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Well, I acknowledge I will never know for sure. I can only do the best I can wherever I am at. I try to hold onto all possibilities, to have contingencies.

Not being able to protect people in bad situations has haunted me for most of my life because I’ve seen so much of it first hand, and often seemed to be able to dodge abuse where others could not. Was it luck? Was it me? Was it them? I end up thinking about that a lot.

Staring down my stepfather at eight years old in his moments of drunken wrath - all 300 lbs of him - was a lesson in overcoming fear. That is where I learned that being small and vulnerable can have an advantage. He knew, and I knew, that if he ever hit me he was going straight to jail. So he would beat holes in the wall instead. I can see how some might come to this realization of their position and use it nefariously - but for me, I just wanted to be safe and keep others safe. Even for him, I had compassion, because so much of his feelings I could empathize with - he was an artist and would draw eagles chained to the ground, screaming with fury. I used to copy all his beautiful drawings, mesmerized by the desire for freedom, knowing that anger behind it, and I could recognize we’re complicated and flawed and can frighten one another, and still care about one another.

So, whenever I can, I always want to give someone a chance.
I'm sorry you had to experience that--it sounds terrifying.

But it also sounds like you're a wise and caring person, and you've used your past negative experiences to transform them into some insight that can help you to make the world a nicer, kinder place.

So that's definitely a great accomplishment and I'm sure the people you've impacted have been fortunate, and that their lives have been made brighter by your trying to help--even though I agree, there is only so much anyone can do.
 

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I thought about adding most or some but since others are being fast and loose with their generalizations, I thought why not join the fun.


trauma
 

I've been assaulted by both males and females. . . and we could also throw related issues with the medical establishment in there, too. all of which within society has a stigma on virtually every aspect of me. my sexuality (which within the lgbt community has a history of separating themselves from and in turn, isolating people who have experienced sexual trauma, and of course, that it makes one suspect in the rest of society, too... prompting many to believe it's only a symptom of trauma or health conditions.), my values, how I've engaged this conversation, being introverted, etc - and when some know that, often there is little of myself they see as me - they won't even allow me to own my failures or successes... nearly everything becomes associated with it.

but what it does shape is akin to this:

alex kingston - boudica warrior queen (2003) at t=2822

because empathy from others is generally lacking as this thread has already largely shown.

I'm sorry that has happened to you.

I don't share my thoughts because I want people to react the same way I do to the threat of sexual assault. If you can cope with it a different way and you don't end up avoiding people...then I think that's great, so long as you are healing.

I appreciate when people call out negative generalizations that I have, but I can't accept that I think things that I do not think. That is invalidating my thoughts and my feelings.

People react to trauma in different ways. Some people react by avoidance. And it's not the healthiest.

But it's not the same thing as believing that "ALL MEN are X" and when someone tells me I believe something I adamantly do not believe, I am going to repeat the truth.

But for sure--definitely it's not necessary or healthy for someone to completely withdraw from the outside world as a reaction to trauma and threat. I'm not saying you should do that. But I'm not doing that because I believe negative generalizations about the other gender and I'm going to argue with that.

I am not being particularly empathetic right now because I feel invalidated and as if people refuse to listen to my words when I describe my feelings and thoughts. Which only I know.

But I do appreciate if I do have negative generalizations for them to be called out--I just don't appreciate repeated invalidation when I clarify that I do not hold such views.

But I am sorry that happened to you and I really do hope that you are able to move on from it and to continue to work towards your quality of life.

And I am sorry that the things I've said have reminded you of negative generalizations about men--I can see how it would, but that was not my intention.

Thank you for alerting me about that as I never intended to communicate such negative ideas about any gender. And I do know I am largely ignorant about a lot of things other people face.

Looking over your comment again--I realize maybe you were just trying to express your feelings and not trying to say all women believe that, so you were not trying to say I believe that. And so I apologize also if I overreacted and took your statement too literally.
 

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I've been raped once. I've been sexually assaulted twice (but was able to fight off the person). One of them almost raped me after I headbutted them--because I wasn't strong enough to get out from under them. I've been exposed to in public three times at least--the first time when I was a child). I've been near-miss harassed in public at least twice.

And I'm not going through the entire laundry list of these incidents right now....there may be more that I haven't bothered to recall.

So yeah--I get it. No one likes to be mistrusted.

I don't like to be mistrusted either.

