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Curious about this. Posted on the INFJ forum and wanted to post here too. Sometimes I am very interested in someone, but i noticed two things that happen:

1) I learn more information about them, or find out something about them I wish I didn't, and then they dont make it through my "filter" - in general, i seem to screen out people and not many get past that, including with friends and others i open myself up to

2) I don't learn enough information about them to satisfy my curiosity because they are too closed up or guarded. For this scenario, it's not that I really lose interest in them at that time, but I feel kind of pushed back so I respect whatever distance that is set up. But this means that I don't have enough information collected about them to even filter or come to a conclusion, so it's sort of in limbo with them but my interest level is pretty much dropping the more time passes.

Do you guys relate to this? or how do you process information about people you are interested in, etc?
 

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Curious about this. Posted on the INFJ forum and wanted to post here too. Sometimes I am very interested in someone, but i noticed two things that happen:

1) I learn more information about them, or find out something about them I wish I didn't, and then they dont make it through my "filter" - in general, i seem to screen out people and not many get past that, including with friends and others i open myself up to
This strongly describes a process of the extroverted-feeling (Fe) function. A person using Fe makes decisions based on a value judgement, and it is not uncommon to see the effects of this in a screening or filtering process.
When my ISFJ mother makes a value based judgement, it is observable that it is because of how the object of judgement, (the item, person or idea,) gives her a 'concrete relational' feeling, or physical sensation, with regards to that object. It is a prediction of what the object is capable of.
With the INFJ type, this value based judgement is likely to have a much less observable outcome. The filter, in this case, will be what the object, (the item, person or idea,) reminds you of. If the object reminds you of something that you like, then it will get through the filter, but if the object reminds you of something that you dislike, then it will be rejected and even disdained.
With the INTJ type, the filter is more likely to be based on whether the object has correct or incorrect properties in relation to an internally held belief of what those properties remind us of. The judgement is made on the basis of correctness rather than value. It is a prediction of the object as capable of giving the correct result.
This is not to say that we don't make value based judgements, but that we prioritise correctness above value.
2) I don't learn enough information about them to satisfy my curiosity because they are too closed up or guarded. For this scenario, it's not that I really lose interest in them at that time, but I feel kind of pushed back so I respect whatever distance that is set up. But this means that I don't have enough information collected about them to even filter or come to a conclusion, so it's sort of in limbo with them but my interest level is pretty much dropping the more time passes.

Do you guys relate to this? or how do you process information about people you are interested in, etc?
This scenario has similar consequences for both INFJ and INTJ types, but the reasons will be somewhat different.
For the INFJ, 'respect' holds a high priority. If a person remains 'closed' to you, (ie. they don't give you any information by which you can classify them,) you feel like they don't trust you enough to reveal themselves. You respect that because, you believe, trust is earned by respecting other people's space. You then think that if the person wants to get to know you they will make an effort to make themselves known to you. As time passes and they don't make that effort you start to loose any interest that you may have originally had.
For the INTJ however, when a person remains 'closed' to us, we assume that either they aren't a very interesting person, or they aren't interested in us. As a result, we don't even try to pursue them because, we figure, it would probably be pointless.
 

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Yes I agree with the correct/incorrect qualities theory. I know for myself, however, that there are violations of circumstance and violations of priciple. The former I can forgive, the latter I cannot.

It does seem as well, that once "I blowout their tiki torch," there is NO coming back...it is like in my mind the person ceases to exist.
 

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Curious about this. Posted on the INFJ forum and wanted to post here too. Sometimes I am very interested in someone, but i noticed two things that happen:

1) I learn more information about them, or find out something about them I wish I didn't, and then they dont make it through my "filter" - in general, i seem to screen out people and not many get past that, including with friends and others i open myself up to

2) I don't learn enough information about them to satisfy my curiosity because they are too closed up or guarded. For this scenario, it's not that I really lose interest in them at that time, but I feel kind of pushed back so I respect whatever distance that is set up. But this means that I don't have enough information collected about them to even filter or come to a conclusion, so it's sort of in limbo with them but my interest level is pretty much dropping the more time passes.

Do you guys relate to this? or how do you process information about people you are interested in, etc?
I think INTJ's judge people more on their actions and behaviour towards them and aren't impressed with what ever information there is available about them.

Like mentioned before, that's your Fe at work.

For the most part, I care about how people behave towards me. I don't care about who they are or what they have done. (Obviously, within normality.)
 

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Curious about this. Posted on the INFJ forum and wanted to post here too. Sometimes I am very interested in someone, but i noticed two things that happen:

1) I learn more information about them, or find out something about them I wish I didn't, and then they dont make it through my "filter" - in general, i seem to screen out people and not many get past that, including with friends and others i open myself up to

2) I don't learn enough information about them to satisfy my curiosity because they are too closed up or guarded. For this scenario, it's not that I really lose interest in them at that time, but I feel kind of pushed back so I respect whatever distance that is set up. But this means that I don't have enough information collected about them to even filter or come to a conclusion, so it's sort of in limbo with them but my interest level is pretty much dropping the more time passes.

Do you guys relate to this? or how do you process information about people you are interested in, etc?
There was this one ISTJ, who was wonderfully mysterious all throughout our year long partnership in Physics class. I really admired him, his smarts, his reserve, everything. But it never occurred to me until later that he might be quiet and reserved not because he's holding himself back... Maybe there's really nothing there. With that in mind, my interest in him faded. Maybe he's just all math/science smarts, numbers go in one earlobe and comes out the other. Maybe he's just a "processor", like everyone else. Either way, no matter what he's truly like, I have no energy to find out. I tried to be his friend, but he wouldn't open up to me. Or, maybe as I said, he has nothing to show. Anyhow, I've given up. Whatever. I have better things to do. I don't even want to be his lover. All I wanted was someone intelligent to relate to, and god knows I lack that in my life. He looked like he could have the potential. This is closer to your scenario 2, but yes, I actually DO lose interest and you just sink back into the mediocrity that is everyone else. I don't care if you're the greatest guy on earth. If you give me nothing to work with, you're gone. I threw you a hankie. If you don't take it. Well. I'm not even being narcissistic when I say "your loss", given how people who really DO get to know me react to my personality.

As a rule, if I spend enough time away from you, usually a month or two, you're forgotten.
 
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