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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
First a brief intro as I've not visited these parts before. I am a 25 year old who suffered retrograde amnesia at 13 (no personal memories before this age, could still walk, talk etc) and is a psychological mess - I am hoping that as NT's you will skip the sympathy. It's also rumoured you lot like talking about depression which this kinda links to :laughing:

I am seriously considering the idea that for most of the 12 years I know about I've been an extrovert living as an introvert. The result is a complete lack of energy to do anything in life - I have no personal or career aims, never been in a relationship (and until recently never seen the point in doing so) and am surviving quite stably living in a darkened room in my parents house seeing one friend for an evening most weekends - needless to say this life is not fulfilling me or I'd not be questioning it.

As a child from all the stories I've heard I sound like an extrovert. From group activities out of school to being in a choir and taking a lead role in the school play, being the center of attention was not something I shied away from. More recently I had a job where the phone rang all day and switched to one where it doesn't and the lack of this lack of contact had a massive negative effect on my happiness. I noticed how isolated I really am. It's possible that I've gone so far as to convince myself that I don't enjoy social occasions, although if you get me out for a night in town (in a pub) I will usually stay to the bitter end despite not participating in most of the conversation. It's almost like I leach the positive energy of others as a substitute for admitting enjoying doing anything for myself. Is this extroversion?

I sound crazy but I don't care - do you think this is possible? Any guesses as to how you'd react? Are there extroverts who appear to be introverts? Any thoughts would be appreciated :happy:
 

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If you read about ENTPs social awkwardness when growing up you will see that this is quite normal even without the amnesia thing. It seems to be a feeling of being weird and not fitting in, even if trying. And not finding other interesting people, or people who find you interesting for that matter (when you act true to yourself). Leads to introspection and self doubt, leads to isolation and introversion - for a while. It gets better with age. I would suggest studying at the university or something. nerdy stuff. It will bring you to other Ns, and you will fit in better.

Try it. And it is good that you are doing something about this. Things can only get better so just keep until you succeed in changing your life.


About the leech thing: Extroverts GAIN energy when interacting /getting stimulation. You might feel like a leech if you have low confidence or ability to parttake in the conversation or getting appreciation. But these are learnable skills. And the peers must EXPECT you to be amusing, which makes it a bit more difficult if you tag along old acquaintances that doesnt appreciate you enough. Find other Ns without the prejudice and then you will see the truer result. Just a thought.... In any case: You are probably not a leech. Perhaps you even are a good listener? I wish I could better myself in that aspect sometimes....

Good luck!
 

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I use to be EXACTLY like this, especially the no drive, therefore no energy thing.

Not much advice though other than making yourself do things, alone or with any other person. Get out, meet people, hold on to the ones you enjoy, and see what happens is the only advice I really have.
 

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I concur with everyone else. I used to be like that too with the no drive or energy...

I used to feel guilty for needing people to talk and get energy from... I would even ask my friends if I was bothering them and would still feel guilty even if they said it was perfectly fine!

I realized after awhile that I needed social interaction to remain healthy, just like I needed food or sleep. If I get worried about being too demanding or 'leeching', I step out and widen my social circle. I spent many years having one or two friends at a time; the bad thing about that is if one disappears or is busy, you're kinda stuck and 'starving' for input from another person. lol
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Well that's not the answer I was expecting!

So finding motivation life is as "easy" as finding some interesting people who I actually want to talk to? What a shame I wasted my time in education, surely there were some there. I did think it strange that I didn't find any (even introverts need friends) but what can you do :mellow:

I'm going to have to learn how to communicate in person, and pretend to give a crap about small talk. I get the feeling this is not going to be easy :unsure:
 

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I'm going to have to learn how to communicate in person, and pretend to give a crap about small talk. I get the feeling this is not going to be easy :unsure:
I don't think most NTs like small talk...It helps me to view small talk as learning to speak another language. I often don't care about the subject material, but it's as necessary as saying 'hello' and 'how are you' to get to the part that I am truly interested in...where hopefully we can speak my language.

