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I've noticed something that I think might be peculiar concerning myself. I'm a 23 year old INFJ male and most of the time I don't have any actual sexual desire or physical attraction to any gender. At this stage in my life, I should be testosterone infused with a high-end sex drive.

I say this because I see women I can recognize as physically attractive but I'm never like "oh I want to sleep with her" nor do I have any desire for sex in general. In fact, sexual thoughts almost never come into play into much later on. I find this peculiar because even the most calmed male friends I have (both straight and gay) seem to always be considering sex when they see someone they find attractive.

It seems that what I desire foremost is an emotional connection. I select my partners based on my interest in them as a person. Afterwards, if I find them interesting enough to pursue, I attempt to forge a very deep, and strong emotional connection with the person and if that succeeds then the sexual thoughts don't stop. However, unless I get to that point I almost never think about having sex.

Sometimes I think this is most similar to how females process sexual desires. But I'm not sure? If any female can give their point of view, that would be helpful.

I'm wondering if any other males out there have similar mental states as mine?
 

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I've noticed something that I think might be peculiar concerning myself. I'm a 23 year old INFJ male and most of the time I don't have any actual sexual desire or physical attraction to any gender. At this stage in my life, I should be testosterone infused with a high-end sex drive.

I say this because I see women I can recognize as physically attractive but I'm never like "oh I want to sleep with her" nor do I have any desire for sex in general. In fact, sexual thoughts almost never come into play into much later on. I find this peculiar because even the most calmed male friends I have (both straight and gay) seem to always be considering sex when they see someone they find attractive.

It seems that what I desire foremost is an emotional connection. I select my partners based on my interest in them as a person. Afterwards, if I find them interesting enough to pursue, I attempt to forge a very deep, and strong emotional connection with the person and if that succeeds then the sexual thoughts don't stop. However, unless I get to that point I almost never think about having sex.

Sometimes I think this is most similar to how females process sexual desires. But I'm not sure? If any female can give their point of view, that would be helpful.

I'm wondering if any other males out there have similar mental states as mine?
With the exception of the occasional rare person I meet that I find so irresistibly attractive that I want to jump them (once in a blue moon, very very rare), I am often the same in where I really don't find myself physically attracted or desiring of any one else despite my recognition of their handsomeness. I need to make that emotional connection, or spend a large amount of time easing myself into being comfortable around a person in order to feel aroused by them, which sometimes makes me think that I'm just not that into them or that I could love anyone I just need to spend enough time with them. Similar to your explanation, I know it's not that I don't like sex because despite not being attracted to others I still do get aroused when watching or looking at erotica*. And once I feel that connection with someone, it's like my sex drive goes into over drive (Once an ex accused me of using him for sex, which I thought was asinine, being someone who felt this deep emotional bond, I just really really liked having sex with him).
 

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I'm a lady, yes, but I will tell you that no, that doesn't sound like having a woman's sex drive, but it sounds exactly like demisexuality of some kind. I know this because when my other lady friends are talking about sex (which guess what, they do all the time), I've always been like "Hahhaaaaaaaaaaa" and not really know what to say because I've never experienced what they're describing. And then eventually I figured out that that was because I'm asexual, and that was pretty great.

So yes, there is a word for what you are, and no, it does not mean that something's wrong with you. There are people who, like you, only get sexually attracted to people after a firm emotional bond has been formed. They're called demisexuals. From what you've described, it sounds like you're one too. And that's okay! That's great! You do you!
 

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you beat me to it.

For me the issue is a little different. I feel there has to be "some" physical attraction for a relationship to actually in the very least get started. I too am like you as well @DiscoveringZeke when it comes to being attracted to someone but the real issue is finding someone I feel/think I am compatible with, on a mental and emotional level, which is just unlikely. I do factor in some physical attraction before I make a decision but since my own preferences fall outside the typical american standards, I am kind of screwed in the regard (honestly have a big preference for eastern european features, I can blame it on ancestry, and it is kind of an established statistic that people are more likely to be attracted to those who moreso match the majority of their own "ancestry" than anything.) To show what I mean ---> People more likely to choose a spouse with similar DNA, research shows
 

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@DemonAbyss10 @DiscoveringZeke Would you say you are looking for a soulmate?

If so: you could be an Old Soul. At least INFJs are often called Old Sould, so it could be true for Zeke. I consider myself a demisexual and an Old Soul, which means I am just looking for a person with whom I can develop a very deep connection with. I tried the whole casual sex thing, but at some point I just felt disgusted with myself. Completely not for me. I want a soulmate with whom I can talk at length, with whom I can drink some wine or coffee in the garden and with whom I can cuddle and kiss.
 

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I had this friend I used to hang out with who would always laugh at me for not having a girlfriend. He was giving a bunch of girls my number at one point. He told me that he wasn't going to stop until I got laid. I ended up getting really pissed about this. I'm not a typical guy either who would prefer to just get it on, you know where this is going.... I don't feel attracted to people I don't know too well either. I'm an 18 year old.
Do you think this could be an INFJ thing? I know of another demisexual INFJ, but she is a female.
 

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If I remember I got Old soul in some of the tests in test resource part of PerC.

And I can somehow relate. I can be aroused by erotica, but when interested romantically in someone, sex doesn't come to mind that much. It is rather awe and fascination. I'd imagine it to develop with the connection naturally if I was so lucky. I cannot really imagine sex with stranger.
 

