Let's be blunt, I finally met an ENTP in the wild...

15264 Views 103 Replies 15 Participants Last post by Ethanol, Nov 8, 2017

Ethanol

Discussion Starter · Oct 28, 2017 (Edited)

... and I thought he was an ENFP at first.

So here's the thing, I'm well aware of the dynamic between ENFPs and INFJs. I was in a long term relationship with an ENFP, who, by far was the easiest to get along with of all my exs. Some of my closest friends are ENFPs, INFJs, INTJs, and INFPs. Although the INFPs disappear way more often than my INFJ friends.

I'm enamored with ENFJs, and recently dated one; although it was short lived and didn't work well, I think it had to do more with the individual's past traumas than any strange dynamic between our cognitive functions. I will say this about ENFJs though, primary Fe can be annoying and at times disingenuous which is frustrating for me as an INFJ especially when they hide things because they're afraid of hurting my feelings. I value honesty and truth over hurt feelings any day, I'd rather know the reality of something so it can be addressed rather then swept under the rug. Ugh.

I have never actually met an ENTP in the wild, except for a gay ENTP friend of mine - but I mostly attributed his popularity and niceness to the fact he was gay and therefore instantly likable :tongue:

For the longest time, based on the posts made on PerC by ENTPs, I've been staunchly holding onto the position the INFJ+ENTP dynamic is completely fabricated and a ruse. Any time personality compatibility theories come up, I will usually mention ENFPs as being the ideal match and vehemently disagree with the concept of an ENTP being anything close to a good match, until I met this "ENFP" coworker. I was expecting a fast talking, argumentative, quick witted and crass person when meeting an ENTP and not an ENFP lol

This whole time I thought this ENTP was an ENFP because he seemed to exhibit all the traits of ENFPs - being sociable, kind, gentle in management style but a lot more structured in thinking. There were moments when this ENTP would comment on certain things in regards to our project, and I would turn around and say "that's exactly what I thought". It was strange, but the way in which we managed our time, our thinking process, and organizing the work load within our mind was very similar. This was a bit different than most ENFPs I know, so I assumed this person was maybe leaning more towards a thinking ENFP but an ENFP nonetheless.

I also noticed that as we worked more together, we had this weird kind of strange awareness of each other at all times. I've only experienced this kind of awareness with ENFPs. It's kind of like, meeting your mental twin? I experience the same kind of connectedness with ENFPs which is why I assumed they were an ENFP. Like when they enter into the room, you could feel them at all times.

This dynamic started weirding me out a bit because I've never experienced anything quite like it, even with other ENFPs - so I hopped onto the PerC ENFP forum to ask questions which I will quote below. I even made a whole post about the ENFP+INFJ dynamic THINKING this person was an ENFP when it actuality they were an ENTP. Still blows my mind how incorrect I was LOL You can see the thread here: http://personalitycafe.com/enfp-for...-sexual-attraction-one-infjs-perspective.html

Replace all "ENFP" with "ENTP":

I also notice that the ENFP notices me, which is very twilight zonie lol. This post was prompted because I have a coworker who I'm sure is an ENFP. I keep sensing that he is an ENFP but it's like every time he enters into the office, we are both aware of each others presence. It's kind of strange. It's like some weird "I know that you know that I know" loop. I think we both sense the other and there is this natural attraction and it's kind of freaky. He didn't seem all that nervous in the beginning but as time goes on I've noticed he's gotten more nervous ^_^;

There's a few things he's doing that, I wonder if its subconscious or if he is purposefully trying to manipulate the situation to make me notice. For instance, we look into each others eyes for a long period of time and sometimes with silence and from my perspective I just want to stay there and figure out what is going through his mind but I realize the longer this goes on it will be hella awkward so I break eye contact. I feel as if I can almost mind read him, but it never ends of being anything close to mind reading, just a gut feeling.

I catch him looking at my eyes and then my lips, which weirds me out because it makes me think I might have something on my teeth -__-; He also moves in very close to me to talk to me during any of our projects and touched my hand.

I want to think he's being unintentional about this, and perhaps his subconscious is controlling him but I also know that ENFPs are much more well versed with body language and because they are Fi-aux - they are aware of their own feelings more - which makes me think he might be intentional with all of this. I also feel like he is too intelligent to be doing this all subconsciously.

On Mr. ENTP coming off cold and unapproachable during the start of the project:

Like when my coworker first came, I thought maybe he might've felt ostracized in the office and had a difficult time breaking out of his shell to talk to the other team members. Another INFJ in the office asked me to offer my help to him, since he wasn't warming up to us that quickly and he really didn't have anyone in the office who was good at making him feel like part of the team.

