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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Disappearing is a common trait to an INTJ. An INTJ disappears from parties, social events etc without any notice to others. This annoys many of them.

An INTJ also has the tendency to disappear from the social scene for a long time as well. I usually do so when I am researching on something. This is the time when I literally do not get out of my home(I stay alone).

Of-course this has annoyed a close friend. After a lot of calls from him, when I eventually picked up, I had to hear a lot of emo-stuff. And asking me not to do such a disappearance act. He needed somebody to talk to as he was going through a lot of problems at his work place (dissatisfied with a job etc).

Now, my disappearance was for nearly 5-6 months. I usually disappear for about 3 days to a week.

Curious about what has been the longest as well as the usual disappearance widths of other INTJs?
 

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I wouldn't just leave a party without at least saying goodbye. If its a larger party, I may not say goodbye to everyone, but I'd at least say goodbye to the host/hostess and the people I spent the most time hanging out with.

I will however, go several months without contacting certain friends. I have a bad tendency to let friendships drift apart over time even when I still like the person.
 

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I wish I could disappear. Once I graduate HS I'm getting the fu** out of here, go to a university and meditate in a laboratory. Yes I will go to those extremes in order to just get some damn alone time, it's the only thing I truly complain about though.

But yes I have disappeared from many social events. The thing is when you tell somebody that you're going to leave it takes another ten minutes of them asking why and a bunch of other bullshit. This is why now: I simply do NOT go to them.

APPRECIATE YOUR ALONE TIME!!!
 

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I don't really disappear, just have a few toes dipped in the social pool most of the time. This is basically because of school and the forced interaction. To answer, four months.
 

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I do that too...

I've also done the disappear from social events. It depends on the event, but I have wandered away easily. Especially if I don't know the host well and just feel like bailing out ASAP.

I've had disappearances for a year in some cases. Granted this was with family, but still I didn't talk to my dad for about 12 months once. In other cases, it has just been many months and counting since I've disappeared from some family as I just don't stay in touch well.

As for a usual disappearance length, it depends on how tenacious is the person trying to reach me. After a few tries I will respond, but there has to be that repeated message usually as sometimes I'll forget a message or attempt so multiple ones are required. I'd generally say a few months would be average for me.
 

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Well, without telling anyone I'll disappear for a few hours, but I have a tendency to not communicate with family or friends for months sometimes years and then I just pop up out of no where.
 

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My IXTJ friend is distressed that I'm not in any of his wedding pictures, even though I insist I was there and even was courteous enough to stay for about 20 minutes of the reception. :sad:
 
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I don't disappear, intentionally, it's all part of the ebb and flow of my friendships and the friends I have get that. That being said, if you're my friend and need me, even in the middle of the night, I will be there in a heartbeat.

When I'm stressed or irritated I do withdraw, until I feel less overwhelmed. I don't get to disappear though, because I find that once people get a whiff of withdrawal they won't leave me alone.
 

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I don't disappear, intentionally, it's all part of the ebb and flow of my friendships and the friends I have get that. That being said, if you're my friend and need me, even in the middle of the night, I will be there in a heartbeat.

When I'm stressed or irritated I do withdraw, until I feel less overwhelmed. I don't get to disappear though, because I find that once people get a whiff of withdrawal they won't leave me alone.
Nail on head.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I have a bad tendency to let friendships drift apart over time even when I still like the person.
Same here. Although, weirdly enough, I have no guilt. Cos I treat it as drifted apart due to different interests.

But yes I have disappeared from many social events. The thing is when you tell somebody that you're going to leave it takes another ten minutes of them asking why and a bunch of other bullshit. This is why now: I simply do NOT go to them.
APPRECIATE YOUR ALONE TIME!!!
Same reason. If I got caught sneaking out, what I do is, 'I got a call. Gotta be somewhere soon. bye'.

if you're my friend and need me, even in the middle of the night, I will be there in a heartbeat.

When I'm stressed or irritated I do withdraw, until I feel less overwhelmed. I don't get to disappear though, because I find that once people get a whiff of withdrawal they won't leave me alone.
Good point..
 

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I disappeared when I was seventeen. I'm twenty-one now, and I'm still in the middle of the act. Discovery Science, video games and books treat me well. No, no, I don't have any "real life" friends, by choice. I did my disappearing act thoroughly. :)
 

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I'm disappeared right now. I go to work, and I come home and play my guitar all night. There were a few situations where I would gain from socializing, so I did, but I left just as soon as I was able.

It's been about four months now, maybe I've socialized five times. Guitar is addictive . . .
 

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My longest disappearance from the majority of people was about 6 months as a I recall. Though there was one person that I hid from for about 3 years.
 
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I've also done the disappear from social events. It depends on the event, but I have wandered away easily. Especially if I don't know the host well and just feel like bailing out ASAP.

I've had disappearances for a year in some cases. Granted this was with family, but still I didn't talk to my dad for about 12 months once. In other cases, it has just been many months and counting since I've disappeared from some family as I just don't stay in touch well.

As for a usual disappearance length, it depends on how tenacious is the person trying to reach me. After a few tries I will respond, but there has to be that repeated message usually as sometimes I'll forget a message or attempt so multiple ones are required. I'd generally say a few months would be average for me.
My dad got worried about not hearing from me for a long time - months- and instead of emailing me that he would contact the police if he didn't get a response he reported me missing and the interpol put me in their computer. The morning after I'd crossed the bridge from Romania to Bulgaria and checked into a hotel there were four men outside my door, two wearing uniform. As the Bulgarian Police is the policeforce I distrust the most in all of EU and I had a lot of cash on me I was not happy. They hadn't bothered to find out why the interpol was looking for me and assumed the usual. The worst was not the handcuffs or the punches in the stomach by the plain cloth "cop" but the punch/es that missed the stomach.
As I often have "disappeared" 1 1/2 or 2 1/2 years at a time I lost several friends back in the nineties before I got an email account. I would return to my country and go visit a friend and there would be another name on the door. Now there's just two "friends" whom I visit every few years and ditto with two other I visit when passing through Seattle or Kuala Lumpur.
 

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An INTJ friend of mine disappeared for about 4 years and randomly popped back into my life last year.

I know INFJs go through similar disappearing/hiding modes, but definitely not as long. I bring this up, because I've had a similar experience to the poster above me, in regards to family - though it went nowhere as near as losing contact for months/having the police involved.
 
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