Personality Cafe banner
1 - 14 of 14 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Greetings people of the ISFP forum. I come here looking for some insight into a situation I have with an ISFP female (I'm an INFJ male). We first met back in September and I immediately took an interest in her. There was just something so attractive about her that I couldn't quite put my finger on. I talked with her every day in class and tried to get to know her better, eventually mustering the courage to ask her to homecoming which ended with her saying no but asking if I wanted to do something else together that day. We ended up going on what I assumed to be a date and had a very fun evening out. After this we texted sporadically and I asked her on a second date but she said she was busy. Due to the refusal I pretty much assumed she had no interest in me and sort of let it go. We continued to talk in class and whatnot but that was it. A awkward and not particularly satisfying ending.

However a week ago out of the blue she texted me asking if I wanted to go to her place and watch movies since her parents were out of town. I agreed and had a fun night hanging out. The next day I got invited on a picnic with her, her friend, and her friends boyfriend. Unsure of what the nature of this event and the one the night before was I asked her if it was a date. She said she wasn't sure and left it at that. This resulted in another day of fun and ended in us watching movies again after her friend and bf had gone home. Since then we have texted a couple times and when I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie she said she was busy.

I am really unsure as to what her feelings and intentions are in all of this and am looking for advise from other ISFP's as to what is going on. I do really like her and would love to pursue a relationship but do not want to be looking for something that isn't there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
358 Posts
I think ISFPs can be afraid of commitment. Living in the moment, often not wanting to be tied down too much, thinking of forming a relationship could be a bit overwhelming. Also, making plans with ISFPs seems to be quite a difficult task.

My advice in any situation like this is to simply talk to her and see how she feels about you. It may be difficult for both but it's the only way to find out if she's worth pursuing or if you should move on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
676 Posts
hey OP this is 2005 , you guys can make the 2015 renewal together .

she'll be Olivia and you'll be 50 cent . :happy:

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
24 Posts
I have noticed that ISFP females can be really different from one another. It is said some ISFPs are afraid of commitment, and others are extremely loyal when they hook up with someone. I am proud to be one of the latter.

Maybe this ISFP of yours just wants to take it slow? From my own experience, I've usually known a guy for at least a year before getting properly attracted. Maybe she just wants to get to know you more deeply, too? For now it might be hard for her to tell whether she wants anything more serious with you. And who knows, perhaps she's also trying to play hard to get, not wanting to seem too desperate.

I'd say patience is the key. She might feel cornered and pressured if she had to explain what the relationship between you means to her at this point. If she's an ISFP like me, looking for a lifelong commitment, she wants to know who she's committing to before jumping right in. You've known each other for over half a year and I have to admit that is a relatively long time, but in this case it still might not be long enough.

I recommend giving her subtle signals and simply being an awesome guy, and also looking for signals from her. After all, you INFJs tend to be absolute masters when it comes to reading people :3 Maybe some day things will turn out more certain.

Also! Has she ever told you why she is busy, exactly? Because it seems strange if she only says she's busy without giving any explanations...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for the feedback.

I have considered being very upfront about it, but I kinda already tried that when I asked her if what we were doing was a date. Anything more than that seems just too upfront and presumptuous. I will definitely remain patient and looks for signals form her as well as give them myself. Although INFJ's are fairly good at reading people I have found for myself it falls apart when its of someone I like. Too much over analyzing. She either just says shes busy or shes working, although I have only asked a couple of times.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
456 Posts
I agree quite with what Eya says.

She might want to take it slow and she might not be sure of what she feels yet. Maybe she didn't want to say if it was a date or not, so she could still keep both the friendship and romantic options open, so it wouldn't be a romantic or nothing thing instead. Sometimes it feels like if you try for romantic head on, there might not be an option for friendship later if it doesn't work out, while when taking it slow, there might be all the options. Maybe just try going with the flow and seeing her and then see what happens. If it seems to work out nicely you could carefully ask her about the nature of the relationship later when she might be comfortable answering that. Maybe just presenting it in a way that gives her the options to say that she isn't sure where it's going if that's the case, so she doesn't feel pressured to choose friend or romantic.

In some way's your post reminded me of this post where the asker was also unsure of the ISFP's feelings because of their way of communicating and sort of pulling back at times. So maybe there are some thoughts for you as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
117 Posts
ISFP's can be mysterious in their intentions because they don't always analyze their relationships as much as some IxFJ's do which can be confusing for other types. If i were you, i wouldn't question her to much since she doesn't seem to be very consistent with her invitations.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
66 Posts
Lol, your girl actually sounds a lot like me.
It's not that I'm afraid of commitment. It's just I don't want to put a label on it too soon and if I'm not immediately super super into you, I need breaks in between hanging out to see other people or do other things to keep things fresh.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
So from what I have observed and seen I assume that she is simply keeping her options open. Last night she asked me if I wanted to go with her and a couple friends somewhere after Senior ball. I'm going with some friends, but ill be going with them out after. I don't know if it was meant as anything but ill just try not to other think it and let things go as they go.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,279 Posts
I don´t really like to keep my "options open" with guys, especially if I really like someone, but the problem with Js is that they usually like to have everything defined. I think you might have made her uncomfortable with your question "Is this a date?". I really dislike when guys come to me at the very beginning as say "I´m looking for a serious relationship". Umm....ok, bye. Lol. ISFPs don´t like definitions, I find it redundant. Just let things be, why define?
 

·
Heretic
5w4 9w8 2w1 Sx/Sp INTJ ESI
Joined
·
10,834 Posts
@LordBadger
Hmm it sounds to me that you have gotten yourself in a situation you don't understand.
What attracts you is the aux Se.
However this gives you a sort of impression that she is an ISTP the type that would
be the type that this sort of attraction would be warranted towards.
You live in two different worlds you and the ISFP.
In short a relationship with an ISFP would not be all that it seems on the surface.
She would just extinguish your Fe and put a small pressure on your Ti.
If she takes any interest in you, you will become a project for her to fix.
She sees all your flaws, but lack the communicative ability to help you.
You mentioned the myth of INFJ being the all seeing people understander.
This is not true with some types, to an extent ISFPs and in particular ENTJs.
There is little equality in these relations, just endless mazes of misundestandings and misery.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,106 Posts
Hmmm....
The different answers in this thread kind of show how different ISFP's are from each other.
I guess I'm back to square one.
 
1 - 14 of 14 Posts
Top