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Discussion Starter #1
Are you in a Long-Distance Relationship? *hug*



This thread will serve as a platform to discuss your experiences with LDRs. Also we will share stories, give virtual hugs, answer questions & be supportive because we are a big happy internet family c: Here are some Qs if you want to answer them.

Have you been in one? If so...
What works, what doesn't?
Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
How often did/do you see your partner?
Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
What are some fun things to do?
 

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Discussion Starter #2
What are some fun things to do?
My personal favourite is turning on skype's video function when I have a super close-up of this walrus prop to freak my boyfriend out. Here it is.

 

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I don't know if I'd want PerC to be part of my family, but I'll answer anyway :wink:

Have you been in one?
Yes, I'm currently in an LDR with @MBTI Enthusiast :happy:


What works, what doesn't?
Well, it's not so bad when we're able to get a lot of private time together. I've been traveling a lot lately on business, so it's been hard to get a stable internet connection for skyping. We still do our best to talk to each other at least every day.


Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
She's in the US and I'm in Germany right now, so it's pretty far :tongue:. I get to move back next summer, so that will be exciting.


How often did/do you see your partner?
We met once, 1.5 years ago. We wanted to meet more often, but the demands of my job got in the way. We're hoping to get another visit together in the next month or so.


Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
Skype, by far. Nothing beats getting to see and hear her. Cards are nice, though.


What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
The worst part is the physical separation. The best part is that we're still together in spite of the all of the time and communication challenges.


How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
The initial reaction is usually skepticism ("Online relationships never work!"), but I don't especially care what people think.



What are some fun things to do?

Playing online games together! And talking about all PerC/personality typing in general.
 

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Discussion Starter #4
@Out0fAmmo & @MBTI Enthusiast

I hope you don't mind me asking a few questions. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, of course.

How long have you been in a LDR for? and has it gotten easier?

Personally, it's not that I'm getting used to being away from my boyfriend, but it's like I'm becoming more accepting of the fact that he isn't here with me right now and there's nothing I can do about it so I shouldn't wallow in sadz :,o lol but really I used to do that a lot, but now I just focus on the fact that we can still communicate and when I will get to see him. So it's not getting "easier", but the distance is getting a bit less difficult IME. I'm curious to know about you guys if you're willing to share :)

btw you're already in the family, sorry, next week is twister night.
 

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How long have you been in a LDR for? and has it gotten easier?
About two years. It got difficult during my deployments to remote areas that had poor internet (or none at all), which was quite shock after we got so used to talking every day. I think it's gotten easier because we know we're getting closer to be being permanently reunited. At the end of the day, we both know we wouldn't have done things any differently because we're just crazy about each other :blushed:.

Of course, we met on here, so I imagine that an LDR would actually be harder for someone who met in real life first and then had to separate after the fact.
 

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Have you been in one?
Yes, I am currently in one with @Waldeinsamkeit

What works, what doesn't?
I will answer the latter. To state the obvious of what doesn't work: distance. I'm trying to think if there is anything more to add, but I feel like that currently might be the only one. I suppose the time difference (a six hour difference) doesn't work in our favor either.

Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
No, there is not.

How often did/do you see your partner?
We have been courting for almost a year and have yet to see one another. However, this will change in seventy days :)!

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
If I had to choose one over the other, I would choose Skype. Being able to hear her voice and see her face is wonderful. Skype is close in line with our "essays (so to speak)" that we send each other. More specifically, we used PerC as our medium of communication when we first met (obviously) and the majority of our PMs reached ten pages in length (and there are many PMs). I loved reading hers, and I loved writing mine. Moreover, we have both archived them, so we essentially have them forever. I can't wait to re-read them with her in the future <3

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
To state the obvious (once again): distance. This is indubitably the most challenging part of being in a long distance relationship. We are separated by an ocean and I wish it weren't so, but it is. The best part of being in a long distance relationship, or rather, any relationship at all, is knowing that she is mine, and I am hers. Oh! One last part I find best is that we are both INFPs! And INFPs are wicked uber, and we are both happy that we are INFPs.

