the real me turned out to be different from their shallow assumptions of me. take some responsibility for your own part of this interpretations game you're complaining of now. you reveal some really remarkably demanding expectations in your op, along with some leapt-to conclusions that personally i would find really bizarre.

it's possible that he intentionally lied to you the whole way. it's just as possible that you filled in too many blanks for yourself and now want to blame him.

either way, maybe i just don't take texting 'relationships' seriously, but i can't see that much damage was done. imo you show a remarkably poor sense of proportion if this is really the 'worst' thing you can imagine one relative stranger doing to or in relation to another one.
 
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yeh except the problem was the weeks leading up to the "sensual" situation, he had always given the impression he was a stand up guy looking for a real connection zzz. then the blocking ghosting thing just happened suddenly
He probably is but you find guys like him to be boring. There's nothing wrong with saying you have certain preferences in what you're looking for in a guy. Don't neglect your own desires and what you're looking for in a dude.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
He probably is but you find guys like him to be boring. There's nothing wrong with saying you have certain preferences in what you're looking for in a guy. Don't neglect your own desires and what you're looking for in a dude.
im curious why you think i find guys like him boring
 

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i don't use dating apps of any kind, and actually i never did formal 'dating' even in the real world before there was an internet either. so idek what the accepted protocols are that might have grown up in the age of the digital date. but with that said, i've certainly heard a lot from women who've come across pickup artists, and it's certainly possible you ran into a [maybe rather clumsy] one who may or may not be an intj.

assuming that for argument's sake both of those possibilities are true, and to the extent that your actual question seems to have been 'are all intjs manipulative like this' . . . the answer would be a straightforward no. all pickup artists may be manipulative; some intjs may be pickup artists; but putting those two facts together does not make all intjs manipulative.

i really question your view of it all anyway. back when i was 19, one of the commonest themes of my life was other people inventing IDEAS of what kind of person i was, and then pissing all over me for being 'fake' or even 'lying' when the real me turned out to be different from their shallow assumptions of me. take some responsibility for your own part of this interpretations game you're complaining of now. you reveal some really remarkably demanding expectations in your op, along with some leapt-to conclusions that personally i would find really bizarre.

it's possible that he intentionally lied to you the whole way. it's just as possible that you filled in too many blanks for yourself and now want to blame him.

either way, maybe i just don't take texting 'relationships' seriously, but i can't see that much damage was done. imo you show a remarkably poor sense of proportion if this is really the 'worst' thing you can imagine one relative stranger doing to or in relation to another one.
Well for one, i didnt invent any ideas of what he was like nor did i fill in too many blanks to now blame him. I merely hold people accountable for their actions and what comes out of their mouth. For example if you tell me you are a certain way, and that you don't want to sexualize me then I expect that from you. There's really no interpretation when someone makes point blank statements like that to you. And as for my "demands", again all I'm saying is Regardless of whether youre an introvert or an extrovert or what MBTI u are, have the decency and respect to be direct with someone rather than lie, be evasive, block and ghost because its most convenient for you.

We werent a texting online relationship. I would agree with that had I not went on two dates with him prior to the incident. So he certainly wasnt some random stranger i met online who i never met in person. I wouldnt have been pissed off if that were the case. Admittedly though, really not much damage was done, just me being irritated af.
 

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Ah...well, it sounds like your expectations and his were way off. He sounds immature and shy and just wants to fantasize about women, not actually get with them. He's not ready for true intimacy. It seems to me like this guy just wants someone to jerk off to, and that's just bullshit. He's the sexting equivalent of: "love 'em and leave 'em."

As a guy, I don't want to play games, but I also don't want to rush into knowing too much too soon about a woman's most intimate details. The best relationships I've been in have been slow burns, where I got to know her little-by-little. We didn't rush to get naked right away. We danced a little, we talked a lot, we did things we both found fun, and then, when we felt like our passion could take no more, we fell together in a clothes flying burst of unrelenting lust.

So basically, my feelings on the matter is always leave a little something to the imagination for a while at first. You'll know when the time is right to reveal your mysteries.
See how you describe yourself is partially how he portrayed himself to be lol. But turns out to be the complete opposite haha
 

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So i met this guy on bumble a month ago. From the get go he was very attentive complimented me so we moved into messaging on snapchat and instagram. Physically he was totally my type, tall blonde chiselled features athletic, coupled with him being introverted made me insanely attracted to him. As an Entj, i tend to be more attracted towards introverts because for one, the harder they are to get to know the more intrigued i am to find out more. And boy was this guy hard to crack.

