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how do you people do that?
To love yourself has nothing to do with how others have treated you or what life has done to you imho.

I see it as I am my own bestest friend. I will love me and look out for me and tell me the truth. This is a work in progress of course. :wink:

I really do try to push away everything that has happened to me, and look at the core me. And if I don't like what I see, I try to change that WITH the knowledge that I am supporting me AND loving me during this change.....did that make sense at all?

I am trying to love me regardless. I am the only one that will be there for me always, unconditionally.
 

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I think a very big factor is that way to often people take the blame for things they should not feel guilty about. Guilt is a huge killer of self love.

That can happen in two ways:

1. When something unpleasant happens between you and someone else. Perhaps there is a major disagreement between you and them. When you are susceptible its easy to think you are to blame for most of what has happened. But in so doing you are ignoring the responsibility of the other.

2. When something unpleasant happens to ourselves we tend to find fault for that in ourselves. We keep rationalising it as if its something inside us that has caused this thing to happen. But once again, if something is done to us its always the other doing it. And its with the other that the responsibility lies.
 

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To love yourself has nothing to do with how others have treated you or what life has done to you imho.
It's a nice thought, but in practice if a person continually experiences some form of negative response, or experiences one or a few extreamly traumatic things it'll damadge their sense of confidence and whatever else. How much this is involved with loving yourself is a question to ask though.

What do you mean by loving yourself izzie, and what ways - if you feel comfortable expanding on them - have you been hurt and let down in the past? What's the negative thing that's not love, or stopping you from loving yourself?
 

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To love ourselves usually implies that we nurture that person from within.. especially in circumstances where we feel there is no one to turn to, to confide, to hear us out.

It's a form of validation, and really it's important for the human psyche. Think about it- animals love themselves.. like dogs and cats. If they loose another 'friend' of there's, they love themselves by taking care of their physical needs. This is not the greatest example, but you get what I mean?

Loving oneself is in a sense, normalizing what we are feeling, and balancing it out by taking the time to think, so that we're consistent in our actions, so that we find the time to love others in return.

If we don't love ourselves, we don't have much love to give, either. It's a form of psychological safe-guarding. Not a bad thing at all..
 

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Liminality made an interesting point about traumatic experiences.

I see it like this: if I have panic attacks or some other kind of negative response to a 'trigger' that reminds me of past abuse, I can't help it. But I don't have to beat myself up for it. I don't have to abuse myself in the same way that people abused me.

I see that as one way of loving myself: Allowing myself to feel pain and to feel overwhelmed and to feel helpless while at the same time not demonizing myself or punishing myself for having those feelings.

How can a person go about finding this kind of peace? Imagine yourself as if you were someone else -- say, someone you really love. Would you yell at someone you really care about and call them a selfish, whiny, complaining loser, worthless, scum, and that they should commit suicide to stop ruining everyone else's life?

No? Then why would you think anything even remotely like that about yourself, for example, that you're 'weak' for feeling pain, and feeling helpless? It seems obvious, but to me, the idea of loving myself has been one of the most perplexing things.

Another way to practice loving yourself may be to accept your feelings for what they are, and forgetting "shoulds" and "coulds." I "shouldn't be thinking this." Well, if you're thinking it, does that judgment really make any sense? At the very least, is it helpful? For me, it never has been. We don't know what "should" or "shouldn't" be; we can only know what is happening right in one moment, like, for example, "right now I'm in pain." Let yourself feel the pain, and don't make value judgments, like you're "weak" for feeling it, or that you "should" be feeling something else, and so on and so on.

And one last thing: there is no need to prove yourself to other people. I remember a line in "Are You Experienced" that goes,

"I know, I know, you probably scream and cry
That your little world won't let you go
But who in your measly little world
Are you trying to prove that
You're made out of gold and can't be sold?"

I think we are all "made out of gold"; to each his own belief, and I will not push anything on anyone, but I for example believe that we are all children of God. So the fact that you exist is enough to prove your value and purpose as far as that reasoning is concerned. It isn't that effort isn't incredibly important; it's that for your life to have value and for you to be valuable in general, you don't have to do anything. There are no hoops to jump through or expectations to meet. I think, actually, the starting point for living life begins with understanding that life has deep value, and that includes your life too. This is a difficult realization for me because I grew up believing my life was worthless and that I was a burden on other people. But this is why I am making these suggestions!

And of course, that's what they are -- just suggestions. Hopefully they can be of use to you, though. Thanks for sharing :)
 
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