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
My peers (around the age of twenty) are quite fine and accepting with it! In contrast, the majority of adults are skeptical, but meh, I don't care.

What are some fun things to do?
We recently started a journal to send to each other (she holds it for one month, and I hold it for one month). We just started this and it has been a blast. We plan to start playing some online games and watch movies/television shows. I am sure that will be fun. Other than that, we skype, we chat, etc. and that is always fun.
 

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Have you been in one?
I'm in one right now, but I've had another one before.

What works, what doesn't?
Everything works within limits if we make it so. I can't say what doesn't work. I guess being able to physically touch and hold each other is impossible right now, but it doesn't bother me much of the time. It's something I want very badly of course, but I've accepted what the situation is and work around it. Need physical affection? Pretend you're doing it! The mind is powerful. Put it to good use.

Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
Nope. Love is love, and it don't give a damn.

How often did/do you see your partner?
We haven't yet, but we will soon enough. I don't know when currently, but we most definitely will.

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
Skype on a regular basis. I need to be able to speak with her, hear her, see her occasionally. Snail mail has a romantic quality to it that can't really be replicated, but it's nice to have it saved for special occasions or surprises.

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
The worst part, as everyone else will agree, is the distance. It's not that bad honestly. I'll have moments where it does really suck and I want nothing more than to be with my SO, but for the most part it's quite manageable. The distance for me will never, ever be a reason to part. Actually within the context of this relationship, the most challenging part is the time difference and the hours she works, so she often gets on late at night and she's very tired, of course. It messes with her sleep schedule in general and I often feel bad about it. We used to have a looot of time to speak with each other, and although we don't have it now, I'm glad we had that time in our relationship to build roots and get to know each other on such a deep, concentrated level. Now we can get by a few hours a week and manage because we had that period of time where we flooded each other with our trollness. :p

The best part? I suppose the best part is, despite the distance, I am lucky enough to be with someone extremely compatible with me, who I find so incredibly attractive, who shares a passion with me, who has pretty much the same values as me, who has a wonderfully charmingly twisted personality, who communicates with me on a level we both can understand, who gives me all the affection I could ever want, who also - strangely - loves me as much as I love her. We're on the same page and we're always there to support each other. She is my best friend and my lover. She has taught me so much and I know this is only just the beginning. I will never take this for granted. I remind myself at least once a week how we got here and what she means to me, even though I already do everyday. If we're still together in five years, ten years, twenty years, it doesn't matter, at least once every week I will remind myself why I am with her. No person has ever meant this much, and I guess the best part of it is that I get this wonderful opportunity to experience it. We have a shit ton of fun together, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
A bit skeptical. It doesn't matter to me, though. I don't talk to many people about my personal life to begin with.

What are some fun things to do?
We talk on Skype pretty much daily. We show each other links to funny, ridiculous, awesome, terrible things. I'll share my screen with her on Skype and I'll browse for her, that lazy girl. We both watch some of the same TV shows so we'll talk about them with each other. We're both passionately avid fans of this author and all of his works and works inspired by him, so we keep up with that. We run a fan forum together. Occasionally, we'll watch a movie or episode together, if ever we have the time. On special occasions, we send each other things. We have tons of fun. ^.^
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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Have you been in one?
I have been in more than one, and am currently in one with the amazingly wonderful @Cover3 :)

What works, what doesn't?
You have to be good at communicating. It's a must. If you don't communicate, it's probably not going to work out.

Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
Nah.

How often did/do you see your partner?
We've collectively spent about a month together in the past year and a half.

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
Definitely skype! Skype is like LDR date night central, lol. You get to look in their eyes and pretty much do whatever you want if you know what I'm saying ;) Snail mail doesn't do much for intimacy. That aside, it's nice to be able to see his face and hear his voice. I like watching his facial expressions, watching him read, etc. It almost feels like I'm right there with him sometimes.

