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Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
This post is really long. I know I made a few lengthy discussions, but I find this to be a pretty nice forum to discuss some experiences that I've been bottling up for the past several years. I can also express emotions through writing FAR better than speaking. I also think experiences like this can be useful not just for myself, but for anyone else who thinks they are alone, like I did

Also, this post isn’t a sob story. I messed up on quite a few things, so maybe some other people can take notes on what not to do


Recently, I used to be friends with a group of people from High School. Whenever we used to hang out, they would always like to go bar-hopping and get wicked drunk to party. I never really liked doing that, as I much preferred to get together with a small group of friends and simply watch a movie and banter. When I was younger (I know I'm only 22, but stay with me), I never liked to drink, as I never liked losing control over myself.
I would also suffer from bouts of stress, in where I could not exactly write down the cause of it, I just felt on edge. Some days, it took lots of energy just to get out of bed every morning, and almost every day before I step in to work, I would walk in physically shaking. Even when I didn't feel nervous. This has been happening since I was a kid, and I partially attribute it to living in a stressful enviornment growing up. My mother would say that even when I was a toddler, I would sleep with my fists tense and clenched.
I never told my friends this part of myself, and maybe I should have, but I don't think it would have made much difference. For me, it was better if they didn't notice.

I've fought hard against it and have gotten a lot better over the years, and now all my anxiety does is make the fingers on my left hand twitch occasionally. A far cry from back then, and I managed it without any medication or drugs. I also think the experience I'm going to tell you helped me trust in myself a lot more.

But back in those days, It took a lot of energy for me to go and meet up with friends. Honestly, I found it annoying that we apparently also needed to get drunk to hang out. But I found I always made that time for my friends, as I figured they would do the same for me. Even if it wasn't easy for me to do so.

When I moved out when I was 20, I was the first person in my friends group to move out on his own (Some friends moved out into a boyfriend's home and what not, but never by themselves). I put a lot of time and effort into my apartment to make it look really good. As some guy who grew up in a broke family, who sometimes didn't know where he was going to sleep the next night, I felt really proud of myself, it was a big achievement. But I really wanted my friends to see it as well.

So I tried inviting them over to have some pizza and watch a movie, and either most of my messages were either read and ignored, or they would come up with some excuse not to go (and usually at the last minute). After a while, I would try again and the same thing would happen.

I'm moving out in the fall to live in a dorm and finish up college, and in the past two years not a single friend has ever shown up. But whenever someone recommends a bar, or when someone wants to have a barbeque at their place, everyone usually jumps on board.

I figured that maybe I wasn't being open enough to them, and I learned that friendships require some amount of emotional vunerablility, and a "give and take". So I started to take more action. When my friend lost her cat, I was the only friend who went and looked for it (I was looking in a field, and some cops mistaked me for a suspect in a nearby robbery, and I hilarously ended up hancuffed on the side of the road). When another friend was having a fundraiser in her art class, I was the only friend who went and supported her.

These deeds weren't much, but I figured they would have meant something. I'm also well aware that people shoudn't do good deeds and expect something back (that is also how I was raised), but I guess it outlined how desperate I was for a friend. I became more and more frustrated. Sometimes they would ask if we would up somewhere, and I would be the only one who would show up. I’d ask “if anyone is coming”, and they would read my messages and then ignore it, and then I would left there wondering what happened.

I even told them that I wanted to join the Canadian Armed Forces for a few years, to make money for college and to do some good in the meantime. Honestly, one of the only reasons I wanted to go was because I felt like I needed to kick somebody in the teeth, and I felt useless just wallowing in self pity. I was convinced to go, and I just wanted to see which of my friends cared enough to see me off.

Now, I don't know if my friends didn't believe I would go (and they would be right, as I didn't), but out of a group of 6-7, only three people responded. The responses varied (besides one) from "oh shit, cool", to another friend not even acknowledging me, and asking people if they wanted to buy his used couch instead.

