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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I make terrible first impressions.

Authority figures often wince at me because of how I treat them when we first meet (I believe that respect has to be earnt and that it has to be mutual), accompanied by my matter-of-fact/norm-breaking responses, they seem to really dislike and doubt my ability. However, once they see the quality of my work (whether it be through a report I wrote, a deed they didn't know I had done) their perspective of me changes in a blink of the eye and they suddenly talk to me with a lot more respect.

Then there's the making friends thing. It takes 6 months after having met a person for me to start becoming less aloof or even the tad bit talkative. It strikes my curiosity but according to many of my friends, they all tell me that they didn't like me at first but that I grew on them. (that is unless I meet an INFJ/INTP/anyone similar in which we click quite quickly)

I don't know, is this an INTJ thing? I mean, my INTP friend said I had no charm whatsoever. lol.
 

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I think so. I think of it as the opposite of the extroverted P users. They are better at starting things than finishing. We are better at finishing than starting. I've noticed this not only socially but since I'm looking for work. It's really hard for me to give two shits about "making an impression", which probably works against me increasing my chances. But the people who take interest in me despite the fact I'm not really trying to make an impression (just going with facts/info and what is asked), I end up really making a strong impression on them over time.

I think ideally I should have a "catalyst" type of person that helps me to bring out the first impression BS in myself (and then maybe it'd also feel real and not like BS, lol), but at the same time I want to learn how to do it myself.

On the other hand, I rely quite a bit on my first impressions in social contexts. It seems kind of shallow, and I used to not trust it much for that reason (also because of the stereotype that INTJ's are socially incompetent or otherwise not people smart). But I'm realizing my first impressions are often rather accurate. Sometimes more accurate than people who go around broadcasting their quickly-formed opinions and judgments of others, as if they're the experts. :rolleyes:
 

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I never thought I gave a bad impression on others or really cared. But during internships, I was often harshly evaluated by bully preceptors, who thought I was dumb. They saw me as quiet, so they thought I had nothing to say or think about. When I would give presentations suddenly they would tell me they were blown away by my confidence and critical thinking/depth of research and organization. And think more highly of me. It kind of made me mad that they underestimated me to begin with. I don't judged people as stupid if they are quiet. I don't get where that stereotype comes from.
 

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I think it's pretty common within NT's especially INTX's to not go with social norms. You're going to need to establish credibility with us which is not easy.

I find it hard to trust people. It's unusual for someone in my culture to be aloof and not a people-person. My parents come from a very extroverted, collectivist culture that focuses on group/team work's achievements and always submits to authority. While I don't have much of a problem with that alone, I need some time to work and be alone. A lot of people in our community, even my own parents, have perceived this as being rude when my intentions of this are far from being impolite. They're also more likely to give out their trust to others like how druggies spend on coke addictions. I need to evaluate someone for a while before I decide if they're worthy of my trust. That includes authority figures. For the most part, I grew up well-behaved, but more often than not, my parents would get angry at me for not addressing an aunt or one of their friends with the correct term as a sign of respect.
 

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Hahaha you sound just like me. But that makes life difficult. Though I am a strong believer that one should earn my trust or repsect before I actually have it for them, I'm very aware the real world doesn't work that way. People expect you to just run around screaming "Yes ma'am/No sir/Your fucking majesty" But I treat even my superiors the same way I treat everyone else, you're not above me and I'm not below you. You don't intimidate me, and if you try to assert that you're more powerful than I am, we are not going to have a good time. For example, I once got sent to see the headteacher at high school because apparently his deputy head didn't like the way "I looked at him." How fucking pathetic. I'd never even spoken to the guy, but many of my teachers have even told me I make them nervous. Though, there's a certain degree of acting that I must employ, in order to give certain people the opposite impression, simply because it makes me life run smoother.

I can't be myself, for example, during an interview. Because 'myself' has no outward expression, which is not going to get me hired. I learnt as a young teen, you have to pick your battles. Though I'm usually right, that doesn't mean I don't have to occasionally shape my behaviour depending on who I'm around if I don't want to be seen as resistant, intimidating and rebellious.

