[Valdi]

I am an INTJ male, 25 years old and I don't remember being happy in my life, except for momentary happiness, due to hearing a good news or accomplishing something...etc which lasts no more than moments and then I switch back to dark mode. I am not happy not because I don't have what I want, and although it plays a big role, I am like this because I don't value life the same way others around me do.....money, food and sex!

Like many INTJs I have or had a high self confidence, because I was an outstanding student at the university. Recently I was rejected from my 4 years crush......an INFJ! Who was also my classmate! But slowly before that I started losing interest in many things. I lost interest in studying, interest in work, interest in probably life as well but not living. I am not one of those who are done with life and want to commit suicide. I have just lost interest! I lost my self confidence! I can't study anymore and the moment I open a book and want to study, I lose interest immediately and convince myself that it's not something I can do anymore!

Friends! I've never had real friends! I only had leechers around me. They stick to me as long as they need info! I've decided to cut everyone out of my life and it's been 2 weeks since I started!

I am not looking for a new start, where I can find "real" friends, love and a girlfriend, because this only happens in fairy tales not real life. I just want to get back my self confidence! It's the only thing that I had and was proud of due to my academic accomplishments and It hurts too much to lose that only thing you had in life!

 

[Insider77]

Im just like you. But I aint got a problem with that. Lol. Too busy caught in my work perhaps. Maybe finding a goal or purpose might help.

 

[TemptingFate]

You need to get back in touch with your dreams and true desires and work on them, even if it seems hard.

Also be cautious about setting limiting beliefs. "where I can find "real" friends, love and a girlfriend, because this only happens in fairy tales not real life" - this is not fairy tale it's possible if you want to.

 

[Theories]

With maturity I imagine things will get better. I'm also very sure the girl plays a big part in your depression.

What it boils down to is your mental state and how you choose to view things. I have accepted a long time ago that friends are more trouble than they are worth and I have been happier since.

I have acquaintances that I socialize with every once in a while, but the majority of my socializing is done while I am at work, which more than fulfills whatever little need or want I may have for that.

A suggestion would be to keep at least one or two people of importance in your life, it helps. We are not robots no matter how much some of us relish in that non-fact.

 

[kristle]

Looks to me like you have social needs that you're not addressing. I know; they're annoying, but they have to be managed and dealt with. It sounds like you're in depression at the moment - possibly in part from the 4 year crush moment. I'm not encouraging you to keep friends who are just leeches, but it might be wise to force yourself to gather a decent friend or two before it gets even harder for you to do so.

You're in a pivotal moment right now where you still have to ability to bounce back if you take action soon. You can indeed have real, good friends. It's not something that's easy or happens overnight for everyone, but it is most definitely possible for you. First thing to remember is to get a good friend you have to be a good friend. This does indeed open you up to some bad people, but it also sets you up to receive the good ones too.

If this is really bothering you, it would be wise to take action on it so you can get back to focusing on other things as soon as possible. If you're anything like me, it's hard to move on to new goals when I have a big one that's on my mind and unfinished.

 

[Revolver Ocelot]

Eat healthy, exercise, and read lots of (non-fiction) books. You get lots of ideas and insights that way. I recommend books about people. You know in the whole history of humankind, people have gone through peaks and troughs. If you graphed their life through their highs and lows it would look like a stock chart. Some individual's charts are impressive, most are normal. Spiritual books might help you as well.

 

[sayakacarys]

I know how you might be feeling. I too do not value things that people normally value in life. Many say that I am weird because of that. Some even go to the extent to saying that I am mad. I value my respect a lot and can be arrogant sometimes. It will be a lie if I say that I do not value my academic achievements. It is because of them that I get respect and that I am recognized by the people around me. Just like you, I was rejected, however not in love but friendship and that happened many times. Even though I have an excellent status, no one ever accepts my friendship in real life. This made me to lose my self-confidence. I still have a very low self-confidence level, unlike many INTJs. I believe that I will always be rejected. And I am afraid of rejection; I hate it.

I too have a lot of problem studying. Whenever I open a book and begin to study, I somehow try to convince myself that I cannot study at that particular time. I always feel tired, not physically but mentally. I feel tired of everything. Even while typing this right now I cannot help these thoughts. After forcing myself to search this on Google, I came to know that this is called fatigue.

