[mangosloth]

I've been dealing recently with a huge lack of motivation - actually, it's not recent but it's only recently that I realized how it's affecting my life and that I should do something. Time flies and I barely achieve anything I want, whether it be studies, working out, working a bit to earn money ; instead I play Hearthstone and see friends...
This year I'm preparing for a librarian exam (early 2019) at home, I basically have no deadline and all of my freetime to study the courses I got by mail. In my best days I usually manage to study 2-3 hours, but I feel like I should be doing a lot more to pass this extremely selective exam. And I don't even remember what I learned ><

To stay motivated, I need external pressure, and to please other people. My ISFJ friend is coaching me, and the fear of disappointing her gives me a lot of strength, but I'd like this willpower to come from within, like my INTJ friends. I admire them so much with their hyper productivity (even though it's also annoying sometimes lol), whenever they want something -> it's done. They're like the queens & kings of free will, limitations don't exist for them !
So, I'd like some advice to develop this in me, to enhance my Te (which is super weak, even for an ENFP). I try to wake up early & exercise to lift my mood but in the end I have insomnia and wake up at 10am and am sluggish the whole day...(do you think I may have depression ?)
I guess I'm not the only ENFP going through something like that (especially ennea 7, escaping duties for fun instead...), so I'd be pleased to hear you on this subject. Thanks !

 

[Kommandant]

I have no good adivse because I am in the same exact boat. Exept i play Overwatch not Hearthstone lol.
A lot of xNxP types seem to struggle with motivation.

You could always seek help from a professional (therapist, psychiatrist etc.). It would probably already help if you discover the cause of your lack of motivation (mental illness or whatever)... because I dont think anyone here on this forum can tell for sure if you have depression or not.
If this helps depends on the person though.

It might also get better over time which is the worst advise ever but it's just reality that working on yourself takes a lot of time and effort. Start with small steps.

Garbage advise but if it was good i would be a motivated person :^) Maybe still helps.

 

[mangosloth]

I have no good adivse because I am in the same exact boat. Exept i play Overwatch not Hearthstone lol.
A lot of xNxP types seem to struggle with motivation.

You could always seek help from a professional (therapist, psychiatrist etc.). It would probably already help if you discover the cause of your lack of motivation (mental illness or whatever)... because I dont think anyone here on this forum can tell for sure if you have depression or not.
If this helps depends on the person though.

It might also get better over time which is the worst advise ever but it's just reality that working on yourself takes a lot of time and effort. Start with small steps.

Garbage advise but if it was good i would be a motivated person :^) Maybe still helps.

Thank you ! :happy:
Yeah I think professional help would be an "external pressure", I'd feel more responsible and have feedback to give other people. Whereas if I only count on myself (and my actions only impact myself), I can't find enough strength. I have no money for a psychologist though, but I should see a doctor and check my blood + hormon levels. I don't know if it's physiological, I eat super healthy (100% plant-based and vitamin supplements), manage to exercise a few times per week, and if I avoid coffee I sleep better (but I love coffee so much :'( ). I noticed when I go out and spend time with friends I'm much more energized and motivated, so I should study efficiently after that, but instead I spend my "me time" on the internet :frustrating:

I wonder if living alone in the woods with no internet connexion wouldn't benefit people like us lol. I remember in prep school my connexion didn't work and I was more productive than ever in my life. Also, when I wrote my research work for my masters degree I deleted my Hearthstone account (but now I have too many cards and an amazing elemental mage ! :O ). I'll try to live like a monk and meditate..

What do you need motivation for ? Do you have a specific goal ? I hope you'll find solutions too !

 

[ULTRAVIOLENCIA]

If you want to develop Te you should force yourself to organize what you need to do (ex: study) and organize it in steps or resolutions that must be achieved in a tangible way. If you have a lot and different material to study, you may want to approach a certain topic before and then another, etc. I know what it's like when you feel lazy or lethargic, and don't feel like doing anything. Try and drink a lot of water (it helps with me) and try some relaxing or focusing music (you find a lot of material on youtube).
Lastly, in order to achieve something, you need to feel very motivated towards it, why don't try to stick pics or quotes around that are motivational to you?

