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Feeling both comfort and discomfort in settling into life and situations where I have 'let go' of that constant need to be special/diferrent/unique.

I was struggling identify whether I was finally feeling present/grounded/realistic, or whether I was being being boring of passionless or - scary word: basic. Haha. And this is what made me realise if was the first one. the comfort in gradually letting that go. Making decisions with a balance of logic and reason and emotion, instead of making a decision from third person fairy land where everything's about identity. Being okay with being a bit plain and not always crazy or eccentric or different actually makes me feel integrated and in my 1, kinda like when you clean your room then make a to do list.

Anyone got any similar thoughts? How to move through this letting go process, how to be okay with just being?
 

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IEI 417
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I don't have a clear answer to your question, but I'd like to mention that I noticed that when I start to really talk with the people around me and understand them and their lives and their inner experience of their lives and themselves, it gives me more perspective onto my own life and myself.
Also, I think the first step to letting go of yourself is to first stop being so self-absorbed. Start thinking about the world around you and the people around you.
 

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4, infp
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I definitely have the same problem. sometimes it's so intense i spend hours agonizing over what i'll wear to the grocery store just so i can properly fantasize about strangers' perception of me. it can be so incredibly exhausting, always feeling like I'm being watched and have to keep up this totally quirky and mysterious front.
and i feel that really realizing and thinking on the idea of letting all that pressure go, and finding a happy medium between being completely individual and completely basic, is a good spot to be in. like instead of worrying so much about how i want others to see me, i try to focus on what would make me happiest and try my best to have an "idgaf" train of thought, though that seems to be incredibly hard for us self-absorbed fours. but all in all its a very hard mindset to break out of, and i wish i had the answer as well.
 

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4w5 sx/so 4-6-8 ENFP
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For sure! I find that the healthier I am, the more i'm able to enjoy being ¨grounded¨ it evens feels nice! It´s when i start to go down the spiral of self absorption, that any small ¨basic¨ part of my personality or life, gets annihilated by my ever present self absorbed inner self.
 

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I feel like I relate to this, not sure if this has to do with integration to 1, but I think at some point during this year or earlier, I've been realizing that being unique doesn't really fulfill you in the long-run. It just boosts your ego temporarily, that's really all Enneagram is about, it's the way our brain works to make us feel good about ourselves. For Ones, it's feeling like they're good people, for Twos that they're useful by helping, etc, etc, and of course, for Fours it's feeling like they're so special and out-of-the-ordinary. And I realized the hard way as well, as I've matured, that no matter how unique you make yourself look on the outside, or what you listen to that makes you feel different and special, some people just won't care, they will, so to speak, gloss their eyes over you or overlook you, and just move on. I know this sounds really depressing, but honestly, it has helped me to settle down and be grounded in what truly matters. And don't get me wrong, I am very well aware why we do this, I feel like deep down it's cause we think that a unique personality and a "showy, eccentric" look would finally make us lovable, irreplaceable, valuable, and good enough, but that's not how it works.

No matter what you do to your persona, or to your "look", some will value that and others won't really. So that's why I've realized, 'whoops, guess I'll just focus on being authentic' (whatever that looks like doesn't matter, doesn't have to look a certain way just for the sake of being unique), and yeah, I choose to just focus on living a valuable, fulfilling and meaningful life for myself. No more caring on how it "looks", but how it "feels".

Also, if you think about it, trying so hard to be perceived as unique is a suble sign of inauthenticity, you shouldn't try so hard or have to spend so much energy on curating a certain image of yourself. If you dress really differently, it should solely be because you genuinely want to dress like that or because you truly do like it, the focus shouldn't really be people validating your own Ego of being "the unique one". For example, I do genuinely like certain alternative songs/artists, and alternative/hippie clothing styles, but I don't feel like I'm trying to like it, or am attracted to it only after thinking about the reaction it would have in others. I just really like it because it excites me and makes me happy, and I feel like it matches with who I am on the inside. And that's how I feel it should be.

But anyways, fellow Fours, please know that nothing in the world will ever or could ever take away your individuality and significance, don't worry about whether or not you're amazingly unique, what matters is that you're happy being you, whatever that looks like is okay, whether it's just wearing all black, or maybe a lot of colors, or maybe you really enjoy watching some mainstream movies, that's okay, just be authentic and real, and you'll always be special. You can't loose that essence which makes you you 🙂🙃.
 
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