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@DemonAbyss10 @DiscoveringZeke Would you say you are looking for a soulmate?

If so: you could be an Old Soul. At least INFJs are often called Old Sould, so it could be true for Zeke. I consider myself a demisexual and an Old Soul, which means I am just looking for a person with whom I can develop a very deep connection with. I tried the whole casual sex thing, but at some point I just felt disgusted with myself. Completely not for me. I want a soulmate with whom I can talk at length, with whom I can drink some wine or coffee in the garden and with whom I can cuddle and kiss.
Perhaps, but I am not 100% certain about it. I connect more mentally though. Not sure exactly how I can explain it. Perhaps one can think of it as "The Doctor" and his "companion" concept from Doctor Who maybe.
 

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I had this friend I used to hang out with who would always laugh at me for not having a girlfriend. He was giving a bunch of girls my number at one point. He told me that he wasn't going to stop until I got laid. I ended up getting really pissed about this. I'm not a typical guy either who would prefer to just get it on, you know where this is going.... I don't feel attracted to people I don't know too well either. I'm an 18 year old.
Do you think this could be an INFJ thing? I know of another demisexual INFJ, but she is a female.
I really do not see it being type related. Perhaps more of an Introverted Thinker/Feeler thing but as far as I can tell, any type can fit it, just some seem more likely (believe it or not you get many ISTPs that identify as Demi/Asexual, so stereotypes are not the end all be all.
 

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(I'm a girl, but I believe I can help.)
It isn't a female thing, it's more-so something that often occurs with introverted intuition-dominants who are also feelers. I'm an INFJ as well, and I've actually chosen to not sleep with a man unless I feel a connection with him. INFJs often look for deeper meanings in things, and don't like superficial interactions, which kind of rules out one night stands. This may be true for ENFJs and possibly xNFPs as well, although I don't know for sure. Also, because we aren't very good at Se, we don't live in the moment as much so I guess we don't feel the experience as much. Although I've met sensors before who have similar views as you. To each his own, I guess.
 
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Perhaps, but I am not 100% certain about it. I connect more mentally though. Not sure exactly how I can explain it. Perhaps one can think of it as "The Doctor" and his "companion" concept from Doctor Who maybe.
I never watched Doctor Who...so......I don't exactly understand what you mean with that. But. I do understand the term companionship. Would you say you are more looking for a friend than a lover, even though the companion could take up both roles?
 

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I never watched Doctor Who...so......I don't exactly understand what you mean with that. But. I do understand the term companionship. Would you say you are more looking for a friend than a lover, even though the companion could take up both roles?
QUite possibly
 

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Wow, I didn't think demisexuals/asexuals were actually so numerous.

For most people, it seemed a lack of opportunity, rather than choice...
 

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Ready to butcher everything I say and do? Well, asexualism has to do with. Hrrm. I don't know. I don't think I'll like the answer. But yeah. Have fun with whatever you do to express your emotions? Hrrm. I don't know, but my brother seems the same way. Only one direction he's going. UP.

This is probably type related, but if I am correct, you will say it isn't and type doesn't exist. :p
 

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I had this friend I used to hang out with who would always laugh at me for not having a girlfriend. He was giving a bunch of girls my number at one point. He told me that he wasn't going to stop until I got laid. I ended up getting really pissed about this. I'm not a typical guy either who would prefer to just get it on, you know where this is going.... I don't feel attracted to people I don't know too well either. I'm an 18 year old.
Do you think this could be an INFJ thing? I know of another demisexual INFJ, but she is a female.
Well I can honestly say I don't think it's related to type.
 

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Wow, Thank you everyone! Your comments have helped me understand more about myself! Being demisexual explains SO MUCH! You have no idea how happy this has made me! I was right to post about it on this forum where I had also discovered I was INFJ :)
 

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I really do not see it being type related. Perhaps more of an Introverted Thinker/Feeler thing but as far as I can tell, any type can fit it, just some seem more likely (believe it or not you get many ISTPs that identify as Demi/Asexual, so stereotypes are not the end all be all.
Agreed. I have high Ti but my sexual appetite is healthy I think. Even when I was single I didn't look at every girl in terms of pure sex but I didn't eliminate the possibility of sex.
 
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Wow, Thank you everyone! Your comments have helped me understand more about myself! Being demisexual explains SO MUCH! You have no idea how happy this has made me! I was right to post about it on this forum where I had also discovered I was INFJ :)
Yeah I don't think sex drive is directly effected by the cognitive functions. If I were a male with low to non existent sex drive and it bothered me I'd go to a doctor and check testosterone levels and get a professional opinion.
 
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Yeah I don't think sex drive is directly effected by the cognitive functions. If I were a male with low to non existent sex drive and it bothered me I'd go to a doctor and check testosterone levels and get a professional opinion.
I find the majority of the reason it bothers people in the first place is because of societal expectations/cultural norms. The whole "I am not at the same exact point, not feeling this way like everyone else means I am fucked up" mentality tends to happen in most people, not to mention outsiders who don't understand that not everyone is sexually driven, or refuse to accept it no matter what, are a few of the issues. Discrimination does happen, labels get flung, etc etc. (I know other demi/asexuals have mentioned it, but accusations of being 'in the closet' tend to happen quite often, and you really cannot explain it to people due to their own preconceived and incorrect opinions that tend to not change). People need to be educated that these orientations do exist and are not just an excuse. Yeah I do take it a bit personally, ignorance in general is a peeve of mine.
 
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