Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 30 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Sometimes I feel like I make life harder on myself than it has to be. I don't know if it is because I naturally assume responsibilities that I don't necessarily need to, but there are a lot of times when I look at my Perceiver friends and family members and they always are so relaxed about things and carefree. Sometimes I wish I could be more like that but, I will admit, I can be 'uptight' at times and I feel that when I do this I am making life harder on myself than it has to be. Do any other ISTJs go through this?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
947 Posts
Interesting, I'm not like that at all. I'm NEVER stressed and rarely uptight. It is what it is. Each situation has a solution, figure it out. Some times that process can be taxing, but only for a short while. Care free is the only way to live! This life is too short to spend all of it uptight.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
Yeah, we can do this.

It helps to be able to say "no" to some things so that you can focus on what is truly important to you. This is where a planner is an ISTJs best friend for avoiding stress. Schedule everything--I mean everything. If you can't commit it to a daily routine, then it should be in your planner. This is a big stress reliever.

Also understand that you are different from your perceiver friends and family. You like closure and keeping things open too long will actually stress you more. Seek balance in this, but understand who you are and be comfortable inside your own skin. If you understand your motives, you will do much better in understanding who you are and how you fit into the big scheme of things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
447 Posts
I used to feel like this a lot, and it sorta plagued my thinking for a while (actually a looooong time). I was just so upset with the way I was, and I always entertained the idea that something was "wrong" with me. Finding MBTI helped me. I think what Niss is saying is very helpful:
Also understand that you are different from your perceiver friends and family. You like closure and keeping things open too long will actually stress you more. Seek balance in this, but understand who you are and be comfortable inside your own skin. If you understand your motives, you will do much better in understanding who you are and how you fit into the big scheme of things.
I've been learning so much about myself and other people. My interactions with others have been improved drastically, and I don't feel like I'm as constantly stressed (about life in general) as I used to be (plus I still get to be me, yay!). So I guess you are in the right place- help yourself by learning more and consciously improving your life by understanding yourself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,721 Posts
This is a problem that ISFJ's and ISTJ's have in common. I think niss's advice is good to follow.

Yeah, we can do this.

It helps to be able to say "no" to some things so that you can focus on what is truly important to you. This is where a planner is an ISTJs best friend for avoiding stress. Schedule everything--I mean everything. If you can't commit it to a daily routine, then it should be in your planner. This is a big stress reliever.
I know at least for ISFJ's, it's important to learn to be more selfish sometimes and not worry if people have a problem with it. As long as you do it within reason, then it helps you to be less stressed out. We do so much for other people sometimes that we forget to help and treat ourselves. Balance is key.

And part of it is just accepting that you and everything in your life isn't going to be perfect. And that's okay...as consistent as we are and like to be, no one in our lives will think less of us when we make mistakes, they know we're human.

Like I said, it's all about balance...finding the best way for you to be happy in life. Like niss said, you shouldn't try to be like other people, you should try to do whatever it takes for you to be happy. Sometimes this may be doing things like someone else does, just to try it, but a lot of it is also being true to yourself and maximizing and enjoying your strengths.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
I guess I don't mean that I could be more like them and less like myself, but be happy like they are and carefree like they are; have the emotions they have. Sorry for the confusion.


And I can see it in ISFJs too. I need to work on the perfectionist thing (Type 1 here). I also think being selfish can be a good thing sometimes. It is important to take care of yourself before you take care of others.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
I guess I don't mean that I could be more like them and less like myself, but be happy like they are and carefree like they are; have the emotions they have. Sorry for the confusion.


And I can see it in ISFJs too. I need to work on the perfectionist thing (Type 1 here). I also think being selfish can be a good thing sometimes. It is important to take care of yourself before you take care of others.
Namaste--

Pull a coin out of your pocket. Go ahead...we're waiting. Got it? Good!

Now look at that coin. What do you see? Two sides? Exactly...two sides...heads and tails.

Can you split that coin and still have one undamaged and complete coin? Of course not.

That coin is like all personality types. Every type has two sides, or two set of qualities...good and bad. It is obvious to you, living inside of your ISTJ skin what your good and bad qualities are...but you tend to focus on the bad and feel like you aren't such a good person. That's kindof how we do it.

Now, you see some of the qualities in these other people. Qualities that you admire. What you aren't noticing so much is the negatives of being that type of person.

