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Met a girl a couple of nights ago at around 930pm, we hit it off and talk until 4 in the morning, when we decide to go to bed. Ever since, it's like she's a completely different person, she never wants to do anything with me, and barely acknowledges my presence. I think it's because I never kissed her and now she thinks I'm a wuss.

Now the reason I didn't kiss her.... we've been talking around 3 hours at this point, and I want to kiss her, so after we wrap up the current conversation, I ask her if I can ask her some questions, and she gets a little nervous and says yes.

So I ask her if she found me attractive, to which she responded yes. Then I asked her if she would kiss me right then (Her being single already came up in conversation beforehand) to which she responded either "we don't know each other all that well yet." or "I don't know you yet." I didn't move my head towards hers, but I responded with "are you sure, I am a good kisser." she still didn't bite however.

After that it was awkward, so I stated as much and we both started to laugh, it was then that I think I should have attempted to kiss her, stopping of course if she didn't want to. But I let the chance slide because of the fear of rejection.

Conversation continues as normal for the next 3 and a half hours, until we get tired, and I say goodbye, and here I believe I passed up another chance to kiss here, I should have hugged and then kissed, but instead I just patted her on the back, which was way too friendly.

I'm about 70% certain that this situation is unsolvable, as she was the kind of girl I was hoping to be the boyfriend of in college, but I'm asking you guys if there is a way to recover this.
 
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Honestly, I don’t agree with asking permission to kiss, that just seems so contrived and artificial that it sucks away any romance out of the moment. If it felt right and I was attracted to the girl, I just went for it. There have been times where a girl has pulled away, or turned her head so that I got the cheek, but they never outright rejected me for the attempt.

I think this is just one of those social situations where it’s taboo to ask for permission, and that you should just go for it. As well as asking if she finds you attractive, a lot of women I’ve talked too find that as insecure and lacking the ability to read social cues. Though there are women that will find that asking permission attractive as well, but they aren’t very common in my experience.
 

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I'm usually pretty smooth about this and can pick up signals pretty well. Last first kiss I had was awesome, but I bombed the move. I was standing around awkwardly, and she told me "i know you want to kiss me". kind of embarrassing but I got the kiss nonetheless.

If I were in your situation, i would've avoided the kiss as well. She never really gave you an indication that she would've reciprocated. Only that she thought you were attractive. Super awkward. sorry, mate.
 

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Reacting coldly to not being kissed is pretty ridiculous, I know you want to rationalize her behavior because you want to like her, but I think she's probably not worth it based on that.

You should never ask to kiss someone though dude.
 

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I only kissed a female on the cheek. I met her family at my college and talked to her for about an hour until she had to leave. As she was getting ready to leave, I gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek. I had known her for over a year, and I only would be open to doing that to women who are very comfortable with me and have known me for a while.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
To all of those saying don't ask, to me it's always one of those things that is almost always answered with a yes. In any case what do you do to preface the interaction, so that it does not interrupt anything or come totally out of left field?

What would you guys have done in my situation, and is it still salvageable?

Also when I go on vacations, it doesn't really matter what I do, I have to actively not try to get laid otherwise I will, why isn't it the same as college which should be like a permanent vacation?
 

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Your faces just sort of start to move closer together...
What if you are both looking the same direction, as we were both laying on the bed the same way.
 

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What if you are both looking the same direction, as we were both laying on the bed the same way.
In that case, if I were you and I really wanted to Id just take it but Im aggressive. If you feel uncomfortable you can always use humor to try and lighten things up or sarcasm to test the waters. You never have to feel intimidated, Id say most people like kisses and affection so you have a 50/50 chance with that stuff. If youre not sure where the other person is you can just try to go slower while not necessarily sacrificing your personal goals.
 

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I'm not sure which country you're from or your culture, but in the US, the general rule is for the guy to make the first move and attempt when he feels ready. I've found generally speaking that unless you try to go for it randomly in the middle of the day while you two are doing something serious or attempting while she's upset, most women will let you if the date was at least acceptable. Also note: Getting turned down ISNT THAT FREAKING BAD. *rolls eyes* Just try again another time. She'll find it endearing.

