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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have recently come to terms with the extremity of my lack of self-confidence, and now that I'm in touch with that, I've noticed it taking effect on so many things I do.

The current one is that my teacher requested I write a poem for a poem writing contest, and although she asked me specifically because she thought I would be good at it, I cannot for the life of me squeeze out more than a few key lines. Nothing is good enough. I'd love to be able to not feel uncomfortable doing anything that requires a sliver of self-confidence but alas; obladi oblada life goes on.

At least I can fake it when necessary.

Do you struggle with a substantial lack of self-confidence?
How does this affect your everyday life?
 

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I tend to go with the gist if you can't imagine it you can't do it.
In this case the belief that one can't do something is enough of a demotivational enough that it's likely to become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Instead I try and ignore failures and simply focus on the task at hand and what I can do about it, otherwise I ruminate too much on feelings that just paralyzed me.
So I try and focus in, cut away the other thoughts as they're not doing me any good.

So for example I've been stressed about some assignments, especially as there were stuff ups that delayed me.
When I thought about the timeline of due dates I'd work myself up and end up not doing any work, so I would stop thinking about that and try and focus on just doing a little bit.
I often find myself procrastinating so I try and be conscious of it and stick to the task, as it's easy to be deterred when things aren't going smoothly and are taking a lot more effort than planned, not fun but gotta stick to it.

Simply put, simplifying tasks and blocking out unnecessary stuff helps.
Tasks look daunting as a whole, best to make it smaller in mind.
Not a silver bullet but is something, requires being aware of what you're thinking at times, so can't be passive all the time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I tend to go with the gist if you can't imagine it you can't do it.
In this case the belief that one can't do something is enough of a demotivational enough that it's likely to become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Instead I try and ignore failures and simply focus on the task at hand and what I can do about it, otherwise I ruminate too much on feelings that just paralyzed me.
So I try and focus in, cut away the other thoughts as they're not doing me any good.

So for example I've been stressed about some assignments, especially as there were stuff ups that delayed me.
When I thought about the timeline of due dates I'd work myself up and end up not doing any work, so I would stop thinking about that and try and focus on just doing a little bit.
I often find myself procrastinating so I try and be conscious of it and stick to the task, as it's easy to be deterred when things aren't going smoothly and are taking a lot more effort than planned, not fun but gotta stick to it.

Simply put, simplifying tasks and blocking out unnecessary stuff helps.
Tasks look daunting as a whole, best to make it smaller in mind.
Not a silver bullet but is something, requires being aware of what you're thinking at times, so can't be passive all the time.
I'm not exactly in-tune with my emotions though, and I just recently became aware of my lack of self-confidence. Once it made itself known I understood it a lot, I know where it stems from, I know where it shows, but I mean it's held me back for 10 years without me even realizing it, so although I know it exists, that knowledge isn't what's stopping me.

It feels like a physical roadblock. I used to think I was just dim, and it crosses my mind still sometimes, but the truth is, if this doesn't sound too backwards, considering what I've just said, I do know I'm intelligent, and I do (would?) have the ability to do whatever it is that I'm being held back from doing, however it's as if my mind is saying "I know you think you're smart, but you've spent years being told otherwise, you cannot do this."

It's weird I don't know.
 

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I have recently come to terms with the extremity of my lack of self-confidence, and now that I'm in touch with that, I've noticed it taking effect on so many things I do.

The current one is that my teacher requested I write a poem for a poem writing contest, and although she asked me specifically because she thought I would be good at it, I cannot for the life of me squeeze out more than a few key lines. Nothing is good enough. I'd love to be able to not feel uncomfortable doing anything that requires a sliver of self-confidence but alas; obladi oblada life goes on.

At least I can fake it when necessary.

Do you struggle with a substantial lack of self-confidence?
How does this affect your everyday life?
I'm truly glad people are in the same boat as me. That may seem selfish at first, but it really helps when you know people can empathize. I've gone through a nervous breakdown, a major depressive episode, and drug withdrawal all at the same time. It has really left a scar on me, and believe me, I'm still licking my wounds even though I've fulfilled the very thing that I thought would alleviate my mental problems. I've definitely gotten better, but since then I've had a lot of insight that I never had. I realized I was not satisfied with my life and what I was doing and am now doing my best to change that.

No doubt, this all correlates because I used to be extremely confident in almost everything I did, but now I've completely torn myself down. It is hard. Plain and simple. It's a rough, bumpy road, and even though I've lost a lot of faith in myself and my confidence has been completely wiped out and my willpower is deplenished, I know at the end of the tunnel there is a light. I know eventually I'll be back to my 'ole self' and be jet-propelling myself through my goals and life itself.