But if you're going to get pissed at women who see the world as threatening, who consider that there could be someone who is trying to harm them...and if you don't know that person you don't really know what their intentions are...

If you are going to get pissed at that, I hope you never tell anyone to try to keep themselves safe from sexual assault.

All I've ever done is try to learn from the past and avoid making the same mistakes. I'm not a mind reader. I tend to be trusting and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt more than others. This is possibly one reason why I've had so many negative incidences.

Anyway--All I want to say is that if you're going to try to tell people like me not to be suspicious of strangers before you get to know them. Don't try to tell us to avoid sexual assault. You're essentially telling me I should go out there and trust men, and if they rape me oh well...not to big a deal right? Just keep doing the same exact thing but don't offend anyone by mistrusting them as a stranger!

Perhaps I misunderstood your meaning here--but I am really frustrated and irritated by this kind of expectation.
Yeah, this is the sense I am getting. It is why the adversarial angle needs to stop.
 

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Yeah, this is the sense I am getting. It is why the adversarial angle needs to stop.
I agree it would be nice if people could share their thoughts and feelings without other people trying to speak for them (like say that they believe or think or feel something they don't).

But at the same time I think it does help to consider how if a man has been hurt by this generalization about men...that they could connect the dots and assume that behavior like mine is motivated by a belief in men--not that they could be a thread and I don't know yet, but that all men are a threat.

Considering how the idea that men think of women as "meat" lodged itself in my teenage heart, like a shard of ice, and infected my perception of the world and myself for years, I also have to consider that men might be affected by the painful thought as well.

I think this thread has helped open my eyes to that--I am still not certain, but I thought that might be going on. I mean, only the individuals can speak for themselves.

So it is good to know that someone could interpret my behavior that way--especially since it's probably not well known how people deal with trauma (at least it's not known to me). And this type of withdrawal or avoidant behavior might be interpreted as believing that all men are threats, when in reality it's more based in an insecurity in myself--that I am a poor judge of who is threatening and who isn't and that I can't be confident in my ability to keep myself safe because of all the near misses I've had, even after trying to take other precautions.

It's a long journey for anyone who's experienced trauma--men have also experienced trauma and may be reactive or hurt by it in similar and different ways than I have.

But yeah--I think it's better to just listen to people. I am grateful I already learned a lot from this thread though. Even though I'm not really sure about whether or not the idea that men all want sex or men all want to rape feels toxic or painful to men (not all men, but at least some of them). I know it feels toxic to me though--so I am really curious if it has bothered any men as much as it's bothered me before.
 

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I could've been raped once. When I was in 8th grade I overheard some 9th grade boys contemplating raping me once, but the consensus ended up being "No, we'll get in trouble." Yes I'm a dude, and no I'm not gay. At least it never happened though.
 

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I agree it would be nice if people could share their thoughts and feelings without other people trying to speak for them (like say that they believe or think or feel something they don't).

But at the same time I think it does help to consider how if a man has been hurt by this generalization about men...that they could connect the dots and assume that behavior like mine is motivated by a belief in men--not that they could be a thread and I don't know yet, but that all men are a threat.

Considering how the idea that men think of women as "meat" lodged itself in my teenage heart, like a shard of ice, and infected my perception of the world and myself for years, I also have to consider that men might be affected by the painful thought as well.

I think this thread has helped open my eyes to that--I am still not certain, but I thought that might be going on. I mean, only the individuals can speak for themselves.

So it is good to know that someone could interpret my behavior that way--especially since it's probably not well known how people deal with trauma (at least it's not known to me). And this type of withdrawal or avoidant behavior might be interpreted as believing that all men are threats, when in reality it's more based in an insecurity in myself--that I am a poor judge of who is threatening and who isn't and that I can't be confident in my ability to keep myself safe because of all the near misses I've had, even after trying to take other precautions.

It's a long journey for anyone who's experienced trauma--men have also experienced trauma and may be reactive or hurt by it in similar and different ways than I have.

But yeah--I think it's better to just listen to people. I am grateful I already learned a lot from this thread though. Even though I'm not really sure about whether or not the idea that men all want sex or men all want to rape feels toxic or painful to men (not all men, but at least some of them). I know it feels toxic to me though--so I am really curious if it has bothered any men as much as it's bothered me before.
I would think we’d all be on the same side, here.