 

[IssaVibe]

I feel you, man. I struggle sometimes to complete tasks especially when I’m not passionate about them but I’ve improved a bit over these past few months. What I found is that as much as I dislike structure…I actually need it. That includes waking up at a certain time, having a morning routine, gym routine, work routine etc. I hated it at first because I felt restricted and I’m all about play, play, play but I had to remind myself that yo, these bills need to be paid, paid, paid lmao.

I had no choice but to change my habits.

What’s helped me develop my Te are things like to-do-lists. They’re extremely helpful because I can break down larger tasks into smaller ones and it gives me a greater sense of accomplishment once I complete them. Decluttering my space helps too. I always find that I’m in a better state of mind when my room is cleaner and my things are organised. Of course, it’s really easy to lose focus when you find shit from ten years ago and you wanna go down memory lane but you have to resist the urge! :laughing:

Also, this reminds of something I read not too long ago and it might be useful (it was for me!):

“Most people only commit to action if they feel a certain level of motivation. And they only feel motivation when they feel an emotional inspiration.

People only become motivated to study for the exam when they’re afraid of the consequences. People only pick up and learn that instrument when they feel inspired by the people they can play for.

And we’ve all slacked off for lack of motivation before. Especially in times where we shouldn’t. We feel lethargic and apathetic towards a certain goal that we’ve set for ourselves because we lack the motivation and we lack the motivation because we don’t feel any overarching emotional desire to accomplish something.

Emotional Inspiration → Motivation → Desirable Action

But there’s a problem with operating under this framework: often the changes and actions we most need in our lives are inspired by negative emotions which simultaneously hinder us from taking action. If someone wants to fix their relationship with their mother, the emotions of the situation (hurt, resentment, avoidance) completely go against the necessary action to fix it (confrontation, honesty, communication). If someone wants to lose weight but experiences massive amounts of shame about their body, then the act of going to the gym is apt to inspire in them the exact emotions that kept them at home on the couch in the first place. Past traumas, negative expectations, and feelings of guilt, shame and fear often motivate us away from the actions necessary to overcome those very traumas, negative expectations, and negative emotions.

Your actions create further emotional reactions and inspirations and move on to motivate your future actions. Taking advantage of this knowledge, we can actually re-orient our mindset in the following way:

Action → Inspiration → Motivation

The conclusion is that if you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, then do something, anything really, and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself.”

To summarise imma quote the great Shia LaBeouf. A H E M

Regarding your mental health, I’m obviously not qualified to diagnose you but I advise that you go see a doc about it. Whether or not you have depression, I think it’s important that you’re kinder to yourself! You’re gonna have days where you seriously don’t have the energy to do anything and that’s okay. Allow yourself to recharge but then continue on afterwards and seek the help that you need. Don’t feel guilty if you just need a time out from life here and there

 

[ENFPathetic]

I had similar problems. Mine were probably a bit worse since I was actually diagnosed with depression. Finding a purpose in life is what helped break free of the shackles of depression. No meds, no therapy. After that, I found myself facing a reality I had ignored for a very long time and it was actually quite unnerving to look at the mountain ahead of me. If not for having a purpose worth struggling for, I would have fallen right back into depression, so it's really important that you have a real reason to get up in the morning. Otherwise you will just do whatever pleases you at any given moment, and that's a quick recipe for self destruction.

Please note that while I have not taken meds or seen a therapist, I am not advising you against it. In fact, I believe that if you can see a professional, do it as soon as you can. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. It's depending on others that is bad for you. Being proactive and seeking the help of a professional therapist when your mind is all over the place is in many ways a lot like seeking help from a locksmith when you need the locks to your house changed etc. In my opinion, not only is it appropriate to seek out this help, I think you owe it to yourself to make it happen asap. I just happened to be lucky enough to have found inspiration when I did. And despite no longer being depressed, I still intend to see a therapist when I can.

With the important issue addressed a little, I would like you to check out Stephen Covey's 7 habits of highly effective people. He breaks down many of the processes some of the INTJs you envy seem to intuitively understand. It's not gimmicky in the least and it has certainly helped me grow increasingly more consistent in my productivity and independence. Anything I can do to help, let me know.