To make it blunt, that one pissed me off.

I later asked the one friend who at least pretended to care, if I was doing anything wrong. She said I wasn't, and none of the other group members seem to have a problem with me. She said she would talk to me further about it, but it ended up never happening. Little to nothing changed after that.

To sum up the rest, another year passed before I decided to leave the group, and delete my Facebook altogether. I realized there are at least two parties involved, and while I can blame my friends for never taking at least a few seconds to consider me, I was the one who kept letting it happen.

I’m well aware I could’ve done many things better, but I believe I made the right decision in the end. If you guys have any alternative takes (good or bad), I’m curious of what you guys think I could improve upon in the future.
 

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So you have the highest expectations (INF sx) when it comes to connecting with other people, but you are groping around in the dark because you have deficits in the following area(s): (a) making people talk, analysing (b) them and (c) the social sphere to predict their behaviour, and (d) communicating your needs successfully. Sounds like a tragedy!
 

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Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
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213 Posts
Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
So you have the highest expectations (INF sx) when it comes to connecting with other people, but you are groping around in the dark because you have deficits in the following area(s): (a) making people talk, analysing (b) them and (c) the social sphere to predict their behaviour, and (d) communicating your needs successfully. Sounds like a tragedy!
You know what? You're right. Lots of the fault is on me, I fully agree. In regards to the points you’ve brought up, I could’ve done much better.
I don't want other people making those same mistakes, that is why I posted my experience here, faults and all. For the past while, I have been working really hard on rectifying those issues so they don't appear in the future. But in order to make progress, you need to know what you need to improve on.

However, I do believe I made the right decision in the end. To me (and I've thought of many ways you can justify it), no matter how you spin it, I don’t think asking your friends to spend at least a couple of hours with you over the course of two years is too much to ask. Or, if one of your friends was planning on risking his life joining the military, one may offer a few more words than how much their used couch is going for.
 

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Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
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Discussion Starter #4
I know I really need to work on my communication skills. Looking back on it, I was too embarrased to tell my friends about my weaknesses. It made me feel really weak. But now I know that may have helped the situation. If you guys have any suggestions I can use to improve myself, I'll do my best to incorporate them into a new mindset.
This story is pretty embarrasing to me, and I'm not really proud of what happened. But I think it is important to tell, and can serve as a warning to other INFJs (or any other type).

I'm using this time in quarrantine to better myself before college, and I want to turn a negative experience, into something I can grow from. So if you guys have criticism or perspectives to offer (even if it is harsh), I'll be more than happy to hear them. I may defend or explain my perspective, but I'll listen to anything you guys throw at me.
 

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I know I really need to work on my communication skills. Looking back on it, I was too embarrased to tell my friends about my weaknesses. It made me feel really weak. But now I know that may have helped the situation. If you guys have any suggestions I can use to improve myself, I'll do my best to incorporate them into a new mindset.
This story is pretty embarrasing to me, and I'm not really proud of what happened. But I think it is important to tell, and can serve as a warning to other INFJs (or any other type).

I'm using this time in quarrantine to better myself before college, and I want to turn a negative experience, into something I can grow from. So if you guys have criticism or perspectives to offer (even if it is harsh), I'll be more than happy to hear them. I may defend or explain my perspective, but I'll listen to anything you guys throw at me.
I used to have groups of friends like that.

I grew up around alcohol abuse and saw people close to me struggle with it, so I am very uncomfortable in those situations and don’t participate. When it became apparent that the only way some friends knew how to spend their time was by drinking, I left them to it and chose to not be around.

I think you are better off without them, especially considering you don’t enjoy that way of socialising.
Them letting you go somewhere and then not show up themselves or responding to you is disgusting on a completely different level. They are not your friends and they show you that they don’t want to be. That’s why they don’t come to your place to hang out.
That one friend who never talked to you further when you asked, if you did something wrong, didn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation with you, telling you what you already know: they are not on the same page as you on friendship. I think it’s good that you let them go. You deserve more than being treated badly and taken advantage of.

