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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't think I've ever posted this on here, but when I was really young, I had a lisp. I've fixed the lisp since childhood, but when I am very tired, it comes out... I didn't even realize that this happens until recently. i sent a video message to some relatives while they were on vacation, and that's when i realized that it comes out when im tired. (in the video messages from when im not tired though, the lisp is gone again).

most people I've met, though, have been really understanding and kind about it. Even friends that know me fairly well haven't mentioned this to me, even though i've never even told them about my lisp. They don't treat me any differently than when I speak without a lisp, and they always treat me as ME, which is probably a big reason I didn't realize this had been coming out until recently.

So today.... we had a social networking session in my department. I hate these.... and we were assigned as a group to some people to work together with at this event coming up over the weekend. Today was a long day so I already knew I was lisping (i'm more aware of this now), and this girl was really uncivil about it. She was a newer transfer and before she met the rest of our group, she had asked me for a lot of help getting to know the department, etc. Later in the evening though (basically after i opened my mouth to talk a bit), every time we had to talk, she kept giving me a dirty look, and when I lisped a word (again, i was even more aware of this) she would lean the other direction with a VERY disgusted expression. At first, i thought that was her facial expression, but with the rest of the group, she was completely fine. And if there's one thing i'm good at is observing facial expressions unnoticeably.

At the end of the session, we were advised to get each other's contact info. to talk in advance. She pretty much kept brushing me off and only wanted the others. And this is the same person that was insecurely following me around and asking for help at first. I didn't feel offended, but i felt it was really rude how she acted. Ookay, maybe i was a bit offended. My lisp isn't that noticeable, and it's limited to a few consonants, that sound "shorter" but otherwise, my speech is very articulate (i was in speech and debate in h/s, and won many awards as well). I'm not going to let this get to me. I'm not upset right now, or discouraged, but I do feel something, though I'm not sure how to describe it. My brain is dead right now, but the main feeling in my mind right now is just "Are you serious? Really?" (i dont know how that would translate as a feeling though). I just don't feel this is right

I'm posting this on the ISTJ thread... because I feel like ISTJ advice helps me kind of get my thoughts around things i'm having a hard time with. I hope you guys don't mind that i'm posting so often here lol...
 

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Well, here's my 2 cents' worth....

I think this girl sounds incredibly rude and immature!

If I were in your situation, and it happened again, I would simply stop what I was saying, turn to her and ask "Is there a problem? Because if there is I really think we should discuss it." Normally the other person will say, no, there's no issue, but then at least they know that I'm aware of what they're doing, and I've brought it to everyone's attention, so they will probably stop doing it after that.

And then, just ignore her. I'm sure it's no big loss to you. :happy:
 
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I agree with RedFairy. That person's reaction wasn't a very mature one. Moreover, if she doesn't see past the superficial trait and recognize you as the competent, experienced person that you are, it'd be her loss.
 

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First of all, you don't have to justify yourself to us, her, or anyone else for that matter unless your job requires that you speak without a lisp (which I find highly unlikely that your job would require that unless you were a radio or TV announcer or something like that).
Anyway, seeing that you have to work with this group, this is what I would do: You are the better person, and you therefore can and should take the high road. Her immature and rude behavior might not have consequences for her RIGHT NOW, but eventually it will come back to burn her. As long as YOU continue to behave in a professional manner, she will either have to reciprocate or show everyone else her true colors, if you catch my drift.
Moan and groan and grouse about it all you want away from work (or here ... hey, we like having you here, and believe it or not, we're not robots and I for one completely understand where you're coming from if not the exact circumstances). HTH
 

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You are always welcome here. After all, this is the where all the rescuers hang out. :wink:

That said, if you are correct in your assessment, then as the others have said, don't sweat it. It may be irritating, but she is really nothing to you. And her opinion of you means absolutely nothing.

OTOH, you were tired. All of our senses get a little dull when we are tired. Maybe you were reading more into it than was really there. So be a little open to the idea that you may have misunderstood her.

If there is any doubt, it is usually best to get real blunt and ask the question that is on your mind. It makes people stop and think about what they are saying/doing.

HTH
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the advice and support. =) I feel a lot better. Yes, this person was just immature and rude. And I'll definitely keep my head up and work harder. I guess it's also possible that I might have overread things since i was really tired, too, but i'll def keep everything you guys said here in mind whenever i have to interact with people like this.
 

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I don't think I've ever posted this on here, but when I was really young, I had a lisp. I've fixed the lisp since childhood, but when I am very tired, it comes out...
I know this forum is a little old, but as a Speech-Language Pathology student I couldn't help but comment.

My academic education and experience has taught me this: communication is a largely unconscious act. For some people it takes conscious efforts to change the way they naturally speak (i.e. lisping, stuttering, accents, etc.). When we get tired the conscious efforts become harder. It doesn't sound like you're too worried about the increased instance of your lisp with fatigue, but if you ever do worry, from an SLP standing, this pattern is only natural (just as you stated).

My personal experiences has taught me this: some people are unbelievably inconsiderate, immature and intolerant. I never ceased to be shocked, appalled, and disappointed in people who are judgmental of others based on irrelevant traits like lisping. I've struggled to make sense out of this kind of behavior, especially in adults. I have to constantly remind myself of the fact that these people are probably not healthy enough to be mature.

Hopefully this isn't an issue anymore. Hopefully she just needed time to get past her initial superficial judgments and she sees you for YOU instead of an intermittent slight deviation in your speech. If not, just as the previous replies stated, it's HER issue.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks, and I think you're right about the conscious thing. I am usually very aware of how i articulate words, but its when i get tired when i don't care/can't care.

I ended up getting closer to said person in this project i am directing though. After a dinner or two and just overall working together, she seems like an okay person. she can be shallow sometimes, overall, in many of the things she does, but she does give people the chance to kinda show themselves i guess.
 

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Ultimately what you're feeling is betrayed, and that is the worst feeling in the world. Your mind tells you not to feel this way because she was never really a friend, but you did help her in the beginning and you did make a very small connection with her and now you feel like she used you, (in a round about way). Give it time. You're smart enough to realize that her shallow actions shouldn't have any effect on you and you will come around. You also might be a bit angry at her for her shallow acts, and angry at yourself for feeling the way you feel even though you know you shouldn't have any emotion to this... all of these are normal... Right now you just need to focus on you. Comfort yourself in the fact that you know you're better than that. You know you're better then to let some silly girl get you down, that even if someone was to point and laugh at you, it shouldn't matter.. the only thing that matters is you. And you decide how you feel, you decide what hurts you and what doesn't. Use this as a lesson in strength. Each time you get hurt like this, build off it, become stronger, become a better person. Use these situations as stepping stones to maturing into who you really are.
 
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