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Subterranean Homesick Alien
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Many type 4 descriptions mention looking for a 'savior' in a romantic partner. How do you other 4s relate to this?

At first, I outright rejected it because I don't see myself as looking for others to save me. I'm not the type to become dependent on others, but I dug a little deeper into myself and I realized that in my first relationship, it was almost as if I USED her to reinforce my idealized self image. At the same time, I had an extremely unhealthy habit of comparing myself to her because somehow she encapsulated pieces of my ideal and it hurt me. I became disdainful and envious of her and obviously, that's not love. That's looking at these beautiful traits in others and not loving them for who they are, but desiring to hold those beautiful traits in my own self. I was very unbalanced at the time

So I wasn't looking for a savior, but I was looking for someone to somehow reinforce idealized beliefs about myself and someone to, in a way, compete with to further reinforce my ideal and save me from the ugly truth that I did not measure up to my ideal or to society's ideal

It created an intensely unhealthy relationship and it pretty much goes down to the old adage that 'you cannot love others until you love yourself'

Does anyone else struggle with this?

I came to the realization that I have to learn to love myself, grapple with my self hatred and desire to know and love who I am, otherwise I am just using others for these selfcentred needs. It was an unpleasant realization as it displays a lot of ugliness within myself, but we all have our own weaknesses and strengths. If I can't love myself, I'm only looking to people for selfish needs

I could never relate to it on the level of looking for someone to save me from myself because I think my 5 influence restricts me from becoming dependent on others as it's too overwhelming and my closest instinct is to rely on myself, but perhaps this trait registers in all of us in different forms
 

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It's not like I used to nicely dream about the Prince Charming in my ivory tower. In a way, I just used to destroy myself because while I wanted to be loved unconditionally, I didn't feel like I quite deserved it. This feeling wasn't entirely conscious. But I had these twisted fantasies where I lived the worse things I could imagine, before being saved by the loved one. I didn't really understood why at first, then when I found out about type 4 I realized that was because I felt already so defective deep inside, and I yearned for a relationship where my lover would see me as damaged as I felt I truly was.
There was more of a "rational" and aesthetic component to it, too : it's like I thought happiness has to be earned, also with the idea that the light is always most beautiful after a storm. I can value happiness if it's not free, because otherwise it can be destructive and so pointless. It's beautiful when it comes after redemption, otherwise it's just cheesy.

It doesn't mean anyone would have been a potential savior though. I needed someone special, who would embrace what I desired for myself in a way, and with whom I could resonate. Also, I wouldn't readily show my weakest self. It's probably why I've been so ruthless with these wannabe princes charming who wanted to rescue me. On the other hand, there were the ones I desired, but I was too certain they would reject me, and I couldn't abandon myself to them, and there came the twisted competition component with them.


Now that I've find a "savior", the relationship is surprisingly smooth, probably because we know each other so intimately now. And he has qualities I would tend to crave for but while he's not perfect, his deepest wounds resonate with mines so much I can't be anything else than empathetic towards those.
Maybe we could say that this is one of the ways he rescues me : by loving him I also learn how to be empathetic with myself.
 

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Maybe we could say that this is one of the ways he rescues me : by loving him I also learn how to be empathetic with myself.
My feelings exactly. My "savior" is very similar to me, and so by loving and appreciating the qualities I envy in him, I see what I can be and am inspired to become healthy and motivated.

I wonder if he's also a 4 because he's expressed similar reactions to some of my better qualities.
 
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