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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just need to share the mess that I am. Please just listen [and help if you can].. I'm an INFP teenager.

Not quite sure where to start, honestly..

Lately dinner has been a difficult time. Especially since I was just on camp. We would be served so much food, which was really just a normal portion, but it seemed like lots. Lining up for food felt like lining up for my death; quite dreaded. So I sat there and slowly nibbled at my food. I would still be on dinner while others had had dessert and packed up, joy :I. When I got home yesterday it was harder, because I couldn't take eternity to eat or my parents would get suspicious. It's quite horrible to have to force food down. And it's not even because I wasnt hungry [because I was], didn't like the food or was just a slow eater. Food just doesn't seem appealing. This has happened before when I was stressed and dazzled, but I'm not any of that. I guess I am possibly a tiny little bit depressed, but I try to hold off on saying that.

Sadness is constantly creeping in on me. I feel so isolated from the world and my friends that I become numb, which then leads to my "depressed" mood. I feel crappy. Like what's the point. It just feels very alone. And then I further sadden myself by locking the bedroom door and playing those slow sad songs [pop punk has become my new thing, well it's not really new now]. It just seems like this mood has been dragging on for so long, because it has. Probably since mid last year.

It's not as bad now, but I used to feel very worked up around my friends. It wasnt their fault, they're nice, but conversations were too much for me so I'd walk away. I'd walk around the school for a bit until I felt somewhat ok. People just stressed me out for no reason. Now, I can handle some conversations but I still need to break away from the group every now and again [ah hem, every day].

I want to go on and tell you everything, but it's just so hard to put everything into words. Sorry this is all a mess, but I don't know...
 

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@peachycheeks Depression can make you lose your appetite. Most negative emotions have that effect. Mental imbalance creates physical imbalance, it is all linked. Please make sure that you keep eating, despite the fact a meal takes an eternity.

Eating well is important, but feeling well is perhaps even more crucial. You say that you are trying to hold off saying that you are depressed. I am very sorry, but if you have been feeling sad, isolated and all that since mid last year you probably are. I know from experience that it's very hard to admit to yourself and to the world that you feel depressed, but it really is better for you if you do. Now you are on your own with your problems, but if you tell a few people about your struggles they can help.

Locking yourself in your room and playing sad songs is also not reccomendable. Again, I completely understand because I just got out of a depression and have had the same desires. But you have to get out there. You have to find reasons to get out there and you have to find ways to cheer you up a little bit. Again. If you tell someone of your struggles this person can help you with that.

Why are you stressed around people? Do you know? What do you feel when you have to engage with others?
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 · (Edited)
@yippy I guess I've never considered it depression as such because it's on an off so much. I'll feel good for a few days then sink back into my hole for a few weeks.. There has been times when I've felt good for two weeks, but I always seem to relapse [whoops].

Yes, I still eat well, although it feels good to let my stomach rumble sometimes..

I have talked to people about it, like I approached my school counsellor. I only saw her three times though because the year is ending and we have other programs running now. I'll talk to a close friend occasionally, but they'll either be stuck like me or just tell me "it's normal" and it'll pass.

With summer coming up, I'm trying to get out on my bike more, because I know being outside is good for me. Sometimes it's physically hard though to be able to keep pedalling the whole way, and it's exhausting. I guess it's also a lack of motivation, but I like running away from home for a bit.

I guess I started getting stressed because I felt so out of it, like either a ghost or an outsider that I couldn't handle it. Like the inability to connect. I much prefer one-on-one, but small talk is difficult. I want to engage and connect, but I don't want it to be meaningless or be forcing people to talk/listen to me.
 

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@yippy I guess I've never considered it depression as such because it's on an off so much. I'll feel good for a few days then sink back into my hole for a few weeks.. There has been times when I've felt good for two weeks, but I always seem to relapse [whoops].
But for the majority of days you feel bad. Very sorry to hear that. I hope you can find help somewhere, just someone that can guide you through the darkest of times.

I have talked to people about it, like I approached my school counsellor. I only saw her three times though because the year is ending and we have other programs running now. I'll talk to a close friend occasionally, but they'll either be stuck like me or just tell me "it's normal" and it'll pass.
Can you start visiting the counsellor soon again (providing that your sessions were helpful)? It's a shame that your friends are stuck as well and have this attitude about feeling bad. Because it is not normal to feel like this and without help (and certainly effort) it will not pass soon. What you need right now is someone who supports you, takes your feelings seriously and someone who drags you out of the house once in a while for something fun. Can't one of your parents take up that role?

With summer coming up, I'm trying to get out on my bike more, because I know being outside is good for me. Sometimes it's physically hard though to be able to keep pedalling the whole way, and it's exhausting. I guess it's also a lack of motivation, but I like running away from home for a bit.
Good. Keep on riding that bicycle. Especially on sunny days. Vitamine D has a positive impact on people's mood, and lack of it a negative impact. Exercise also makes people more cheerful. Good stuff!