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR?
Being unable to comfort each other in the ways we both love best... hugs, kisses, affection, etc.

The best part?
It teaches you how to treasure every moment you get. You don't take for granted the precious time you have together. It's hard, and it tries your patience, your love, your passion, and everything that makes your relationship what it is. It tries who you are as a person, and it forces your to sharpen some of your weaker points. It's made me a better person.

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
"How do you know he's not cheating?" -.- lol.

What are some fun things to do?
Just spending time together and being best buds and lovers. We talk on the phone, we skype, we flirt, we do anything and everything we possibly can together. We even watch Adventure Time together :p And yeah... seeing that sexy bod on video cam... yummy :3 Pretty hot.
 

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How do you show someone your screen on skype? Shit, I didn't know you could do that.
You know how there's a little menu bar at the top of the window - Skype, Contacts, Converstion, Call, etc. ?

Well, while you are on a call with someone Skype, drop down the Call menu button, and there should be a list of things you can do on the call. Share screen is near the bottom, right below Video. Click on that and BAM! screens shared. ^_^

It's fun to browse random things together. ^.^ I often "collect" things that I stumble upon just to show to her. Enjoy.
 

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@Ace Face

Skype really teaches you to get creative with the sexy time, doesn't it? ;D

I think people have an incredibly difficult time in LDRs that started out IRL because they're often hesitant to transfer their sex life onto a virtual scale. It seems to be one of the number one complaints I see out there - Nroooo sex or physical affection, baaah. The answer is to get creative. Starting out as an LDR made me appreciate things so much more because I was prepared to stay for the long haul, and we're forced to communicate that much more.
 

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@Ace Face

Skype really teaches you to get creative with the sexy time, doesn't it? ;D

I think people have an incredibly difficult time in LDRs that started out IRL because they're often hesitant to transfer their sex life onto a virtual scale. It seems to be one of the number one complaints I see out there - Nroooo sex or physical affection, baaah. The answer is to get creative. Starting out as an LDR made me appreciate things so much more because I was prepared to stay for the long haul, and we're forced to communicate that much more.
Yessss. You definitely have to get creative with sexy time :3 It's an opportunity to make the unthinkable happen... so to speak. One of my personal favorites... we'll just be sitting there talking, and then out of nowhere, I'll demand that he take off his shirt. I order him to take off each piece of clothing one at a time until there's nothing left. Catching him when he least expects it and then demanding that he follow my orders or else... :3 Hell yes. He seems to like it, too :3
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Yessss. You definitely have to get creative with sexy time :3
Phone sex is fun, but not that creative lol. phony-sex OH SNAPPP THAT'S CREATIVE *self five*
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Have you been in one?
@Diphenhydramine

(^his political idol, seriously you guys I was almost starting to get jealous)

What works, Trust, honest communication, making time for each other, general thoughtfulness. Normal relationship stuff + some time management, depending on the time difference. We don't have that problem though.

What doesn't?
Drama. It's worse in a LDR in my opinion because there's no make-up sex.


Is there such a thing as "too much distance"? I don't think so. Time difference might matter more.

How often did/do you see your partner? Not often enough :< Twice in the last 5 months sighhhh, but he's coming in Nov and I will get to see him more after I graduate in december c:

Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death) Snail mail because of the smells. Also the american & chinese (chimerica) governments watch everyone through their webcams YEAH THINK ABOUT THAT SKYPE SLUTZ.

What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? Not being physically close :(
The best part? Sort of being forced to communicate lol. I definitely appreciate all the time I get to spend with him IRL that I might have taken for granted if we got to see each other everyday. Lying in bed and talking never gets boring because omg not pixels.

How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR? Most of the people my age are like "ok w/e no biggie". Some people find it a bit strange/unusual that we met online. "How do you know you're not being catfished???" lol.

