I don't know much about enneagram, but today I became curious about the instictual variants because I never understood what they are. I took a test and learned that I'm supposedly 5w4 sx/sp. I'm still not sure what's the idea behind those letters, but I came across brief descriptions and they sound interestingly accurate (while the descriptions of other variants do not). Especially these:
Intimate Fives trust only a few people but then do so totally. Friendship is based on the sharing of confidences. Intimacy is equivalent to exchanging secrets. Can go from enigmatic, deliberate distance to intense, unguarded openness.
As long as I can remember, I've had this weirdly intense longing for someone with whom I can abandon all my boundaries. It feels very conflicting in terms of my other personality traits, so I've often wondered where it comes from. I can't explain it and yet it's always there. On those rare occasions when I find someone I can connect with I can get quickly too intense, then realize it's one-sided and distance myself. I've only had one person in my life who went along with it and enjoyed it as much as I, but unfortunately our friendship suffered from his family life. I think that it was more of an experiment to him than an actual need. I really do seem to desperately need this, even though my introverted rational non-romantic mind tells me it's nonsense. Please tell me I'm not alone with my silly desire. (I already feel a bit shamed about this post...)Relationships can be difficult, because individuals of this subtype will still want their own space and alone time, while at other times will want intense connection. Because the social instinct is least developed, this subtype is not very concerned with how others perceive them (except their intimates). This subtype is deceptive in that they may not seem to be especially intense - until they are engaged in a conversation they find interesting. Then the intensity and emotion become apparent.