My current SO turned me down twice before I got her (you shy INFJs, you. Took me 1 month of dating for you peeps). We still laugh about it. Relax and kill this silly notion that getting turned down will ruin your relationship with her or that the sky will fall down. Tried on second date, nope, then tried after third, nope, not yet. Aaaand on fourth? Checkmate.
 

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Met a girl a couple of nights ago at around 930pm, we hit it off and talk until 4 in the morning, when we decide to go to bed. Ever since, it's like she's a completely different person, she never wants to do anything with me, and barely acknowledges my presence. I think it's because I never kissed her and now she thinks I'm a wuss.

Now the reason I didn't kiss her.... we've been talking around 3 hours at this point, and I want to kiss her, so after we wrap up the current conversation, I ask her if I can ask her some questions, and she gets a little nervous and says yes.

So I ask her if she found me attractive, to which she responded yes. Then I asked her if she would kiss me right then (Her being single already came up in conversation beforehand) to which she responded either "we don't know each other all that well yet." or "I don't know you yet." I didn't move my head towards hers, but I responded with "are you sure, I am a good kisser." she still didn't bite however.

After that it was awkward, so I stated as much and we both started to laugh, it was then that I think I should have attempted to kiss her, stopping of course if she didn't want to. But I let the chance slide because of the fear of rejection.

Conversation continues as normal for the next 3 and a half hours, until we get tired, and I say goodbye, and here I believe I passed up another chance to kiss here, I should have hugged and then kissed, but instead I just patted her on the back, which was way too friendly.

I'm about 70% certain that this situation is unsolvable, as she was the kind of girl I was hoping to be the boyfriend of in college, but I'm asking you guys if there is a way to recover this.
First of all, you failed in the beginning by talking to her for hours and hours. Plus you made her feel extremely uncomfortable by putting her under pressure by asking her creepy-ass questions like, "You wanna kiss?". What you should have done was to talk to her for 3~5 minutes, get her number, and move on. By talking to her for hours and hours makes you look like a guy who has no life and is desperate for a girl, which is highly unattractive. You put her on the pedestal as if she were a goddess and makes you a wimp.

As for the kiss, the golden rule of thumb is that you don't talk about the kiss; you let it happen naturally.

There's no way to recover from this. Move on and find a different girl.

Thank me and message me if you want more advice; I'd be glad to help if I have time.
 

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What you should have done was to talk to her for 3~5 minutes, get her number, and move on. By talking to her for hours and hours makes you look like a guy who has no life and is desperate for a girl, which is highly unattractive. You put her on the pedestal as if she were a goddess and makes you a wimp.
I said this on a different thread: girls know what they want from a guy within the first 3-5 min of meeting them (despite what they say, or admit [ex. "we don't know eachother that well"]). its you job to figure out if they "would" or "wouldn't" and act on it. if, like wh1zkey said, you grab there number and move on, they will wait in anticipation for the phone call. if you couldn't tell already, you will know from how they answer the phone (don't txt lol).

and don't fear rejection. the worst they can say is no, which probably hurts a lot more after investing 3 hours!

good luck on you adventures sir!
 

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So I ask her if she found me attractive, to which she responded yes. Then I asked her if she would kiss me right then (Her being single already came up in conversation beforehand) to which she responded either "we don't know each other all that well yet." or "I don't know you yet." I didn't move my head towards hers, but I responded with "are you sure, I am a good kisser." she still didn't bite however.
She told you she did not want you to kiss her, and you had also made your intentions known (that you were interested). You also know that she did find you attractive.

So the awkwardness must be from something else.

Most of the comments in this thread just seem to be speculation on what you did or not do wrong so that now you "lost your chance."

My current SO turned me down twice before I got her (you shy INFJs, you. Took me 1 month of dating for you peeps). We still laugh about it. Relax and kill this silly notion that getting turned down will ruin your relationship with her or that the sky will fall down. Tried on second date, nope, then tried after third, nope, not yet. Aaaand on fourth? Checkmate.
Good advice.