Course, you might find another NT who hates small talk and you can both agree to bypass it altogether to get to the real meaty discussion. (I have a friend like this. lol We get on the phone, say 'hello', and dive right into discussion. :laughing: )
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
You've made an assumption there HellsMess - that I'm an NT. If I'd used my normal amount of smilies you'd not have thought so as readily. I asked NT's as I know they don't like small talk, and will cut straight to the facts - you did not disappoint :happy:

Honestly, without being "out" in the world more attempting to type myself is hopeless. I had narrowed it down to 3 types by being 100% sure of my introversion but now that has gone I'm even more open to confusion. When I force myself to go/do/experience I will hate it - it's not what I've done my entire life - but if I'm an extrovert I will learn to love it and be a better person for it, if not I'll be killing myself futilely. I was not going to risk that without the possibility of it being good :crazy:
 

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You've made an assumption there HellsMess - that I'm an NT. If I'd used my normal amount of smilies you'd not have thought so as readily. I asked NT's as I know they don't like small talk, and will cut straight to the facts - you did not disappoint :happy:
You should see my emails, they're full of smilies. ;) Yea, I got carried away in approaching it as an NT. lol

Honestly, without being "out" in the world more attempting to type myself is hopeless. I had narrowed it down to 3 types by being 100% sure of my introversion but now that has gone I'm even more open to confusion. When I force myself to go/do/experience I will hate it - it's not what I've done my entire life - but if I'm an extrovert I will learn to love it and be a better person for it, if not I'll be killing myself futilely. I was not going to risk that without the possibility of it being good :crazy:
You sound like me! lol I have spent most of my life, from age 11 onward, being very isolated...I thought I was introverted, but seeing the drastic change in my emotional health when I'm socializing (and not socializing) changed that idea. Personality typing seemed very difficult for the same reason you mentioned, not being out in the world enough...plus being split on T/F. heh

Have you studied the functions any?
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
HellsMess said:
You should see my emails, they're full of smilies. ;)
You have to admit though, there are many more smilies to be found in (e.g.) the INFP forum than here or the INTP one. It's not a solid indicator of type, but not bad for a quick impression. When trying to be typed in any way I avoid them - even after reading about the functions I don't want the squishy F stereotype hanging over me, even if it's meaningless and I note from your profile you're the same :crazy:

HellsMess said:
You sound like me! lol I have spent most of my life, from age 11 onward, being very isolated...I thought I was introverted, but seeing the drastic change in my emotional health when I'm socializing (and not socializing) changed that idea.
If you don't mind me asking how old were you when you made the change? I am encouraged by your success either way, but it's a strange habbit to break. I think the first step for me is going to have to be going to bed earlier, strange as that sounds. I could shift my whole day back a couple of hours to have longer evenings to do in. But I'm a natural night owl. Or maybe that's another self imposed lie :mellow:

HellsMess said:
Have you studied the functions any?
I'm pretty sure I use Ti and Fe and there's definitely a lot of N but not sure which way that goes. People struggle to explain either in a way that's meaningful to me and the examples I can see myself doing both regularly. The joys of intuition - seeing too many options! Therefore I must decide on my S, which is very much reliant on actually doing stuff...
 

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asmit, I'm the same way too. I come across a lot more people that I can't relate to that those I can. I usually just know them for a little while and move on, looking for others. As an ENTP, when in a large group, I do a whole lot more observing than I do talking. I will literally try to tune into several people's conversations at the same time. People will say a lot of the time that I'm real quiet but I'm really just soaking everything in and running it through an "internal computer".

Don't even worry about not wanting to pick up the phone. I detest the phone. At work I avoid it whenever possible because I know: 1. it's not for me specifically 2. half the time it's a boss 3. half the time its someone angry.

I suggest to keep putting yourself out there. Keep looking for friends, new activities that interest you, and believe that who you are and what you're doing is ok. If you can't commit to something because you're not feeling it, that's ok too. It just isn't for you and you'll find something else.

Of course, when venturing out into the world at full throttle, you're going to come across some real high and low points in your life. There's going to be stuff that's really pissed you off or made you depressed. Don't let it discourage you. Keep chugging at it and eventually you'll find those friends you can connect with and goals that you're passionate about.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
xrevolutionx said:
Don't even worry about not wanting to pick up the phone. I detest the phone.
You've misread that one - I really miss the phone at work, mine doesn't ring enough! It was only when I lost it I felt bad, and considered it being lack of human contact. My mobile on the other hand often remains in my bedroom. It never rings anyway...

xrevolutionx said:
Of course, when venturing out into the world at full throttle, you're going to come across some real high and low points in your life. There's going to be stuff that's really pissed you off or made you depressed.
Ah well. I've probably had more than my fair share of hard life experiences, hiding doesn't save you from them. And (debatably) I've been depressed for at least 5 years - anything must be an improvement! If I can hold off on the self judging "wannabe extrovert" label I'll be attaching to myself shortly, that is.
 

