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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I am about to have major surgery requiring 6-8 hours in the operating theatre.
I'm not dying, but it's possible that complications may occur during the procedure.
However it's not the surgery risks are not on my mind - in fact i'm quite confident!

What is bothering me are unresolved relationship problems.
I'm in that zone of:
'... things left unsaid and thoughts unexpressed ...'

I have a heavily cratered path in my life, lots of major dramas and outstanding issues!
(My Fe and Si have a lot to answer for!)
My question is - do I make peace with those who I have burned or those who burned me?

My Family are a write-off, there hasn't been contact in three years and there won't be any in the foreseeable future!
I do have a handful of former friends that may respond to me 'reaching out' perhaps?

Generally I feel that it is better to 'leave sleeping dogs lie' (don't bring up the past).
I don't want to re-open emotional wounds that may still be 'raw', even after some time has passed.
I am not an emotional person, but I do feel the need to 'fix' some circumstances.
But I fear making things worse between me and others.
Maybe I shouldn't do anything ...
 

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I've had 2 major surgeries, it's better to go with a clear mind. If your the type of person who can move forward after disappoint and be emotionally self sufficient, then let everything go. If your life is wrapped up in relationships and drama then don't fight it, it's part of your essential nature express yourself.
 

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Thanks for mentioning this. I usually try to reach out to old friends, but that is likely not to work in all cases. I think you should try to live at peace with the people that are a part of your life right now.

Odds of complication are generally very low in surgery.
 

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First... good luck on your surgery, wish you the best and may you be 100% ok soon. Second... You might be looking for comments and opinions, not questions, but I do see the need to ask some
Maybe I shouldn't do anything ...
Why didn't you... do something in the first place?

About your unresolved relationship problems, are they instant present? did they appear this week? month? last 6 months? if this is something beyond 6 months my question is what have you been doing and why now, I don't think anything can be done "right now". I don't personally think (anyway) during transition times anything being discussed fits or it's genuine... people (you) can be pushing others into situations, feelings or premature decisions due to the complications of health, grief, anything critial during X transition, it's not fair. It's like "you never say I love you" or "I never say I love you, sorry" both things during critical or dangerous transition times are more related to the peace of mind of the person wanting to express such words than the situation itself.

I was heavily influenced by my grandpa, insisting "in life", everything matters in life... during death, after death or critical times... well, what were you waiting for??? it's not ok. Sure I do believe this makes sense. So I do apply "what if..." to my decisions and include health problems (possibilities) and death, why? to avoid second thoughts during illnesses, surgeries, death... etc.

I'm not saying this is you, but due to my influence (my grandpa) I know and have seen how many people think, feel and act like there is always a tomorrow and think "well tomorrow or next week we will see" or do things leaving space for... some stuff. Well those days may never come. Surgery? IMHO surgery or no surgery is unrelated, you can fall to the floor hit your head today or be hit by a bus, doesn't matter. We all can be gone anytime. Me? in reverse, opposite side... (me on the other side) I still believe the same and I don't consider genuine or legit any big changes or expressions during such transitions. "Oh I'm about to die so please forgiv..." no, doesn't make sense to me. Many emotions are not legit if they come out of fear (of any kind). Some say imposing fear can help people to bring out true emotions, well to me is that's more about rushing things out.

That's just me.
 

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I am about to have major surgery requiring 6-8 hours in the operating theatre.
I'm not dying, but it's possible that complications may occur during the procedure.
However it's not the surgery risks are not on my mind - in fact i'm quite confident!

What is bothering me are unresolved relationship problems.
I'm in that zone of:
'... things left unsaid and thoughts unexpressed ...'

I have a heavily cratered path in my life, lots of major dramas and outstanding issues!
(My Fe and Si have a lot to answer for!)
My question is - do I make peace with those who I have burned or those who burned me?

My Family are a write-off, there hasn't been contact in three years and there won't be any in the foreseeable future!
I do have a handful of former friends that may respond to me 'reaching out' perhaps?

Generally I feel that it is better to 'leave sleeping dogs lie' (don't bring up the past).
I don't want to re-open emotional wounds that may still be 'raw', even after some time has passed.
I am not an emotional person, but I do feel the need to 'fix' some circumstances.
But I fear making things worse between me and others.
Maybe I shouldn't do anything ...
Ok, so this is something I've tried doing in my own life, and here's the thing: You can do it, and it can be worthwhile, even when the attempt fails, but approach it with minimum expectations, you will rarely get the results you want.

I think there's an expectation in mind that our loved ones will act like 80s family comedy characters that need to resolve their conflict with something rosey by the end of the episode, that deep down they feel just what the hallmark greeting card said mothers/fathers/siblings/friends are supposed to feel. That is not going to happen. Most people you've had conflict with has likely written up a narrative to justify their side of the conflict, sometimes times relaxes that stance, but if it you were close enough to them for it to be a preoccupying matter there is a decent chance they doubled down as well. Your highest chance of any success are the cases when you are the one doing the apology, but even that isn't guaranteed. You can have the peace of mind that you know you've tried your best, but you'd be very lucky to get anything more.

And on that horrible note... Good luck with the surgery, hope all goes well.
 

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I wish you all the best with regard to your surgery.

The fact that you're asking these questions suggests that you want to reach out to some of these people, but not all.

In general, making amends is a good thing. What works best for me is to say something like "I'm sorry we had that problem" or "I'm sorry that things haven't always been good between us." This way I'm not groveling or admitting I was in the wrong--sometimes I believe the other person was "wrong" and I was "right," but I still want to make peace with them. The other person might respond in a positive, negative, or neutral way, but at least I know I did what I could.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you will be friends again, it just takes away some of the pain, resentment, confusion, etc. It does open the door for better possibilities, but don't expect things to be better.

If you think it will make things worse, or will make you feel worse, then don't do it. Probably you need to consider each case individually. Good luck!
 
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