I’m not sure if you ever get any feedback from people about your behaviour or if someone ever pointed out things that you do that lead to misunderstandings or miscommunication. That would be a place to start.
I was told, for example, that I come across as cold and judgmental, because I’m not very animated when I talk (very little change in facial expression and a monotone voice).
Lack of confidence was another one for me which, from how I’m reading it, might apply to you as well. So guess what I’m working on.

Every time you communicate with someone and it doesn’t go smoothly, you could ask youself what might have gone wrong. Not in a judgmental way or by beating yourself up, but analysing what really happened can be eye opening and help to see other people’s point of view. Choice of words, just bad timing, not getting to the point, being too quiet and not contributing to a conversation, you name it.

A guy I know is incredible at making people feel comfortable.
He is good at adapting to other people’s social preferences and knows how to choose his battles if he disagrees. Those interactions are not deep enough for him either, and I don’t think that way of handling it is for everybody, but that is how he copes.

Also, I think the term ‘friend’ is very misleading. Being a friend means different things to different people. Your old group of friends sees it as hanging out drinking, going to bars and partying. You see it as making meaningful connections in a smaller setting.
Except for maybe one or two people during my entire life, I have never really met someone who I would refer to as a friend - even when people called me a friend quickly. I also struggle with opening up to others. For me, there needs to be a certain level of trust for a friendship to form and that takes time. For them, a friend is simply someone they spend a few hours with every now and then without really knowing each other.

I think it’s great that you are eager to work on yourself but in regard to that particular group, they are not a good match for you.
I find that recognising when people don’t want to talk or hang out with you is helpful. Just take the hint when you sense dismissive behaviour, close the conversation down and move on.
That is something I regret not having started with earlier. Instead I gave people the benefit of the doubt a lot because I didn’t want to rely on my instincts and thought sticking it out would change the way other people see me. I also didn’t want to see myself as a failure (again) if people won’t like me, like many times before. But it just comes across as needy and desperate.

Don’t blame yourself. I know it’s easier said than done and on some days it’s really tough. If you let it get to you, it will come across on your behaviour and body language. People can sense it when your self-esteem is low and it’s rare that you find someone who is understanding and compassionate about it instead of trying to block you off.

So to sum it up, not really a lot of advise I can give you. But I wanted to make sure I reach out and let you know that you are not the only one who struggles with making friends. It’s a process and it takes a lot of time to find the right people, not just some people so that you’re not spending time alone.

Good luck! Don’t let set backs get to you.
 

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Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
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Discussion Starter #6 (Edited)
I used to have groups of friends like that.

I grew up around alcohol abuse and saw people close to me struggle with it, so I am very uncomfortable in those situations and don’t participate. When it became apparent that the only way some friends knew how to spend their time was by drinking, I left them to it and chose to not be around.

I think you are better off without them, especially considering you don’t enjoy that way of socialising.
Them letting you go somewhere and then not show up themselves or responding to you is disgusting on a completely different level. They are not your friends and they show you that they don’t want to be. That’s why they don’t come to your place to hang out.
That one friend who never talked to you further when you asked, if you did something wrong, didn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation with you, telling you what you already know: they are not on the same page as you on friendship. I think it’s good that you let them go. You deserve more than being treated badly and taken advantage of.

I’m not sure if you ever get any feedback from people about your behaviour or if someone ever pointed out things that you do that lead to misunderstandings or miscommunication. That would be a place to start.
I was told, for example, that I come across as cold and judgmental, because I’m not very animated when I talk (very little change in facial expression and a monotone voice).
Lack of confidence was another one for me which, from how I’m reading it, might apply to you as well. So guess what I’m working on.

Every time you communicate with someone and it doesn’t go smoothly, you could ask youself what might have gone wrong. Not in a judgmental way or by beating yourself up, but analysing what really happened can be eye opening and help to see other people’s point of view. Choice of words, just bad timing, not getting to the point, being too quiet and not contributing to a conversation, you name it.

