[Luther]

I think my good friend is a sociopath, but I'm not entirely sure. About a year ago, he was kicked out of his residence after an altercation involving a girl he hooked up with and a guy who tried to go for this same girl. Apparently they wanted him kicked out because they feared for their lives and suspected he was psychotic.

I'm not really sure what happened, but as far as I know he exploded and anger and threatened to assault a few people. He tried to come up with a rationalization for his actions, a 10 minute speech with vague, convoluted details. He told me he came up with this with the help of his lawyer uncle (which later, I found was a lie), and asked me for my help. He described the situation in such a way that made his actions appear entirely reasonable and excusable, but I had a feeling that he deserved what he got.

He ended up seeing a therapist, and around this time I couldn't help but notice him bring up the topic of sociopathy several times. He told me about the test asking him questions such as "Are you fascinated by weapons?" He later described one instance in which a friend of ours from junior high was diagnosed as a sociopath and a couple days later, brought up another situation in which his girlfriend was consoling a guy who left her because "He had absolutely no feelings for her and was probably a sociopath." I don't know if these were lies to subtly hunt at the fact that he had been diagnosed himself, and he was trying to gauge my opinion of sociopaths.

My friend has a history of lying and has gone through many girlfriends in the past year alone. He appears normal, but is honestly quite manipulative with his words, highly intelligent, and passive-aggressive. Could he be a sociopath? Should I trust him anymore? Is it time to hide all my credit cards, ID cards, etc? Thoughts?

 

[NastyCat]

Who cares if he's a sociopath. If he's got a history of lying, then just ditch him. You don't need to be around self-centered assholes.

 

[Luther]

But now I live with him. He is a control freak. He got annoyed that my roommate left dishes piling up in the sink once. My roommate left a couple plates and some forks in the sink the next morning, so my other friend left 3 or 4 signs all around the kitchen that said "Put dishes in dishwashers after using. Do NOT leave in sink. Failure to comply will result in PENALTY." He will stomp around the apartment and slam all the doors when he doens't get his way with something. He is passive-aggressive and subtly manipulative.

I would seem easy to just cut him out of my life. But we have been good friends since junior high. It is only until now that I question his integrity and the sincerity of his actions. I don't know what to think anymore

 

[topgun31]

But now I live with him. He is a control freak. He got annoyed that my roommate left dishes piling up in the sink once. My roommate left a couple plates and some forks in the sink the next morning, so my other friend left 3 or 4 signs all around the kitchen that said "Put dishes in dishwashers after using. Do NOT leave in sink. Failure to comply will result in PENALTY." He will stomp around the apartment and slam all the doors when he doens't get his way with something. He is passive-aggressive and subtly manipulative.

I would seem easy to just cut him out of my life. But we have been good friends since junior high. It is only until now that I question his integrity and the sincerity of his actions. I don't know what to think anymore

Sucks man. I've had friends in college with a roommate like that guy, and it's really makes things hard.

You have to wonder, how'd the guy get that way? You've known him since junior high. Has he always been this way? If not, when did you start noticing/finding out about this behavior? It's definitely abnormal.

Personally I HATE it when people I live with (in close quarters) just place signs up rather than talk about it with me. (It rarely happens, but it did happen once) It seems cowardly and disrespectful to do so. I prefer face-to-face interaction and a logical, respectful agreement on things.The only household I know that places up signs WITHOUT face-to-face conversations first is the most dysfunctional household I've seen.

The dude seems nuts, and he definitely could be a sociopath. Hide your valuables and important information in a safe place. I suggest keeping to yourself and making interactions as minimal as possible (enough to make him feel comfortable) while devising a plan to move out. Then when the time is right, bail out of their for your own sake.

 

[OxidativeCleavage]

Well it's hard to tell if your friend is a full-out sociopath, but it definitely seems like he has some serious mental health issues. Typically I would say that post-it signs are annoying and childish - but if you're dealing with a guy that can't control his emotions and has 2 year old tantrum style outbursts as a result of them - then the signs might be a blessing in disguise. I'd personally rather the guy go bat-shit-insane with a sharpie all over a post-it-note than yell at me in my face or put me in a position where I might have to hurt him to defend myself.

I think you should take your passports, credit cards (that you're not using), and everything else important to you and place it in a safety deposit box at your bank... while you're out you may also want to think about getting a p.o. box to which you can send all of your mail in the future. If he is a sociopath - and he isn't getting treatment for it - or if he is and it isn't helping - then he could be headed for a very long string of unfortunate life events resulting from his inability to control his behavior in public which could lead to all kinds of problems with the law and his credit and whatnot.... At that point he might get dangerous especially if he gets jealous or opportunistic...

It could be that he is just going through some very difficult times in his life that you don't know about - anger management issues don't always point to sociopath... but if you are catching him lying and being manipulative - then for your own safety it is time to move the fuck out and use whatever excuse you have to not to put him on your bad side....

good luck...

 

[snapdragons]

Have you all sat down together in the past and ever established ground rules? I am suggesting that only because if there were rules you all can agree to, that may decrease the level of sociopath behavior he exhibits. Then again, if he's a perpetual liar one should worry anyway.

And I hate to say this-- but there is a reason why I was warned about living with friends! It seems that in most cases, only bad things happen. I've lived with a friend before and needless to say, we're not friends anymore. It was bad stuff.

 

[snail]

Have you all sat down together in the past and ever established ground rules? I am suggesting that only because if there were rules you all can agree to, that may decrease the level of sociopath behavior he exhibits. Then again, if he's a perpetual liar one should worry anyway.

And I hate to say this-- but there is a reason why I was warned about living with friends! It seems that in most cases, only bad things happen. I've lived with a friend before and needless to say, we're not friends anymore. It was bad stuff.

Really? I've never had any bad experiences living with friends. I think it depends on the kinds of friends a person chooses. This guy sounds like a dick. Unfriendly, aggressive, dishonest... not the kind of person to keep in one's orbit.

 

[Mutatio NOmenis]

Sociopathic, possible. However, I am fascinated by weapons and a very kind person. As the saying goes, Hide your kids, hide your wife. Oh, and invest in self defense.

 

[SuperunknownVortex]

I think my good friend is a sociopath, but I'm not entirely sure. ...My friend has a history of lying and has gone through many girlfriends in the past year alone. He appears normal, but is honestly quite manipulative with his words, highly intelligent, and passive-aggressive. Could he be a sociopath? Should I trust him anymore? Is it time to hide all my credit cards, ID cards, etc? Thoughts?

My heart goes out to you because if what you say is true then you're in a very troubled situation. =(

The simple answer is that you shouldn't trust him.

In fact, you shouldn't even associate with him!

If you choose to not associate with him, it'd best to ween slowly away as opposed to being abrupt about your personal boundaries. And don't suggest that he pursue seeing a mental health professional. Someone with severe anger problems (as you described) would react dangerously if he or she felt suddenly abandoned or psychologically threatened. And, as you described, he would cognitively and emotionally justify his anger. You would be in very serious danger!

If what you say is true then you should find a means to protect your belongings. Particularly any sort of credit card or significant 'piece' of information. But that also includes intrapersonal belongings too! Be cautious in what you self-disclose to him. If you say he is passive-aggressive then he would most likely twist what you've disclosed against you. Sociopath or not his tactic is to most likely shake your 'guilty' conscience.

...As the saying goes, Hide your kida, hide your wife. Oh, and invest in self defense.

Listen to that advice as well!

Good luck, and God be with you. I understand how difficult this must be, as I struggled with this with an angry coworker.