He mostly initiated conversation at the start, and we had some interesting back and forth. I mean when I told him about the briggs meyers test he said "ill do it tomorow". Paused for a second then said " actually ill do it now". To me this was a good sign as he wanted to do it for me, so we could find common ground. One thing I found annoying was i would always ask him questions about himself and he would his response but never return the question. And he would never ask me anything personal.I just assumed because he is an Intj (he did the test twice to be sure) that it would take him more time to get to that level with me. He also sucked at texting but when he spoke over the phone or video call, the connection was much stronger and he explained he didnt like texting much as it was less personal since you cant gauge someone's reaction through tone and body language. Which is the same for me. But often he would be online on Whatsapp so clearly texting someone but not reading my message. This kinda pissed me off because regardless of personality, don't say you don't like texting but are constantly texting people while ignoring my message. Im a very direct person and always hold people accountable for what they say. However because this thing we had going on was new I refrained from being a pushy bitch. Another annoying thing he would do is, he would only ever answer a question which he wants to answer and just completely ignore what he doesnt feel like responding to. Which is also rude.

A week passed. He had a soccer match and I flirtatiously said "if u win ill give u a reward". Which was basically me video chatting with him in lingerie since he did win. So he just kinda stared at me like a deer in head lights, not knowing how to react. And i was like.......r u kidding me? I look freaking hot and you have nothing to say about that? Later I found out he is a virgin (19 years old) and he was surprised i did that and thought it came across kinda whorey. So naturally I toned the flirt down. I then explained to him that I don't usually do that and certainly just to any guy. To which he responded by interrogating me "So what guys do you do it with?". And i said " Ones that im really interested in".

2 weeks passed we meet up twice because his parents were away on holiday. It was actually a really good date we had. We had in depth conversation and just cuddled on the couch talking. So in my head, this guy was sweet and innocent and insecure because he had never been with a girl. So 2 nights ago he asked to call over the phone later in the evening. So i messaged him that I was free to talk now. He says "gimme 5 mins" and then the rest of the night didnt even call or message me that something came up. The next day I asked him what happened? And he literally just played dumb like "what do you mean?". Then made up some stupid excuse with no apology. So i again looked the other way cos i didnt want to make a big deal out of it.

THEN THIS HAPPENED A FEW HOURS AGO:

Me: Hey whats up (8pm)
Him (was texting other people on whatsapp and only responds to me at 10.45pm): Hey
Me being annoyed i just opened his message 30 mins later and didnt want to reply. 30 mins later.....I receive a dick pic from him on snapchat only to realize that soon after he sent me the dick pic I had been blocked on snapchat and whatsapp. So i went on instagram and messaged him.
Me: Wtf why you block me after sending me a dick pic?
Him: I was embarrassed so I blocked you. (notice how zero apology again)
Me: Thats so stupid. First of all, I usually dont like dick pics but i didnt mind one from you (yes i said that LOL) so you have nothing to be embarassed about. Now unblock me silly
Him: Ok. (so he unblocks me and we continue to talk on snapchat).
Now he gets all flirtatious with me and tries to initiate sexting
Me: Well im down for that because you know im attracted to you but just be direct with me next time. No more blocking bulshit
Him: Kk (notice how it was just a quick one word response to me wanting him to take responsiblity and not be an immature idiot)
Me: Im surprised though because I you said it was a little whorey when I showed up on video chat in my lingerie
Him: No I like it :p (completely contradicted what he said to me previously)

So after we sext a little......we both go off to do our own thing THEN HE BLOCKS ME AGAIN on snapchat. And before he could block me on whatsapp I said to him "ok i'm done with this bull shit. you are so disrespectful to the point where u cannot even be direct and have a proper conversation. You literally are only direct when its something you want or is convenient for you, other than that you're just evasive and rude!"

After that I did a 3 way phone call with 2 Intj friends of mine (males) who basically told me...."yeah....see you played it right at the start by making him chase you. Because despite what some websites say about Intjs don't like playing games, if you make yourself too readily available to us at the start we won't be interested. But you need to remember that Intjs dont really have the broadest moral compass so we tend to be very manipulative if it gets us what we want."

Im so mad right now. Like this guy was pretending to be all innocent and saying how he wanted a real connection right from the start and that now I think back to several points in our conversation and Ive realized that my Intj guy friends were right, he was being super manipulative from the start and really didnt give two shits about me. If youre actually into someone and respectful towards them, 1) you dont block and ghost them multiple times 2) youre direct and say how you feel rather than giving a false impression 3) No matter how "busy" you are doing whatever you're doing, as long as you claim to be interested in getting to know someone, just fucking respond. Even if its a "hey im busy now or hey im not in the mood to talk now lets message later".

And this is all regardless of personality types.

