[Olmed3011]

I bite the dust and ask straight out..

When in a relationship, what does best describe your ("typical" isfj) behavior/attitude towards partner:

1)
a) Doubt
b) suspect
c) correct
d) mistrust
e) argument against
f) keep things hidden
g) caretaker
h) loyal


or

2)
a) Praise
b) Trust
c) Believe in
d) stand behind
e) involve
f) admiration
g) caretaker
h) loyal

 

[teddy564339]

To be honest, I don't think what you're asking here is type related. To me, the first set is a negative set of thoughts/feelings of someone that is not in a healthy relationship, and the second set is part of a healthy relationship. I don't think any one type is more likely to fall into either of the two categories compared to any other type. It's all based on the individual, their experiences, the person they're in the relationship with, and the relationship itself.

Now, it's possible that different factors trigger different types into falling into one of the two categories. For an an ISJ, for example, because their Si is strong and their Ne is weak, their past experiences may have a stronger impact on them than other types. So an ISFJ who has been cheated may be more likely to distrust a new partner than another type would, whereas an ISFJ who has had strong trusting relationships would be more likely than another type to trust someone when maybe they shouldn't.

 

[Olmed3011]

Thanks teddy for another sensitive (even appreciated by entps sometimes) and well thought response

I can see after reading your response how my initial post can be understood..as you point out discretely.

My background is that I have experienced my dose of the group 1 behavior and the response I got when pointing that out (at first attempted gently) was that "its just the way she is thought/brought up, cultural differences and that I do not see all the other stuff done for me to show how affectionate she is, and last but not least that as long I do not perform this/that she will not be set in the right way to express positive things..".

My previous experience is that there are some basic processes in attraction between any kind of people that lead to certain kind of mutual behavior...but I have during the relationship in matter been almost convinced otherwise..

So I just wanted to make sure the negative profile in my original post was not isfj-type-specific (not that I really believed so..).

Your second paragraph probably explain some of it..

 

[Mendi the ISFJ]

i think it depends very much on past experience. if the last guy they dated cheated and manipulated them they are likely to portray many of the characteristics of your first option. If not then more likely the second. It also depends alot on how the person they are dating acts... if you are very secretive or unwilling to answer questions etc, its likely we will be more suspicious of you. We dont trust easily or quickly.

 

[Olmed3011]

i think it depends very much on past experience. if the last guy they dated cheated and manipulated them they are likely to portray many of the characteristics of your first option. If not then more likely the second. It also depends alot on how the person they are dating acts... if you are very secretive or unwilling to answer questions etc, its likely we will be more suspicious of you. We dont trust easily or quickly.

Thanks for reply


Your avitar fits the perfect picture I have of an isfj..

 

[teddy564339]

Thanks teddy for another sensitive (even appreciated by entps sometimes) and well thought response

I can see after reading your response how my initial post can be understood..as you point out discretely.

My background is that I have experienced my dose of the group 1 behavior and the response I got when pointing that out (at first attempted gently) was that "its just the way she is thought/brought up, cultural differences and that I do not see all the other stuff done for me to show how affectionate she is, and last but not least that as long I do not perform this/that she will not be set in the right way to express positive things..".

My previous experience is that there are some basic processes in attraction between any kind of people that lead to certain kind of mutual behavior...but I have during the relationship in matter been almost convinced otherwise..

So I just wanted to make sure the negative profile in my original post was not isfj-type-specific (not that I really believed so..).

Your second paragraph probably explain some of it..

All right, I didn't know that you were focusing on a particular ISFJ. If your question is really about why a particular ISFJ would fall into category # 1, I can try to give some insight.



It's possible a lot of times for ISFJs to get paranoid when their Ne runs rampant. When that happens, sometimes we can over worry about things in an illogical manner.

This popped up some in this thread:

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/41333-tell-me-how-make-my-isfj-hubby-happy.html


And I think this link has been helpful for me to counter-act some of those negative tendencies.

ISFJ Personal Growth




I think the thing is that ISFJs tend to need emotional consistency in our lives, and when it's not there, we start to worry. We like to know that things aren't changing, because when certain things change, it really stresses us out.


When our inferior Ne takes over, we start worrying about all of the negative possibilities. This is especially bad when we don't have access to information. When we don't know something, we'll imagine that the worst case scenario is actually the truth. We do this because we like to be prepared for everything. Things are much less stressful to us when we know that they're coming.

It's extremely stressful for me to be unexpectedly hit with something negative, especially if I have to react quickly. When that happens, I go into panic mode, because I can't adapt to it quickly. So, I always prefer to know when something bad is coming, because that way I can take my time to get ready for it and stretch out my emotions over time.


So, when a bad thing is going to happen, I'd rather know about it as early as possible so I can prepare for it.


So the problem is that if I don't know if something bad is going to happen or not, I'm stuck...I don't know whether to try to prepare for it or not. So my default position is to try to assume that the worst will happen, and to start preparing for it. This is inferior Ne in a nutshell.