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You have to admit though, there are many more smilies to be found in (e.g.) the INFP forum than here or the INTP one. It's not a solid indicator of type, but not bad for a quick impression. When trying to be typed in any way I avoid them - even after reading about the functions I don't want the squishy F stereotype hanging over me, even if it's meaningless and I note from your profile you're the same :crazy:
Definitely, the INFP and ENFP forums are more smiley expressive than here. Yea, the stereotypes are annoying. lol If you're a T, then you're a logical automaton. If you're a F, you're a gushy basketcase. :laughing:

If you don't mind me asking how old were you when you made the change? I am encouraged by your success either way, but it's a strange habbit to break. I think the first step for me is going to have to be going to bed earlier, strange as that sounds. I could shift my whole day back a couple of hours to have longer evenings to do in. But I'm a natural night owl :mellow:
I changed and started embracing my need for socialization earlier this year--I'm 26. I had been 'observing' myself to try and figure out my type, and that was a key trait that I noticed in myself. For a few years before that, I would bounce between being super-social for maybe 3 months out of the year and then spend the rest of the time being withdrawn and 'introverted' from stress. Now I know that withdrawing only worsens the problem. :crazy:

lol Yea, night owl here too. Most of my friends are far away and in other time zones, so it doesn't really matter atm. :unsure:

I'm pretty sure I use Ti and Fe and there's definitely a lot of N but not sure which way that goes. People struggle to explain either in a way that's meaningful to me and the examples I can see myself doing both regularly. The joys of intuition - seeing too many options! Therefore I must decide on my S, which is very much reliant on actually doing stuff...
Well, what helped me pinpoint Ne was to think of it as verbal ADHD--jumping from one topic to the next. Now...to another person it will look like you're nuts and being random. You can see the connections between the topics and each one leads to the other. That's how I see it anyway. Ne forms ideas from external input--I need to talk to other people so I have something to bounce off of and run with to make into my own new idea. Ni is more internal based and doesn't seem to need people so much to create ideas.

Se/Si is kinda hard. Si, imo, is drawing on the past to evaluate the present, but it's more unconscious and unaware than the first three functions. I would Se would be evidenced by being less clumsy than a Ne user. :laughing: (In the end, the functions (Ne/Se, Ni/Si) seem very alike...You might check out Functianalyst's blog.)

Ugh, rambling now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
HellsMess said:
I changed and started embracing my need for socialization earlier this year--I'm 26. I had been 'observing' myself to try and figure out my type, and that was a key trait that I noticed in myself. For a few years before that, I would bounce between being super-social for maybe 3 months out of the year and then spend the rest of the time being withdrawn and 'introverted' from stress. Now I know that withdrawing only worsens the problem. :crazy:
Well 3 months out of the year sounds better than none... the last time I actively socialised regularly was just before Christmas 2005. And then I saw myself as the butt of the jokes rather than being valued for my me-ness (though that may be a completely warped perception). I assume by 26 you were out of education so that's just proof I'm not doomed :happy: I just need to find something that looks even vaguely interesting and give it a try.

HellsMess said:
lol Yea, night owl here too. Most of my friends are far away and in other time zones, so it doesn't really matter atm. :unsure:
Damn forums. I could consider myself to have more friends in Canada than the UK, strange as that is, though I can't really call someone I've never met in person a friend.

HellsMess said:
Well, what helped me pinpoint Ne was to think of it as verbal ADHD--jumping from one topic to the next. Now...to another person it will look like you're nuts and being random. You can see the connections between the topics and each one leads to the other. That's how I see it anyway. Ne forms ideas from external input--I need to talk to other people so I have something to bounce off of and run with to make into my own new idea. Ni is more internal based and doesn't seem to need people so much to create ideas.
From that I could only use Ni. There was no-one to bounce ideas off for years but I still had them... unless discussing things in imaginary conversations with impression of people I vaguely know in my head counts?