And i thought Entjs can be nasty......Jesus Christ after talking to my Intj friends who admitted to me that they too tend to be manipulative as long as it gets them what they want, I have a question. Is this a common trait of Intjs?
Sex (especially in this day and age of thumb swiping and "no consequences") is a pretty fleeting if powerful force, so it doesn't surprise me this thing slipped off the hook for you pretty quickly.

To use an uninspired analogy:



It's the difference between fire...



...and a somewhat more advanced usage of its same principles.

So all in fun - you may just fancy a campfire - there's nothing wrong with it (there is something wrong with it if that's all a person can do, but if it's your choice in a time and place fine), so let's look at what happened:

1. "tall blonde chiselled features athletic" - Seems like that's the most substantive description we've gotten out of you about who he is.

2. "the harder they are to get to know the more intrigued i am to find out more" - Mystery box, not everything which is a mystery has anything of value in it - it does however let you project whatever unspecified thing you don't even know you want into it until it's revealed to either contain something you don't want or fuck all. So be careful about that, just because something is withheld does not mean it's of value, plus it's an intensely easy gimmick for someone to be fake about.

3. "One thing I found annoying was i would always ask him questions about himself and he would his response but never return the question." - I'm not faulting this style of interaction per se but I'd invite you to consider something else: I don't ask you questions about things I want to answer - I ask questions about things hoping the answers yield new questions because the answers are utterly outside of my frame of reference - and there are two ways to frame one's mentality around that style of interaction:

A. You're looking for someone to become a "4th layer" over and above your neocortex, mammalian and lizard brain - a source of further, indispensable perspective for things which you lack.

B. You're looking for someone to become a "0th layer" underneath your lizard brain - to push your motivations into places they've never been and have never had innate drives over.

And don't get confused - people are not always looking for both and can't be compelled to be one or the other.

If you're asking someone questions you want to answer - odds are you're using you as the measure of them - and that's only ever going to yield a shallow sort of intimacy at best - it's them relative to you - it's inherently distant - and what's more...

4. ...It yields the dynamic you're seeing here: "But often he would be online on Whatsapp so clearly texting someone but not reading my message. This kinda pissed me off because regardless of personality, don't say you don't like texting but are constantly texting people while ignoring my message." What are they doing relative to me? Who stands where? Who's initiating? Blah blah blah - if you have time to obsess over that you have to be honest with yourself about having a pretty empty life.

I for example have less a to-do list than a to-do lake which I'm just barely aquaplaning across on any given day - I may just not have as much time as you do, I can sometimes by choice or by necessity seek to just duck out of it and lose myself in some conversation but then it goes right back to just being pulled in 400 different directions and necessarily having to triage, if you want to be the most important thing associate yourself with the most important thing - and that's not you by default, it's you depending on how you associate yourself with what is important to the other person.

If the question is how important am I in comparison to this important thing in this person's life - don't fall for that - because if a person gives up easily on things they find important how charmed are you honestly going to be when that becomes you - don't make it a competition when symbosis is an option.

5. "if u win ill give u a reward". Which was basically me video chatting with him in lingerie since he did win. So he just kinda stared at me like a deer in head lights, not knowing how to react. And i was like.......r u kidding me? I look freaking hot and you have nothing to say about that?"

I may not be speaking for INTJs here but I do know INTJs and INFJs have something in common: Self-determination, it comes with the Ni-dom's predilection for seeing things in terms of inevitability but its also being necessarily as heroic function one you're willing to have undermined or defeated in order to grow past it - the hero's journey.

What that means is choice is critical - what I choose to do and not do are abiding aspects of my life; the countours of those things define the principles which I hold even above myself - sex and appetite are not to do with choice, I always want to fuck, I always want to eat, I always want to self-indulge, these aren't forces I can switch off and I have no choice in them other than to not indulge them.

Denise Milani Alexander 4.


If you're appealing to sex and appetite you're doing something which is trying to undermine self-control - I need a better reason than sex to just do that, because if sex is the reason - I might as well just do this:


Is that something you want the interest of?

And so the question is what are you outside of that...


Ladies what would you do if you didn't have a pussy to keep your man?

Suck his dick.

Mouth okay, great.

ANAL SEX

Asshole - see, I just gave you the opportunity to say I'm going to make myself worth more, and you classified yourselves as a series of holes...

6. ".I receive a dick pic from him on snapchat only to realize that soon after he sent me the dick pic I had been blocked on snapchat and whatsapp."

I truly don't understand why people do this or what they're thinking when they do.

***

It was a shallow interaction with shallow results - you don't want to be just a series of holes do you, but if that's all you're offering at best I'm only going to be able to lie to you.
 

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See how you describe yourself is partially how he portrayed himself to be lol. But turns out to be the complete opposite haha
However, I mean it, and if I were into you, I wouldn't ghost you after busting a nut.
 
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