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So today my good ESTJ friend joked that I should look up my oldest daughter until she is 30 and that is what all dads want to do.

Given that ESTJs are Guardians is this standard thinking? Keep them safe?
 

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No, because I'm an ENFP and I literally am trying to lock up my daughter. An ESTJ tipped me off after they saw my daughter's Myspace. It all started from there. Listen to them. They know!!!!!
 

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So today my good ESTJ friend joked that I should look up my oldest daughter until she is 30 and that is what all dads want to do.

Given that ESTJs are Guardians is this standard thinking? Keep them safe?
Key word..."joked".
 

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So today my good ESTJ friend joked that I should look up my oldest daughter until she is 30 and that is what all dads want to do.

Given that ESTJs are Guardians is this standard thinking? Keep them safe?
No, that's just a joke. ESTJs have this weird jokes that contains what we think as "abnormal" actions.

Besides, we prefer to teach our children how to protect themselves than lock them up.
 

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Yeah, my mom got sick of my stuff when I was 14 and sent me away to an all girls Southern Baptist boarding schoo run by a former Marine. While it worked great for me because I'm an ESTJ and there's a ranking system, it really messed up a lot of my friends who went there who aren't ESTJ's and couldn't handle the structure. Talk to your daughter and explain to her why you don't want her to do certain things. Treat her like she's an adult. I have a bad habit of wanting to "protect" my friends and family from the evils of the world, but sooner or later, they're going to figure them out for themselves, so you might as well deal with it head on. Locking them up, for the most part, pretty much guarentees fucking them up in their future because they're generally going to rebel. Trust me. I go to a Christian college.
 

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Yeah, my mom got sick of my stuff when I was 14 and sent me away to an all girls Southern Baptist boarding schoo run by a former Marine. While it worked great for me because I'm an ESTJ and there's a ranking system, it really messed up a lot of my friends who went there who aren't ESTJ's and couldn't handle the structure. Talk to your daughter and explain to her why you don't want her to do certain things. Treat her like she's an adult. I have a bad habit of wanting to "protect" my friends and family from the evils of the world, but sooner or later, they're going to figure them out for themselves, so you might as well deal with it head on. Locking them up, for the most part, pretty much guarentees fucking them up in their future because they're generally going to rebel. Trust me. I go to a Christian college.
Treating my ENFP child as an adult like her father did, has had terrible, terrible repercussions. So perhaps you just meant "respect her individual personality" and be honest?

The minute I received my 13 year old daughter back full time, I've had to send her away. It's terrible when a 13 year old thinks they are an adult and makes choices that lead them close to death. She was a danger to herself before I sent her away.

As far as the OP, it's obvious the ESTJ was joking about literally locking his daughter up. But I think there was a subtext of warning in the ESTJ's statement. Protecting a child's innocence for as long as we can, is our job as parents. It can really physiologically damage young minds if too much is given too soon. And before you know it, they can end up out of control, hurting someone else, or dead. If my 13 year old daughter already believes she is an adult, how can I explain to her the problem and the intentions of 20 and 30 year old men who want to give her presents and spend time with her? Especially when her maturing body has become so beautiful. I can't believe when I went to a Jamba juice with my daughter the other day, I saw men checking out my baby's ass. I wanted to knock them down and choke them. Why shouldn't I lock her up? :laughing:

Just take a look around on this site. You'll see what I mean. Teenage girls are targets. I live it so I know. When I was 13, I was raped walking home from school one day. That was a while ago, but times have only gotten harder actually.

Once the neglect or free reigns are given to a child, it's hard to pull them back. This is not about power and control. I'm all about raising and inspiring strong, confident individuals. This is about keeping your children safe until they are able to make wise decisions on their own. It's tough because teenagers want us around less, but they need us around more. We just have to be very skillful about it. It's sort of like hovering ghosts. :wink:

Jack, I know you are a parent and I believe of more than one child? I believe I haven't mentioned anything you don't already know. I was probably preaching to the choir. You probably have some amazing advice I could use. I just wanted to also validate you from one parent to another for the struggles we sometimes face.

I really am grateful for the ESTJ who first warned me about my daughter's Myspace page. I'm sure that wasn't easy for her. When I told her how much I appreciated her telling me directly she replied "Whew. I'm relieved. I was worried how you would receive it." Too many people out of fear, won't say anything at all. They will sweep it under the rug, and my daughter could have already been 8 feet under by some predator by the time I found her page.
 

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Yes, I have a twelve year old, a ten year old and a six year old.

My wife is an ISTJ and I am overly protective so between the two of us we have some pretty strict rules. We are fortunate enough that my wife can stay home full-time.

I figure they can learn to forgive our strictness when they are older. :happy:
 
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I think the need to protect your children is an ingrained parental trait that supersedes personality type. And, as much as I hate to admit it, there are more dangers out there for girls than for boys.
Ex. A lady the other day was very obnoxiously rubbing it in my face that she had a girl and all I have are boys. So, I finally had enough and told her just wait until they are teenagers, I'll have only 1 penis to worry about, you'll have to worry about all of them. Shut her up pretty quick. :wink:
But, it's all about balance and knowing when to step in and when to step back. That, for me at least, has been the hardest thing to learn. Also, about teaching them the tools they need to take care of themselves. Which is why if I have a girl she's gonna be in karate class right along with her brothers. :laughing:
 

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What I meant to say was that I think that parents should talk to their children about the realities of the world, protect them from it yes, but admit to them that they exist and what the consequences of their decisions may be. I tell myself all the time that I am in no way special. If I make a bad decision, I am not exempt from the consequences. Take your daughter to a karate class or kickboxing class and let one of the other students beat her up. She'll learn really fast that she is not invincible. Sports and team activities really gave me a direction and greater purpose in my life when I was growing up. Keep her busy. So busy that when she's not busy, all she'll want to do is sleep. lol. Basketball did that for me!
 

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What I meant to say was that I think that parents should talk to their children about the realities of the world, protect them from it yes, but admit to them that they exist and what the consequences of their decisions may be. I tell myself all the time that I am in no way special. If I make a bad decision, I am not exempt from the consequences. Take your daughter to a karate class or kickboxing class and let one of the other students beat her up. She'll learn really fast that she is not invincible. Sports and team activities really gave me a direction and greater purpose in my life when I was growing up. Keep her busy. So busy that when she's not busy, all she'll want to do is sleep. lol. Basketball did that for me!
I completely agree with that. Being overprotective is not necessarily the way to go. My parents were fairly strict when I was a kid, taught us hos to be polite, respectful, well-behaved. As a teenager, my mom gave me free reigns on my life as long as I did well-enough at school and didn't do anything bad like stealing and such. And that I call her to tell her if I'm not coming back home. I made mistakes, but nothing really bad, because I was raised with strong morla values. Got my ass kicked, got smashed drunk, got betrayed... all of this only made me stronger. Now I'm not saying this is something to do with every teenager out there. My mom trusted me, she was right in doing so. Now it all depends on how you see it as a parent: is getting drunk at 15 a bad thing? (of course, that also depends of the country you're living in), having sex when you're a teenager? Stuff like that. If you think your teenager should stay pure and innocent until they leave the house, you're on for a rude awakening when they'll be free to do whatever the hell they want. Now I live in a bad district, one where cars burn every week. But I'm not afraid to go out at night, if I get agressed, so be it, but walking with my head high and not act like a scared potential victim makes me less of a target. I never had any problem before.

What I mean is, sure, warn your children, watch out for them, don't let them set the rules, but dammit, let them make their own mistkaes and learn, teenagehood is the perfect time for it, when they'll be adults it'll be too late.
 
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