Remember our coin? You get the whole coin, or you get nothing. You can't keep the head side of the coin and leave the tail side, and still be able to use the coin. You also don't get to cherry pick the various attributes of personality types. This isn't a cafe, where you can pick what you want. So if you want to be an ISTP, you gotta take the good with the bad. And believe me, every type has it's demons to fight.

Now, shift directions a bit.

Happiness comes from within. If you embrace who you are, shortcomings and all, and work to overcome those shortcomings to the best of your ability, then happiness and contentment is not far off. You are who you are for a reason. You bring abilities to your network of friends and family that others don't bring. They need you to be like you are. Sure, there are times that it ain't so great, but it all works out for the best when we contribute our part and let the others contribute their part.

HTH
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
That coin is like all personality types. Every type has two sides, or two set of qualities...good and bad. It is obvious to you, living inside of your ISTJ skin what your good and bad qualities are...but you tend to focus on the bad and feel like you aren't such a good person. That's kindof how we do it.

Now, you see some of the qualities in these other people. Qualities that you admire. What you aren't noticing so much is the negatives of being that type of person.

Remember our coin? You get the whole coin, or you get nothing. You can't keep the head side of the coin and leave the tail side, and still be able to use the coin. You also don't get to cherry pick the various attributes of personality types. This isn't a cafe, where you can pick what you want. So if you want to be an ISTP, you gotta take the good with the bad. And believe me, every type has it's demons to fight.

Now, shift directions a bit.

Happiness comes from within. If you embrace who you are, shortcomings and all, and work to overcome those shortcomings to the best of your ability, then happiness and contentment is not far off. You are who you are for a reason. You bring abilities to your network of friends and family that others don't bring. They need you to be like you are. Sure, there are times that it ain't so great, but it all works out for the best when we contribute our part and let the others contribute their part.

HTH
I never said I thought I was a bad person. I just want to be more relaxed and carefree. Maybe I wasn't very clear at conveying myself.


I also never said I wanted to be someone else, I want to be more relaxed like other people [have that feeling] and not stress out about things so much like I do. I am not sure I understand what you are trying to say: that stressing out over things is a good thing and others cna learn from it? You said that I shouldn't try to be like other people, but then you said others need to be like me. Maybe I am confused.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
947 Posts
Namaste: You can only change you. I think what Niss was getting at is, learn to understand and embrace who you are. Realize that even though you can look at "another type" and see things you like about them, they have en equal amount of things they don't like about themselves (Provided they can see that) once you learn to control your self, your emotions, etc. you can work on your flaws and change them to the best of your ability. Gleaning things from other types, learning from them... seeing how they react, what makes them happy or more carefree and then trying it yourself. There is a solution to every problem, and answer to every question, you just have to keep your head up and stay positive about it.

BTW, beautiful Avatar.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I wasn't trying to make this thread about me, I just wanted to know if other ISTJs made life harder on themselves than it had to be. Sorry for my miscommunication.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
I never said I thought I was a bad person. I just want to be more relaxed and carefree. Maybe I wasn't very clear at conveying myself.


I also never said I wanted to be someone else, I want to be more relaxed like other people [have that feeling] and not stress out about things so much like I do. I am not sure I understand what you are trying to say: that stressing out over things is a good thing and others cna learn from it? You said that I shouldn't try to be like other people, but then you said others need to be like me. Maybe I am confused.
Sorry I wasn't clear. I'm not saying that being stressed at an unhealthy level is good for anyone. I am saying that it is normal for ISTJs to seem a little more uptight and stressed about details and to want closure when compared to a "P" type.

Also, sorry I wasn't clear about the others being like you. No, all types are needed and we all contribute. So for a "P" type to try to become a "J" type would be equally incorrect.

HTH
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
447 Posts
I wasn't trying to make this thread about me, I just wanted to know if other ISTJs made life harder on themselves than it had to be. Sorry for my miscommunication.
I think that that happened because we've all made life harder on ourselves. And we realized it, and through that we've realized how we can cope with it/how we can fix it. I know that I greatly sympathized with you in your original post, and I know that others did as well. I think we all just wanted to help you, because we know the difficulty in realizing our strengths when all we see is the strengths of others.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
I wasn't trying to make this thread about me, I just wanted to know if other ISTJs made life harder on themselves than it had to be. Sorry for my miscommunication.
Sorry again if I wasn't clear. Usually, in these discussions, I mean "you" in a general sense and not in a personal sense. So it would be "you" as in "all ISTJs."