 

[mangosloth]

Thank you all for having taken the time to give me such detailed answers, it's heart warming !


@ULTRAVIOLENCIA yep, small steps is the way to go. When a deadline is too vague and far-off, it's best to create mini deadlines for every day, by dividing the whole work in small tasks to complete. That's what I did for my research work last year, I forced myself to write 3-5 pages/day, and eventually I finished the whole essay. This time it's a little harder because there are plenty of different things to learn/do and it's hard to evaluate how many hours I should dedicate to each, but I made a little schedule (for instance : monday morning -> learn definitions and complete my lexicon, afternoon -> review the methodology of the exam papers, etc.)
I always drink a lot of water, but yeah I totally forgot that music could be my best ally now ! Whether it be to get energized when I wake up (italo-disco does the job !) or chill instrumental music so I don't feel too bored while reading stuff.

@IssaVibe so true about not liking structure but needing it. We can't let our Ne run wild if we don't have any direction and worry about mundane things (growing up with an ISTJ dad made me feel so carefree and secure !)
Yes, it's hard to get new habits ! I've read it takes about 3 weeks to get used to them, so we just have to struggle and hold on for this short period of time until everything flows effortlessly
What you quoted about motivation is extremely relevant and inspirational !

But there’s a problem with operating under this framework: often the changes and actions we most need in our lives are inspired by negative emotions which simultaneously hinder us from taking action.

I definitely lose motivation when I start to feel negative emotions towards my goals and myself. If I set too high standards, and obviously fail, I get guilty and give up. If I focus on not failing and doing things for my own survival (I mean, not spending another year at my parents, far from many of my friends), I'm not inspired to do anything. I do have positive reasons to achieve my goals, and I shouldn't lose sight of them :
- become a librarian because it's in line with my values and I'll meet super interesting people and learn things everyday
- pass the exam at the first attempt so I can work and get my own apartment (in an awesome city) and decorate it with taste !!
- have a salary so I can make gifts to my friends' babies, go out more often, and travel !
- make my loved ones proud of me

And thank you so much for the comforting words ! *virtual hug* it's true that I was a bit low last week, and too busy to achieve anything, while usually I'm slightly more productive. I'll stay positive

@ENFPathetic thanks for sharing your story ! I'm impressed you went through that with no meds nor therapy, you must have become stronger than ever now.
Thing is, being highly idealistic, I do have a purpose in my life (spreading knowledge, inspire people, connecting them together) but it seems too vague and uncertain for now. Like I said to ultraviolencia, I should have a small purpose for each day (that goes in the direction of the greater one of course), so it can get more tangible and I won't lose touch with it. That way, a dream becomes reality. I'll check Stephen Covey ! I need that.

Funny how as ENFPs we're supposed to be "the inspirers" but it seems so hard for us to inspire ourselves, ha.

 

[Katie Tran]

I am in the exact same boat as you so I won't be much help.
I hate college and battling through my last few years and struggling to just pass my classes. I am also fighting depression.
It's this deep hold of dull ache where you have no interest in anything anymore.

If by any miracles I do graduate, I don't even want to bother attending the ceremony. I just want to snatch my degree and leave for good. I hate how university works in my area.

 

[ENFPathetic]

@ENFPathetic thanks for sharing your story ! I'm impressed you went through that with no meds nor therapy, you must have become stronger than ever now.

Not at all. The energy and drive I had as a youth eclipses my current energy levels, but I do feel much much stronger than I have felt in years due to the removal of the weights I was shackled by. The weight of depression is not like running weights. You don't get faster and stronger than you were before putting them. You actually come out weaker. But you have the composure to see that building back up is a simple process.

Thing is, being highly idealistic, I do have a purpose in my life (spreading knowledge, inspire people, connecting them together) but it seems too vague and uncertain for now. Like I said to ultraviolencia, I should have a small purpose for each day (that goes in the direction of the greater one of course), so it can get more tangible and I won't lose touch with it. That way, a dream becomes reality. I'll check Stephen Covey ! I need that.

