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Discussion Starter #1
Hey guys. Wondering how do ISFPs deal with negativity against them? Just had a bad breakup and now my ex and her friends are basically out against me. I'm not looking forward to facing or much less seeing them. So how have you guys dealt with negativity in the past?
 

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AVOID.

And keep yourself busy. Focus on stuff you'd usually be lazy about like work or study or whatever. It tires you out, and helps keep your esteem up knowing you're working through every day.

My parents broke up when I was around 12 and I knew I was going to face a lot of stress and negativity as they separated and we moved apart, so I decided to focus on myself and my school studies. Probably one of the best decisions of my life. Can't say I came out of it scar-free but it really helped me get through it.
 

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In your situation, I would ignore your ex's friends as they have no involvement in my life otehr than what i give them, emotionally or physically.

I tend to see the funny side to negativity more often than not. I try move on from it as quickly as I can. I learn my lessons and move towards the bright side again. This doesn't always mean ignoring it, but i do just avoid negativity.

Being an natural optimistic person, I can't help but see the bright side to bad situations.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Its just not girls. Its a fairly large group of people she somehow persuaded to see me as a villain. And its moreover the fact that I have to see them everyday at uni and most of them will probably have something to tell me or do. I really can't deal with that
 

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I would get on as normal, but if i notice people acting strange or whispering about me i would ask them if they have something to share, or why they are acting strange?

If they tell you, you can let them know what is done is done, and they they have no business gossiping about your situation. I would tell them that they do not have the full story, and they certainly wont be getting it. I would leave it at that and not engage them further.

Sometimes confrontation is really they only way.

Also, you are an ISFP! i am sure you can get on just fine and happily by yourself for a little while till they all move on to the next hot topic of gossip.
 

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The absolutely worst thing that you can do is to dwell on it over and over. If you are about to, keep your mind occupied with something else as it breaks the habit.

Your brain (physical you) can't tell the difference between a real or an imaginary scenario. That is also why the physical brain will correct it self after your thoughts, if you think about all the unpleasantness of what it means to meet those people your brain will assume that you are experiencing something unpleasant in the present moment (all it ever knows), and will respond accordingly and make you feel bad in your whole body. You are in fact the sculptor of your own brain, and this is very true to an ISFP, as the Introverted iNtuition will go to almost any length to justify your feelings, and if you have a negative feeling, that will become your reality from there and on.

Maybe it sounds like I'm feeding your negativity even more, but think about it, if it's true for negative emotions, then it has to be the true for the opposite as well: Positivity. You have the power to turn this mess in to something positive in the end, and the only thing that you need is the belief that you can do it. Remember, the brain can't tell the difference between a real or an imagined scenario, so if you think about positive scenarios your brain will correct it self and assume that your are experiencing something positive in the present moment(all it ever knows), and give you a positive amplification, which in turn will be amplified again by your Ni.


It's ok to feel down and under, you have perfectly good reasons to do so as well. Acknowledge your feelings, learn to know them, but don't attach yourself to emotions that you don't want to feel. I'm very similar with your situation, and all I can say is, it will get better with time, even if you don't feel that way now.
 

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I understand it frustrating you that people are seeing you as the villain. But sometimes you have to remember you know the truth, and their comments shouldn't mean anything to you.
 

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i'm sorry you are having to deal with this. it is so hard to be misrepresented and have people turn against you because of that. :(

have you ever noticed that some girl was not what (negative things) others said she was, or that others were just saying bad things about her because they were mad at her, or jealous of her, or whatever? (or the same thing, about some guy?) you were perceptive enough to see that, and other people are perceptive too - so who you are will win out (in their minds) over what others say about you. people will see that you are not who your ex is presenting you to be. those who want to believe the worst about you even when your life proves otherwise, are not worth having as your friends.

just be nice to her friends and everyone she has talked to about you - and let your behavior show clearly that you aren't what your ex says you are. people will see that - i assure you. they may not trust you at first, but in time those who are perceptive will realize you are for real, if your behavior is consistent. people who are genuinely nice are the only type of people who are worth having as friends, and those are the type of people who won't let what your ex says about you make them dislike you, if they see (in your behavior) that you really aren't what your ex says you are.

i really hope things will get better for you soon.
 

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It'll pass, you'll eventually start to not care what they think or say about you. This is only a small bump in the road, you've got bigger stuff to worry about in your life.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Thanks everyone for the advice and support. This means alot to me. I'm not used to this at all but know that I'm taking all your advice to heart and will do my best to carry it out
 

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I know what it feels like, so you're not alone.
The way I've dealt with people being against me is either to explain myself clearly (very hard) when they're calm OR I run and leave it. I don't like dealing with negative/cruel people like that! Don't let them get to you and stay strong, do things you like and look after yourself and keep your distance until it blows over, then deal with it.
 

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i'm sorry you are having to deal with this. it is so hard to be misrepresented and have people turn against you because of that. :(

have you ever noticed that some girl was not what (negative things) others said she was, or that others were just saying bad things about her because they were mad at her, or jealous of her, or whatever? (or the same thing, about some guy?) you were perceptive enough to see that, and other people are perceptive too - so who you are will win out (in their minds) over what others say about you. people will see that you are not who your ex is presenting you to be. those who want to believe the worst about you even when your life proves otherwise, are not worth having as your friends.

just be nice to her friends and everyone she has talked to about you - and let your behavior show clearly that you aren't what your ex says you are. people will see that - i assure you. they may not trust you at first, but in time those who are perceptive will realize you are for real, if your behavior is consistent. people who are genuinely nice are the only type of people who are worth having as friends, and those are the type of people who won't let what your ex says about you make them dislike you, if they see (in your behavior) that you really aren't what your ex says you are.

i really hope things will get better for you soon.
This is some really good advice.
 
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