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Discussion Starter #1
Okay...so I am a male ENFJ who has goals of one day being an amazing father and husband :blushed:

DONT LAUGH...I know you wont :p Okay but that said, as a guy putting so much effort into relationships and dating seems to be unattractive to women. Because I know what I want and I also want to have time to get to know the person I am dating well I am forcing the issue a little bit. I get lonely even though i have lots of friends around. I crave intimacy and having a 'partner in crime'.

I have been dating but I think my upfront intensity and honesty scares people off. I don't suppress my emotions and I try to live ethically...but this feeling of loneliness throws me off my own vision for the future and I'm not how to handle it...focus on my own path and remove this hope for an ideal relationship OR keep it as a part of my vision

I hope that makes some sort of sense...would love some input

Thanks guys...you all rock...seriously
 

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I think that the right kind of girl would LOVE everything what you wrote here. Maybe you just date the wrong people... I don't think you should change your approach because sooner or later you will meet someone who would be happy to meet a guy like you, but you will be fake and calculated and that person will just disappear from your radar...

I think that all relationships should start on a healthy ground but people often pretend to be someone else in the beginning and when they show their right side relationship ends because the other one didn't expect changes in behaviour.

What kind of intensity you are talking about?
I can only say that it would freak me out if guy said to me on 2-3 dates that he wanted to marry me, that's waaay to soon and I would run. If you are talking about being passionate about major life topics and if you like intense conversations that's all very attractive to me.

Knowing what you want and being passionate about it is higly attractive but being desperate and pushy isn't. Girls can sense when someone wants to enter a relationship just for the sake of being in one.
 

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Dont you just love it when you finish writing your message and just as you are about to press send your computer decides to freak out...haha alright round two!

@Kaly cool name btw! :) You said some really nice things and I appreciate that. I do know what I want and I know that I want to be careful not to end up in the pool of so many people who are divorced and unhappy. I think that if people understood more about themselves the world might be a different place. I know I can't control whether I end up getting divorced or not but I do know that there are things I can look out for that would decrease the chances of that happening. Because of that I am super picky, and its also one of the reasons I am so upfront about my intentions and what I want out of life. Conflict is not usually dealt with in a healthy way and being upfront and open is a great way to build healthy relationships...and I love people in general and I want to lead by example.

I agree with what you said about dating the wrong people and changing my approach...I don't want to change my approach either, but I also worry about being a dependent. I think if I am genuine, the right person will realize that and that could be pretty epic. It would be very rare though for someone to notice these qualities. Most people when they start dating put up this veil of dishonesty and pretend they are something they aren't...so even when I am myself people are probably super skeptical anyway. My passion for being the person I want to be could easily be misinterpreted as desperation...occasionally it is desperation because I really want someone I can grow with and explore the world with, but I'm trying to figure out ways to handle that.

I am intense in that I wouldn't say that I would want to marry someone after 2 or 3 dates even though I might think I want to. But truly, I just get really excited about the prospecting of understanding someone new...I am a type 4 and understanding those close to me is really important to me and being there for them to support them through their difficult times. Ultimately I want to find someone who is open to conversations about personal growth and compromise because from there you can do anything...I do stand out from the crowd and I do wish I had more emotional control. But because I live with my heart open, I feel things intensely...it drives me to live the life I live and my friends appreciate that about me

Do you have any thoughts about what I have just said? or any suggestions/criticisms? Thanks for your reply :)
 

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It happens to me a lot, so now I first write my messages in Word and save them and then just copy them over here, my computer has it's on will... the thing is alive! :D

Thanks for the name, it's just nickname! :)

Well, you definitely seem as a very nice guy and quite intelligent and wise (opinion based on your second post on this thread), so it would be a shame that you change that by calculating too much. It doesn't work in the long run.
I can only confirm everything you wrote here as my own opinion too. It's nice to know that there are people who think like that and that's why I just love these forums, reality is sometimes quite different.

I will be so free and state that it's incredibly rare for that kind of connection to happen but when it does it's crazy how good it feels. I believe that when two genuine people meet they easily recognize each other and there is no room for any games, it's quite refreshing. I know that because it happend to me a few times. Yes, only few, but I appraciate those people even more for that.
I am an introvert and as one I am pretty guarded, reserved and skeptical about other people motivations, plus I read people easily, so their masks just irritate me.
But when I meet a good, decent, honest, moral and pure soul (age, sex and background irrelevant) I LOVE it, I don't question their motives or their intentions at all. It FEELS right and I am just peacful and happy. It makes me wanna come closer and closer to them.

Once I met an ENFJ and the experience was amazing, I trusted him from the start and loved him as a person because I could easily see how honest and upfront he was, completely comfortable in his own skin.
Few weeks ago I met an NF guy and although I saw him a few times and we have only spoken briefly I felt at peace and could feel how good he is. All close people in my life were honest and upfront from the beginning and these qualities are my priorities when speaking of people's characteristics. I gave you those examples so you could see that some people would really appreciate your approach, it's refreshing and genuine. What can be better and more mature than that?? Games and calculations? I don't think so...
Don't change that. :)

Well, I think most of us want that, perfect companion who will always be by our side and who will enjoy travelling with us troughout the life. It's worth the waiting because most people just rush into relationships for the fear of being alone and that is not love. It's far from love.
That's why it is good that you know exactly what you want and go for it, again, some people have no criteria at all and they end up being even more miserable after they enter a relationship because they are with the wrong person.

I am not saying you can't have your thoughts of doubts, but I always choose hope over them. :)

It also depends what age you are because most very young people mature later in life and they can get scary after your observations, but that's also ok because not all of them are like that and some think just as you do.
Maybe you will have to look longer and have more patience, work on yourself throughout that time so when the right person enters your life you will be ready. :)

I am type 4 too, lol, so I know what you mean, now I understand why we share similar opinions. Yes, being there for the people I love is one of the most important thing in life for me so I know where are you coming from.
Plus I don't find easily people I like or would like to know better so being intense is normal for me in these situations, but I keep it under control most of the time.
I love passionate debates and intense conversations and the makes me feel very close to the other person, those moments are so memorable, too bad it doesn't happen more often. :D

I love your two last sentences, I don't see anything wrong with you... quite the opposite. :)
 
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