However, what the ISFJ Growth link discusses (and a few other MBTI books mention as well), is that as ISFJs, we need to make sure we don't jump to these negative assumptions without any proof. We should only believe negative things if we know for sure that they're coming. Otherwise, we're over-worrying about something that probably won't ever even happen. This has happened to me a number of times.

I mention it in this thread:

http://personalitycafe.com/sjs-temperament-forum-overseers/27984-question-isfjs-istjs.html



So, it's possible that in her case, due to her past experiences, she may have trouble trusting you because she's trying to "prepare for the worst". It's possible that as an ENTP, in general you may now show consistent behavior that she craves (not necessarily in terms of the relationship, but just your behavior in general). She may fee like she can't predict what you're going to do because you're not as consistent as she is. So, she may live in a constant state of mild panic, not knowing what to expect. This leads her to always expecting the worst and not trusting you.

Basically, it's possible that her Ne has taken over because has no strong, consistent evidence to set her mind at ease. Either that, or she's so gripped by her Ne (which again, may be due to past experiences) that she's not able to take the evidence at hand and take it face value...that she's caught in a constant wave of imagining negatives.



This link discusses inferior Ne in a good bit of detail as well.

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-articles/78380-recognizing-inferior-function-isfj.html




I'm really only taking a stab at this based on my own experiences and based on what I've read...I may be off base. But if your question is more toward why she might be more likely as an ISFJ to fall into the first category, then maybe what I've said will offer some insight.

 

[Olmed3011]

I read it once.

If not already an psychologist perhaps you should become one.

Need to go over it again, so if any further comments, probably not today. What you wrote was definitively not off base.

 

[Olmed3011]

All right, I didn't know that you were focusing on a particular ISFJ. If your question is really about why a particular ISFJ would fall into category # 1, I can try to give some insight.



It's possible a lot of times for ISFJs to get paranoid when their Ne runs rampant. When that happens, sometimes we can over worry about things in an illogical manner.

This popped up some in this thread:

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-forum-nurturers/41333-tell-me-how-make-my-isfj-hubby-happy.html


And I think this link has been helpful for me to counter-act some of those negative tendencies.

ISFJ Personal Growth




I think the thing is that ISFJs tend to need emotional consistency in our lives, and when it's not there, we start to worry. We like to know that things aren't changing, because when certain things change, it really stresses us out.


When our inferior Ne takes over, we start worrying about all of the negative possibilities. This is especially bad when we don't have access to information. When we don't know something, we'll imagine that the worst case scenario is actually the truth. We do this because we like to be prepared for everything. Things are much less stressful to us when we know that they're coming.

It's extremely stressful for me to be unexpectedly hit with something negative, especially if I have to react quickly. When that happens, I go into panic mode, because I can't adapt to it quickly. So, I always prefer to know when something bad is coming, because that way I can take my time to get ready for it and stretch out my emotions over time.


So, when a bad thing is going to happen, I'd rather know about it as early as possible so I can prepare for it.


So the problem is that if I don't know if something bad is going to happen or not, I'm stuck...I don't know whether to try to prepare for it or not. So my default position is to try to assume that the worst will happen, and to start preparing for it. This is inferior Ne in a nutshell.


However, what the ISFJ Growth link discusses (and a few other MBTI books mention as well), is that as ISFJs, we need to make sure we don't jump to these negative assumptions without any proof. We should only believe negative things if we know for sure that they're coming. Otherwise, we're over-worrying about something that probably won't ever even happen. This has happened to me a number of times.

I mention it in this thread:

http://personalitycafe.com/sjs-temperament-forum-overseers/27984-question-isfjs-istjs.html



So, it's possible that in her case, due to her past experiences, she may have trouble trusting you because she's trying to "prepare for the worst". It's possible that as an ENTP, in general you may now show consistent behavior that she craves (not necessarily in terms of the relationship, but just your behavior in general). She may fee like she can't predict what you're going to do because you're not as consistent as she is. So, she may live in a constant state of mild panic, not knowing what to expect. This leads her to always expecting the worst and not trusting you.

Basically, it's possible that her Ne has taken over because has no strong, consistent evidence to set her mind at ease. Either that, or she's so gripped by her Ne (which again, may be due to past experiences) that she's not able to take the evidence at hand and take it face value...that she's caught in a constant wave of imagining negatives.



This link discusses inferior Ne in a good bit of detail as well.

http://personalitycafe.com/isfj-articles/78380-recognizing-inferior-function-isfj.html




I'm really only taking a stab at this based on my own experiences and based on what I've read...I may be off base. But if your question is more toward why she might be more likely as an ISFJ to fall into the first category, then maybe what I've said will offer some insight.

I think your post explains many things that happened in my previous relationship with an isfj. Sometimes wish I learned about this place and MBTI earlier

Where the isfj is focused on preparing for possible worse case scenarios the entp is relying on the ability to improvise. I can see how that could lead to conflicts but also how awareness about this could help to find solutions.

Thanks for a useful post!