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MOTM Nov 2010
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Are there any perceivers out there that have been in romantic relationships with other perceivers? If so, how did it end?

In my personal experience, I've had incredibly long relationships with other perceivers. Doesn't mean it was less rocky, however. It just seems that one person was always willing to forgive the other. We both regularly defaulted to moving on and getting along, seeing things a different way, etc.

In my relationship with my ISTP ex, neither one of us were good at "shutting the door", so even breaking up took about year. It was tough. But there is also a good side to this: during the relationship neither one of us both stayed mad at the same time or for very long.

That relationship was a couple of years ago, but we both have forgiven each other and can tell each other wonderful things about what we learned in the relationship and we can tell the other person how good they are. If he ever needed my help, I'd be there for him. And he has since helped me recently in a time of need. Our slate is clean and there is no animosity what-so-ever. I don't think we function like that. I don't think we function as people with "long term anger". I know on my end, if there is resentment I try to go back and clear things so that we are both set free.

I had another relationship with an ENTP. We also did the "revolving door" thing for a while before we ended the relationship. But I can honestly say, this was also a good guy. No bridges were burned. Heck, maybe some day in the future...

Okay, the more I think about it... There was this other "P" I dated. An ENFP as well. Awesome guy. He's been in and out of my life romantically for 17 years. No bridges burned. Hey, you never know maybe some day....:tongue:

Is this a P/P thing? Can anyone relate? In my experience, breaking apart from another perceiver has been one of the hardest things to do. But now I'm thinking-I actually haven't really "broken" it with other perceivers. :unsure:
 

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I had a two year relationship with an ISTP. I had to break it off harshly due to the circumstances surrounding the situation and for my own mental health, but if things had ended in a more natural fashion I'm sure we'd still be friends now. It took me forever to let go of the relationship even though I wasn't happy, because we'd sweep all the problems and conflict under the rug. I know on his end, he would still love to be friends with me (and was always friends with every single one of his exes). He still tries to keep in contact with me, but I really won't have any of it.
 

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Very similar experiences. I had relationships with ISTP X 2, ESTP, and ENFP, and with the exception with one ISTP they were my longest relationships. I remained friends with each of them, although it took some time after completely removing them from my life. I don't think my candle for them will ever blow away, and I can say that the flame is brighter for the P's than my previous J's. Even with my last ESTP relationship where she was dishonest and disloyal, I really wasn't that mad because I was already feeling that need to move on for a long time, and I was very salient of the things I could have done better but didn't. Every once in awhile I imagine the "maybe one day...", but I immediately catch myself and think that this thinking is foolish and unproductive and there are others out there that are perfectly imperfect waiting for me - but I can't extinguish those candles!
 

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Yea i keep getting in relationships with them. and yea it always takes forever to close the door. And even then the door isn't permanently shut. It's great. xD
 
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I was with another xNTP a few months longer than I was with an INFJ. And yeah, the split with the xNTP was much longer and harder for both of us than it was with the INFJ. So yeah, I do think you're on to something.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I had a two year relationship with an ISTP. I had to break it off harshly due to the circumstances surrounding the situation and for my own mental health, but if things had ended in a more natural fashion I'm sure we'd still be friends now. It took me forever to let go of the relationship even though I wasn't happy, because we'd sweep all the problems and conflict under the rug. I know on his end, he would still love to be friends with me (and was always friends with every single one of his exes). He still tries to keep in contact with me, but I really won't have any of it.
I was with my ISTP for 2 years as well. How long have you been broken up? It's been 3 years for us. We were completely out of each other's lives for 2 years. It was a very difficult break up. A lot of time to heal had to take place first. Then I ran into him and it inspired some "closure" correspondence which sort of left the door "open". Lol. The ISTP was the one that always told me "never say never" so it stuck in my head I guess.

Very similar experiences. I had relationships with ISTP X 2, ESTP, and ENFP, and with the exception with one ISTP they were my longest relationships. I remained friends with each of them, although it took some time after completely removing them from my life. I don't think my candle for them will ever blow away, and I can say that the flame is brighter for the P's than my previous J's. Even with my last ESTP relationship where she was dishonest and disloyal, I really wasn't that mad because I was already feeling that need to move on for a long time, and I was very salient of the things I could have done better but didn't. Every once in awhile I imagine the "maybe one day...", but I immediately catch myself and think that this thinking is foolish and unproductive and there are others out there that are perfectly imperfect waiting for me - but I can't extinguish those candles!
No, no. While ending it, the last thing I think of is "maybe someday". That sort of thing would just keep me going in it. But later on after wounds have healed I can see the beauty in what once was. It's sort of like I have to get over them first, before I can see them as "but maybe some day....".

At the very least, seeing them as possibilities helps me to feel like nothing was a waste. And they still are sort of around, like "cosmically". (Cosmic is my term for "out of my life" but I still carry them in a safe place in my heart.)
 
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Are there any perceivers out there that have been in romantic relationships with other perceivers? If so, how did it end?

In my personal experience, I've had incredibly long relationships with other perceivers. Doesn't mean it was less rocky, however. It just seems that one person was always willing to forgive the other. We both regularly defaulted to moving on and getting along, seeing things a different way, etc.

In my relationship with my ISTP ex, neither one of us were good at "shutting the door", so even breaking up took about year. It was tough. But there is also a good side to this: during the relationship neither one of us both stayed mad at the same time or for very long.