That a woman would be more worried about the safety of the other women in a room rather than a man’s feelings doesn’t show how “much worse” men have it in terms of prejudice, but how prevalent experiences of abuse are - at both men and women’s expense.
 

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I could've been raped once. When I was in 8th grade I overheard some 9th grade boys contemplating raping me once, but the consensus ended up being "No, we'll get in trouble." Yes I'm a dude, and no I'm not gay. At least it never happened though.
That's horrible! I'm glad it didn't happen.

I think it's so sad when people use sex as violence. Hopefully they all thought long and realized never to do that.

Sometimes I think of Steig Larsson who wrote The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, because he witnessed a gang rape and didn't do anything about it. And it haunted him for his whole life (probably, at least seems like it did). I think he was just a teen--but he was one of the boys in the group that raped the girl.
 

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I could've been raped once. When I was in 8th grade I overheard some 9th grade boys contemplating raping me once, but the consensus ended up being "No, we'll get in trouble." Yes I'm a dude, and no I'm not gay. At least it never happened though.
That’s upsetting. How did you handle that? Totally understand if you don’t want to answer, but not very many guys admit to this kind of stuff so the dialogue gets too one-sided, it seems.
 

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Sometimes I think of Steig Larsson who wrote The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, because he witnessed a gang rape and didn't do anything about it. And it haunted him for his whole life (probably, at least seems like it did). I think he was just a teen--but he was one of the boys in the group that raped the girl.
Its true that being a perpetrator or witnessing things without doing anything can scar someone big time as well. Arguably the worst thing I ever did was when I was about 5. I peed on a baby in a stroller. I still feel really bad about it. People kinda exonerate me because I was 5, but somehow I don't completely exonerate myself.
 
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Its true that being a perpetrator or witnessing things without doing anything can scar someone big time as well. Arguably the worst thing I ever did was when I was about 5. I peed on a baby in a stroller. I still feel really bad about it. People kinda exonerate me because I was 5, but somehow I don't completely exonerate myself.
Absolutely. The kids who said that were teens--hopefully they got it figured out, but teens do make really bad decisions sometimes and it can leave scars that last for life.

I once accidentally killed a baby bird while trying to keep it safe--you can't ever get rid of the pain, but you can try to do better in the future.

I also wanted to mention that Khaled Hosseini's The Kite Runner features a story of sex abuse by boys from boys. It's not something that's talked about as much. I'm not sure how helpful it might be to read.

I really liked A Thousand Splendid Suns though, which he wrote about domestic violence against women.
 

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That’s upsetting. How did you handle that? Totally understand if you don’t want to answer, but not very many guys admit to this kind of stuff so the dialogue gets too one-sided, it seems.
I didn't "handle" it. I was just a "weird" loner, and no one would have confronted them for me, and I didn't want to confront them because I didn't want them to change their mind. Also, if I spoke up I'd probably just be laughed at because I was a guy, or maybe other boys would've got the same idea to do that to me.
 

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I didn't "handle" it. I was just a "weird" loner, and no one would have confronted them for me, and I didn't want to confront them because I didn't want them to change their mind. Also, if I spoke up I'd probably just be laughed at because I was a guy, or maybe other boys would've got the same idea to do that to me.
Sounds like you didn’t have anyone you could trust and felt pretty trapped in doing anything about it. That’s such a huge problem. It boggles me how, if we can say this is bad, and so many people have had something like this happen, why is it still so hard to find support?
 

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I didn't "handle" it. I was just a "weird" loner, and no one would have confronted them for me, and I didn't want to confront them because I didn't want them to change their mind. Also, if I spoke up I'd probably just be laughed at because I was a guy, or maybe other boys would've got the same idea to do that to me.
I had a hard time in school, dealing with sexual harassment too. But I think what you describe is way scarier.

I tried to ignore people in school and it's hard to say if it really worked--all I can say is I was happier to be able to carry pepperspray as an adult.
 

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I had a hard time in school, dealing with sexual harassment too. But I think what you describe is way scarier.

I tried to ignore people in school and it's hard to say if it really worked--all I can say is I was happier to be able to carry pepperspray as an adult.

I didn't have anything like that happen to me--the only thing your experience reminded me of was when I was a teen and I got a ride home from a couple acquaintances of acquaintances--so people I really did not know very well. It was from a concert. I'll share it b/c why not just share experiences.

