[BuckVincent]

Im currently in a pretty serious relationship with my girlfriend whom I believe is an ESTP. Ive read many of the ESTP Articles and I believe they describe her perfectly. As you can tell, I am an ISFP.

We have had a few ups and downs in our relationship over the past two years of our relationship. One even leading us to break up for 6 months. Most of you would question why we got back together after such a long time but we both found ourselves missing/thinking about each other on a constant daily basis. Since then we have made amends and have both said we are committing ourselves to the relationship and trying to make it last as long as possible but while also making it fun. Neither of us want it to feel like a job.

One thing in particular that really struck me in the description was saying that ESTP have different levels of displaying their affections. This is extremely true for her. Some days she is the most loving girl in the world and other days its almost as if she could care less. I have found though that just like the description says, when she is acting as if she doesnt care it is because something else is going on in her life and she is focusing more on it.

So my question to you would be. If you are an ESTP and you have been in a long term relationship, what qualities did you value and what kept you around? How does your expression of affection fluctuate?

Also, if you have any suggestions for me Id greatly appreciate it! Because I love this girl more than words can describe.

 

[StandardLawyer]

This might help you

http://personalitycafe.com/estp-forum-doers/26241-how-can-i-show-my-love-estp.html

 

[teabiscits]

Im currently in a pretty serious relationship with my girlfriend whom I believe is an ESTP. Ive read many of the ESTP Articles and I believe they describe her perfectly. As you can tell, I am an ISFP.

We have had a few ups and downs in our relationship over the past two years of our relationship. One even leading us to break up for 6 months. Most of you would question why we got back together after such a long time but we both found ourselves missing/thinking about each other on a constant daily basis. Since then we have made amends and have both said we are committing ourselves to the relationship and trying to make it last as long as possible but while also making it fun. Neither of us want it to feel like a job.

One thing in particular that really struck me in the description was saying that ESTP have different levels of displaying their affections. This is extremely true for her. Some days she is the most loving girl in the world and other days its almost as if she could care less. I have found though that just like the description says, when she is acting as if she doesnt care it is because something else is going on in her life and she is focusing more on it.

So my question to you would be. If you are an ESTP and you have been in a long term relationship, what qualities did you value and what kept you around? How does your expression of affection fluctuate?

Also, if you have any suggestions for me Id greatly appreciate it! Because I love this girl more than words can describe.

are you positive she isn't entp? the six month break up sounds like a dual type thing.

 

[njchick]

I don't know why my affection fluctuates. I like to flirt, tease and act playful more than I like to cuddle, etc. I suppose it's because love is not this warm and fuzzy, spiritual thing for us. I won't reach out and hold hands or say "I love you" just to do or say it. I can remember as a teen, my girlfriends talking about their spiritual connections sexually, etc. I never knew what they were talking about. ESTP women are much like men when it comes to relationships. Showing affection has to be something I want to do at the moment. There are days when I just feel more cold, it's usually when something else is going on in my head.
As much as we say out loud, I don't think others around us even know that there is even more inside. Usually our more intimate thoughts. I will compartmentalize for the most part.
For a serious commitment, I value someone who accepts me for being me and who completes the parts where I am weak. I mostly dated feelers because they seemed so sensitive, something that is not my strong point. I also looked for a guy who was grounded because of my wild side but who can still have a good time and share in my crazy adventures.

 

[dagnytaggart]

Funny how in every single type forum, it's always a feeler asking "How do I make my XXXX show my love?"

Well, you're both SPs so you're on the same, most important wavelength. As for her on-and-off faucet love, that's just our tertiary Fe. It's shaky and hard to actually keep hold of unless the ExTP develops it to Yoda level.

I say this - take her as she comes. When she's in purr mode, take advantage and bring out the sex kitten in her. If she's not, just don't smother her. Go about your day, and she'll soon be ready to play.