What are some fun things to do? Talking, making lists of things to do when we're together, phone sex, the walrus thing I do (page 1), pretending to be french or a ghost or @Wellsy etc. Oh we read Lolita together for a while, that was nice.
We've never played any online games together because I don't want to make him cry :<
 

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PerC Mermaid
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Have you been in one?
I am currently in one with @GoodOldDreamer


What works, what doesn't?
We´ve been in this relationship for more than a year now and things work perfectly. It is hard to say what doesn´t work because even if there are thousands of kilometers in between us , we always find the way to feel closer to each other. It just works.


Is there such a thing as "too much distance"?
Nope, distance is just an ilusion. Having different work´s schedules on the other hand....


How often did/do you see your partner?
We´ll meet for the first time next January. He´scoming to visit me and we´re spending ten days together (not sure that will be enough though, I am sure I won´t be able to let him go )
We keep daydreaming about that trip.


Snail mail vs Skype. (battle to the death)
We´ve tried both and it´s awesome. Being able to touch the same things he has touched, reading his handwriting letter or even cuddling witht he pillow he sent to me, is priceless. On the other hand, my day is not complete if I have to go to bed without being able to see him or hear him, but if I have to pick one, I´d say skype (and/or Gtalk in our case)


What was/is the worst or most challenging part of being in a LDR? The best part?
We both value physical touch much (it is an important part of our love language) so not being able to hug him, for example, when he is feeling down is a challenge.


The best part is, definitely, our communication. He is my lover and my best friend, I can talk about everything and anything with him. He understands and listens and talk to me so I can also understand.
We both are INFJs so we´re so random sometimes! We can start talking about piranhas and end up talking about Horacio Quiroga´s biography (long story please don´t ask :tongue:)
Our chats are funny, deep, silly, touchy-feely, logical, random.......damn I love the way his brain works!


How do people react when you tell them you are in a LDR?
My best friend totally gets it and she is really supportive. I don´t talk a lot about my private life but I do say, if asked, that I am in a long distance relationship and I got different kind of reactions that go from curiosity/exciment to disinterest, I am fine with them. It is my life after all :happy:


What are some fun things to do?
Oh we talk every day (if the time difference doesn´t get in the middle) and we always find funny things to do.
We watch movies/tv shows together, play games (he keeps winning at literati! though that´s a turn on so it is all good :wink:), we watch videos on youtube, listen to music together, we even take naps together sometimes (and no matter what you hear over there I DON´T SNORE!) and we talk and talk a lot!
We are planning our trip for next January so we spend a lot of time getting everything ready for that, like hotel reservations, bus tickets and stuff.
Last Christmas and New year´s eve,we had our own private dinner on skype, after everybody else went to bed, and it was really special and intimate and awesome.
Just because you´re in a long distance relationship it doesn´t mean you can´t have what other couples have, all you need is a bit of imagination.
 

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1. I am in a LDR currently, but am also close to ending it.

2. It depends on the people what works or doesn't. One of the reasons I'm not terribly happy right now is that we have different ideas of what is fun and what is not over distance. A lot of our problems wouldn't exist if we were close to each other. There are other, more fundamental, problems too, though.

3. Too much distance? Sort of. I enjoy LDRs, actually, because of the separation. I suppose, being young and inexperienced, it's a less sudden, "easy" version of a normal relationship, where I don't have to deal with the physical aspects. On the other hand, it's sometimes harder to communicate when you have to state things out loud, rather than being able to rely upon physical cues.

3. In the year that my partner and I have been dating, I've seen him twice- once when we met, then during the summer when he came to visit me for a week. The first time was awkward because we barely talked. The second was awkward because I realised how little chemistry we have. We don't mesh as well IRL as we thought.

4. I like to use both Skype and text. I've played a lot of video games with him, so Skype for that. But for writing mushy love-letters e-mail is the way to go.