True friends are really difficult to find. I might as well say that it is a brilliant thing that you do not want them. I think you should visit a therapist. That might help you to regain your self-confidence.

 

[MetaMD]

You know the quickest way to get out of the rejection is to find love somewhere else. Here is a love kitty for you. :lovekitty: I know it is not easy, but you can do it. There are so many of us get over it before you, either INTJs or non-INTJs so you can do it. Chat up with a few more girls. Aim for potential INTJ matches, such as ENFP, INFP, ENTP, and INTP. :happy:

About friends, it may be hard to find people who speak on the same wavelength with you, but don't dismiss those people around you. It is hard to define friendship on a pure mental level. People all have to exchange information, materials, support, affection, time, and etc... I don't think there is anything wrong with people sucking your information. You probably also got different perspectives from them in return. Isn't it? :wink:

Find your passion. Love and friendship will come along.

I do think INTJ personality makes us prone to depression because we value and see things differently from the rest of the world. I also went through a depressive phase for some years. I was not satisfied with my life. I didn't know how to get to the goals I desired for. I spent a couple of years reading psychology, and neuroscience to figure out life. Why people interact with this world certain ways? I found my answers, and set myself to goals that orient with my ultimate values, how I want to be viewed in 10, 20 years and what to write on my tomb stone. You will get over this. I have confidence in you. roud:

 

[tiadola]

Life has no meaning except the meaning you make for yourself.
If you decide that nothing is worth having, then nothing is worth having.
Happiness is learning to appreciate what you have versus what you don't have. Most people have this twisted concept that happiness is some kind of overwhelming emotion that surrounds you all the time, but it's not.
I think you need to find a project to work on. Try to find a life purpose. If you want extra thoughts on this, please PM me. My friends have been discussing this lately and I have some very good notes to share.
Or try the 30 day Grace challenge. Find small things everyday that you feel thankful for.
I don't know if you are clinically depressed, but if you suspect that may be the case, then you need to seek professional help.
Life goes on and you must find a way to pull out of the downward spiral.
Trust and finding true friends is important to living a healthy life. If you think everyone around you are leechers, then it is up to you to look harder for the real friends because they do exist. Also, what you perceive as "leechers" is subjective. They want information from you (I don't know what kind), but interaction itself is a 2-way street. You are lucky they aren't after you for other things like money, popularity, sex, or to use you in some way. If you want to look at this from a cynical point of view, what are you offering and what are they offering, and is it a fair trade? Maybe look for people who are "givers" and "teachers" and then you can leech information off them too.

 

[Felix5]

What are you good at? What do you love doing? What are your dreams?

I just want to say that at age 27, I am currently going through a similar quasi quarter life crisis. I had one at your age, around 23/24 and then, foolishly, decided to pursue a pointless relationship with a guy rather than focusing on my goals. At age 27 I am just starting to get on my feet. I work two jobs doing something I absolutely abhor, my relationship is in the crapper (unbeknownst to him, poor fellow!), and I am trapped until I am able to move on in life and accomplish my dreams.

My dream is to be a film maker. Every second of my life will now be dedicated to making that happen regardless of any annoying flirtations that may get in my way. That needs to be your mission OP, starting from today. Take it from someone who has been in your shoes before.

 

[ceefd]

Me too. I'm going through a really difficult moment in my life, that's been going on since the day I was born. I'm stuck in this country in this life. I refuse to continue living here and give in to this life, It's not a good place to live in, it's not progressive enough, not intellectually stimulating enough, too hot. Like, the social issues here and everyone is dumb it seems and like, I cannot live in a place where abortion is outlawed and the marjority of people disagree with it for silly reasons, and the things I enjoy, I don't have access to them, I hate living in my adoptive's parents' house, they're very antiquated, authoritive, oppressive and being there just drains all my energies I can't do anything.

 

[Ryosuke93]

I am an INTJ male, 25 years old and I don't remember being happy in my life, except for momentary happiness, due to hearing a good news or accomplishing something...etc which lasts no more than moments and then I switch back to dark mode. I am not happy not because I don't have what I want, and although it plays a big role, I am like this because I don't value life the same way others around me do.....money, food and sex!