A guy I know is incredible at making people feel comfortable.
He is good at adapting to other people’s social preferences and knows how to choose his battles if he disagrees. Those interactions are not deep enough for him either, and I don’t think that way of handling it is for everybody, but that is how he copes.

Also, I think the term ‘friend’ is very misleading. Being a friend means different things to different people. Your old group of friends sees it as hanging out drinking, going to bars and partying. You see it as making meaningful connections in a smaller setting.
Except for maybe one or two people during my entire life, I have never really met someone who I would refer to as a friend - even when people called me a friend quickly. I also struggle with opening up to others. For me, there needs to be a certain level of trust for a friendship to form and that takes time. For them, a friend is simply someone they spend a few hours with every now and then without really knowing each other.

I think it’s great that you are eager to work on yourself but in regard to that particular group, they are not a good match for you.
I find that recognising when people don’t want to talk or hang out with you is helpful. Just take the hint when you sense dismissive behaviour, close the conversation down and move on.
That is something I regret not having started with earlier. Instead I gave people the benefit of the doubt a lot because I didn’t want to rely on my instincts and thought sticking it out would change the way other people see me. I also didn’t want to see myself as a failure (again) if people won’t like me, like many times before. But it just comes across as needy and desperate.

Don’t blame yourself. I know it’s easier said than done and on some days it’s really tough. If you let it get to you, it will come across on your behaviour and body language. People can sense it when your self-esteem is low and it’s rare that you find someone who is understanding and compassionate about it instead of trying to block you off.

So to sum it up, not really a lot of advise I can give you. But I wanted to make sure I reach out and let you know that you are not the only one who struggles with making friends. It’s a process and it takes a lot of time to find the right people, not just some people so that you’re not spending time alone.

Good luck! Don’t let set backs get to you.
Thanks for the response. Ever since I left the friend group, I have been striving to improve my confidence so that doesn't happen again. I've been working out every day, been reading a lot/ studying psychology (that's part of the reason why I am here), and have started to journal again.
But sometimes, I still have doubts on whether I did the right thing or not regarding my friends. I believe I made the right choice by leaving, but there is always that nagging "what if". It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who thought I did the right thing, it means maybe my instincts are correct from time to time.

In regards to my old group not being a proper fit, I agree, and I think I've known that for a long time. My communication skills could have certainly been better, but during the moments I did try to communicate, my needs were often ignored. I've should've taken the hint right then and there, but I typically don't like cutting people out of my life. To me, I've haven't been an emotional person since I was a kid, and ultimately, one of my worst fears is me being too emotional, misinterpreting someone, and cutting them out without giving them a chance. I think that is what delayed my actions. Most of my family members were extremely emotional, and that annoyed me to no end when I was younger, since I was often the one hearing them out and fixing their problems. I hate being emotional, and if there was a way where I could logically find a way to appease the situation without having to get angry, I would.

I think that sort of dulled (if we are using cognitive terms here) my extroverted feeling. That's part of the reason I want to move into a dorm, to practice getting to know people again, but also learn to set boundaries and stick by them.

I think I should learn to trust my instincts, then verify if they are true or not. If I just simply trusted myself, I think I've could have spared all of us some pain and confusion. At least I can use this experience as a stepping stone.

Thanks again for your response, I'll be sure to utilize your recommended courses of action.
 

