[Averic]

Does anybody feel they have this this constriction yet attachment to people in their lives? I've just recently been thinking about my social life and I feel that way towards many of my friends and family. I'll visit and go out with them however I don't really get an opportunity to really show myself around them. Many times I'll do or say something that is who I am but often they don't get it or retract. And things get weird for a bit... So I've just learned to keep in line so to speak. I don't hate them, quite the opposite. I value them however I don't have people who truly "click" with me.

"Letting Go..." has been on my mind lately. I've also been thinking I just care too much or over think things. I've recently canceled a few outings with old friends in favor of meeting new ones but when I do I feel almost guilty. I'm too attached I suppose Anybody have any experience or can relate to this?

 

[jenecis]

Sounds to me that you are looking for someone that you truly 'click' with.

Unfortunately, I'd have to say that it all boils down to chance, and that you need to put yourself out there and find people who you think will share similar interests/ worldviews.

I understand what you are going through. Throughout high school, I was surrounded by many friends, but I don't think most of them got me. Our aspirations, intelligences, attitudes and backgrounds were too different to truly connect, and what was worse, they were sometimes critical and not supportive of my goals/interests, putting me down, not in an overtly mean way, but in a way that made me feel less of myself and doubtful.

But after high school, I let them go. There wasn't a major breakup or anything, just the natural acceleration of people drifting apart. I guess, I'm a bit less attached then you (or a bit more independent), and, though I doubted myself at first, I knew that it was for the best. You become the company you keep and if they make you feel demoralized, or discouraged, well, I thought I deserved better.

So, entering college, I found myself a bit more reserved about people I called friends. I have many acquaintances and I like meeting new people, but I consider myself lucky in the sense that I've found a few people whom I can have long, meaningful conversations with, people who inspire me, and whom I'm sure will end up doing great and wonderful things.

I don't know if I answered your question (lol), but perhaps if you could be more specific in how you are feeling or what you are looking for, I can provide more concrete answers. (Are you in high school btw?)

 

[Averic]

You become the company you keep. Yes! That's an excellent way of putting it. Thanks. I got some good perspective. It is for the best. I just need to put myself out there, let go and let chance do it's thing on me finding people who appreciate and inspire me. I'm looking for deeper connections. Socializing involves the process of joking around and small talk with the people I know. It makes me feel misunderstood. To be understood is what I truly want. To talk about things that actually matter. Most of the time I feel like an alien. I get a lot of reading and studying done though...so that's looking on the bright side of it.

No I'm not in high school. Graduated a few years ago. I guess that makes it worse. Ha ha. The group I mostly socialize with is from that time believe it or not. We've stuck together through college and beyond.

 

[jenecis]

Also my suggestion to you is to go and explore different social group.

Don't expect that one group or person will fulfill all your needs. I'm pretty unique in the sense that I've met my close friends through different channels and they are not necessarily all friends with one another (goes to show for my diversity of interests). Also, different friends tend to specialize in different things, and I have certain topics of discussion with each (e.g. with one, I might tend to talk more about religion and the law; with another it's politics etc.)

Just out of curiosity, did you stick with your high school group because you shared many things in common or because it was just the thing to do, e.g. familiarity, old faces, that sort of thing?

 

[Curiously]

While I understand why you feel some guilt over meeting new people, I urge you to not judge yourself too harshly as you open yourself up to new people and new experiences. Your family and true friends will understand your desire and need to venture off and do your exploring, and if they don't, then what's more important - their happiness or yours? Just do it if you feel good about the new opportunities and invites that come your way. Maybe your current friends aren't fulfilling certain needs or wishes you have, and that's sometimes natural. I lost touch with a few friends during some stages/phases of my life, and vice versa, but my true friends and I came full circle later on in our lives and remain friends to this day with no hard feelings. While I was exploring, I met some new, wonderful friends - individuals I would not have met had I remained stagnant and not branched out for my happiness' sake. It's your life, make the most of it, and again, I urge you not to feel tremendously guilty over this. It's not as though you're burning bridges, right?

 

[Averic]

Just out of curiosity, did you stick with your high school group because you shared many things in common or because it was just the thing to do, e.g. familiarity, old faces, that sort of thing?

I moved around a lot when I was young. High school was the first place I could attempt to make some long standing friends. I've kept them due to familiarity and perhaps idealization, but many do still keep in touch with each other. There are times when my friends do open up to me, I listen to them, but it gets one sided and I never get the chance for them to listen to me. Kind of sucks actually :/ I have a few common interests which are jobs with a few, but mostly it's just drinking and joking around with all. Nothing deep. There was a post earlier about having a rich inner life that doesn't get the chance to be shared. Pretty much the same here.

I have met some people through meetup.com. And they seem pretty cool. Just that again...nothing too deep. It'll happen sooner or later I suppose.