[Targus28]

I'm really getting sick of the self torture i keep putting myself through. Today i found it hard to get out of bed, got up quite late, but at least managed to tidy my place, eat etc. When i have nothing to do, i quite literally sit on my laptop within my own thoughts wondering, what the hell is wrong with me? How can i improve my life? Why am i not happy? I end up google'ing basically everything i have going through my mind, all the questions, trying to find answers, maybe that one nugget of information that will be a light build moment, and pin point exactly what it is that is making me depressed, anxious, over thinking etc. I hate it, i hate how abnormal it feels doing this stuff, researching the most random things

Today i've Googled things like

"How to stop overthinking" "How to change your life"

I seam to have an obsession with doing this, and it really doesn't seam to help either, at least my current situation

What am i doing? Why am i doing this? And is it normal?

 

[Lesley Drakken]

And is it normal?

I want to address this part first. It's absolutely perfectly normal, especially considering you just lost your job. We all go through rough patches in life, some of us more then others, and it's natural to feel sad or depressed about it. And we all have different ways of coping with our problems.

As for why you're not happy...I think that only you can decide that. I would recommend accessing your situation and personal thoughts about things, you may realize things are missing that you never knew before that way. It's alright in circumstances like these to take a little personal time to reflect on ourselves, especially for us introverts. It's not always such a bad thing to look out for #1.

 

[Bago]

Stop it. Also, take this opportunity to go outside, just to see people. Do things. Say "hi" to random and friendly people.
You are analysing tooooo much. I think us INFP are quite sedate individuals. Cos today, I had a lot of random thoughts in my mind, a lot of it pointing towards my career, but then I realised that, these thoughts came about is because I had some kind of jealously feelings toward another young guy, who is only 23, and is already a manager ? Then the moment of realisation came to me too... That, when I was in my ESTJ mode all those years... I had been overworking, and worked myself to death such that, I never really let my feelings, Fi, come forward and just "be". I realised that, I could have obtained all that I wanted, without working so hard as I have done. It is so simple. I could have just kept quiet about a lot of things, and not to work myself to death. Cos I realised that careers are also about working relationships too. That is, you got to be happy with yourself and not focused too much on your own goals and desires such that you forget to pamper yourself once a while...

Targus, even though you do not have a job right now, and maybe this is worrying for you. I hope that you will take the opportunity to actually go out and DO something just so out of the norm for you. Do not worry about anything at all. Stop surfing online for info. Just go to concerts, go and play. Do something silly, random, things or ideas which came to your mind and amuses you so. BE a child again. Just Do It.

Even though I recently had broken up with an INFP.... I realised I was getting anxiety feelings in my stomach. I realised that, when I "fear" something, then this is the point whereby I needed to do something to remove the fear. Sometimes, it is saying how I feel, and I need to then remove the person out of my life. Sometimes, it is letting go of the feeling, and see it from another perspective. Or to think of the good things from the situation. I find that is how I achieve back this balance...

So, this weekend, I am going to see a friend in Cambridge. She is an ESFJ, at first, I did not wanted to go, but then I thought about things, and I can make the best out of the situation really. So now, I am trying to find a nice card, or to make a card for her birthday, which will be a representation of my Fi, and as well as keeping me creative with Ne.

Play music, make something, go and read about different kind of creative careers. Put yourself and imagine yourself in those roles or something.... Do you "feel" those careers are for you etc ?

[Added] By the way, what is "not" normal ? You are you. Everybody IS themselves. Sometimes, I feel that with the overloaded information from the internet, this does send people a little bit over the top in terms of supposed perfection human beings....

 

[Theodore]

Is it not possible to take a trip (while you have the time) and get away from things you associate with your troubles? I know it's hard to take a mental vacation but I find even a small trip in the external world can work wonders. You seem to be striving for big answers to big questions but sometimes you have to start small or use methods that aren't obvious or direct. That's all I got.


edit: Looks like Bago got there first re: most of what I had to say.

 

[Panoramiq]

A student once asked his teacher, "Master, what is enlightenment?"
The master replied, "When hungry, eat. When tired, sleep."

