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Hi all,

I just said good-bye to another dear friend of mine. I'm obviously grieving, but I guess I'm reaching out to other INFJ's to find out if this feels like dying to all of you as well. I feel so stupid on some levels because I know that the people we love move away or die, but watching them leave, saying good-bye when it's someone I've given a part of my heart to (because it's second nature for me to give my whole heart if I feel a connection) feels like I'm dying from my love for them...

Does any of that resonate?
 

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Very much so. Dying almost sounds more peaceful than the experience you speak of. But I always come out of it with a greater "heart capacity," if you will. I know the process is grueling, but if you survive, you're always glad you did. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. And sometimes we just need to experience the world on our own for a while, to become greater people later on. What helps me in these situations? Music, books, and lots of grieving. Oh, and one more thing: being reminded that even when you feel more alone than ever, you can't really be alone, since we've all felt it too. And trust me, I've felt it in such a bad way. :[ Chin up, friend.
 

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I've met and parted with too many people in my life to be any saddened by it now.

I guess it depends on where you live and how long you have known the person. In my home country people live in same place for a long time, go through school with same group of people, go through college with same group of people as well. So the friendships that develop are often quite strong and if people are separated they keep in contact for years. Place where I live right now is quite the opposite of this and people come and go all the time.

However many people you become separated with if you are feeling blue just look to the future - there are many more friendships and relationships waiting for you there.
 

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Hi all,

I just said good-bye to another dear friend of mine. I'm obviously grieving, but I guess I'm reaching out to other INFJ's to find out if this feels like dying to all of you as well. I feel so stupid on some levels because I know that the people we love move away or die, but watching them leave, saying good-bye when it's someone I've given a part of my heart to (because it's second nature for me to give my whole heart if I feel a connection) feels like I'm dying from my love for them...

Does any of that resonate?
I'm sorry to heart that you have to say goodbye to another dear friend of yours Anahata.

Yeah separation from people I love is always difficult for me. Like you I give my whole heart to people whom I feel a connection for. So when I'm that emotionally invested, it is hard to deal with separation. At least in this day and age we can still keep in touch easily through technological means. Although this is far from ideal, I know that I can still visit and therefore I treasure all my moments with them.

I always remind myself that Death is the worst form of separation I could ever bear. That helps me to keep things in perspective somewhat. Sure I've experienced death in my life, but thus far I have not been that close to those people who have passed on. I expect I would take it pretty hard if those whom I'm really close to died. When that time inevitably comes, I would probably have to create some meaning to cope with it and press on.
 

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Parting ways with someone has been made easier with technology for me.

It's not as hard saying good bye to someone when they're only a phone call away, or an email away.

I've lived in many different countries growing up, and it is hard to say good bye... especially if it felt like it was the last time I would see them. However, the more I traveled the more I realized that this world is a small place, and eventually you are bound to cross paths one day again. If the path isn't laid out for you, they are always a plane ride away.

That's what gives me comfort. I haven't seen two of my closest friends in 2 years, but I know.. sometime in the future I will see them again :laughing: so I keep that in mind. Oh and also, I have their numbers in my phone so I can always call for a chat!
 

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Linear time fucks with my head all the time. I mean once you've said hello to someone you already know within this moment contains a simultaneous goodbye. I imagine myself walking away from someone else I no longer need, feeling free, realising that they might die a little over me, but I'd want them to have faith that there's new strength and beginnings ahead for both of us. It's harder than it sounds bc you can't find an exact replacement for such unique and influential people, but it will definitely allow you to push the limits of your perceived self-sufficiency and preconceived notions about the scarcity of possibilities.
 

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I've met and parted with too many people in my life to be any saddened by it now
i grew up in a isolated village and once high school ended everyone just went their separate way but before that people moved out occasionally so i lost 2 friends before hand. I think also helped that i also moved to that village when i was 7 years old so i already went through the experience of huge loss

i'm sad but it's just a minor fleeting feeling time to time for a few days when someone goes away but in no way feel like i'm dying
 

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Discussion Starter #8
Thank you for all your kind words and advice. Several of you suggested that technology makes these separations easier, and you're right. I wonder, too, if the fact that this powerful connection we feel for people (which goes largely unspoken of) becomes something that can no longer lie quietly inside of us. INFJ's tend to be inwardly passionate-- people often use the words determined or intense-- but when separation from those we love rears its head it seems that our deep love for people, which was a loving whisper in our hearts, becomes an anguished cry that we're powerless to resist. I wonder if the death I feel at these times is the death of my silence because in the face of "farewell" I cannot stand to be quiet anymore. Isn't that strange? I think there are those S's in my family who would say that the fact that I'm so quiet about my affection is a form of ungratefulness on my part in my relationships, but I'm so much happier letting my affection for people be a gentle thing between us though I will feel it on a profound level.

This is similar to our implacable anger which will also be profound and silent, but that is silence in its absolute form. It seems that INFJ's were the people who were designed to feel the most deeply and passionately and to believe that the place for that depth (the only place deep enough to hold it) is our own soul. Out there in the world all expressions of it somehow become insufficient to hold the significance of what we feel. I think this may be why I turn so tongue tied when other types will say to me "How do you feel about this?" like there was nothing that could ever fully express the full meaning of what I feel save turning myself inside out and become visible to the world. Yes, I'm convinced, now, the death we feel is the loss of the peace of loving someone in silence and having the intense peace (oxymoronic, I know) ripped away from us by our separation from them.

Thank you again, everyone. I greatly appreciate your responses and kindness. It helps knowing there are others who love and give with that same depth so that they lose themselves in the giving, and others who know what it is to watch part of their heart walk away in the steps of a friend.
 
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