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QUEEN PEEN
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I know what you're all thinking... no, I'm not talking about genital hygiene, lol. We can save that for another thread. I've noticed that a lot of people's complaints about past relationships were that the relationships got boring. I understand that the infatuation phase fizzles out over time, but damn, what the hell ever happened to dedication? In my opinion, dedication is love, infatuation isn't. They're two completely different concepts. That's not to say that one should stay with an abusive partner or some shit like that. Obviously, there are some exceptions, lol. I suppose I have a few different questions to pose to you guys :)

1. What's the point in pursuing a relationship if you know you're only going to "get bored" eventually and break it off?
I mean, I know that one never intends to break it off upon entering the relationship, but if you're aware of the fact that your attention can't be kept, why be selfish and pursue it in the first place? I don't understand, lol.

2. For those who have been with their SO for a while, what have you done to keep it fresh and spice it up?
I have this feeling in my gut that changing up the sex life will be the main suggestion. My thing is that there are important things in a partnership other than sex. Is there really nothing else you can do? Can nobody get creative outside of the bedroom? I'm not saying that getting creative in the bedroom is a bad thing, but seriously, is that the best solution people have got?

Let's hear those opinions ;)
 

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I know what you're all thinking... no, I'm not talking about genital hygiene, lol. We can save that for another thread. I've noticed that a lot of people's complaints about past relationships were that the relationships got boring. I understand that the infatuation phase fizzles out over time, but damn, what the hell ever happened to dedication? In my opinion, dedication is love, infatuation isn't. They're two completely different concepts. I suppose I have a few different questions to pose to you guys :)

1. What's the point in pursuing a relationship if you know you're only going to "get bored" eventually and break it off?
I mean, I know that one never intends to break it off upon entering the relationship, but if you're aware of the fact that your attention can't be kept, why be selfish and pursue it in the first place? I don't understand, lol.

2. For those who have been with their SO for a while, what have you done to keep it fresh and spice it up?
I have this feeling in my gut that changing up the sex life will be the main suggestion. My thing is that there are important things in a partnership other than sex. Is there really nothing else you can do? Can nobody get creative outside of the bedroom? I'm not saying that getting creative in the bedroom is a bad thing, but seriously, is that the best solution people have got?

Let's hear those opinions ;)
i agree with you pretty much, i tend to have staying power, a will to make things work and to work at it, because love is something to be worked at...lust is instant, love is wanting to stay and be with that person even after those lustful and loving feelings have died down.

But i can maybe say why others may think about the questions.

1.Wishful thinking, even thou someone thinks "it will never last" there is a small thing in the back of their mind, wishing, hoping to find the person they will feel in love with for ever. they haven't seen it, so they appear cynical, but they still have hope in finding it.

2.We change what we do every so often, if you get into a too comfortable of a habit, it begins to get boring and very mundane. change activities, always trying to find new things to do together. just small changes make things different and make them seem better than just the same old same old
 
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Many ENFP's that I've conversed with told me they have a problem of "solving individuals" and not being interested in them for much longer. Or starting a relationship with someone but not having that new thing to discover. I guess its tough to find, but there's always that want for more discovery in someone you're truly interested in.

Perk-up INTJ's. We're the hardest type to open, which is highly attractive once you perk an ENFP's interest. Little do they know we're the hardest to understand, even on the superficial level.

I generally found that I keep Ne-users interested forever. I'm slow to open up, slower to pull everything out of, and always there to invent and expand on theories and ideas that lead to new experiences and endeavors.

I think depending on who you're with, it just takes some balance in continuously intriguing that individual on both a mental, empirical, and experience-driven level. If its not present in the beginning, then it may never be. If its present for a short while, and starts to flicker away, then there was wasn't a solid enough foundation to develop a long-standing intrigue between the 2 individuals.

I laughed at the sexual creativity being the only immediate form. That would most definitely bore the majority of people seeking long-standing innovation within a relationship. There are plenty of Ni-users out there willing to expand on and work on enticing their lovebirds with more than carnal creativity. Hehe. I truly abhor using functions to explain cohesive relationship connection, but a Ne-user that perpetually seeks new ideas and has one of the most creative mindsets most certainly seeks something "new" on a consistent basis, as they should. But it is most certainly the most difficult type of thirst to satisfy, unless their partner also matches their creativity on a toned-down and introspective basis (Ni).