Like many INTJs I have or had a high self confidence, because I was an outstanding student at the university. Recently I was rejected from my 4 years crush......an INFJ! Who was also my classmate! But slowly before that I started losing interest in many things. I lost interest in studying, interest in work, interest in probably life as well but not living. I am not one of those who are done with life and want to commit suicide. I have just lost interest! I lost my self confidence! I can't study anymore and the moment I open a book and want to study, I lose interest immediately and convince myself that it's not something I can do anymore!

Friends! I've never had real friends! I only had leechers around me. They stick to me as long as they need info! I've decided to cut everyone out of my life and it's been 2 weeks since I started!

I am not looking for a new start, where I can find "real" friends, love and a girlfriend, because this only happens in fairy tales not real life. I just want to get back my self confidence! It's the only thing that I had and was proud of due to my academic accomplishments and It hurts too much to lose that only thing you had in life!

I felt similar in grad school. I was a top student for so many years, then I started crashing. This was probably due to me neglecting my feelings. I didnt want to accept that I hated what I was studying and the path I was on. But also the nature of studying I later found can be very stressful for an intj. Too much details to memorize tend to overwhelm me and put me in a downward mood. You may be having the inferior Se being triggered by your studies...like too much overwhelming details...and your Fi was probably hurt bad after the friendship issues and rejection.

Read up on inferior function on how to regain some normalcy...which surprisingly can involve utilizing Se by doing activities you like. Nuture Fi by...spending time with loved ones or watching movies that make u feel good. Take breaks when overwhelmed with too much details/studying. As for friends, i also struggle, but i agree that you can always hope and keep an eye out for some good ones to come. But till then, you can work on much needed self-care. Just giving you some food for thought. Good luck!

 

[starscream430]

My sympathies...but at least you have academic prowess (I have to do some repair work for a job that pays well, but not really in my area of expertise and interest...It's a long story :dry.

Maybe get out and try to network with more people. That might change perspective.

 

[Vunar]

"Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time y'know, yeah, you're young, you're-you're weird, chicks dig that."

 

 

[fulgoreakuma]

I am an INTJ male, 25 years old and I don't remember being happy in my life, except for momentary happiness, due to hearing a good news or accomplishing something...etc which lasts no more than moments and then I switch back to dark mode. I am not happy not because I don't have what I want, and although it plays a big role, I am like this because I don't value life the same way others around me do.....money, food and sex!

Like many INTJs I have or had a high self confidence, because I was an outstanding student at the university. Recently I was rejected from my 4 years crush......an INFJ! Who was also my classmate! But slowly before that I started losing interest in many things. I lost interest in studying, interest in work, interest in probably life as well but not living. I am not one of those who are done with life and want to commit suicide. I have just lost interest! I lost my self confidence! I can't study anymore and the moment I open a book and want to study, I lose interest immediately and convince myself that it's not something I can do anymore!

Friends! I've never had real friends! I only had leechers around me. They stick to me as long as they need info! I've decided to cut everyone out of my life and it's been 2 weeks since I started!

I am not looking for a new start, where I can find "real" friends, love and a girlfriend, because this only happens in fairy tales not real life. I just want to get back my self confidence! It's the only thing that I had and was proud of due to my academic accomplishments and It hurts too much to lose that only thing you had in life!

I'd say part of your problem is lack of hope.

Also, you had leechers? wow I didn't even get that :tongue: not like I've ever fealt like I needed friends, only time I really did was because of early teen insecurity ("If you don't have friends, then you're a weirdo" thing going around highschools).
Now I feel like having friends would probably be good for me, but my hearts not really into putting in an effort, because nobody comes to me, I have to come to them.

Also INFJ girlfriend? huh, I always fealt that they were just to much like INTJ's to be considered a good life partner.

 

[0bl1gatory]

Youve lost interest in life OP? perhaps try to think about the possibilities of what is and what could be, don't you want to experience those things?

i personally am a fan of the buddhist concept of impermanence, savour what you have when you have it because it may not last forever. Even the feelings you have now may not last forever, have hope in that OP :happy:

These thoughts help me deal with depression/existential issues. I wish you all the best OP on your search for happiness