Its my second day at work from coming home from vacation/ holiday on Sunday. I went to work on the bus (because I have no desire to drive) and I go into the call centre across the busy street in the industrial estate - truly a place of wonder and beauty far surpassing even the splendor of the stars and the planets themselves. I get in to the sterile environment I call my work, I have small talk when I don't want to, I drag myself in to where I am a lackey on a leash a human substitute for a chicken, robot or monkey not yet fully trained for the role. I like my colleagues are looked down on as mindless drones, the ever watching eyes of the management brew comtempt for us - the ones who bring in the immediate income and bring in the sales despite the strangling inflexibility we have to sell with to our customers. They wait for us to slip up or to mess around - they can't by definition leave us to our own devices or to trust us to do it correct as the truely reliable and independent don't need to be supervised and thus don't need the supervisors to supervise them. So they micromanage, staving off the prospect that they are a mere burden and an irrelevant gear in the bureaucratic machine and they bark and demand we achieve our stats - absolutely vital figures pulled from oblivion and completely ignorant of the bigger picture that whether it is achieved is most likely down to bigger social and economic factors in the targeted demographic than how charming or miserable we may be on the phone. The company claim that to achieve my stats for long enough will get me a pay rise (which I don't care for) yet never say for how long to do so. I am a yes man yet I secretely rebel, when they stop watching me I do my job my way, within safe guidelines of course.
The day dragged on, I face the brunt of everything that is thrown at me. I am accused of being a liar, a thief and an idiot amongst other things. I wish I didn't need to explain ad infintum the basics and I wish every complaining person saw me as a mere powerless employee or pawn and not an avatar of the company and treated me as such. I have a twisted enjoyment of the job - its not particularly hard, the office seem to like me and it feels perhaps even recession proof. However I also hate it - its long hours for little money, completely unfulfilling and I constantly fear losing my job. I think of whether I could become a doctor, a teacher, a scientist, a psychologist, a philosophy or a traveller. I sat there and planned ideas, even considered posting a question on here tonight for how to leave my comfort zone which I haven't done.
I pretend to be someone else to my colleagues, one keeps nagging me to go out on Friday to get drunk with him, which I don't want to do as drinking for me is overrated (he says seeing me drunk is funny) others talk to me about issues I care nothing about. My friend at work I used to be in love with / heavily infuated with passes me by has recently seemed to be a bit embarassed around me for hopefully minor reasons. I on occasion see myself as a rebel against the system, exploiting loopholes to help the customers out without my company realising - I think if they ever found out that I don't have an us vs them mentality of the customers as a mindless, faceless horde out to scheme and exploit our services without mercy then they would come at me and I wouldn't have an excuse to explain my actions.
In breaks, it rains and I can't go to the nearby woods to relax. It rains heavily as I came home an hour ago, everyone thinks I am unfortunate to have got wet yet I enjoyed every second of it really.
Now I am here, writing as if the day was an epic and unparalled tragedy when it is mediocre and the standard tale across the world. Now I try and make my life better as I do every evening, yet never get really anywhere when doing it. Shame really.