Let other people's negativity roll off your back. If it's a stranger, when are you
ever going to see them again?
If you want to go the extra mile, mess with their heads.
May not be the healthiest way, but it's hard to love yourself when you're worried about whether or not others
accept you. Who cares? They're not the one living your life, they shouldn't be the one deciding what you do or
don't do.
Its not so much what people say or do, however i think that that is important. I really cant be arsed being on my own anymore. I have some good friends who can tolerate me in small doses and to be honest id like to have a little more human interaction and part of that may mean becoming a more interesting person, part of it may mean becoming more of an agreeable person - agreeable in the sense that im a bit more likeable. I have already improved myself dramatically over the years as i now bite my tongue and the side of my cheek a lot more often instead of saying the first sarcastic uncalled for response that comes to mind when someone is being silly, so i know i am improving. I do care what people think because other people are what makes you not feel lonely, i get enough time on my own to recharge and god help me if i dont get my alone time but after growing up with a complete mistrust of humankind (thanks mum) that borderlined on hatred i came to realise that this is not the way to be. People can be fun, people can be very nice to be around; this does not apply to everyone of course as some people are boring, dull or assholes but there are so many opportunities for sharing some happiness with people and i dont really want to miss out. If i love myself, people will accept me a little more than they already do, every single damn self help book i have ever read or every peice of advise on that subject i have ever heard has contained that phrase - there must be truth in it
For me, "everything it took to get to the switch" means hitting rock bottom miserable. Which, again, I don't
recommend to anyone.
I dont really know how to write this but your posts are very good to read as i feel your a few stages ahead of what i feel or have felt in the past. I too have hit rock bottom a fair few times before but when i do i dont really come out of it all that much stronger so im sure i am missing something in this quest for personal growth. I always say "you know what fuck what people think, fuck what people are, fuck em all, im me and thats good enough for people or its not." then i go back to almost everything i was before and it doesnt really help trying to convince myself that anyway.
thread title misleading ;P
self confidence class??
Ha, yes i can see how that came across. Thing is i think that self confidence is built through many different
things, one of which is learning to love and accept who you are so i was merely breaking it down a little
Self-love is a vast area to tackle and these sorts of emotions can be difficult to impact out of the blue. I'd approach this issue from another direction and instead start by focusing on changing behaviours.
At the moment i am currently focusing on changing certain behaviours and have been for some time; what i want to do is do this at the same time. So i not only want to change a little of what i am but also learn to love it.
This sounds a bit counter productive but for some reason i think it will help. I want to make this part of the
changing behaviours. The bottom half of your post was very nice to read as it is mostly what i already do. Working out a little, taking care of myself as best i can (except when i am in a bit of a self destructive phase but at the moment this is not the case as i feel fine, just incomplete).
This. Your life, your control. At the very least, you can choose how you feel about your life. Ball's in your court.
I have heard this many times before. Cognitive behavioural therapy (something i studied for a while to see if it was worth me going into) teaches the same value. You have more control over how you feel about what happens to you than you realise. Now the only problem i had with this and please be gentle with me here as i mean no disrespect but if someone i am close to dies i dont think i truely get a choice over how i feel about it. If i didnt feel as bad as i was expecting to feel and wanted to feel worse, or the opposite and felt really bad but didnt want to feel bad anymore i dont think i could. I think i would feel how i feel and would just have to let that pass. Now maybe thats me being silly because thats an extreme circumstance.
> Rationalize feelings
> Associate emotion and physical action and/or stance/posture with statement produced from rationalization
> Repeat until it becomes an unconscious thought / emotion (physical manifestation of thought)
> Win at life
Love this post

If i could just break it down into some form of instruction manual with step by step guides with pictures id be set!
But you can't just "love yourself" until you know who you really are. Start by giving a little less of a shit about people and their bigotry and just do and say as you feel comfortable doing and saying.
I know and agree here but i have spent so long trying to figure out who i am and came to the conclusion that it may be a while before i figure that out. What i sort of know is what i want which is one of the prequistites of finding out who you are so i have that going for me. What i want to do is be as happy as i can be. I know i can do this by getting more of what i want. What i want is a mix of having better relationships with people i already know, and finding a significant other to share some of lifes better moments with. Now to do this i think i have to make myself more appealing. I cant change the physical all that much but a bit of self confidence will let new people i meet see me in a different light than they do (i often leave a bad first impression no matter how hard i try, people - especially members of the opposite sex - sometimes literally recoil at my approach, there is something wrong with that.) If i can fine tune a few things about myself AND learn a bit of self love i think i would be quite appealing really as im not a bad person to know as a friend or lover, im a genuinely nice guy. Just a few flaws that let me down but im working on them too.
Thanks for the input so far folks, its all good stuff and im taking notes
