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How many of you absolutely hate to lose friends. I know that I do. Hell, even if I have a friend that I am not getting along with lately, I will just neglect to call them and not let them go as a friend. I have a hard time letting go of friends. The more friends I have, the better I feel. How about the rest of you all?
 

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I don't like losing people because of the awkwardness that occurs when we try to get back (if we drifted) But you know, i just smile and move on, its life.
 

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I hate losing friends. I also feel more guilty when I realize I haven't spoken to friends in a few years.
 

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How much I dislike the loss depends somewhat upon the circumstances in which the loss occurred. Last year, I spent a lot of time with 2 different members of the same family, one of whom I have known for nearly 20 years. This year, I no longer spend time with either of them. One is due to a move,the other, well... Hardly a day goes by when I don't think about how poorly I was treated. I am having a hard time over the one because I second guessed myself about the character of the individual. He bugged me a lot to spend time with him and I regrettably gave in only to find that many months later that I was right about his character. The ohter, well that bothers me because after numerous attempts to contact and no call returned, I understand that again, I should have just stayed to myself.

Sorry about going off there-guess it's kind of theraputic to spell it out to myself.

I have noticed, though that it bothers me drifting away over time, too. I guess in my mind it's like we changed or maybe things were never that deep in the first place.

P.S. I'm writing this on a library computer, so if things don't make sense-cut me some slack!!! My computer broke!!:sad:

I guess in the end, when something falls apart, I question whether there was ever a friendship at all.
 

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Losing friends is really hard for me to deal with , but I also go through spurts where I distracted by someone or something else, and don't initiate contact for a long time, but it's not fair to make them do all the work, so I'm trying to get better about that.

Sometimes though we just drift apart because we've changed. I don't like that either, but it's easier to accept because there's really nothing that can be done about that.
 

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I hate losing friends! Even if we've grown apart and don't really get along the same way we used to I still feel sad about letting go of them and I will miss them.
 

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that's the reason i don't really have that many friends - i'm afraid that i i might lose them for one reason or another, so i choose to try and do anything i can for the people who already are my friends, rather than make new ones (even if i really feel like i'd like to be friends with someone i barely know), because losing friends is much harder than not having them in the first place.
 

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Am I the only NF that really doesn't mind losing friends? I really only have three friends now and I've been trying to slowly pull away from all of them for a while now. The only time we ever talk or see each other is when they initiate it and honestly if none of them ever called me again I would be fine with never seeing any of them ever again. Though admittedly this is probably because I don't really feel there is any closeness between us and I think I'm more friends with them out of habit at this point than out of any real connection. It's kind of a downer being there for people for so many years and not having them make the effort in return, so now I'm really only interested in more fulfilling, mutually beneficial friendships. If I had friends I really loved I'm sure it would be harder for me to lose them (especially since that kind of real friendship seems so rare to me).
 

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Discussion Starter #11
Am I the only NF that really doesn't mind losing friends? I really only have three friends now and I've been trying to slowly pull away from all of them for a while now. The only time we ever talk or see each other is when they initiate it and honestly if none of them ever called me again I would be fine with never seeing any of them ever again. Though admittedly this is probably because I don't really feel there is any closeness between us and I think I'm more friends with them out of habit at this point than out of any real connection. It's kind of a downer being there for people for so many years and not having them make the effort in return, so now I'm really only interested in more fulfilling, mutually beneficial friendships. If I had friends I really loved I'm sure it would be harder for me to lose them (especially since that kind of real friendship seems so rare to me).
Hmm? Are you an extreme introvert? This may explain this strange phenomenon.
 

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Normally, I would definitely agree that I hate to lose any of the people I call friends. However, it seems that I've been more of the one letting go of the friends, lately. I don't know, maybe I'm just tired of some of my friends and ready to move on and make more. :unsure:
 

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Hmm? Are you an extreme introvert? This may explain this strange phenomenon.
I am very introverted, but really I just feel like predominantly superficial friendships aren't worth the effort. I'm sick of hangouts with my friends consisting solely of watching stupid youtube videos my friend just has to show me (for the 7th time) and listening to them complain about work and/or their boyfriends while doing nothing to actually change the situation. I'm over it. They either have to get more fun or more interesting sometime really soon or I'm done. Why can't I find a friend who actually wants to go out and have fun experiences? (Note that I'm thinking concerts, comedy shows, road trips, etc. - drinking, drugging, and random hookups do not qualify as "fun experiences" to me. Neither does watching a youtube video where a girl in a clown mask whacks her head on a TV while dancing to "Single Ladies" - again.) Or a friend who has enough interest in growing as a person to hold an interesting conversation? (Note that "that bitch I hate from that job I don't like but will never quit is still a bitch" is not an interesting conversation - especially when I hear it 20 times a year.)
 

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How many of you absolutely hate to lose friends. I know that I do. Hell, even if I have a friend that I am not getting along with lately, I will just neglect to call them and not let them go as a friend. I have a hard time letting go of friends. The more friends I have, the better I feel. How about the rest of you all?
I'm really not fond of losing friends. I view my friendships like I do my other endeavours: they're either failures or successes. And I hate failures :angry: Thus, I strive to make my friendships a success if they go well, get along with the person, or have known them for a long time.