All in all, Ne-users are the only ones that ever understood and appreciated me. And it makes sense with my consistent elaboration on their wacky thoughts, ideations, intellectual pursuits, and mannerisms. Usually it turns into personal, physical, and experience-driven conclusions. Which is great, since their is nothing more satisfying then perhaps turning our crazy intuitive conversations and thought processes into meaningful and memorable enterprises.
 

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The reason you pursue any romantic relationship is to learn about the other person and to evaluate how compatible you are. You begin the relationship with the thought that this one is different, not he/she is definitely the same as my other ex's. Getting bored is one of the outcomes and if that is one of your hot button issues then that becomes a problem big enough to break up over.

Its just as likely that you will come to find a person who is constant growing/trying new things and who thinks so differently that your almost never bored. There are some people out there that are so unconventional and bizarre that you end up more exhausted from keeping up with changes than being bored.

The only problem I see with this is if a person brings that mentality at the start of the relationship. Its similar to expecting every relationship to end in a break-up, while it may be true the person ends up sabotaging themselves and make it a self-fulling prophecy if this thought is constantly clouding their mind. I'd say it becomes an issue of ethics if the individual already knows the other well enough to know that they'll definitely break up later because of a specific.

Personally never been in a really long relationship but I can think of somethings. The first is to do/ try things that are outside your comfort levels that your both interested in. The other is to change it up every so often and do things for the other just because you want to, you know just following your gut instinct. And of course you can make the boy happy with some kinky new underwear, role playing and jumping his bones when he least expects it.
 
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I try and maintain a part of myself which I keep to myself. For example, whilst I like to be out, I can't handle having anyone, even an SO who can't entertain themselves for a bit (not a euphemism). Maintaining and pursuing individual interests means you always have something to share, because you're active in different fields. I get bored with people when their mind ceases to be beautiful, that manifests in various ways and I don't think I could do it justice in words.
 

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MOTM June 2012
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Sexually, exploring new things, pushing boundaries, ect. is the number one way to go about it if you ask me. However, that isn't everything. There's intellectual, and emotional depths to explore as well. Things change, circumstances change, people change. Shit happens. But as you and your partner grow, you can become stronger weathering the changes together.

Basically, you have to allways keep them on their toes, keep seducing them like when you first started gettign to know one another. Don't take them for granted, because the minute you do is when things start to get boring and routine. And that is the beginning of the end for the relationship.
 

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#1. I don't know. If I take that part of your post litterally then it makes no sense if someone already knows that the relationships will be boring. On the other side, regarding "just becoming boring" I believe most people refuse to accept that we live and ordinary life (no superpowers, etc, we are just humans) so it is unfair to pretend that the other person becomes the master entertainer.

About the last part of your text on #1 I believe it is a challenge, some minds can't keep their attention high for too much time so they have to switch on and off. I can't have "regular" love partners because I get bored easily and I can't stand constant contact with almost anyone, I need my silence, solitude, etc. It is well described on the intjs pages about us. But I had great love partners and I never felt bored with them, I guess it is not only about relationships but being honest, real and choosing carefully.


#2. Been on long term and it was somehow natural, but the routine is dangerous when you are already sleeping together, eating together, etc. I tried giving space (as well as asking for it) because we both were able of charging ourselves with new ideas, we kept growing apart and together (just not too far away from each other).


Don't know if I can explain this correctly but I believe many of the problems regarding "boring" relationships are about being just too close, constantly, you know, when people stop being an individual and only exist as if the relationship (two) was the replacement of one... it is not natural, it is not healthy. I mean, I fell in love with my love partners when they were APART (I mean individuals) not part of me, so why should anyone ask for things to change? that's how I understood the problem so far. My two cents.
 

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You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness...like resignation to the end, always the end...


1/ You do it because of the *hope* that this time will be different. Without hope, you wouldn't bother.

2/ Do silly shit (pillow-fights). Be romantic (watch the sun set/rise - preferably after sex). Charge up the sex-life - you bet, mix it up and try different stuff occasionally.

Don't let anyone try to shit you, sex is really important to any relationship. If it wasn't important, then there would be no problems with getting sex OUTSIDE of the relationship. This is why I absolutely do not accept sexless relationships - it's easier to simply be friends with that type and find someone else to have a proper relationship with.

It therefore becomes important for both parties to maintain a genuine desire for each other. Example: When a woman cannot keep her hands off me, when she grabs me for the wild-animal sex she craves, etc - that is genuine desire. Once that goes, the relationship is dead or dying. Might as well cleanly end things and go looking for another relationship then.
 