Everyone seems so worried about playing things perfectly and manipulating the other person into a place where they'll do what you want.

Really, some of it's just because, like was said, she "didn't know you well enough yet." I might feel a vibe with someone, but it doesn't mean I want to leap into something right away and find myself in a spot I would later regret. I need time to feel things out.

If you can continue the relationship somehow in a non-pressure situation (where she isn't feeling like you're trying to make a move), then perhaps things can just develop to the point where something can work out. If not, that's just life too. But in life what I've seen is that a lot of it needs to be more "go with the flow" rather than trying to make something happen a certain way.
 

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She told you she did not want you to kiss her, and you had also made your intentions known (that you were interested). You also know that she did find you attractive.

So the awkwardness must be from something else.

Most of the comments in this thread just seem to be speculation on what you did or not do wrong.
sounds like maybe this girl was a bit awkward herself, no?
 

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sounds like maybe this girl was a bit awkward herself, no?
Depending on age and experience, she might just be really unsure and need more time, and it was too much, too fast.

I can't really tell, but this time table of "Oh noes, we met, talked for a few hours, and she wouldn't kiss me and now avoids me" ... well, people avoid things because they don't know how to stay in the situation and protect themselves sufficiently. She did say she found him attractive, so that's not really the issue (unless she just said that because she knew he wanted to hear it and wasn't confident in herself).

So it wouldn't be a shock if it was kind of too much and she's still feeling things out, and
now she's maintaining space to keep from getting sucked into anything she's unsure of. But I don't know her.
 

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good insight. its hard to get a good picture of things on a forum too. sometimes I forget, his side, her side, and the truth.....3 sides to every story :)
 

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Do you remember what you guys talked about ? Do you remember anything she said ? Do you understand what she meant by "do not know you yet" ?

To me, you want to be her bf at college, and yet she finds you sexually attractive. The stumbling block is that you are seeing the sexual element early on in the dating game, whereas she is actually trying to connect with you emotionally first. That is the difference. It does not matter if you wanted to kiss her asap, but she wanted you to connect with her emotionally, and that means by telling her about yourself, what you like, something she can relate to and understand you for herself. Obviously true self perception is key here. Normally, I ask about someone's past, their families, and likes and dislikes. But others may want to talk about their immediate lifestyle, things they enjoy etc. This is what she is trying to do first.

She may think twice about the physical intimacy is because it could be too soon, and you mentioned "bed" ??? What? Can't a kiss happen in a normal date, without the pressurised environment of being in bed together? She might think that if she kissed you, then it will be sex, and hence she pushed away asap. Cos shouldn't it be more normal like, dates, going out to enjoy an activity together. Then see if she is happy and steal a random kiss? The physical intimacies should come later.. when you're both ready.

Sometimes you got to think, how the actual environment and situation look to the other person as well. This can allow you to check whether someone feels comfortable or not.

As for the kissing, I think it is kind of safe to say, it is always okay to steal an innocent kiss if the other person is either smiling to herself at something you said, or smiling at you directly as you guys communicate and interact. It is also okay too if they have a joyful look on their faces too. If you are unsure, maybe hold her hand first to see if she flinches away first etc. Then time the kiss a little later etc... ;)
 

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Kiss is simply a fragment of love.. Put together fragments then you find yourself building some atmosphere... ^^

Don't put your mind into kissing cause kiss is just a simple gesture that 2 persons do when they are bound too..

Thinking about it will not bare fruitful effects.

Kiss her/him when you feel like you need too and when you feel he/she needs it too ^^
 

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To salvage this, maybe it is better to give it a couple of days, and then put together a proper date where she can feel comfortable and just to get to know you too ? Even invite her to your favourite hobby and let her understand and see you for you too ? That is, if you want this to be a proper relationship. Women prefer if you showed them what you are about and your personality as well.

A subtle difference is, women can show outwardly her emotions, but guys show a gesture of his emotions. That is all you need.
 
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