That relationship was a couple of years ago, but we both have forgiven each other and can tell each other wonderful things about what we learned in the relationship and we can tell the other person how good they are. If he ever needed my help, I'd be there for him. And he has since helped me recently in a time of need. Our slate is clean and there is no animosity what-so-ever. I don't think we function like that. I don't think we function as people with "long term anger". I know on my end, if there is resentment I try to go back and clear things so that we are both set free.

I had another relationship with an ENTP. We also did the "revolving door" thing for a while before we ended the relationship. But I can honestly say, this was also a good guy. No bridges were burned. Heck, maybe some day in the future...

Okay, the more I think about it... There was this other "P" I dated. An ENFP as well. Awesome guy. He's been in and out of my life romantically for 17 years. No bridges burned. Hey, you never know maybe some day....:tongue:

Is this a P/P thing? Can anyone relate? In my experience, breaking apart from another perceiver has been one of the hardest things to do. But now I'm thinking-I actually haven't really "broken" it with other perceivers. :unsure:
All those great guys. . . .
Maybe the problem(s) with you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
All those great guys. . . .
Maybe the problem(s) with you.
Hmmm... I don't really think that way. I wasn't focusing on who was the "problem". This wasn't about placing blame.

I never think problems in relationships are due to one person. Moreover it's very rare I think of someone as all "bad". This has made it incredibly tough for me to stick with a judgment I've made to remove myself from toxic situations. I can love a person and see their goodness at all times. I can also see where I've made mistakes. So it's very difficult to come to the conclusion "we are just not right for each other."


Like I said, with these perceiving men there were really no bridges that were burned. As tensions finally wear down, I can see them as the wonderful men and that they were very important parts of my life. Sure there is a reason we are no longer together. And we both did things wrong. But now all is forgiven. At least it is on my end, and they have told me the same on theirs. I would not have traded these experiences for anything. And I can only live in peace. And it seems like the perceiving men I've been with in relationships, were the most open to restoring peace.
 

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I'm a "Perceiver" and I burn all my bridges. Burn baby burn!
Like I said, maybe the problem lies with you.

Hmmm... I don't really think that way. I wasn't focusing on who was the "problem". This wasn't about placing blame.

I never think problems in relationships are due to one person. Moreover it's very rare I think of someone as all "bad". This has made it incredibly tough for me to stick with a judgment I've made to remove myself from toxic situations. I can love a person and see their goodness at all times. I can also see where I've made mistakes. So it's very difficult to come to the conclusion "we are just not right for each other."


Like I said, with these perceiving men there were really no bridges that were burned. As tensions finally wear down, I can see them as the wonderful men and that they were very important parts of my life. Sure there is a reason we are no longer together. And we both did things wrong. But now all is forgiven. At least it is on my end, and they have told me the same on theirs. I would not have traded these experiences for anything. And I can only live in peace. And it seems like the perceiving men I've been with in relationships, were the most open to restoring peace.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I'm a "Perceiver" and I burn all my bridges. Burn baby burn!
Hahaha. Okay. Well I've never really had that experience. But there is one, maybe 2 INTJs in my life where the door is definitely slammed shut. But even then, it was shut before either of us could really "burn bridges".

But I'm also extremely cautious about who I'll date. It's pretty easy to tell when someone possesses burn bridging material before getting involved.
 

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It's pretty easy to tell when someone possesses bridge burning material before getting involved.
Why, because they are holding a pack of matches?

Do tell, just exactly how do you know? Curious minds are listening.
I seriously doubt your "Perceptions" are any better than anyone else's, other than the fact you are certainly quite experienced. You keep putting yourself through it over and over.

You know what they say, if you aren't over the past, you truly aren't ready to move on. Are you over the past?

Bridge burners = Ready to move on, not stuck in the past.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Why, because they are holding a pack of matches?
Pretty much.

Do tell, just exactly how do you know? Curious minds are listening.
You want me to tell you my game plan? Well I suppose I could tell you but then I'd have to shoot you afterwards. But I'll tell you what. When you have about a month to spare, you can sift through my old posts and read where I've posted over and over about my courtship rituals.

I seriously doubt your "Perceptions" are any better than anyone else's, other than the fact you are certainly quite experienced. You keep putting yourself through it over and over.
Hey...don't judge! You start doing that, and I'm going to start doubting the size of your Pness.

You know what they say, if you aren't over the past, you truly aren't ready to move on. Are you over the past?
*Sigh* I'm so disappointed you do not stalk my threads... I'm not going to spoon feed you. If you want it, it's out there. I haven't been exactly quiet since I've been here.

Bridge burners = Ready to move on, not stuck in the past.
Um no. Bridge burners are people who like to live in animosity. I prefer to live in harmony. I gain acceptance and once equilibrium is established, it's easier for me to move on. When I enter people's lives I like to feel as if I've contributed something positive at least while they shared their time with me. Think of it as the old brownie motto: I like to return things I've borrowed better than the condition they were lent to me. Building up, or exposing their positive truths is my way of saying "thank you for giving me your time."

I can not live with myself if I feel like I've torn something down. It's very important for me to live in love, no matter what it takes. This is why it's so hard at the end of relationships for me. I get incredibly conflicted.

Now, now. Don't make the assumptions we all work like you......
 

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Bridge burners = Ready to move on, not stuck in the past.
Maybe it's an Si thing (NP, SJ)? Although I have to keep my distance to get them out of my head, so that would probably look like a bridge-burning, even though it isn't intended to be.
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Sounds more like "brown nosing."
It might sound like that to you perhaps because you would have an agenda if you did that?

Btw, your Pness is shrinking again.
 

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I think a P/P relationship does have the potential to be very strong with the right individual.

P over J all the way :D
 
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