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This post is really long. I know I made a few lengthy discussions, but I find this to be a pretty nice forum to discuss some experiences that I've been bottling up for the past several years. I can also express emotions through writing FAR better than speaking. I also think experiences like this can be useful not just for myself, but for anyone else who thinks they are alone, like I did

Also, this post isn’t a sob story. I messed up on quite a few things, so maybe some other people can take notes on what not to do


Recently, I used to be friends with a group of people from High School. Whenever we used to hang out, they would always like to go bar-hopping and get wicked drunk to party. I never really liked doing that, as I much preferred to get together with a small group of friends and simply watch a movie and banter. When I was younger (I know I'm only 22, but stay with me), I never liked to drink, as I never liked losing control over myself.
I would also suffer from bouts of stress, in where I could not exactly write down the cause of it, I just felt on edge. Some days, it took lots of energy just to get out of bed every morning, and almost every day before I step in to work, I would walk in physically shaking. Even when I didn't feel nervous. This has been happening since I was a kid, and I partially attribute it to living in a stressful enviornment growing up. My mother would say that even when I was a toddler, I would sleep with my fists tense and clenched.
I never told my friends this part of myself, and maybe I should have, but I don't think it would have made much difference. For me, it was better if they didn't notice.

I've fought hard against it and have gotten a lot better over the years, and now all my anxiety does is make the fingers on my left hand twitch occasionally. A far cry from back then, and I managed it without any medication or drugs. I also think the experience I'm going to tell you helped me trust in myself a lot more.

But back in those days, It took a lot of energy for me to go and meet up with friends. Honestly, I found it annoying that we apparently also needed to get drunk to hang out. But I found I always made that time for my friends, as I figured they would do the same for me. Even if it wasn't easy for me to do so.

When I moved out when I was 20, I was the first person in my friends group to move out on his own (Some friends moved out into a boyfriend's home and what not, but never by themselves). I put a lot of time and effort into my apartment to make it look really good. As some guy who grew up in a broke family, who sometimes didn't know where he was going to sleep the next night, I felt really proud of myself, it was a big achievement. But I really wanted my friends to see it as well.

So I tried inviting them over to have some pizza and watch a movie, and either most of my messages were either read and ignored, or they would come up with some excuse not to go (and usually at the last minute). After a while, I would try again and the same thing would happen.

I'm moving out in the fall to live in a dorm and finish up college, and in the past two years not a single friend has ever shown up. But whenever someone recommends a bar, or when someone wants to have a barbeque at their place, everyone usually jumps on board.

I figured that maybe I wasn't being open enough to them, and I learned that friendships require some amount of emotional vunerablility, and a "give and take". So I started to take more action. When my friend lost her cat, I was the only friend who went and looked for it (I was looking in a field, and some cops mistaked me for a suspect in a nearby robbery, and I hilarously ended up hancuffed on the side of the road). When another friend was having a fundraiser in her art class, I was the only friend who went and supported her.

These deeds weren't much, but I figured they would have meant something. I'm also well aware that people shoudn't do good deeds and expect something back (that is also how I was raised), but I guess it outlined how desperate I was for a friend. I became more and more frustrated. Sometimes they would ask if we would up somewhere, and I would be the only one who would show up. I’d ask “if anyone is coming”, and they would read my messages and then ignore it, and then I would left there wondering what happened.

I even told them that I wanted to join the Canadian Armed Forces for a few years, to make money for college and to do some good in the meantime. Honestly, one of the only reasons I wanted to go was because I felt like I needed to kick somebody in the teeth, and I felt useless just wallowing in self pity. I was convinced to go, and I just wanted to see which of my friends cared enough to see me off.

Now, I don't know if my friends didn't believe I would go (and they would be right, as I didn't), but out of a group of 6-7, only three people responded. The responses varied (besides one) from "oh shit, cool", to another friend not even acknowledging me, and asking people if they wanted to buy his used couch instead.

To make it blunt, that one pissed me off.

I later asked the one friend who at least pretended to care, if I was doing anything wrong. She said I wasn't, and none of the other group members seem to have a problem with me. She said she would talk to me further about it, but it ended up never happening. Little to nothing changed after that.

To sum up the rest, another year passed before I decided to leave the group, and delete my Facebook altogether. I realized there are at least two parties involved, and while I can blame my friends for never taking at least a few seconds to consider me, I was the one who kept letting it happen.