TRIGGER WARNING:

I'm not trying to compare--just say I know the idea of gang rape is really scary and it's so difficult to know what to do when someone's suggesting something like that.

While they were driving, one of them started to asking me about rape--how I knew they wouldn't just drive down a dark road and rape me, and why I accepted a ride. That he could just drive down some dark road and dump me out there. It was uncomfortable. I got a distinct "uh-oh" feeling from it--like it was beyond just making polite conversation--both of them were snickering.

I told the driver I had pepper spray and he said that if I sprayed him while he was driving, that it could kill all of us if he crashed the car.

I looked him in the eye and told him it'd be worth it because it would kill a couple rapists, and I'd still spray them even if I ended up dying too. That I would rather all of us just die. This seemed to make him uncomfortable--and I fingered my pepperspray in my hand.

Eventually, they must have dropped me off (I can't remember that part). I was really shaken from that. I didn't understand what happened, but it felt like I'd had a really close call with something I didn't want to understand.

I don't think there's any one single effective way of diffusing this type of situation--similar to what happened with the boys who talked about you. It's scary because you don't really know what to do and one solution doesn't fit all situations.

Maybe they were just casually talking about raping me (while getting a ride home with them) while I got a ride home with them, but I felt threatened by it. I'm glad that they didn't do anything more--I think having pepperspray really helped clarify my point.
Yeah, even if those guys that said that to you were just joking around, it was still extremely insensitive considering you were all by your lonesome with them. What were you to think?

After hearing those boys when I was in 8th grade, it was always in the back of my mind for years that boys could rape me. I was often sexually harassed by boys. I was strangely a male target for that for a few reasons. But I feel like I'm not a target any more, nor have been for a long time.
 

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Yeah, even if those guys that said that to you were just joking around, it was still extremely insensitive considering you were all by your lonesome with them. What were you to think?

After hearing those boys when I was in 8th grade, it was always in the back of my mind for years that boys could rape me. I was often sexually harassed by boys. I was strangely a male target for that for a few reasons. But I feel like I'm not a target any more, nor have been for a long time.
As I have gotten older, incidents have become fewer and far between. For me, a lot of that may have to do with establishing stable and healthy social connections as I’ve gained independence, confidence, and experience - leaving behind relationships with abusive people who brought toxic situations into my life and strengthening bonds with those that have proven to be trustworthy and kind.

I think the last time I was threatened with sexual assault was about ten years ago (in my mid twenties), thankfully. I feel pretty grateful for that.
 

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Not even going to touch the curfew topic, as it's ludicrous that sheep continue to learn nothing from history. The media has propagated so much gender/racial/sexual identity division and now there's politically mandated isolation policies further breaking up our brilliantly orchestrated fractured multi-partisan western psyche, but everybody's too caught up in their groupthink division of "us vs them" to even recognize the implications.
Panem et circenses has become synonymous with divide et impera.

BECAUSE. IT'S. WEIRD.

You're asking me to enter the headspace: Of a rapist.

You know how awful an imposition that is?
If a majority of women find the idea entertaining - what, I've got to snip...

I will however reply to this, as it inspires one of my trademark multi-faceted nerdy rambles that people are always SOOOOO fond of! (I will acknowledge no response that does not come from Six, somebody with a degree relevant to pertinent subjects, or an IQ over 130--skip straight to scapegoating, censoring and banning; I will not humor trolling, harrassment or invalidation from those unequipped to even comprehend what they are contesting)

cough
Anyway!
Couple thoughts come immediately to mind.
First, in my early twenties a girl had me tie her up, and I was revolted at it. As you said, the concept of emulating rapist psychology disgusted me, and likewise, it perverted my personal ideals of relationship dynamics. For reference, in socioncs LIE is categorized as having a "victim" romance style
I personally vie for equilibrium in relationships, and I prefer sex to be dynamic--if I'm always the dominant party, it's boring, and I am not psychologically capable of always being submissive. As part of this psychology, somebody who wants to be disgraced and demeaned, or wants to disgrace or demean me, is fucking up my ideals of a mutual syzygy that vacilates close to the balance point. I'm typically described as "aggressive," but there is a world of difference to my mind between agressive and abusive.

That said, most of the women I've known have had "dom/sub" preferences and wanted a clear UNequal dynamic and seem to crave an abusive dynamic. An example being the OP topic in just how many women have given explanations for why they like to be choked, and the adjectives of "dominant," "masculine," etc. are featured praisingly more often than erotic terms of physical pleasure.
None of them mention they enjoy oral sex because a man is so dominating and masculine while squeezed between her thighs.