Yeah, that's the thing I realised while reading that book. The difference between a dream and a goal, is a goal can be just as grand as a dream, but it can't be as vague.

Funny how as ENFPs we're supposed to be "the inspirers" but it seems so hard for us to inspire ourselves, ha.

We certainly are inspirers of the highest order, and from my experience, I've always had a gift for inspiring myself like mad. The problem comes with motivation. Below are my personal definitions for will power and motivation.

Will power = Making a decision, and it's fuelled by inspiration.
Motivation = Giving a damn, and it's fuelled by looking after oneself.

As ENFPs, I believe we have tremendous will power, but lack in the motivation to keep going at things because we have a tendency not to look after ourselves. Think about it. Compared to the people you know, how many more projects than them have you inspired yourself into starting? And every time you found yourself losing motivation, how were your sleeping, eating and exercise habits?

 

[Kommandant]

Thank you ! :happy:
Yeah I think professional help would be an "external pressure", I'd feel more responsible and have feedback to give other people. Whereas if I only count on myself (and my actions only impact myself), I can't find enough strength. I have no money for a psychologist though, but I should see a doctor and check my blood + hormon levels. I don't know if it's physiological, I eat super healthy (100% plant-based and vitamin supplements), manage to exercise a few times per week, and if I avoid coffee I sleep better (but I love coffee so much :'( ). I noticed when I go out and spend time with friends I'm much more energized and motivated, so I should study efficiently after that, but instead I spend my "me time" on the internet :frustrating:

Well with eating healthy you are already way ahead of me
I also think it's quite positive that your friends are able to motivate and energize you. I just get tired and lose my energy when I socialize but well... introvert. When I play with people and talk to them online thats not the case though. It's almost like I need my daily "playing some games"-time... makes me happy :^) maybe so do you!? Some "me time" is always good. But of course if you feel like its a bit of a waste of time and you regret it afterwards its not helping much :/

I wonder if living alone in the woods with no internet connexion wouldn't benefit people like us lol. I remember in prep school my connexion didn't work and I was more productive than ever in my life. Also, when I wrote my research work for my masters degree I deleted my Hearthstone account (but now I have too many cards and an amazing elemental mage ! :O ). I'll try to live like a monk and meditate..

Lmao yes maybe no internet would make us more productive, but I think without it I would just read books instead, which is probably more "productive for the mind" than gaming, but its still far from doing things like going outside, studying what I actually need to study and doing idk productive stuff :^D

Mad respect though for deleting your Hearthstone account when it was necessary, doing that with one of my fav games would break my heart lol ;-;

What do you need motivation for ? Do you have a specific goal ? I hope you'll find solutions too !

Thank you :^) I dont want to erase my gaming time, but maybe reduce it a bit to give space to reading books, visiting museums and activities like that. Maybe find some motivation along the way to not study in the night before a test and getting like 2 hours of sleep because of that... would be healthier I guess :^D

I hope your doctor can help you or you find a solution on your own over time. To me it seems like if you are enough motivated to exercise and to eat healthy you will with a bit of time and effort find some motivation to do more productive things too.

 

[tarmonk]

I've been dealing recently with a huge lack of motivation - actually, it's not recent but it's only recently that I realized how it's affecting my life and that I should do something. Time flies and I barely achieve anything I want, whether it be studies, working out, working a bit to earn money ; instead I play Hearthstone and see friends...
...
To stay motivated, I need external pressure, and to please other people.
...
So, I'd like some advice to develop this in me, to enhance my Te (which is super weak, even for an ENFP).

Hello! Not sure if I can help much but I know those states of mind from my past too

Not even sure how exactly I overcame that in past but it looks to be something which improves with time, even if you don't conciously do anything special for that. This is of course not very good news as it could take even years or decades sometimes before Te gets naturally better with age. Mine started to grow in 30+ and especially remarkably 35+ and upwards. Although I'd say the bigger problem at younger age was weak Si as those problems didn't seem to be related with Te so much.