I’m well aware I could’ve done many things better, but I believe I made the right decision in the end. If you guys have any alternative takes (good or bad), I’m curious of what you guys think I could improve upon in the future.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I've had a similar experience, high school friends ignoring me over time. It feels bad, feels like no one cares, and why even make the effort. I think now's the time to experience a new way of life. High school is over, you're finishing college. There's so much to look forward to, an upcoming career and learning some valuable skills. If you feel the need you can take a social break. Focus on the studies, focus on yourself.

If these people don't see the value you have and the friendship you offer, they aren't worthy of your effort and time.
Take care of yourself and do the things that make yourself happy. It may be arts, your studies, music, whatever it is just immerse yourself in those things and likeminded people will find you.
I know you value their opinions and friendship so much-- may be time to let it go and an opportunity to start fresh and new.
 

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Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
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Discussion Starter #8
I'm sorry you had to go through this. I've had a similar experience, high school friends ignoring me over time. It feels bad, feels like no one cares, and why even make the effort. I think now's the time to experience a new way of life. High school is over, you're finishing college. There's so much to look forward to, an upcoming career and learning some valuable skills. If you feel the need you can take a social break. Focus on the studies, focus on yourself.

If these people don't see the value you have and the friendship you offer, they aren't worthy of your effort and time.
Take care of yourself and do the things that make yourself happy. It may be arts, your studies, music, whatever it is just immerse yourself in those things and likeminded people will find you.
I know you value their opinions and friendship so much-- may be time to let it go and an opportunity to start fresh and new.
I fully agree. People tend to drift apart naturally after a while, especially when people grow up. I guess it was difficult for me because I've known these friends for almost 10 years, while every friendship I've had before then only lasted a maximum of 2-3 before I had to leave town. It wasn't something I've experienced before, and it was pretty hard for me to let go.

But instead, I'll move on and find people more suited to me. I think a fresh start is the best course of action.
 

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This post is really long. I know I made a few lengthy discussions, but I find this to be a pretty nice forum to discuss some experiences that I've been bottling up for the past several years. I can also express emotions through writing FAR better than speaking. I also think experiences like this can be useful not just for myself, but for anyone else who thinks they are alone, like I did

Also, this post isn’t a sob story. I messed up on quite a few things, so maybe some other people can take notes on what not to do


Recently, I used to be friends with a group of people from High School. Whenever we used to hang out, they would always like to go bar-hopping and get wicked drunk to party. I never really liked doing that, as I much preferred to get together with a small group of friends and simply watch a movie and banter. When I was younger (I know I'm only 22, but stay with me), I never liked to drink, as I never liked losing control over myself.
I would also suffer from bouts of stress, in where I could not exactly write down the cause of it, I just felt on edge. Some days, it took lots of energy just to get out of bed every morning, and almost every day before I step in to work, I would walk in physically shaking. Even when I didn't feel nervous. This has been happening since I was a kid, and I partially attribute it to living in a stressful enviornment growing up. My mother would say that even when I was a toddler, I would sleep with my fists tense and clenched.
I never told my friends this part of myself, and maybe I should have, but I don't think it would have made much difference. For me, it was better if they didn't notice.

I've fought hard against it and have gotten a lot better over the years, and now all my anxiety does is make the fingers on my left hand twitch occasionally. A far cry from back then, and I managed it without any medication or drugs. I also think the experience I'm going to tell you helped me trust in myself a lot more.

But back in those days, It took a lot of energy for me to go and meet up with friends. Honestly, I found it annoying that we apparently also needed to get drunk to hang out. But I found I always made that time for my friends, as I figured they would do the same for me. Even if it wasn't easy for me to do so.

When I moved out when I was 20, I was the first person in my friends group to move out on his own (Some friends moved out into a boyfriend's home and what not, but never by themselves). I put a lot of time and effort into my apartment to make it look really good. As some guy who grew up in a broke family, who sometimes didn't know where he was going to sleep the next night, I felt really proud of myself, it was a big achievement. But I really wanted my friends to see it as well.