However, if my friendship is going down the drain in a hurry, aren't getting along with the person very well, or they're a real continuous pain in my ass, I'll say fuck it and end the friendship. Why try to make an obviously doomed friendship work? Where's the sense in doing so?
 

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Just based on my own observation.
Few people "like" to lose friends.
Among NFs the following looks like a trend.

NF looks for some kind of closure for the loss. Closure takes a different form depending on directionality of N.

Extraverted N - Ne dislike the retreating diameter of their circle of friends.
Paradoxically if they believe they are on "good" terms they can tolerate periods of inactivity which are not interpreted as loss. Closure of a loss can depend upon some kind of tangible - such as a hug or an argument. If you can't get it directly from the person you have lost you can sometimes get it by proxy. ie. another person "understands" and hugs you for the person who is gone.

Intraverted N - Ni tend to have fewer close friends - any loss is a loss of depth.
Closure depends upon ideation and symbolism. The hug is a symbol. A farewell letter is a symbol. If they don't send one to you - you can always send one to them to work out those inner demons. Heck in a way it doesn't even matter if they get it. I have written farewell notes to work out my idea of a person leaving my life and then discarded the note without sending it if it was a person I disliked. The symbol is for me not them.
 

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I don't really like losing friends, but I'm bad at keeping in touch so I've kind of gotten used to the fact that there are some friends that I've lost or acquaintances I never got to know better. But I move on after a while. It's never been too big a deal to me.
 

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I can normally chose to ditch someone easily.
Um, I'll admit I'm pretty much like this as well so I don't think it is a type thing.

I've made a living as a stage actress so I'm very used to getting really close to people for about 3 months, and then telling them "goodbye". I am also terrible at keeping up the communication once they are gone.

The hard part hasn't been dealing with friends leaving. It's actually been harder for me when they want to stay for longer. I get uncomfortable. I start feeling obligated and it's a little weird for me. But a counselor in college once told me that was because I was truly a gypsy. I had to see this counselor just to get me through the final years of college. I was starting to get to know people WAY too much in my major and I didn't like it. Being around the same people everyday for years can feel like family *shivers*

In romantic relationships, it's a little bit different. It's hard for me to "just walk away" without doing absolutely everything I could have done to improve our situation. I'm actually a die hard in that respect. But I do tend to move on as well once it's really is over. My INFJ guy friend just said this about me yesterday, "One thing that is very strong about you is that -yeah, you can get really hurt in relationships. But once it's over, you also have this incredible ability to pick up and move on easily and rather quickly."

IRL, I have about 2 people who I would really say are my "best friends". One of them lives across the country. I seem to like it better when they live out of town. I think friendships have always been a little bit harder for me to maintain as I was always in a romantic relationship and had a tendency to just hide behind my partner instead of forming deep friendship bonds.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
Um, I'll admit I'm pretty much like this as well so I don't think it is a type thing.

I've made a living as a stage actress so I'm very used to getting really close to people for about 3 months, and then telling them "goodbye". I am also terrible at keeping up the communication once they are gone.

The hard part hasn't been dealing with friends leaving. It's actually been harder for me when they want to stay for longer. I get uncomfortable. I start feeling obligated and it's a little weird for me. But a counselor in college once told me that was because I was truly a gypsy. I had to see this counselor just to get me through the final years of college. I was starting to get to know people WAY too much in my major and I didn't like it. Being around the same people everyday for years can feel like family *shivers*

In romantic relationships, it's a little bit different. It's hard for me to "just walk away" without doing absolutely everything I could have done to improve our situation. I'm actually a die hard in that respect. But I do tend to move on as well once it's really is over. My INFJ guy friend just said this about me yesterday, "One thing that is very strong about you is that -yeah, you can get really hurt in relationships. But once it's over, you also have this incredible ability to pick up and move on easily and rather quickly."

IRL, I have about 2 people who I would really say are my "best friends". One of them lives across the country. I seem to like it better when they live out of town. I think friendships have always been a little bit harder for me to maintain as I was always in a romantic relationship and had a tendency to just hide behind my partner instead of forming deep friendship bonds.
Did you major in acting? Also, I have never known this phenomena of just up and leaving people, but I'm soon to leave everything and go to Chicago for a marketing job I believe. I think that I'll be happier though, because I hate the town that I live in.
 

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Did you major in acting?
I was a vocal performance major.

Also, I have never known this phenomena of just up and leaving people, but I'm soon to leave everything and go to Chicago for a marketing job I believe. I think that I'll be happier though, because I hate the town that I live in.
Yeah, that scenario is kind of like a high for me. Starting over in a new place and new situation where I know no one is a bit yummy for me. But I have had to learn to settle down a bit more as a mother. However, my daughter happens to be the exact same way. She is an ENFP and thrives in new environments.

As time continues, less dominant functions start to rear their ugly head. Once my nemesis, Si has started to appear more and more. But trust me, I fought it the whole way.
 
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