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Discussion Starter #1
I know it’s an advice many of you (including myself) give to others when discussing their problems. Whether it’s about anger-outbursts, dealing with emotionally difficult events, lost loved ones, etc. the advice is usually the same; “you have to learn to let it go”. Whatever ‘it’ is.

Well what I wanna know is; how many of you who actually give that advice, have been able to do that yourselves?
In other words; do you practice what you preach or do you see what needs to be done and don’t have a clue where to start (except for maybe intuitively)?

I’m not trying to attack anyone here; I’m merely asking those of you who give this advice on a regular basis to be really honest with and about themselves.

Thanks in advance for sharing!
 

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I am currently in counseling -- partly for this, lol. So I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm a Christian, so I sought a counselor who shares my faith, and she recommended that I learn to forgive (part of my issues with letting go are because I haven't forgiven) by giving the person/issue over to God. Because part of the reason I'm holding onto it is so I can stew over, control, or "fix" in my own way, which clearly doesn't work and just results in resentment.

So... it's been good, but I've only been in counseling for one week. So we'll see if I can implement this advice, and what other strategies I learn.

But yeah -- I generally suck at practicing what I preach in this area. :)
 

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Well what I wanna know is; how many of you who actually give that advice, have been able to do that yourselves?
In other words; do you practice what you preach or do you see what needs to be done and don’t have a clue where to start (except for maybe intuitively)?
Depending on the issue, I have worked through some stuff so that the "it" is gone now. The energetic charge that used to come on some subjects just isn't there. I used to remember that I would tear up at the thought of my late mother. Now, I can have conversations about her and there isn't that charge that used to be there. On the other hand, some of my other personal issues aren't fixed yet.

I practice a lot of different things I preach, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. This is what can make some issues much harder than others. Just when I think I have enough tools to resolve some anxiety or depression that I have, here it comes in a slightly different form that is immune to my tools and I need to craft a few more. Generally, I'd like to think I have a few ideas to try and lather, rinse, and repeat in the experiments of trying various tools in my arsenal. Sometimes one of the first few will work and other times it may seem like I had to try hundreds to find the right combination.
 

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I don't do it, nor advising so. U let go when u can . No one wants to hold on (i think).
 

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Well I guess it's easy to think you've let go when in reality you've just managed to suppress the emotions. It's a struggle sometimes but generally you know when you've made peace with it when you sort of completely forget about it. At least that's how I know when something doesn't bother me any more. It helps to shift my focus on more positive things. I guess you could call that a distraction but sometimes it is necessary in order to move on. As far as losing a loved one goes - I'm not sure you ever fully get over that but you can certainly move on with your life in a healthy way while still holding them in your heart.
 

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I'm not close enough to anyone to give them advice.

But I tell myself to let go of things. It's not easy to let go, but those words alone remind me to stop myself falling into a negative thought loop about whatever the issue was. So I find it very useful.
 

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I find I can "let go of it", but only AFTER I give myself permission to brood over it, rehash it, replay it, examine it, and just generally obsess over it for awhile. After I've replayed all of the should-ve could-ve would-ve's in my head, I am finally able to release the emotional burden and move on. It's a process but a cathartic one for me.
 

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Is anyone ever really able to let it go?
I'd like to meet these people and learn their ways.

I wish people (including myself) could figure out how to let 'it' go, but it's always so hard. I try to rationalize, unpack, break it down, analyze it backwards and forwards, and then let it go... but it just sticks around. I can move on, but it takes lots of time and analyzing. It's really hard for me to let something hurtful go. I generally know how to get over something or get past something, but I somehow am never able to come through for myself. Suuuuucks.

However, I will tell people they need to let something go if it's incredibly silly or small, if they keep bringing it up. Hypocrite? Always.
 

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Usually it's much easier to give advice to others about their problems than it is for you to proactively solve your own. The "let it go" advice is very sound advice, but it doesn't come with a 'how-to' manual unfortunately. I've learned over the years how to do it but it took a crap load of therapy and hard work... it doesn't come easy but it's totally worth the freedom when you get it.
 

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The energetic charge that used to come on some subjects just isn't there. I used to remember that I would tear up at the thought of my late mother. Now, I can have conversations about her and there isn't that charge that used to be there.
THIS. For me it's about setting free the emotional energy that was associated with the 'it' (trauma or painful experience of any kind). You know you've arrived at your goal when the issue no longer affects you emotionally. Or, as I just read in a book, forgiveness alone won't get you there, but if you notice you reached indifference toward the issue then you probably succeeded in "letting go". That's was not very clear I suppose :D
 

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Is anyone ever really able to let it go?
I'd like to meet these people and learn their ways.

I wish people (including myself) could figure out how to let 'it' go, but it's always so hard. I try to rationalize, unpack, break it down, analyze it backwards and forwards, and then let it go... but it just sticks around. I can move on, but it takes lots of time and analyzing. It's really hard for me to let something hurtful go. I generally know how to get over something or get past something, but I somehow am never able to come through for myself. Suuuuucks.