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1. What's the point in pursuing a relationship if you know you're only going to "get bored" eventually and break it off?
I mean, I know that one never intends to break it off upon entering the relationship, but if you're aware of the fact that your attention can't be kept, why be selfish and pursue it in the first place? I don't understand, lol.

2. For those who have been with their SO for a while, what have you done to keep it fresh and spice it up?
I have this feeling in my gut that changing up the sex life will be the main suggestion. My thing is that there are important things in a partnership other than sex. Is there really nothing else you can do? Can nobody get creative outside of the bedroom? I'm not saying that getting creative in the bedroom is a bad thing, but seriously, is that the best solution people have got?

Let's hear those opinions ;)
1. I'd say most people pursue relationships for selfish reasons - what can this person do for me, not what can I bring for them. So then it doesn't matter to most people that the relationship is likely to get boring down the road without some preventative maintenance.

I'd also say that not everyone wants to throw in the towel once they feel they really get that person or even when it becomes more routine.

And I'd also say that it moves from infatuation to love when you're geared more toward thinking of what you can do for them instead of how it benefits you, but there's some people who are more selfishly wired so this may not apply to all.

2. Not applicable. In my last LTR I didn't have the resources to realize things got stale and do something about it.
 

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I've been in some very long term relationships and I can honestly say that I was never bored in them. They ended for other reasons - incompatible values/life goals - but I was always engaged and interested in my partners. "Keeping it fresh" was never an issue.

I think finding a partner, from the beginning, whose humor, thought processes and communication style are compatible is key. (Also, similar-enough interests.) Much of life in a couple IS mundane, but I found that it's just fine when you are with someone who can crack you up when washing the dishes, give a unique analysis of something you watched together on the evening news and seems happy to see you when you walk through the door in the evening.

As far as the physical... I disrespectfully disagree with @Yardiff Bey
Example: When a woman cannot keep her hands off me, when she grabs me for the wild-animal sex she craves, etc - that is genuine desire. Once that goes, the relationship is dead or dying. Might as well cleanly end things and go looking for another relationship then.
Wild animal passion ebbs and flow but you can learn to also enjoy and value physical interactions throughout the years that are tender, funny, sweet, comfortable and/or relaxed. Nuthin' boring about that! :tongue:
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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1. What's the point in pursuing a relationship if you know you're only going to "get bored" eventually and break it off?
I mean, I know that one never intends to break it off upon entering the relationship, but if you're aware of the fact that your attention can't be kept, why be selfish and pursue it in the first place? I don't understand, lol.
Um, I am dating someone and I am already bored of him. But he told me that he would like "4 dates before" I make my final decision about attraction. I have 2 more dates to go, but it's getting hard. I see this going nowhere.

2. For those who have been with their SO for a while, what have you done to keep it fresh and spice it up?
I don't have an SO now. But when I was married for 8 years and we hit a road block, I went to a therapist to learn to "How to always want sex from my husband." The result is what you see before you today, and my freed libido has outlasted the marriage.




Don't let anyone try to shit you, sex is really important to any relationship. If it wasn't important, then there would be no problems with getting sex OUTSIDE of the relationship. This is why I absolutely do not accept sexless relationships - it's easier to simply be friends with that type and find someone else to have a proper relationship with.

It therefore becomes important for both parties to maintain a genuine desire for each other. Example: When a woman cannot keep her hands off me, when she grabs me for the wild-animal sex she craves, etc - that is genuine desire. Once that goes, the relationship is dead or dying. Might as well cleanly end things and go looking for another relationship then.
Whoa. It's almost creepy how close our opposing types think similarly on this. What is your instinct stacking?

I wish every guy I was in a committed relationship with appreciated how much I wanted to do the horizontal mambo every time I saw him breathe. In fact, my INTJ ex was offended because he came over and right away I took his hand and said "let's XXXX". His variant stacking had to be different than yours.

But it's true. We can get sex outside of a relationship easily. I'm a female. All I have to do is walk into any bar and ask "Who wants to fuck me?". And you are NZ. All you have to do is speak into a megaphone and ask same question. Women should pretty much start flinging their panties.

Or is this not what you meant?:unsure:
 

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Um, I am dating someone and I am already bored of him. But he told me that he would like "4 dates before" I make my final decision about attraction. I have 2 more dates to go, but it's getting hard. I see this going nowhere.