If I'd lack motivation and focus again, it seems to help for example, to take relaxing walks in the evening or find yourself a hobby or some exiting activities to do which make you feel passionate. Also completing simple small tasks which have a real outcome not too difficult to achieve, could help. It also helps to find something interesting/exciting out of every day not only on weekends or at vacation. As bonus, it can increase your overall interest/motivation in other areas as well! But again, easier to say than to do

Good news is that once you'd somehow overcome this state, ENFP in overall can be very highly self-motivated and passionate about things they are doing - be it a large project at work or any hobbies involved

 

[mangosloth]

@Alassea aww I know that awful feeling of being deprived of any enthusiasm when you most need it. If you can't get enthusiastic and motivated, then let yourself be fueled by your rage and your hatred towards this uni ! Since you hate this place, the sooner you leave the better it is. I feel like it's always extreme situations that manage to push us into accomplishing things, whereas if our daily life is just mediocre/okay, we don't get enough pressure and slowly sink until the situation is unbearable enough to get things going.
Anyway, hold on and graduate, you have my full support !

@ENFPathetic

But you have the composure to see that building back up is a simple process.

Wise words. It's easy to be impatient and forget about this essential part, building back up.

Will power = Making a decision, and it's fuelled by inspiration.
Motivation = Giving a damn, and it's fuelled by looking after oneself.

I like your definitions, they help me to spot where my problem comes from. I certainly don't lack inspiration, nor even will power, but it's really about not giving enough f***s. However my birthday and the overall passing of time always wake me up. I have to keep in mind EVERYDAY that I don't have the time to sit and do nothing, I want to experience the world and build crazy memories, I want to help people, be useful, and be grateful to myself for getting out of this lethargic state. 24 hours is huge and I've got to make the most out of it.
If I lose touch with the present moment, I can get trapped in useless daydreaming and procrastinate etc... I'll make alarms on my phone and other daily reminders like that, maybe it'll help.

To answer your questions, just the last 2 years I started a ton of projects/creations/whatever but rarely achieved them. My habits were inbalanced, I had some good productive days and many down time when I felt guilty for not accomplishing what I wanted.

@Kommandant
Yeah I'm lucky to have my amazing friends they make me want to "deserve" them, to stay at their level (of creativity, knowledge or anything else. A simple example would be cinematic culture : I'm not a movie fan at all -I only have a bunch of favorite filmmakers and classic references -, but I feel the need to watch more so I can keep up in conversations about movies/series. Not if I already know I won't like them though ! But I still haven't watched both Blade Runner s while I know I'll love them and I'm just being a lazy ass ! Is that even possible to be too lazy to watch good movies ??)

Yes, playing games makes me happy, but as you said, only if it doesn't replace important things. I like my daily hour of Hearthstone, usually in the morning, when I did my quests then I'm free to study lol, relaxed and in a good state of mind. It has become part of my routine so it doesn't get out of control like it did last year (and trust me, it wasn't that hard to delete my account, I had only be playing for like 2 months ! deleting now would be a different story lol. And anyway, if I didn't play Hearthstone I'd play Age of Empires II or build houses in the Sims...just like you would read books if you didn't have the Internet. Deleting the source of fun won't equal getting rid of bad habits and finding a good balance between fun and duty...)
Hm, I don't think video games aren't "productive for the mind", on the contrary I believe they help developing some skills, especially strategy games. But I don't consider it productive if it's a distraction from another activity or project ! Do you have a specific goal that gaming prevents you from accomplishing ? From what you wrote, it seems to me that you have found a good balance, I mean, as long as gaming is a fully positive experience for you, and you don't feel like you lost control over your life, then it's okay I guess ! We can always find room for improvement in our lives, but if it's not necessary for the moment then let's just enjoy them as they are !

Thanks ! and you're right, I think I'm on my way to get more productive, I studied for 3 hours today, found pleasure in it (the chapter about internet and e-books!!) and exercised for 1 hour, yay !