 

[Aqualung]

I used to overthink a lot. I'd bombard my brain with a constant stream of data. A psychologist helped me with it. I was actually there for marriage counselling but my mind was all over the map when she started asking me questions & I just spewed verbiage from my head as fast as I could think until she went "Stop!" Anyway, here's what she had me do to get focused: She asked me what I needed & what I wanted. I didn't even know & my mind started racing again. She had me write down what I need or want in my life & focus on those & tune out everything else. It was really a short & basic list. It helped declutter my mind a lot. Sometimes my mind still races. I can walk past a wall, look at it & start spinning a philosophy about walls but I let it go now, unless I start annoying myself. Then I tune it out. It's like a "pause & reset" button now. Sometimes I use this basic mental list to sort of inventory where I'm at. If I'm having a bad day & don't know why, sometimes a need isn't getting met. It's like a checklist. Like a car needs certain things to run right. As long as it has those things it runs. Same with us. We're made to need things to function. I spent half my life near the bottom of Maslow's pyramid, just hanging on for the ride & the top of the pyramid was just a lot of fog to me. Anyway, here's the pyramid if you haven't seen it before: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bfGjLGVXVWM/TLegT6gefbI/AAAAAAAAAAQ/-AHoj7IlrQA/s1600/Hierarchyofneeds.jpg (Window's 7 allows me to copy & paste a link but not a picture. A very common Windows 7 problem with no known fix)

 

[Wayfarer]

I believe it's normal to over-analyse sudden events like losing your job.

Unfortunately, I've never lost my job, so I can't relate to you there.

Exercise / physical activity
To answer your question about overthinking, I've found exercise / physical activity to be a great way to get out of my head.

Instead, I'm getting into my body, and doing something rigorous more or less forces me to be present, and focus on my body. I find it's also a great way to take out my frustration.

Meditation / mental awareness
Something else that sometimes works for me is meditating. By meditation, I mean sitting still, and simply watching my thoughts, releasing any attachment to them. In other words, instead of giving in to my thoughts, I do my best to let go of them.

I pretend I'm seeing / hearing someone else's words, because in a sense, they are (part of you is able to watch or observe these thoughts, which means that observing part of you is separate from the part that created those thoughts, and the mental hamster-wheel).

Someone else's advice that I think sounds nice
I read an article a couple weeks ago that resonated with me, although it does repeat some of the suggestions people have already given.

I haven't taken the plunge yet job-wise, so I don't have any personal experience with the following advice, but it's something I'd like to try the next time I have (or make) an opportunity.

If you're interested, here's the link:

The One Thing You Must Do the Moment You Quit or Get Fired (Purpose Finding 101) | Live Your Legend

"Wacky" theory
As cliché as this may sound, I see this as an opportunity for you - a sign that you may be ready for the next step in your life, for something better.

Perhaps losing your job was a not-so-gentle nudge from your subconscious to startle you, get you to check your bearings, and point you back on track - whatever and wherever that may be.

 

[MBK316]

Targus28,

I can completely relate with your situation. I would google things like: "How do I become successful", "How to think positive" and "how to stay motivated" and I would do this while at work. I was always trying to an answer outside of me... in my case the answer was typically on google (or whatever self help book I was reading at the time). I would do what it would say, and it would work... for a bit. Then the doubts would creep back and I would be googling whatever that doubt was. Basically, I was stuck in a vicious cycle. I did this for about 4 years until one day I hit rock bottom. All I remember doing before that point was over analyzing everything I had done until I was basically hating myself, and not only was I hating myself I felt some very intense physical pain. The only thing that helped me was a book called The Untethered Soul.

I guess the point my rambling response is that the only way to fix this (and this is going to sound cliche) is to look inside yourself. However, the part I wish I knew, was that you cannot do this while you are in the cycle of overanalzing. To stop overanalzing you must learn to shut your mind up which is what that book helped me to do.

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck on your journey and if you have any questions, I would love to help.

 

[fluffychicken]

I'm going through the same thing at the moment. I've just recently lost my job after the first probation month after months of job hunting. I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up. There's nothing wrong with you, it's just that the position wasn't for you. People associate a lot of their identity with their job/career... so when you're unemployed you sometimes can't help but feel useless... calling yourself a loser etc.

Do you have any hobbies to take your mind off things? I found that drawing and creating artwork is really helping me... and it gives me a sense of accomplishment... that I'm not just sitting around wasting time. Get some sort of routine in your day... give yourself a to-do list, something to accomplish each day. Forget about your old job... keep up with the job hunting and the right position for you will come up... sometimes it takes time though so just hang in there

 

[amethyst_butterfly]

I have been in that situation a couple of times before and it was depressing. Jobs are tough this days but if you try hard you will eventually find a job where you will fit in. It just takes time and pacience.