So it was up to me, and I knew it would be awkward @[email protected]; the ENFP-coworker had walls up all around him and he was really quiet and focused on his job. I think this was due to his nervousness about performance on the job. It made him appear like a cold and closed off guy LOL However, when we all started to talk to him, it was obvious he wasn't. I would see little glimpses of things he said in response to me that showed me he truly was a nice guy on the inside. I think his Fi was working in overdrive and perhaps he didn't know how to break the ice?

So I broke the ice for him LOL Funny story if you wanna read it but I'll spare you guys the details haha

Also, the more I worked with this ENTP, I started to notice he was a mumbling bumbling mess. The deer-in-headlights look on his eyes, and I could sense he was becoming very stiff/rigid around me.

You know. I really do think this ENFP-coworker of mine has a crush on me @[email protected]; I was showing him something on my iPhone, and he came and sat right next to me and his leg touched mine. I just pretended like nothing happened even though it was a very awkward for me >_>;

Also, even though we have lunch together to talk about work related concepts (we are designers), he doesn't talk as much as I do. He listens a lot. He also stares at me in the eyes the entire time, and sometimes I see his eyes moving to scan my entire face, and looking down at my lips. The lip thing weirds me out because it makes me think I have food in my teeth -__-;

I bought coffee for him and another coworker, and during the visit to the coffee shop I ran across another old-coworker from a different company (INFP) and gave him a hug and talked about catching up with lunch some time later. ENFP guy asks me "so who is that?" and I said "Oh, an old coworker from ------". Just seemed strange he asked because the other coworker joining us for coffee didn't care LOL I try to make this ENFP feel more comfortable and relaxed around me, I joked with the barista that I was buying coffee for two homeless guys I picked up on the streets (my coworker) and they both laughed but it didn't seem to make the ENFP any more comfortable or talkative with me @[email protected];

Could it be possible that he likes me? He's so awkward around me lately, it's just strange. I've been trying to be more friendly and helpful and trying to get to know him as a friend so he can just be cool with me but he seems to be getting more shy the more I try to get to know him as a friend @[email protected];

So... I'm completely wrong and glad to admit that I am. Perhaps the representation of ENTPs on this forum is not accurate, or maybe many people are mistyped. The more I talked with this ENTP about his ENTP status, I found out that he held back a lot of his thoughts and ideas because of the job - sounds very Fe of him. It's something I also do as a Fe-aux is assess the situation and see whether or not it's necessary or appropriate for the situation at hand.

In any case, I'm very surprised to have met an ENTP in the wild and surprised to find out we got along so well - enough that I was fooled into thinking he was an ENFP.

In retrospect, some differences between my ENTP and ENFP experience is this - the ENTP is just as scattered with their attention, although their ability to organize thoughts fall more in line with the INFJ's cognitive function. I think this has to do with shared Ti and Fe. ENTPs are actually, in many ways, more socially graceful than ENFPs. I find that ENFPs can be socially awkward, slightly more so than ENTPs. However, both ENTPs and ENFPs seem to react to their romantic interests in similarish ways although the ENTP is WAAAYYY more willing to push the boundaries.

The more I got to know this ENTP, the more I found him to have a soft-ish inner core. Honestly, it's quite hard for me to tell the difference between the ENTP and ENFP. I would say that the real difference between them would probably only show up when things are going bad as opposed to good. At the very least, my experience with an ENTP in the wild, is that during positive social interactions, it's quite difficult to tell them apart from an ENFP. I think the biggest difference might be Fe vs Fi. ENFPs are just not as visually expressive as ENTPs, I think this might have to do with Fe.

In any case, I'm utterly impressed and blown away by the ENTP+INFJ social dynamics and I think this one encounter may have changed my opinion on the compatibility. HOWEVER, I caught this ENTP looking at my lips, and eyeing me up and down. I still have no clue why the hell he was doing that, seems very bold to let a woman see you checking her out. I can't tell if this was subconscious or he wanted me to purposefully see it, strange as heck. In conclusion, maybe ENTPs are cognitively compatible with INFJs but for sure ENTPs are dirty dogs :shocked:

PS: I'm an older INFJ who can pass as an extrovert, it's one of the few reasons why I think I was able to meet an ENTP. I've been exercising being more sociable for spiritual reasons, and happened to stumble upon an ENTP in the wild because I wasn't locked in my room studying a million things

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