 

[SunBum81]

I'm an ESTP and like you said, my attention generally fluctuates because I'm busy with other things. And my attention doesn't only fluctuate with my boyfriend (dated 3 yrs). During college my family would get so frustrated because I couldn't remember to check in with them. Obviously I love my family, I was just busy and they weren't around at the time lol.
With an ESTP, you're probably not going to be the focus for long. Relationships take up alot of time, which we hate to waste on things that aren't fun (like fights). For me, its most important to do things that will make me happy. You know, to live it up while I'm young! I like being with someone who I can have fun with and who won't try to hold me back or slow me down. Don't get me wrong, I would nevvvvver cheat...I just need to do my own thing sometimes. How else would I get cool stories to impress the boyfriend??? So encourage her to go new places, try new things, and meet new people with AND without you. I think freedom is the only way an ESTP can commit!

 

[IheartFootball10]

yehh ive had bf's who just wouldnt get how i show affection. im not overly romantic or mushy, i just cant lost in the idea of love. im to realistic for my own good. the biggest problem i face when im in a realtionship with someone is the fact that they are not my whole world. i without a doubt need my freedom and space to do my own thing. i cant be totally comsumed with a guy im dating. even when its long term.

in fact, im seeing someone now who hates the fact that i forget to check in lol i mean, i just get caught up in the million things im doing...im a busy girl! that it just slips my mind. but i told him not to take it personal, i do it to everyone. its not ment to intentionally hurt the person and it doesnt mean i dont care. i also told him to back off with hundred text messages a day. i mean really,cant you just pick up the phone and tell me what you have to say?? im not gonna text someone 500 times day. it annoying. so anyway, bottom line is he's not to happy with me right now. ughh i think this guy may be more of a headache than its worth !

 

[GreenCoyote]

I don't know why I am this way but I often sometimes feel it is natural and okay for some types of people to cheat.

I have and probably will never cheat on anyone, but I have been cheated on quite a few times. I can see how it can be acceptable in some situations. If I was dating an ESTP and they cheated, I would consider it my fault for not knowing and seperating myself from them sooner. In all honesty though, I don't see an ESTP leaving my side once I caught one. I am a pretty charming lion tamer.

 

[prilapril]

i value HONESTY the most ,

and whats with the fluctuate affection , its funny because i just had this convo with a friend, how i often treat people i know too well like shit, because i know, its safe to be snappy around them, even at my shittiest behavior, they will always be there for me , so you can take the fluctuation as a complement that she likes being around you.

 

[GreenCoyote]

i value HONESTY the most ,

and whats with the fluctuate affection , its funny because i just had this convo with a friend, how i often treat people i know too well like shit, because i know, its safe to be snappy around them, even at my shittiest behavior, they will always be there for me , so you can take the fluctuation as a complement that she likes being around you.

I actually think she might be a Fe user now that I think about it... but I am still unsure.

anyway.
point is, I don't mind being the underdog. I don't even feel that I would have that much to say all the time and me doing so always feels so necessary in my life and at the same time draining, but I do it to fill in what I perceive as gaps I guess.

although... when someone else talks in a um... annoying way. I typically look distressed and want to get away.
lol...

I got into this conversation with an ENFP in my art class last night...
ugh.
I play video games but this chick was an encyclopedia for games and literally just went ON and ON. I wanted about a few minute convo and she just took it to "lets talk about me time." which I do too but in a more abstract way.

I think I may have found an ESTP in my art class. they are such a breath of fresh air for me.
them not caring really helps me not care as much.
also you mentioned honesty. I AM ALWAYS HONEST!!!!!

typically... it is very VERY hard for me to be dis-honest. it doesn't feel natural and I am sure an ESTP could read it on my face if I ever had to force false info out of myself.

 

[Heuristyx]

Sometimes it all just goes without saying. An ESTP will have no problem telling you if it's over. So basically, if she hasn't said you're through, you're not. She's just distracted right now.

A good way to show her that you love her would be to love her, and give her freedom above all else.

 

[Jack D]

What the ESTP women are saying here resonates with me so much it's not funny.

I have been seeing an ESTP woman for about 6 months and as an ESTJ man it has required a lot of restraint! (I think an ESTJ man without Myers Briggs understanding would have been in a handful of fights by now).

