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I posted this in my blog, but got no comments, and I really need opinions:

Her name isn't really Karen, but I'm not willing to tell you what it is. Eight years ago, she was my special one. She said, "I warn you that I don't make a very good friend," whatever that means. But I loved her more deeply than I had loved anyone besides my husband and children. That she didn't love me the same meant little to my feelings for her. I worked hard at developing a friendship with her. We became so close.

I knew I loved her, but just how much, I was about to find out. It was a very special day for her, and she chose to share it with me. (And don't give me that nonsense bit about how every day is a special day. This day was a particularly special day with a particularly special event.) She told her son across the country, and she told me she hoped he would come - that she had a feeling he would be there. I had envisioned this special day as something she and I would share. But I realised that more than myself, I loved her. Her happiness meant more to me than my own. I prayed for Karen. That her son would come to share such a special occasion with her. And I meant it. At that moment, I realised just how much I truly, truly loved her. Her son never did come. I never felt closer to her than I did that day. I never wanted that day to end.

One day, I found a lump in my breast. I was afraid. I called Karen, and asked if she had ever had a mammogram. I told her about my lump, my fear, and we talked for a bit. She said she'd not had a mammogram in quite some time and that she should get one soon. My lump went away, but Karen's mammogram found cancer in the same spot in the same breast my lump had been.

Karen was treated, and found new friends who were going through various cancer treatments. Her sister was there for her every step of the way. I was grateful Karen did not have to be alone, but I felt very much left out. I still loved her, and tried to visit her, but she was so sick, and was not supposed to be around children. I had two at the time.

I tried to be patient, and wait for her to complete treatment and recover. I thought we could go back to the closeness we had shared. Unfortunately, just as she was finishing treatment, my husband was transfered to a new city. I had to say goodbye. I cried every night for about a month. I knew I would miss her. I knew we never would share that closeness again. Then we moved and I cried because I missed her. I called her occasionally, but it wasn't the same. She never called me.

My husband went back on a business trip, and the children and I went with him. I saw Karen, and it was wonderful. But something was changed. I still loved her, and she loved me, but I think she had outgrown me. Still, it was so good to be with her again.

I send her a birthday card and a Christmas card every year. I email her occasionally. I call her about once a month. I miss her. I have begun to feel closer to her. I wonder if I will ever see her again. Her health is not good. I pray for her daily.

I called her the other day. I love talking with her on the phone. She always cheers me up, no matter how low I am feeling. I was very sad when I called her. We talked for a while - I never told her I was feeling sad. Just the sound of her voice made me happy. By the time we said good-bye, I was smiling so much for days!

She says she is INFP. I want to invite her to this forum. The most peaceful, healing place on the internet. But do I want her to read this? But how can I not share the joy I've found? Decisions, decisions. If you were Karen, how would you feel about the things I have written?
 

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I certainly appreciate your caring and sincerity in your post. I think your affection for someone is incredible :D, it makes me a little jealous.

In the same breath, sometimes stories of life altering situations (for "Karen") are either not meant to be shared with the world, or are only be shared by that person. Having someone come on here with a sense of feeling like they have a label (cancer) on them -may- not be the greatest choice -- I realize that our community is very respectful and accommodating though.

With that in mind, I think she should come on the forums as it may bring her some comfort. However, I think your post should be kept private when that time comes and that you should tell her your feelings directly through a phone call or email -- assuming in-person isn't available.

It's a very beautiful post though, please don't misinterpret that :D.
 

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If you ever run into me somewhere and recognize me, remind me to give you a hug, that's the only cure-all in this world.
 

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I think that you could request for it to be deleted if you want.

This a very beautiful post. :) If I were "Karen" I would be honored to have such great things said about me, but I am Cheyenne, not Karen. I don't know how she feels about being complimented or thought of in such a way.

But I think that your feelings for her are beautiful, and very much so. It's not often that you meet a person who can care for another with such deepness and intensity. I hope that people can read this and follow your lead - everyone deserves to be cared about like that!
 
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