However, I will tell people they need to let something go if it's incredibly silly or small, if they keep bringing it up. Hypocrite? Always.
Maybe you're over-analyzing your tendency to over-analyze :tongue: "Letting go" does not equal "forgetting", but freeing the memory of the experience of the emotional/energetic charge. Once the charge is gone, you remember the incident as another fact, an occurrence in your life that took place, one among many others. You are able to simply shrug it off and say "So what?", it becomes irrelevant to your emotional well-being here and now.

I can give you an example... In one of the schools I went to as a teenager I was an outsider, and there were a few people in my class who liked to tease me every now and then. It used to upset me for many years afterwards, but now it's irrelevant, not painful or regrettable anymore. The memory of the experience is there, but I now view it with a clear head.

However, there is one incident during another school year at a different school where I was wronged and I haven't been able to let the pain go. I hope I will someday, but, like you, I wonder HOW.

Ultimately, I believe that everything that happens to us helps us grow. If that incident hadn't happened, what kind of person would I be today? I don't wanna know, honestly, because I love who I am right now and who I will evolve to be in the future because of the wisdom I gained so far. (And yet I totally lack confidence :D)
 

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I find I can "let go of it", but only AFTER I give myself permission to brood over it, rehash it, replay it, examine it, and just generally obsess over it for awhile. After I've replayed all of the should-ve could-ve would-ve's in my head, I am finally able to release the emotional burden and move on. It's a process but a cathartic one for me.
Time wounds all heels. :happy:
The process you have outlined combines several grief steps - and I am happy for you it work.
 

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I have a real problem that one must forgive. One young lady that I has in a therapy group was told to forgive a rape by a family rmbrt. Her primary therapist taklked it over with our ssupervisor. Forgiveness was not called for - empowerment was, and that ultimately involver burning hatred of the rapist. Hatred that said, "Never again!' and she began to realize that she could stick a knife in hs gut -that she had the courage and the will to do that, and lost her fear of him. She recovered to a degree to where she could leave the hospital and continue outpatient - the rapist was not charged - she was 'asking for it" ay 14 years of age.

I never forgave my dad for his abuse. I don't neet to - he is dead and I am alive - I beat the old bastard.

I have lost a brother and a sister. My sister was 2 years older than I. When I was 8 we moved to a farm that had a 2 acre pond below the hill beside the house. That summer (1949) we sat in an old rowboat, half on the bank and half under water. We in our 8 and 10 year old imagination voyaged through all time and space in that old boat.
When I saw her body , the ravages of cancer and pain erased by cosmetic skill, that was not her. I saw the slide show of photographs provided by the family and remembered each year represented. I talked with her family - and I left the cemetary numb, thoughtless. In the weeks that followed, I remembered the sea-voyages we had made that long ago summer. She is not dead, but simply on another voyage that we must make alone.
Over her? no, I love her still. A sweet, longing love. "The Unbroken Circle" is a song of comfort to some.
 

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I don't really have outbursts of anger or shouting, and get irritated by people who do, so yes in that area.

Never been sad over dead loved one, though I'm sure I will be upset by my mother dying,,

I have a difficult time with relationships though. Letting go of a person I love, like ending a friendship is something I find difficult.
 

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Ive learned to let go so many things. Impossible dreams, loved people, friends, hatred and the thirst for vengeance and a lot of other stuff. I have a lot of willpower when i have to sacrifice something for my own good (or of others). Maybe you should get into some philosophy like Buddhism or Hinduism, it really helps a lot to open your mind. Meditation in solitude also makes you grow a stronger will.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
I am currently in counseling -- partly for this, lol. So I'll let you know how it goes.
I wish you best of luck and a lot of strength & willpower to overcome whatever it is you’re facing (be it forgiving yourself or others). I don’t know if this helps in any kind of way but what ‘worked’ for me is giving up the illusion I had regarding ‘control’ and accepting that I do not ‘control’ anything or anyone except myself (to a certain degree and not even all of ‘me’). I can try and fix things, not people. Can’t ‘fix’ myself either I can only work with what I have and whatever it is I have; I have a lot of it and it keeps me going. I think purpose is what ‘saved’ me & some of the people around me who successfully ‘changed’ themselves in order to become the best ‘Them’ they can be. I hope you find your Home.
 

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Discussion Starter #20
Well I guess it's easy to think you've let go when in reality you've just managed to suppress the emotions. It's a struggle sometimes but generally you know when you've made peace with it when you sort of completely forget about it.
I'm sorry to ask but how can you completely forget about something (even 'sort of')? I believe in both; keeping things in your heart and at the same time moving on with your life in a healthy way by learning from whatever it was you've experienced. In my opinion just 'forgetting about it' would be equal to 'it never happened' and that would make the experience of it irrelevant (but that's just how I interpreted what you wrote I might be wrong/didn't fully understand what your point is)
 
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