5. Biggest challenge- Overcoming the inherent differences between physical proximity and a LDR. He wanted it to be just like we were together IRL- hanging out with each other's friends (via Skype), internet sex (no thank you), companionable silences (AKA browsing the internet while in a silent Skype call), the sort of inane things I don't mind IRL but do mind with a LDR. Best part- Video games all the time. IRL I wouldn't have the excuse to do this, but the most fun part of my LDR has been the incredibly romantic, exciting act of murdering virtual beings together.

6. Some people react by telling me that it's not really a relationship. To them, I say fuck off, but you very well may be right. Some people think it's "cute". Generally, though, I think most of my friends don't think any different of LDRs as they do of normal relationships. Plenty of my friends have been involved with them, and it's not that rare of a thing anymore.

7. We do plenty of fun things, mostly video games. Sometimes we'll debate, or play online chess, or share funny pictures of cats. It's pretty chill, until I get bored and want to leave, at which point he gets really sad and I realise that he's a lot more invested in this than I am. *sigh*

Side note, best way to go about ending it? I won't have the chance to see him IRL anytime soon, but I need to do this. Anyone ever dumped someone long-distance before?
 

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QUEEN PEEN
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1. I am in a LDR currently, but am also close to ending it.

2. It depends on the people what works or doesn't. One of the reasons I'm not terribly happy right now is that we have different ideas of what is fun and what is not over distance. A lot of our problems wouldn't exist if we were close to each other. There are other, more fundamental, problems too, though.

3. Too much distance? Sort of. I enjoy LDRs, actually, because of the separation. I suppose, being young and inexperienced, it's a less sudden, "easy" version of a normal relationship, where I don't have to deal with the physical aspects. On the other hand, it's sometimes harder to communicate when you have to state things out loud, rather than being able to rely upon physical cues.

3. In the year that my partner and I have been dating, I've seen him twice- once when we met, then during the summer when he came to visit me for a week. The first time was awkward because we barely talked. The second was awkward because I realised how little chemistry we have. We don't mesh as well IRL as we thought.

4. I like to use both Skype and text. I've played a lot of video games with him, so Skype for that. But for writing mushy love-letters e-mail is the way to go.

5. Biggest challenge- Overcoming the inherent differences between physical proximity and a LDR. He wanted it to be just like we were together IRL- hanging out with each other's friends (via Skype), internet sex (no thank you), companionable silences (AKA browsing the internet while in a silent Skype call), the sort of inane things I don't mind IRL but do mind with a LDR. Best part- Video games all the time. IRL I wouldn't have the excuse to do this, but the most fun part of my LDR has been the incredibly romantic, exciting act of murdering virtual beings together.

6. Some people react by telling me that it's not really a relationship. To them, I say fuck off, but you very well may be right. Some people think it's "cute". Generally, though, I think most of my friends don't think any different of LDRs as they do of normal relationships. Plenty of my friends have been involved with them, and it's not that rare of a thing anymore.

7. We do plenty of fun things, mostly video games. Sometimes we'll debate, or play online chess, or share funny pictures of cats. It's pretty chill, until I get bored and want to leave, at which point he gets really sad and I realise that he's a lot more invested in this than I am. *sigh*

Side note, best way to go about ending it? I won't have the chance to see him IRL anytime soon, but I need to do this. Anyone ever dumped someone long-distance before?
 

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PerC Mermaid
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Side note, best way to go about ending it? I won't have the chance to see him IRL anytime soon, but I need to do this. Anyone ever dumped someone long-distance before?
Just one thing, please don´t do it via email, it´s devastating =(
A skype talk, maybe, let him see you, be honest and direct. Explain your reasons for leaving and answer to his questions. It will hurt but I am sure he will understand. And then, if he asks for space, please give it to him, maybe he will need to process.

Good luck and I am sorry you´re feeling that way.
 
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