I don't know that you miscommunicated. Sometimes I can take the ball and run with it...only later to discover that I was headed in the wrong direction.

And, in answer to your question: Yes, we sometimes do that.


HTH
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #15
Sorry I wasn't clear. I'm not saying that being stressed at an unhealthy level is good for anyone. I am saying that it is normal for ISTJs to seem a little more uptight and stressed about details and to want closure when compared to a "P" type.

Also, sorry I wasn't clear about the others being like you. No, all types are needed and we all contribute. So for a "P" type to try to become a "J" type would be equally incorrect.

HTH

I understand this. I see what you are saying now, thank you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,638 Posts
yes. I make life harder for myself as well. So, I can completely empathise with you.
I manage to make life harder for myself by pondering these meaningless questions about life (very philosophy like), trying to find out the absolute truth behind everything is another thing.
But I think an interesting thing to consider would be that even though we think that P people or certain other people are so carefree, the truth is they have problems of other kinds. For e.g. they might leave things to the last moment causing them to put themself under pressure. So, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to them as we don’t know what their problems are like.
(I hope that answers what you aksed).

P.S.- Can I ask out of curiosity, why is your username “Namaste” .
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,245 Posts
Sometimes I feel like I make life harder on myself than it has to be. I don't know if it is because I naturally assume responsibilities that I don't necessarily need to, but there are a lot of times when I look at my Perceiver friends and family members and they always are so relaxed about things and carefree. Sometimes I wish I could be more like that but, I will admit, I can be 'uptight' at times and I feel that when I do this I am making life harder on myself than it has to be. Do any other ISTJs go through this?
When I took the MBTI test, the school counsellor described some of the ISTJ traits, one of which included the tendency 'to assume more responsibilities than a job actually requires of them'.

For me - thankfully - the uptightness kicks in only when I'm at work. I get stressed out, but I also get rewarded by the quality of the stuff I produce. If you're receiving an undue amount of stress 1) outside of a workplace setting, 2) from things that you're not expected assume responsibility for, 3) in a situation where your efforts won't be recognized or rewarded, then you should say 'no' like niss has advised.



This is where a planner is an ISTJs best friend for avoiding stress. Schedule everything--I mean everything. If you can't commit it to a daily routine, then it should be in your planner. This is a big stress reliever.
This is the absolute truth.
 
  • Like
Reactions: niss

·
MOTM Jan 2012
Joined
·
6,514 Posts
I know that I get very stressed when I have to act like a J; schedules and obligations make me feel trapped...suffocated.

When I was first studying Type, I decided to do my own "field work" among my family; call it my S wanting some real life examples. I used my ISTJ sister to study J. I soon found out that she scheduled nearly every minute of her day, something which completely baffled me (and still baffles me!). So, I asked: "So, if you schedule a half hour to read, and you're right in the middle of the action, and the time ends, will you put the book down, even if you're engrossed?" She looked a little shamefaced when she admitted that she would. Totally baffling...

Is this really less stressful on you? I mean, I see it, I believe it, I know people are different than me in this respect (my sister and mother in particular), but in a way I don't. To me, it's so restricting. Is it inversely freeing for you?
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Is this really less stressful on you? I mean, I see it, I believe it, I know people are different than me in this respect (my sister and mother in particular), but in a way I don't. To me, it's so restricting. Is it inversely freeing for you?
In a way, yes. When I schedule things, I am sorting my time out and I can make sense of things better. I know what I need to do, when to do it and I don't have to think about it; it de-clutters my mind which is a sort of freedom. It's like auto-pilot so that I can use my mental energy to think of other important things things. I always ask P's about their 'organization' as well. It seems like P's don't need it because they just know where things are, they don't need a specific place for things because they just know (that's about as good as I can explain it because I am not a P (lol), feel free to explain it more if you can). But J's need places and spaces and slots and schedules for things or else they will lose track of everything and forget to do things (if not just for me). If my environment is cluttered, then my mind is cluttered. I make sense of things as part of a system (Te, I believe). When I can see the system laid out, then it makes sense to me. I hope that makes sense.
 
1 - 20 of 30 Posts
Top