Now to look at it from a less civilized perspective:
As an adolescent, my friend's sister was fond of teasing me sexually. Being a hormonally charged teenager with all kinds of issues, I tended to get very rough with her, enough so that I later deeply regretted it. While I would never resort to rape, the behaviour could be deemed "rapey."
Later still, I realized that if this was in the least bit unwanted, the behaviour that provoked it would have desisted. She continued flashing me and shaking her ass at me because she wanted the same aggressive reaction.

Now the word "rapey" inspires me to take a social perspective:
Watch old bond movies. Older women still regard Sean Connery as a sex symbol. Despite the feminist stereotype of James Bond being a male fantasy (certainly not to this male!) I've actually known more women attracted to that male image than men. This is a character who was not just rough with women in general, but outright raped female villains. Sometimes converting them in the process! (WTFMUCH?!)
Likewise, Harrison Ford. See Blade Runner. It's strange that most men I know see this as rape (something they'd have to be able to identify, as the line between pleasing a woman and getting raped in prison is as thin as whether or not she's had anything to drink before inviting you in), while many women (though perhaps not younger generations; can't attest to this) find it extremely sexy. Like, stop the movie and take me now sexy.

And while I'm on cinema as art imitating lust, in jidaigeki a man seducing a woman is always, invariably portrayed, whether it is consensual, forced, paid, or ambiguous, and no matter the age and class of either participant, as him grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving her roughly to the ground. Admittedly, my studies in sex psychology never delved into when kissing was introduced to Japan, but cinematic depictions of old times always treat of sex the same way.


Now to look at it from a bestial perspective:


Incidentally, my sister owns ducks. All male, so it's mostly a trio of enneagram 8s where two of them shun one of them until that one kicks one of their asses a couple weeks later, and then that one gets shunned.
But for the sex topic, she has chickens. And as of recently, roosters.
I house-sat for her over the weekend, and despite the stories about chicken rape, I was shocked at just how brutal they can be.
Rooster jumps on a chickens back, full weight on a creature half his size, clamps down on the back of her neck and forces her flat into the dirt.
I threw down my book and exclaimed, "Jesus, Bruster, you're worse than me!" and chased him off. (hmm... most women like to be bitten, so maybe if I'm ever stupid enough to let a female into my life again I should try jumping on her spine? o_O)
I then spent the next four hours literally cock blocking to protect the chicks from the fowl rapist. Some of them have large bald patches this is such a regual occurrence.

Also, I remember an animal documentary years back about some kind of animal, deer, elk, antelope, whatever, where it's common for the female to find some low area to hide that a male's antler's won't allow passage. Evidently she'll hide while the bucks fight over who gets to rape her, loser slinks off, winner waits around until she gets hungry enough to come out and just say, "yeah, whatever, just get it over with already, eyeroll."


Now, to address the natural assumptions all this is gendered (a popular social assumption I should probably let stand as it's the only thing that would save this post from censorship), all we need do is look to gender neutral social structures to see these instinctual traits are atavistically present, but not gender specific.
In prisons, rape is common, certain people establish harems, certain people become "bitches," and the hierarchy is extremely similar to the "pecking order" found in poultry.
Think I'm just talking about male prisons? waggles finger
Female prisons demonstrate the exact same social trends of sexual exploitation despite the dearth of penises.
Curious, isn't it, that outside criminal society, sororites, a haven for priveleged females, sexual assault and predation are more common than in military hazing rites?

And I won't even bother adding classic amazon tropes of "toxic masculinity" in idealized female cultures, as talking about Callisto and Gabrielle would destroy any credibility. :D (yeah yeah, I'm still a man, after all--so why was the show so popular to the lesbian community? Could it be that sexuality, and even sexual dysfunction, is common to---everybody?!)

And to finish with a personal judgement, since that was deliberately a loose collection of examples for others to cobble together to form their own insight into patterns across myriad stratums, I personally think that the biggest problem with humans is that we are, after all, just animals, but also that the difference between being a human being or an animal boils down to choice.
 