@tarmonk
Yeah thanks for your input, it's always helpful to read answers, because just getting feedback encourages me !
You're right about Si, I attributed everything to Te but sticking to a routine is also an Si thing. Moreover, I tend to have a poor memory when it comes to raw facts, legislative text, numbers and acronyms, and my courses are full of them u_u thankfully the ideas behind are interesting enough to make me want to keep reading, but as for remembering what I read, hm...
Even if these functions will develop later, I'd like to do my best to work on them right now. Cool suggestions, especially the "easy to achieve" part, tasks like cleaning or tidying are perfect for that. And yeah I have many hobbies and interests, but none of them strong enough to make me feel a burning passion. Maybe art is the closest one, when I create something I get a confidence boost and can acheive many other (unrelated) things !


[Edit : it's late and I'm French, my English might be a bit weird sometimes, and I can't really develop my thoughts how I want, but voilà]

 

[Llyralen]

I talked about wanting to write my book with my therapist, she said pick a consistent time. “This is my writing time” and nothing comes between me.and it. 🙂.
What are you interested in achieving?

 

[ENFPathetic]

@ENFPatheticI certainly don't lack inspiration, nor even will power, but it's really about not giving enough f***s.

This is important. Somethings you need to do, and somethings you need to not do. In order for you to give a ****, you need to treat yourself better. Eat as soon as you can when you're hungry, drink water often, exercise when you can and however you can, and sleep when you're tired.

Do you smoke weed? It's hard to give a **** when you smoke weed. Do you spend a lot of time distracting yourself with video games and meaningless sex? It's hard to give a **** when you don't spend enough time in reality. Do you believe that you are what you think and feel? It's hard to give a **** when your identity is so open to influence to the point that you can never truly understand yourself.

I speak French fluently, but I'm not so good at reading and writing in French. I still remember what depression was like. Anything I can do to help you, I will. Be strong. Be positive. This is only temporary. One day you will stand firmly with both feet, full of confidence, and you will look back on that time you used to be depressed, happy about the lessons you learned from depression. Because there are some lessons in life that you can only learn from hard times, and they are also the best lessons you can learn in life.

 

[mangosloth]

@Alesha I want to study enough for my librarian exam and have my own apartment by 2019.
How do you manage to stick to this consistent time ? Don't you get distracted by other things for instance friends who would visit you or even daily chores like going to the grocery store and cleaning house ? I find it super hard to dedicate one specific moment to one task everyday. I try to study everyday but it's never at the same moment, it can be in the afternoon, or in the evening, it depends.

@ENFPathetic thanks ! don't worry I love myself and take care of myself, my sleep is more important than anything else, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I couldn't have meaningless sex, I have a strong and defined identity. My lack of motivation doesn't seem that bad in the end (I don't think I'm really depressed), it's mostly that I haven't taken my independance yet while I'm already an adult, and I'm so late compared to people my age. I didn't notice time flying by as I was studying, in my head I was still 20 years old with plenty of time ahead of me, but I'm turning 25 soon and haven't accomplished anything (steady job, driver license, apartment...). I was absorbed in my masters degree and it took me a year to decide which job I really wanted to have and prepare for.
Now I know I want to be a librarian, I HAVE to pass the exam at all costs, I don't want to spend another year studying at my parents', with no money... But here comes the "not giving enough f***s" : even though I'm conscious of how bad it would be if I didn't pass the exam, I can't really feel it, I don't feel any urge nor pressure, it's as if I didn't fully realize the situation, or if I had too much trust in my abilities (I'm used to having good grades effortlessly, and my parents are used to seeing me "succeed" with close to no effort so they trust me too much and aren't worried at all for me... which paradoxically doesn't help me). I know this time, things won't happen magically, with no effort.
So, I think daily reminders and deadlines could be the best solution !