HellsMess said:
Se/Si is kinda hard. Si, imo, is drawing on the past to evaluate the present, but it's more unconscious and unaware than the first three functions. I would Se would be evidenced by being less clumsy than a Ne user. :laughing: (In the end, the functions (Ne/Se, Ni/Si) seem very alike...You might check out Functianalyst's blog.)
You're assuming S to be inferior, ie ENxP or INxJ. It may not be, for me :tongue: I will have a look at the blog though, thanks :happy:

HellsMess said:
Ugh, rambling now.
I feel bad for taking peoples time and you ... apologise? for talking too much? :confused:
 

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Well 3 months out of the year sounds better than none... the last time I actively socialised regularly was just before Christmas 2005. And then I saw myself as the butt of the jokes rather than being valued for my me-ness (though that may be a completely warped perception). I assume by 26 you were out of education so that's just proof I'm not doomed :happy: I just need to find something that looks even vaguely interesting and give it a try.
Those 3 months added up to online/postal letters socialization. :mellow:

I'm just starting college, but it's online. I'm guessing whatever interaction I'll get won't be much different than what I've experienced before since it will be the same mediums (forums, chat, facebook).

Damn forums. I could consider myself to have more friends in Canada than the UK, strange as that is, though I can't really call someone I've never met in person a friend.
Yea, know how that is. I don't like telling people that too much in case they happen to be one of those "online people don't count as friends" folks. :bored:

It seems to be much easier to find like-minded people online...The only thing is nobody calls. It's all in writing. :mellow:

From that I could only use Ni. There was no-one to bounce ideas off for years but I still had them... unless discussing things in imaginary conversations with impression of people I vaguely know in my head counts?
I'd say it counts. My ISTJ friend and I both have admitted to doing it. lol

I feel bad for taking peoples time and you ... apologise? for talking too much? :confused:
Sounds about right. :unsure:
 

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Everybody needs human interaction, even introverts lol. I can simply go on longer without it than my ENTP sister. My sister has had some rather bad experiences with friends, some rather nasty ones to the point that her car got vandalized, nevertheless she continues going out. I've known another ENTP guy who is 19 and his parents are taking him to see the shrink, he is also on some medication. But he also continues going out and interacting with people. My observation has been that even if ENTPs don't meet the people who would understand them and feel socially awkward, it doesn't stop them from trying. In comparison to INFJs my perception is that they seem to move on from bad experiences more easily, but they also seem to run into more of these bad experiences in net sum.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
HellsMess said:
Those 3 months added up to online/postal letters socialization. :mellow:
That counts as socialising!? I always assumed delayed response communication was the realm of the introvert, if they didn't feel like replying that hour/day/week they had the option not to. I really am sticking to the I/E stereotypes while mocking the others :laughing:

HellsMess said:
I'm just starting college, but it's online. I'm guessing whatever interaction I'll get won't be much different than what I've experienced before since it will be the same mediums (forums, chat, facebook). :
Oh facebook :mellow: What an admission of extroversion that would be! I had an account, added the few people I don't hate from work and everyone from uni and after all the "never expected to see you on here" messages it was silent for 3 months so I deleted it :crazy: I couldn't care less what colour socks you're wearing or if you're suddenly single, so facebook just isn't for me. Maybe I should actually put some effort into it though?

HellsMess said:
Yea, know how that is. I don't like telling people that too much in case they happen to be one of those "online people don't count as friends" folks. :bored:
Have you ever told a real world "friend" theres no point having a birthday party as you have no friends? It's amazing what can slip out after a couple of drinks :blushed:

HellsMess said:
It seems to be much easier to find like-minded people online...The only thing is nobody calls. It's all in writing. :mellow:
I've always claimed there is no point going out and "doing" as people like me aren't going to be there, they will be sat home as I am. From what you're suggesting even as an extrovert this could be true. How ... disappointing? :unsure:

HellsMess said:
I'd say it counts. My ISTJ friend and I both have admitted to doing it. lol
Oh dear :tongue:
 

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That counts as socialising!? I always assumed delayed response communication was the realm of the introvert, if they didn't feel like replying that hour/day/week they had the option not to. I really am sticking to the I/E stereotypes while mocking the others :laughing:
Interaction with people in any form is socializing, imo. Gotta think positive. ;)

Oh facebook :mellow: What an admission of extroversion that would be! I had an account, added the few people I don't hate from work and everyone from uni and after all the "never expected to see you on here" messages it was silent for 3 months so I deleted it :crazy: I couldn't care less what colour socks you're wearing or if you're suddenly single, so facebook just isn't for me. Maybe I should actually put some effort into it though?
Not everyone on FB is like that; I've been lucky enough to avoid a lot of those. I delete or hide the ones who turn out to be dumb-status nuts. The most annoying thing on my FB has been one or two friends obsessed with some interest and they are intend on telling everyone about it all day long with links...Then they got blogs and that annoyance was gone. I have one friend who posts "places" (where he is) all the time, and it's just weird. It's just like meeting people in person, there are duds and treasures. :laughing:

Have you ever told a real world "friend" theres no point having a birthday party as you have no friends? It's amazing what can slip out after a couple of drinks :blushed:
Not exactly like that...I don't count celebrating my birthday with my parents as a party, although I think they do...lol Party = friends are present, imo.