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Not even going to touch the curfew topic, as it's ludicrous that sheep continue to learn nothing from history. The media has propagated so much gender/racial/sexual identity division and now there's politically mandated isolation policies further breaking up our brilliantly orchestrated fractured multi-partisan western psyche, but everybody's too caught up in their groupthink division of "us vs them" to even recognize the implications.
Panem et circenses has become synonymous with divide et impera.




I will however reply to this, as it inspires one of my trademark multi-faceted nerdy rambles that people are always SOOOOO fond of! (I will acknowledge no response that does not come from Six, somebody with a degree relevant to pertinent subjects, or an IQ over 130--skip straight to scapegoating, censoring and banning; I will not humor trolling, harrassment or invalidation from those unequipped to even comprehend what they are contesting)

cough
Anyway!
Couple thoughts come immediately to mind.
First, in my early twenties a girl had me tie her up, and I was revolted at it. As you said, the concept of emulating rapist psychology disgusted me, and likewise, it perverted my personal ideals of relationship dynamics. For reference, in socioncs LIE is categorized as having a "victim" romance style
I personally vie for equilibrium in relationships, and I prefer sex to be dynamic--if I'm always the dominant party, it's boring, and I am not psychologically capable of always being submissive. As part of this psychology, somebody who wants to be disgraced and demeaned, or wants to disgrace or demean me, is fucking up my ideals of a mutual syzygy that vacilates close to the balance point. I'm typically described as "aggressive," but there is a world of difference to my mind between agressive and abusive.

That said, most of the women I've known have had "dom/sub" preferences and wanted a clear UNequal dynamic and seem to crave an abusive dynamic. An example being the OP topic in just how many women have given explanations for why they like to be choked, and the adjectives of "dominant," "masculine," etc. are featured praisingly more often than erotic terms of physical pleasure.
None of them mention they enjoy oral sex because a man is so dominating and masculine while squeezed between her thighs.


Now to look at it from a less civilized perspective:
As an adolescent, my friend's sister was fond of teasing me sexually. Being a hormonally charged teenager with all kinds of issues, I tended to get very rough with her, enough so that I later deeply regretted it. While I would never resort to rape, the behaviour could be deemed "rapey."
Later still, I realized that if this was in the least bit unwanted, the behaviour that provoked it would have desisted. She continued flashing me and shaking her ass at me because she wanted the same aggressive reaction.

Now the word "rapey" inspires me to take a social perspective:
Watch old bond movies. Older women still regard Sean Connery as a sex symbol. Despite the feminist stereotype of James Bond being a male fantasy (certainly not to this male!) I've actually known more women attracted to that male image than men. This is a character who was not just rough with women in general, but outright raped female villains. Sometimes converting them in the process! (WTFMUCH?!)
Likewise, Harrison Ford. See Blade Runner. It's strange that most men I know see this as rape (something they'd have to be able to identify, as the line between pleasing a woman and getting raped in prison is as thin as whether or not she's had anything to drink before inviting you in), while many women (though perhaps not younger generations; can't attest to this) find it extremely sexy. Like, stop the movie and take me now sexy.

And while I'm on cinema as art imitating lust, in jidaigeki a man seducing a woman is always, invariably portrayed, whether it is consensual, forced, paid, or ambiguous, and no matter the age and class of either participant, as him grabbing her by the shoulders and shoving her roughly to the ground. Admittedly, my studies in sex psychology never delved into when kissing was introduced to Japan, but cinematic depictions of old times always treat of sex the same way.


Now to look at it from a bestial perspective:


Incidentally, my sister owns ducks. All male, so it's mostly a trio of enneagram 8s where two of them shun one of them until that one kicks one of their asses a couple weeks later, and then that one gets shunned.
But for the sex topic, she has chickens. And as of recently, roosters.
I house-sat for her over the weekend, and despite the stories about chicken rape, I was shocked at just how brutal they can be.
Rooster jumps on a chickens back, full weight on a creature half his size, clamps down on the back of her neck and forces her flat into the dirt.
I threw down my book and exclaimed, "Jesus, Bruster, you're worse than me!" and chased him off. (hmm... most women like to be bitten, so maybe if I'm ever stupid enough to let a female into my life again I should try jumping on her spine? o_O)
I then spent the next four hours literally cock blocking to protect the chicks from the fowl rapist. Some of them have large bald patches this is such a regual occurrence.