I don't have an SO now. But when I was married for 8 years and we hit a road block, I went to a therapist to learn to "How to always want sex from my husband." The result is what you see before you today, and my freed libido has outlasted the marriage.
As I understand it, 10 sexual encounters is about the tipping point where things start getting really good. By that time you've both relaxed enough to really enjoy and have learned enough about each other to start giving some really good pleasure. Not sure if I remember that properly though - read it a long time ago and not sure where.

Sounds like you're definitely in contact with your sexual side. Good! So many girls seem to be locked up and afraid of themselves.

Whoa. It's almost creepy how close our opposing types think similarly on this. What is your instinct stacking?

I wish every guy I was in a committed relationship with appreciated how much I wanted to do the horizontal mambo every time I saw him breathe. In fact, my INTJ ex was offended because he came over and right away I took his hand and said "let's XXXX". His variant stacking had to be different than yours.

But it's true. We can get sex outside of a relationship easily. I'm a female. All I have to do is walk into any bar and ask "Who wants to fuck me?". And you are NZ. All you have to do is speak into a megaphone and ask same question. Women should pretty much start flinging their panties.

Or is this not what you meant?:unsure:
My instinct stacking is SP/SO/SX, though I've only done the single test. My SO/SX could be easily reversed, there was like 1 point difference. Given that this test was done during my phase of being angry and defensive, I'm picking that it is very wrong. I will have to give it another look-see sometime soon - maybe today if I get a chance at lunchtime.

I cannot see how a guy would be offended by a "let's XXXX" from a girlfriend. I mean, sheeeit - isn't that like every guy's wet dream? To get his brains fucked out three-four times a day? I certainly never had a problem when my gf's said anything like that, though maybe I'm different from most guys.

Women definitely have it a lot easier than guys - so long as you're reasonably attractive you could get a different guy every night of the week if you wanted. NZ isn't quite as easy as you imply, though the partner-averages are higher here than the rest of the world: 20.4 lifetime average for women. A guy still has to be fairly attractive and it's not an easy-as-pie fuckfest along the lines of a "who wants to fuck me" through a megaphone. XD No girl wants to come across as that easy.

Clarifying my post: I meant that sex is important within a marriage/relationship. Most people frown upon the concept of "cheating" upon their husband/wife. I knew a guy in passing who divorced his wife because she wasn't interested in sex - it pissed him off. He collected some flak from people about sex not being important in a marriage until he turned around and said to them: "If sex isn't important, then why can't I fuck some random girl that I pick up in a bar, even though I'm married?" He said they couldn't give him an answer to that.

Edit: Maybe it isn't that hard in NZ. I've had 6 girls in the past 6-7 months, without really trying hard. It only just clicked with me that I'm turning into a bad boy... <_<
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Edit: Maybe it isn't that hard in NZ. I've had 6 girls in the past 6-7 months, without really trying hard. It only just clicked with me that I'm turning into a bad boy... <_<
See as a woman, I can't say such things. It won't be considered a "brag", I'd just be considered a slut. Sigh...

Anyway, my NZ megaphone comment was coming from American perspective. I forget you don't have an accent in your own country. Lol. But my daughter and I have deemed the Kiwi accent #1 in the world. We've even perfected it ourselves.
 

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See as a woman, I can't say such things. It won't be considered a "brag", I'd just be considered a slut. Sigh...

Anyway, my NZ megaphone comment was coming from American perspective. I forget you don't have an accent in your own country. Lol. But my daughter and I have deemed the Kiwi accent #1 in the world. We've even perfected it ourselves.
Didn't even click that it could be taken as a brag. My ISTJ dumdum plus low SO score in the thick-wits showing through there.

Well, thankee! Though I have a bit of an American accent - comes from being married to an American for 8 years. And a lot of people like the Aussie accent. :)
 

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I think communication and being willing to change, naturally keep things fresh. If you're committed to your partner's happiness, and they are to yours, new aspects and depth in the relationship will continue to unfold over time.
I think that there's a better word for what people mean when they talk about "communication" in a relationship, and that's accountability. You achieve accountability in large part through communication, but it's more than that. You need to share all of the significant parts of yourself, good and bad, with your partner and keep them updated. It's how trust, real trust, develops over time. If you are not accountable to your partner, then you easily start to feel and act more like roommates than intimates.

Overall, I'm looking for a companion and partner in the gestalt sense - socially, romantically, sexually, financially, recreationally, spiritually. I need the whole package. If something is missing then I won't ultimately be satisfied or fulfilled, at least not the way I want to be. It's not that I demand perfection, but I need my partner to complement those areas of my life just as I want to complement them for her.
 
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