 

[ENFPathetic]

@ENFPathetic thanks ! don't worry I love myself and take care of myself, my sleep is more important than anything else, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I couldn't have meaningless sex, I have a strong and defined identity. My lack of motivation doesn't seem that bad in the end (I don't think I'm really depressed), it's mostly that I haven't taken my independance yet while I'm already an adult, and I'm so late compared to people my age. I didn't notice time flying by as I was studying, in my head I was still 20 years old with plenty of time ahead of me, but I'm turning 25 soon and haven't accomplished anything (steady job, driver license, apartment...). I was absorbed in my masters degree and it took me a year to decide which job I really wanted to have and prepare for.
Now I know I want to be a librarian, I HAVE to pass the exam at all costs, I don't want to spend another year studying at my parents', with no money... But here comes the "not giving enough f***s" : even though I'm conscious of how bad it would be if I didn't pass the exam, I can't really feel it, I don't feel any urge nor pressure, it's as if I didn't fully realize the situation, or if I had too much trust in my abilities (I'm used to having good grades effortlessly, and my parents are used to seeing me "succeed" with close to no effort so they trust me too much and aren't worried at all for me... which paradoxically doesn't help me). I know this time, things won't happen magically, with no effort.
So, I think daily reminders and deadlines could be the best solution !

I'm happy to hear that.

The thing you mentioned about not feeling the pressure of stress, I'm like that too. I don't feel stress easily, and when people around me are panicking, I really don't know what to do with the feelings they are sharing and I usually just get angry lol. It might help you to understand how stress works. It's a natural physical process that your body goes through in order to prepare you for dealing with danger. Like if a scary lion was chasing you, you would need to be able to run as fast as possible. So your immune system will take energy away from your intelligence, protection against disease and virus, and other areas that are not needed for escaping from a lion. All your energy is redirected to your muscles so you can run as fast as possible. The closer the lion is to you, the more stress you feel and the faster you can run. At the same time, the lower your intelligence becomes. The further away you get from the lion, the lower your stress becomes too.

Here is the problem with exams. Your body does not know the difference between a scary lion and an exam. To your body, leaving your exam revision to the last minute, is like sitting next to a lion and waiting for the scary lion to almost wake up before you jump up and run away. Your body is going through stress, but different from other people who panic when under stress, you're just not feeling it.

This is not healthy. A human is not supposed to live with stress all the time. So you have to be extra careful when you know that you don't sense stress intuitively. The solution is to rationalise it. When you have a deadline, imagine it's a sleeping lion. Don't wait for it to almost wake up. Get it done while it's still in deep sleep. It will save your body a tremendous amount of stress. Even if you don't feel the stress, it is still active within your body. Even if you don't feel it, you have to remain conscious of the fact that for as long as stress is in your body, your body is not functioning 100%. Your intelligence is lowered. Your defence against diseases and viruses are compromised. Even cuts will heal slower. It's like how pain killers work. The pain is still in your body, you just don't feel it. Some people have natural panic killers, which makes them unaware of the panic, but the panic is still in the body.

If you mess up or get surprised by a stressful situation, try going to the gym and running until you can't run anymore. If you tire yourself out, to your body it will be the same as you running from a lion until you escape and at that point the stress will leave your body and you will be ok again. For people who feel panicky when they are stressed, they can run and stop when they calm down. But for people like me who don't feel panicky when under stress, we have to exhaust ourselves to be sure the stress is released from the body. Massages work great for me also, and they feel amazing!

Sorry about all the words. I'm multitasking and don't have the time to organise my thoughts properly. I hope it's not too much work for you.

 

[Llyralen]

@mangosloth I'm with you, I have an exam to study for that I didn't pass by 6 questions out of 175 questions. I can take it again fortunately. It costs money though. So.... it's so hard to not procrastinate, but I should pick like 3 days per week to study for it and a certain time. The other days I can get other stuff done. I don't know, I have enough routine right now with my job and with kids' activities that I do know where open time spots are. Tuesday and Thursday in the evening I have some time. Also look at me make time to be on PerC..... Yikes!

 

[ThomasHoward]

I read your post and I feel like I'm writing it. I don't even know how to help you because I'm in the same boat. I don't have the motivation to get out of bed in the morning. I understand that this year I graduate from the university and I am afraid of the fact that I do not know what I will do next. It really depresses me. I try to focus on the positive aspects, but sometimes it doesn't work out. Sometimes I compare myself to other people and it makes me feel bad. For example, I recently learned about the founder of Smartworks, Neetish Sarda. His attitude to his father and to his life's work really deserves respect. Comparing myself to such people, I understand how unhappy I am.