Take it as life experience you'll learn eventually and you will always come out stronger. I know it's hard now, but just think about the long run as hard as it is to say that.

I wish you luck because my life has been completely fucked over and I'm starting up from ground ZERO but I'm confident (see what I did there?!) that things will turn out for the better.

Just remember that. This may not be the most accurate advice, but just some personal drunken experience to share with you.
 

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Sounds like you've internalized how you were treated. Makes me wonder what supportive affirming bonds you have currently that might challenge that self concept with their opinion and treatment of you. That perhaps just as bad words and treatment has you doubting yourself so to can they be supportive.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm truly glad people are in the same boat as me. That may seem selfish at first, but it really helps when you know people can empathize.
Ah it's not a selfish thing to be glad about, not to mention even if it was, who cares. Who's going to be selfish for you besides yourself.

I've gone through a nervous breakdown, a major depressive episode, and drug withdrawal all at the same time. It has really left a scar on me, and believe me, I'm still licking my wounds even though I've fulfilled the very thing that I thought would alleviate my mental problems. I've definitely gotten better, but since then I've had a lot of insight that I never had. I realized I was not satisfied with my life and what I was doing and am now doing my best to change that.
I can relate to that. Not on such an extreme level but I've been to a low, and getting out of that low (temporarily) definitely cleared a lot of things up for me. So I guess such events can count for that, if anything. I am genuinely glad to hear you are figuring it out though, seeing/hearing of people getting themselves out of a bad place makes me happy however I don't know why.

No doubt, this all correlates because I used to be extremely confident in almost everything I did, but now I've completely torn myself down. It is hard. Plain and simple. It's a rough, bumpy road, and even though I've lost a lot of faith in myself and my confidence has been completely wiped out and my willpower is deplenished, I know at the end of the tunnel there is a light. I know eventually I'll be back to my 'ole self' and be jet-propelling myself through my goals and life itself.

Take it as life experience you'll learn eventually and you will always come out stronger. I know it's hard now, but just think about the long run as hard as it is to say that.
The problem is my lack of self confidence goes way back, it's just stuck for 4 years after the fact. *sigh* I am hoping however, that my awareness of it gives me the ability to slowly but surely take reigns on it and defeat it (however sappy that sounds).

I wish you luck because my life has been completely fucked over and I'm starting up from ground ZERO but I'm confident (see what I did there?!) that things will turn out for the better.

Just remember that. This may not be the most accurate advice, but just some personal drunken experience to share with you.
Thank-you, I appreciate it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Sounds like you've internalized how you were treated
.
I've internalized everything (something else I haven't noticed until lately, which actually had to be brought up to me).

Makes me wonder what supportive affirming bonds you have currently that might challenge that self concept with their opinion and treatment of you. That perhaps just as bad words and treatment has you doubting yourself so to can they be supportive.
Can you dumb that down a bit. I'm guessing it has to do with like my support network and where I get support from others and if I can use that to positively change my attitude towards myself but...
 

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Can you dumb that down a bit. I'm guessing it has to do with like my support network and where I get support from others and if I can use that to positively change my attitude towards myself but...
I suppose i'm thinking Unconditional positive regard - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That if people have treated you poorly in the past it, it'd naturally do well to be surrounded by people who aren't pricks and show that they value you as an offset to how you been conditioned to feel.
Though I don't think this in itself would necessarily solve it all but for some what they need is merely good people to affirm them and express that they're of worth.

But in regards to your OP, it seems like you might have an issue with being vulnerable to yourself because poetry is thought to come from the self in a more intimate way. To which I can side with that and say this is precisely why I don't like writing poetry XD
 

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I have no problem with self esteem when it comes to dealing with task-oriented things. Even when I know I'm going to fail, it still does not deter me from starting from scratch. However, the same cannot be said for my social life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
MikeHesson:16969402 said:
Self confidence is very much needed in every walk of life otherwise survival is not easy in this world.
You can learn to fake it. When I've needed to, I do. It can be a shitty feeling but fake confidence mixed with an ability to slightly manibpulate people has gotten me where I need to go.
 

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I think low self confidence affects how well they behave towards others. It will take more effort for the person to express openness about their feelings, and difficult to show their stronger qualities, therefore others do not get a good vibe from their character. They dont believe in themselves it is more difficult for them to make decisions on their own behalf, which is bad it is harder to make progress and take steps towards what they want.
 
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