Reading the above has been incredibly helpful in understanding exactly what makes the ESTP woman tick... and the common thread is freedom.

A few observations when I am with her:

She loves to be in the moment.. and will not always answer the phone. She may pick it up... but it could quickly go in the too-hard or especially the "not now" basket. I know that when she is doing her own thing, my phone calls have suffered this same fate. But from this forum, I know it's not to be taken personally. If it doesn't fit the mould of "now"... then it is for "the later". Sometimes never if it slips her mind (highly likely, haha).

When she is stressed, she is withdrawn... and it is usually very obvious. She will curl up and shut the world out - the complete opposite of what she would normally do as big sensory ball of energy. Stress is obviously painful for her, and being forced to think too far in the future will cause defiance, impulsiveness (in revolt!) and stress.

I think our relationship lasted a good 5 months before she started showing signs of needing to be busy doing other things, because I am active and was introducing her to new experiences.

She needs the wind in her hair... and if a partner won't give that to an ESTP, well... she'll do it anyway!

 

[njchick]

Jack, that description is dead on and it's awesome that you understand her and are not trying to change her.
I also withdraw when in stress and the best thing to do is just let her open up when she is ready. It takes me some time to run through my feelings and figure things out but we get there eventually. I always hate how almost everything comes so easy for me in the outside world but making decisions with my emotions, that can be really tough.
My mentor in my line of work is an ESTJ (best guess) and he and I worked so amazingly well for years. Such an easy, natural relationship between ESTJ and ESTP.

 

[Jack D]

When we are together, it's awesome. But sometimes it's the getting together that is the most frustrating. Trying to make plans, and most of all COMMUNICATION. For an ESTJ is quite difficult to have a lack of communication like that but I suspect it is for a lot of other types as well.

She will "follow her nose" into doing something when we were talking about maybe doing something else, and then not communicate that. Her mentality is that I should just go about my day. That is a huge frustration at times... as a clear and extroverted "J", not knowing makes me feel like a caged lion.

 

[njchick]

I am well aware of these words, my husband is ESFJ and my "living in the moment" way is sometimes frustrating to him as well. 99.9% of the time I have the same end result as the SJ who plans so tediously and I wing it. In which he makes a joke and says I carry my pixie dust through life.
But seriously I was the only Perceiver in a household of 5 Judgers, so you can imagine the shit I put them through.

So you need to learn to relax a little and she needs to consciously push herself to communicate some planning.
The best thing you can do for her is make the plans, invite her and basically as an ESTP she's going to make fun no matter where she is. She wants to do things for you, share her experiences with you, make you relax and have fun. She doesn't want to make plans. Every once in a while she will surprise you with a plan and you better throw a fucking party for her efforts cause this will be a proud moment for her.

 

[SeekJess]

I value: A thinker! I love people who aren't effected by what everyone says, or thinks about em. I like people who can just be themselves, and not give a fuck. I really like sensual people! Intelligence... someone who can just be, who doesnt need to talk all of the time. I dunno, I'm really picky, you should present the person to me. Then I will know if I like them or not.

I am dating a INTP right now, he and I seem to get along fairly well. He is proposing in May, and we will be getting married in Oct or jan. of next year

 

[Jack D]

Proposing in May... little bit of forward planning. You guys be careful, or you might find yourself as "J"s at any moment.

Truth be told I'm not sure we're compatible enough to last a "lifetime" together. I can see far too many frustrations occurring unfortunately. I'm extremely ambitious and whilst I like being spontaneous at times (one thing I love about her), I do love to be efficient and cram as much in to a day as I can... social and otherwise.

So certain things really get to me: lack of communication, forgetfulness and neglecting/postponing things which end up inconveniencing themselves or worse, where the ESTP will then consequently become stressed and withdrawn from those around them. I'm guessing (hoping) to an extent she will develop some awareness to at least mitigate this.

If that's a regular occurrence... then I' not sure how much of that I can take!!