I guess I started getting stressed because I felt so out of it, like either a ghost or an outsider that I couldn't handle it. Like the inability to connect. I much prefer one-on-one, but small talk is difficult. I want to engage and connect, but I don't want it to be meaningless or be forcing people to talk/listen to me.
I hear ya. Small talk is a pain in the ass sometimes, but you have to understand that almost no communication is truly meaningless. When meeting someone new you gotta start somewhere. Small talk is a way (although sometimes tedious) to get to know someone a bit better. You can't expect to have deep conversations with everyone from the word go. Sure. I've met one or two people who were up for it, but they are exceptions. So if you keep in mind that small talk is necessary in order to get a better relationship with a person and consequently have meaningful communications with him/her, it might just be less difficult for you.

One v one conversations are my thing as well, those conversations are much more enjoyable. However homo sapiens is a social animal and for extroverts especially the more really does mean the merrier. You could try to meet up with your friends on a one v one basis, but this is probably not always possible. To get over your social stress....you probably just need more practice. Hang out with a group, you don't actually have to say much. Observe and see what the dynamics of the group are. What often happens in groups is that multiple conversations are formed. Or that one or two people are a bit more passive like you, with them you can start a conversation yourself. So you can even end up with a one v one conversation while hanging out with a group. Another thing. Listen to what people say and respond to what you find interesting. In this way you are part of the conversation but not necesarilly the center of attention. Being social in a more reactive manner.
 

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Good advice from Yippy!

Although I can't promise you that I have felt the same way as you are right now, I faced similar challenges last year. I understand how difficult it can be to eat and socialize when you're feeling down. When I was dealing with my depression, I think the best thing that I did was ride my bike (and it's great that you're already considering it!). It was such a blessing in so many ways... It allowed me to get some sunshine, gave me some time to myself (that wasn't considered antisocial) and most importantly, gave me a sense of independence. I think honestly what I lacked most was a sense of fulfillment which was greatly helped by running errands for people on my bike. Maybe doing some volunteer work might help (if you have time, that is)?

That said, 'getting out' for the sake of getting out didn't really help me when I was having tough times. Most of my issues were to do with school work so what helped me was completing my assignments and learning to reward myself for doing so. That's not to say that finding someone to force you to be more social is a bad idea, but 'ticking things off' was a far better strategy for me. When I felt better, I naturally became more social anyways (and not the other way around).

As far as small talk is concerned, I often say something like "How goes life?". It essentially means the same as "how are you?", but it's different enough that you won't receive the homogenous "I'm good thanks". I found that I could relate to the responses a lot more and often times a deeper conversation was sparked. I became so detached from people at one point that I tried to avoid everyone at school (even my friends). I'd frequently have panic attacks since going for a walk often wasn't possible in class. I found that music really helped me remain calm though. I usually listen to rap music but I really started to like jazz inspired hip-hop instrumentals (Nujabes, Nomak, DJ Okawari, some MF Doom, Demicat and DJ Kondor come to mind). I can't promise you that you'll like those artists, but calming music in general was very helpful for me. Most of my teachers were cool with me listening to music during class (with headphones on and only when they weren't talking of course) and I'm sure I would have skipped a lot more schooldays without it.

The truth is, you'll probably find your own solutions to the issues you're facing. It might take some time, but you'll emerge a stronger person at the end of it all. I was talking to my friends last night about how I was during my darker times and for the most part it was simply that they couldn't understand why I felt the way that I did. At the time, I didn't think that they cared about me yet they honestly did. The reason I'm telling you this is to say that letting your friends know how you're feeling is a really beneficial thing to do (and it's something I wish I did at the time). Now that I'm out of that phase though, I truly do feel a lot more connected to the people around me (and especially my friends) and I'm sure you will when you're feeling better :)

Like you, I had my good days and my bad days. That seems pretty common honestly. The only piece of advice that I could give you is to give yourself small goals and a little reward for achieving them. Also adopting a mantra such as "This too shall pass" may prove to be really helpful.

Eh I'm sorry for talking about myself so much, but I feel like I should give personal justification for my suggestions since there's no guarantee that what worked for me will work for you. I really feel for anyone who isn't having a great time... Feel free to PM me even if it's just to vent because that can really help as well :)
 

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If it makes you feel any better, when I was a teenager I was constantly getting my ass beat at school, and my mom would scream and slap me around at home. Also, I had pretty much no friends and lots of people just hated me. I would also walk around the school sometimes, or go to a lame ass club like the chess club that I wasn't really interested in bu the other kids there were also outcasts so they accepted me. I got better when I was in college and I actually joined some student organizations that really interested me, like primarily political organizations, and I actually accomplished a lot more and became somewhat popular, except that I screwed that up too because I have no social skills, but you live you learn.
 
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