Also, I remember an animal documentary years back about some kind of animal, deer, elk, antelope, whatever, where it's common for the female to find some low area to hide that a male's antler's won't allow passage. Evidently she'll hide while the bucks fight over who gets to rape her, loser slinks off, winner waits around until she gets hungry enough to come out and just say, "yeah, whatever, just get it over with already, eyeroll."


Now, to address the natural assumptions all this is gendered (a popular social assumption I should probably let stand as it's the only thing that would save this post from censorship), all we need do is look to gender neutral social structures to see these instinctual traits are atavistically present, but not gender specific.
In prisons, rape is common, certain people establish harems, certain people become "bitches," and the hierarchy is extremely similar to the "pecking order" found in poultry.
Think I'm just talking about male prisons? waggles finger
Female prisons demonstrate the exact same social trends of sexual exploitation despite the dearth of penises.
Curious, isn't it, that outside criminal society, sororites, a haven for priveleged females, sexual assault and predation are more common than in military hazing rites?

And I won't even bother adding classic amazon tropes of "toxic masculinity" in idealized female cultures, as talking about Callisto and Gabrielle would destroy any credibility. :D (yeah yeah, I'm still a man, after all--so why was the show so popular to the lesbian community? Could it be that sexuality, and even sexual dysfunction, is common to---everybody?!)

And to finish with a personal judgement, since that was deliberately a loose collection of examples for others to cobble together to form their own insight into patterns across myriad stratums, I personally think that the biggest problem with humans is that we are, after all, just animals, but also that the difference between being a human being or an animal boils down to choice.
The examples are fine but it's not the consistent themes I struggled with - it's empathising with a rapist. Inhabiting that mindset - and what's more - inhabiting the mindset of someone who wishes to be raped.

Now as it happens I've found a word which does allow me to understand which I'm going to keep secret because sometimes secrets are valuable.

But the implications of it are still unavoidable - it's still a sad state of affairs that the balance of things is so out of whack that this is such a prevalent fantasy.

But surf the kali yuga.
 

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The examples are fine but it's not the consistent themes I struggled with - it's empathising with a rapist. Inhabiting that mindset - and what's more - inhabiting the mindset of someone who wishes to be raped.

Jordan Peterson would say that you (and I) are "beta males" who have been socialized into being "nice guys" by envious resentful females who are insecure about their own femininity.
Suffice it to say, while the guy can be insightful with social and psychological trends, whenever he discusses gender roles it's clear why the lovely angelcat/Charity types him ESTJ.
It's especially funny when most "beta males" I've known could kick his ass with both legs tied behind somebody else's back. :D

But some of his shit has merit, and on a related note, he discusses (as adopted from Jung and Nietzsche) the importance of "integrating the shadow." Namely, as illustrated in my previous post, the drive toward sexual outlet is an instinctual biological impulse. Even animals that are more socially focused than **** sapiens have no mores restricting sexuality (mounting and humping are important aspects of bonding in rabbits, for example).
While I likewise cannot generally empathize with rapist psychology, I technically can, because I've written a rape scene, and I go full immersion/empathy when in my characters. I think this goes hand in hand with the fact that most, normal people cannot empathize with murdering random people, and yet it's a common distraction for "blowing off steam" in open world games.

"The virtuous man contents himself with dreaming that which the wicked man does in actual life." - Sigmund Freud

This feels like very morally reprehensible advice, because it's sometimes people who unrepress drives wind up indulging them, but I've also found that is healthier at an earlier age than them, like Fenrir, breaking free spontaneously late in life...
But I agree with Peterson on "integrating the shadow" and finding the darkest parts of oneself, learning what one is capable of, even if it's shocking and horrifying.

I had an INTP friend who made a point of exposing herself to books/movies that made her uncomfortable, because she said it contributed to growth, expanding her mind and better understanding herself.
I wholeheartedly support this.
Try reading Marquis de Sade or 50 Shades of Grey or whatever else common filth desperate housewives get off to, and try to empathize. Try to force yourself to understand the psychology that is "all too human" and question why you are averse to it. Don't just be content to be repulsed by something, but scrutinize what specific aspects of it compel those feelings of aversion.
It can be a very difficult, but very beneficial learning experience that really expands the mind and understanding of both other people and yourself.

An Edmund Dantess who finds his inner Count of Monte Cristo young can avoid the chateau d'if altogether.
 

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Rape fantasy is no closer to actual rape than play fighting is to actual fighting. In both cases, some people just need to learn how to play.
 
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