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So far, no. At least not successfully, one is in the process of becoming a friend... but I don't think it's going too well. I'm finding it easier to avoid him than to become friends.

I think it would be easier if I had no feelings. I'm sure if I dated some guy I could care less for, it would be a piece of cake becoming friends. But considering I never date guys that I don't care for, I have not been as successful in the lover to friends department.
 

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Able to, yes, but I let it fade out. I'd originally wanted to be friends with this girl afterward, but after some time and distance apart it was less interesting to me. I doubt I'm representative though, as I've never had a friend close to me for more than a year or two. If you are thinking you'd like to be friends with a current or past lover, I have seen it work out. My sis and guy she broke up with remained close friends after it didn't work out between them. Not that that wasn't pretty rocky for awhile, and I imagine that is generally to be expected. I can tell you too that one girl who tried to be friends with me after expressing she did not want to be with me eventually cut me out because I wasn't able to move on very quickly. For that reason, it is probably best to wait, following a breakup, to try to be friends. Truthfully, while I would want to be in touch with this girl still, I realize by now I never knew her enough to be her friend in the first place, so it makes some sense if there is nothing left now. If there is a deep friendship under your love, then, in time, it makes sense if it survives a breakup.
 

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I have been able to be friends in one case. It was obviously many years ago so we don't look at each other that way anymore. She and her husband are friends with my wife and I but we don't see each other very often. Maybe encounter one another in social situations a couple times a year. I didn't have a lot of girlfriends before I got married.
 

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Yes, I have, but we were friends before we dated - it was a mistake to date him in the first place because I didn't have any feelings other than friendship for him anyways. He really liked me and I thought it was the right thing to do, I am grateful it didn't ruin our friendship because he is one of my best friends.
 

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Hah, I mentionned this, in context, to my coworkers yesterday. Topic being: can you really be "just friends" with the opposite sex.
Pretty true, isn't it? :laughing:
 

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Yeah, I think it's possible. I mean in my case I've only loved one person in the past I've broken up with, and we don't live in the same city - let alone the same country, so maybe not seeing each other often helps as well. Most of the communication is via internet, phone etc. The sexual/romantic feelings for this person will probably always be there but so will the friendship. We started off as friends and well this is my take but I couldn't love someone and be with them in a relationship unless the friendship part was there as well.

If I had to choose between not having this person in my life and having him in it, I'd choose the having him in it. He's very precious for me and I just can't imagine not sharing living life with him. I do not want to underestimate the power of this kind of connection to someone, in my experience it is so few and far in between. And it would most likely just be about my ego if I cut them off.

Granted it's not always easy, it's hard for us both imagining each other committing etc. to other people. But in the end what is fundamentally important is the other person's happiness and if there's someone else that makes them happy in a relationship form, then that is simply how it is. In this sense I've never understood jealousy.

I think sometimes platonic friendship is undervalued and defined by certain norms.

I don't know how it would be with other people though, because our communication with this guy is very open and that makes things easier in a sense.

I can't be as close to him as I know I always will wish on some level, but that's life. We don't work well romantically, but speaking for myself, I love him on a level that goes far beyond romantic. I don't need to be in touch with him in regular basis either to be there in practical terms when he really needs me. I have stopped fighting back the feeling because it's just not going to go away, I can merely distract it. And I can and am in love with someone else as well now, dating somebody else, and they're just separate feelings, but both exist. I thought the old love would die off naturally but it doesn't seem to be so.

If I've ever truly loved someone I don't think it ever goes away. And it's worth it.
 

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An earlier post made me wonder about this...have you ever been able to be friends with a former lover?
Yes, my best friend was once my beloved. It was quite an on/off romance but ultimately didn't work and we've been "just good friends" ever since. (Actually I dislike the word 'just' in that phrase, feels like it diminishes the value of friendship).
 

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yes. the reason we were lovers to begin with would be because i care very deeply for them, and in the event of it ending, cutting them off is not very caring. there will always be a flicker of feeling leftover in me... i just have to let it take a backseat for their sakes, and mine.

i always go from friends, to lovers, and usually to friends again. i'm not above cutting off an ex if they don't respect my new boundaries, or callously betrayed me before, however.
 
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