I've always claimed there is no point going out and "doing" as people like me aren't going to be there, they will be sat home as I am. From what you're suggesting even as an extrovert this could be true. How ... disappointing? :unsure:
Eh, just a late blooming, formerly very shy, isolated ENTP. XD I ran across interesting people while working as a teen; they ARE out there...Not all of the interesting people are on their comps 24/7.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Everybody needs human interaction, even introverts lol. I can simply go on longer without it than my ENTP sister. My sister has had some rather bad experiences with friends, some rather nasty ones to the point that her car got vandalized, nevertheless she continues going out. I've known another ENTP guy who is 19 and his parents are taking him to see the shrink, he is also on some medication. But he also continues going out and interacting with people. My observation has been that even if ENTPs don't meet the people who would understand them and feel socially awkward, it doesn't stop them from trying. In comparison to INFJs my perception is that they seem to move on from bad experiences more easily, but they also seem to run into more of these bad experiences in net sum.
Hi vel, didn't expect to see you in here but your input is always welcome :happy:

I am aware of the need for interaction regardless of type, but I/E is about energy. Even when I had lots of phone interaction at work I did not have any motivation to do or achieve in my life, but I never clock watched waiting for home time as I do without it. Seems from this thread I wouldn't be the first person to deny extroversion for a prologued period, so it must be considered.

As for the bad experiences how do you know if you're over them? I once completely forgot the most recent and a contender for worst of my experience of my life when it came up in a thread, so I might move on quickly.

I'm not saying I am an extrovert, but I'm no longer sure I'm not.
 

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First a brief intro as I've not visited these parts before. I am a 25 year old who suffered retrograde amnesia at 13 (no personal memories before this age, could still walk, talk etc) and is a psychological mess - I am hoping that as NT's you will skip the sympathy. It's also rumoured you lot like talking about depression which this kinda links to :laughing:

I am seriously considering the idea that for most of the 12 years I know about I've been an extrovert living as an introvert. The result is a complete lack of energy to do anything in life - I have no personal or career aims, never been in a relationship (and until recently never seen the point in doing so) and am surviving quite stably living in a darkened room in my parents house seeing one friend for an evening most weekends - needless to say this life is not fulfilling me or I'd not be questioning it.

As a child from all the stories I've heard I sound like an extrovert. From group activities out of school to being in a choir and taking a lead role in the school play, being the center of attention was not something I shied away from. More recently I had a job where the phone rang all day and switched to one where it doesn't and the lack of this lack of contact had a massive negative effect on my happiness. I noticed how isolated I really am. It's possible that I've gone so far as to convince myself that I don't enjoy social occasions, although if you get me out for a night in town (in a pub) I will usually stay to the bitter end despite not participating in most of the conversation. It's almost like I leach the positive energy of others as a substitute for admitting enjoying doing anything for myself. Is this extroversion?

I sound crazy but I don't care - do you think this is possible? Any guesses as to how you'd react? Are there extroverts who appear to be introverts? Any thoughts would be appreciated :happy:
One would have to wonder if whatever disrupted your previous memories had any major effect on your personality as well.

At any rate the only advice I can give you is to really ask yourself what it is that you want out of life. Figure out your purpose and then fight for it. You can only move forward from now. So you've got some questioning to do.

You could be depressed or suffering from isolation however if the lack of contact had a MASSIVE effect on you happiness. As an ENTP if people aren't around I generally don't care as long as I can substitute what people feed my main function with other forms of entertainment. If i've gone without seeing friends for days on end I might become a bit anxious but nothing major like that.

I say you might be depressed because perhaps dealing with all of the phone calls distracted you from your depression and then when you didn't have the distractions your depression came back.

It's hard to say though. If you randomly lost your memories something may still be out of whack with your brain chemistry with may cause you to relate to the world in a different way then you want to. (Shrugs). You might want to look into things that relate to your retrograde amnesia more.
 
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