So I tried inviting them over to have some pizza and watch a movie, and either most of my messages were either read and ignored, or they would come up with some excuse not to go (and usually at the last minute). After a while, I would try again and the same thing would happen.

I'm moving out in the fall to live in a dorm and finish up college, and in the past two years not a single friend has ever shown up. But whenever someone recommends a bar, or when someone wants to have a barbeque at their place, everyone usually jumps on board.

I figured that maybe I wasn't being open enough to them, and I learned that friendships require some amount of emotional vunerablility, and a "give and take". So I started to take more action. When my friend lost her cat, I was the only friend who went and looked for it (I was looking in a field, and some cops mistaked me for a suspect in a nearby robbery, and I hilarously ended up hancuffed on the side of the road). When another friend was having a fundraiser in her art class, I was the only friend who went and supported her.

These deeds weren't much, but I figured they would have meant something. I'm also well aware that people shoudn't do good deeds and expect something back (that is also how I was raised), but I guess it outlined how desperate I was for a friend. I became more and more frustrated. Sometimes they would ask if we would up somewhere, and I would be the only one who would show up. I’d ask “if anyone is coming”, and they would read my messages and then ignore it, and then I would left there wondering what happened.

I even told them that I wanted to join the Canadian Armed Forces for a few years, to make money for college and to do some good in the meantime. Honestly, one of the only reasons I wanted to go was because I felt like I needed to kick somebody in the teeth, and I felt useless just wallowing in self pity. I was convinced to go, and I just wanted to see which of my friends cared enough to see me off.

Now, I don't know if my friends didn't believe I would go (and they would be right, as I didn't), but out of a group of 6-7, only three people responded. The responses varied (besides one) from "oh shit, cool", to another friend not even acknowledging me, and asking people if they wanted to buy his used couch instead.

To make it blunt, that one pissed me off.

I later asked the one friend who at least pretended to care, if I was doing anything wrong. She said I wasn't, and none of the other group members seem to have a problem with me. She said she would talk to me further about it, but it ended up never happening. Little to nothing changed after that.

To sum up the rest, another year passed before I decided to leave the group, and delete my Facebook altogether. I realized there are at least two parties involved, and while I can blame my friends for never taking at least a few seconds to consider me, I was the one who kept letting it happen.

I’m well aware I could’ve done many things better, but I believe I made the right decision in the end. If you guys have any alternative takes (good or bad), I’m curious of what you guys think I could improve upon in the future.
If your friends seem uninterested jn you it could be because they sense you don't enjoy hanging out with them on their own terms (drinking and going out). They may feel like you aren't that invested in them or you may come across as melancholy of moody. Or hard to get to know.

You are an old weathered soul. You should find new friends if you are looking for validation and wanting a mutual connection. You would be great with older men. You are too mature for most 20 year olds and may not ever feel like you fit in great with them.
 

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Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
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Discussion Starter #10 (Edited)
If your friends seem uninterested jn you it could be because they sense you don't enjoy hanging out with them on their own terms (drinking and going out). They may feel like you aren't that invested in them or you may come across as melancholy of moody. Or hard to get to know.

You are an old weathered soul. You should find new friends if you are looking for validation and wanting a mutual connection. You would be great with older men. You are too mature for most 20 year olds and may not ever feel like you fit in great with them.
I tend to not like being called an "old-soul". I don't know, it just seems kind of pretentious, in the sort of "I'm better than the rest of my generation" sort of feel.

But you may have brought up a good point. If we are going by a traditional definition of an "old-soul", I have always tended to be a bit more formal, quiet, and have generally gotten along better with older adults. I don't know quite what it is, but it seems I can relate more to them. Whenever I speak with someone around my age, it just seems awkward.

I think poor communication definitely has a role to play, more-so in regards to me. There is definetly a disconnect there.
 
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