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Discussion Starter #1
Curious about this. Sometimes I am very interested in someone, usually some kind of Thinker type, but i noticed two things that happen:

1) I learn more about them, or find out something about them I wish I didn't, and then they dont make it through my "filter" - in general, i seem to screen out people and not many get past that, including with friends and others i open myself up to

2) I don't learn enough about them to satisfy my curiosity because they are too closed up or guarded. For this scenario, it's not that I really lose interest in them at that time, but I feel kind of pushed back so I respect whatever distance the other sets up. And I don't have enough information about them , to even screen them out, so it's sort of in limbo with them.

in both of those cases, the people I were intersted turned out to be also interested in me, but didn't "make a move" sooner enough or hinted at the possibility of anything beyond where we were at. In one case, this guy I know pursued me, but by the time he started being explicit or pursuing me, I kind of lost my interest. Does anyone relate?
 

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I can relate. I go a bit farther and set up "tests" with people to see how they respond. How they respond or don't respond tells me what kind of person they are. From there I decide if they are worthy of the next set of test or should they be given the boot.
 

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absolutely. this has happened numerous times with me in the past. i would be gah gah over some guy, and one little unbeknownst thing would set off some internal switch, and i would totally detach myself from the person without reason (atleast any reason to give them). if they waited too long to make a move, it would also set off this switch. it was as if i would completely reverse my feelings and just be really put off and almost repulsed by said person.

another thing was if they started liking me back, and making it obvious, but still not taking the initiative... i would literally almost get grossed out. i don't know how to describe it, really. i liked them more when they seemed unattainable.

most all of the people i experience this loss of interest with ended up being doorslammed. whoops.
 

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I think this is a very INFJ thing, Curious, probably an F thing in general, although I beleive extroverts are usually a little more able to push past seeming disinterest, than we are.
I specially seem to have a cut off point where my interest wanes,.. when I feel the interest is mostly one way, coming from me, and that any interest back is reciprocated in a weak milk and water kinda way, if its a bit lame feeling, then I will feel almost offended, and step back.
I tried to describe this to a Thinker that I had an interest in once, and said 'Its like a wave,.. my interest and emotions are a wave, and if you dont jump on and surf that wave at the time it swells, it'll be gone, and you'll be left on the shore.
It sonlds fickle of me, almost demanding, but these waves of interest arent fleeting,..I can wait years at times,.. but if someone just isnt giving me interest back in a commensurate or equal amount, then I will drift away. If you have nothing to work with, or grab onto, what can you do?
I also find it very easy to cut off once I feel that someone is setting up invisible barriers, or pushing me away or keeping me at arms length emotionally.
I dont want that kind of compartmentalised relationship, that has boundaires and barriers all over the place.
If they are not going to go all in, like me,..then Im gone.
Sometimes, Thinkers, with the best will in the world, just cannot or will not match that emotional interest or intensity back and forth,.. and seem to be happier maintaining a calm status quo, and not much growth, or progress.
I cannot be satisfied with that, and it seems a lot of us cannot.
G. x
 

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Discussion Starter #5
if they started liking me back, and making it obvious, but still not taking the initiative... i would literally almost get grossed out.
Exactly the same..

I think for me, this is why I am attracted to Thinking types, preferably Intuitive thinkers. For what raj said- i would get extremely turned off if someone started liking me AND made it obvious but didn't take the initiative. With some thinking types that i've known, they either DONT make it obvious (so we can just be in that safe friend zone until things turn romantic OR they just explicitly pursue). F
 

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I absolutely relate to this! I can tell you that the point at which I universally "lose interest" or I figure out that I shouldn't have interest if I want to be healthy in the long run is when I realize that they're not going to invest at the same level I am. There's the off switch.
 

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I find that I'll have a crush on someone for a while and as soon as something might happen I chicken out and decide that I don't fancy the person anymore.

Or, I'll like someone for a while and then start to convince myself that I'll never be good at relationships and that it will be too much effort and hard work, blah, blah blah. I just start to talk myself out of it.

I hate the thought of investing my time and feelings into something for it to not work out.
 

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in both of those cases, the people I were intersted turned out to be also interested in me, but didn't "make a move" sooner enough or hinted at the possibility of anything beyond where we were at.
Ever make a move yourself?


another thing was if they started liking me back, and making it obvious, but still not taking the initiative...
What defines the difference (between just making interest obvious and taking the initiative)?


I hate the thought of investing my time and feelings into something for it to not work out.
Even if a relationship (or even an attempt at one) doesn't work out, one can grow from the experiences it yielded.
 

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There I thought this was exclusively a P thing..
 
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What defines the difference (between just making interest obvious and taking the initiative)?

making it obvious is being all sixth-grade-like, staring at you, complimenting you, getting tongue tied over you, just making it openly obvious that they like you...

and doing nothing. just leaving it at that. waiting for you to do something, or even if you do initiate, they still do nothing.

initiating is possibly making it obvious that they like you, but then also acting on it. professing their feelings, asking you out, anything.
 
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