No superior person to you in work place etc. wants to feel on edge around you and with me, they do because they don't know what I'm thinking and like yourself, I am very aloof visually. Like @acidicwithpanic said, I was often told off for not calling family members by titles like uncle or aunt. And made it very clear even when I was a child to them, I don't care if that's what you are to me biologically, you've never been there for me, nor are you my friend, so earn that title instead of demanding it. To this day, I call every family member except my parents and one set of grandparents, by their name.

Therefore, I'd hesistate to call this an INTJ thing alone. Or even an INFJ/INTJ/INTP thing as I have an ENTP friend who much does the same and often got into even more trouble than myself in the past for this. But now we're both better actors :happy:.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Hahaha you sound just like me. But that makes life difficult. Though I am a strong believer that one should earn my trust or repsect before I actually have it for them, I'm very aware the real world doesn't work that way. People expect you to just run around screaming "Yes ma'am/No sir/Your fucking majesty" But I treat even my superiors the same way I treat everyone else, you're not above me and I'm not below you. You don't intimidate me, and if you try to assert that you're more powerful than I am, we are not going to have a good time. For example, I once got sent to see the headteacher at high school because apparently his deputy head didn't like the way "I looked at him." How fucking pathetic. I'd never even spoken to the guy, but many of my teachers have even told me I make them nervous. Though, there's a certain degree of acting that I must employ, in order to give certain people the opposite impression, simply because it makes me life run smoother.

I can't be myself, for example, during an interview. Because 'myself' has no outward expression, which is not going to get me hired. I learnt as a young teen, you have to pick your battles. Though I'm usually right, that doesn't mean I don't have to occasionally shape my behaviour depending on who I'm around if I don't want to be seen as resistant, intimidating and rebellious.

No superior person to you in work place etc. wants to feel on edge around you and with me, they do because they don't know what I'm thinking and like yourself, I am very aloof visually. Like @acidicwithpanic said, I was often told off for not calling family members by titles like uncle or aunt. And made it very clear even when I was a child to them, I don't care if that's what you are to me biologically, you've never been there for me, nor are you my friend, so earn that title instead of demanding it. To this day, I call every family member except my parents and one set of grandparents, by their name.

Therefore, I'd hesistate to call this an INTJ thing alone. Or even an INFJ/INTJ/INTP thing as I have an ENTP friend who much does the same and often got into even more trouble than myself in the past for this. But now we're both better actors :happy:.
Well, I'd say that this is more of an N thing, but that ENxx are very unlikely to be this way, whereas NFs are better and NTs are the worst. However, in my experience, ENTPs are good at lying, so naturally, when they want something, they'd butt up. While for INTJs and INFJs, we learn but only gradually (it's not as innate for us as it is for ENTPs)
 

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I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I make terrible first impressions.

Authority figures often wince at me because of how I treat them when we first meet (I believe that respect has to be earnt and that it has to be mutual), accompanied by my matter-of-fact/norm-breaking responses, they seem to really dislike and doubt my ability. However, once they see the quality of my work (whether it be through a report I wrote, a deed they didn't know I had done) their perspective of me changes in a blink of the eye and they suddenly talk to me with a lot more respect.

I like it this way, because I have a sense of satisfaction from proving prejudice assumptions wrong. (Probably my 1w9)
 

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Well, I'd say that this is more of an N thing, but that ENxx are very unlikely to be this way, whereas NFs are better and NTs are the worst. However, in my experience, ENTPs are good at lying, so naturally, when they want something, they'd butt up. While for INTJs and INFJs, we learn but only gradually (it's not as innate for us as it is for ENTPs)
I agree. ENTPs are good at lying. Every one I've met, friend or foe, they don't think twice when lying and it comes so naturally to them whereas I am good at lying but it takes effort out of me because the minute I'm about to lie, the thought "You're about to be dishonest, how do you feel?" comes to mind. And I've witnessed the same in other INxx types, there's some sort of shifty pause. That doesn't happen when I watch my ENTP friends lie.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I agree. ENTPs are good at lying. Every one I've met, friend or foe, they don't think twice when lying and it comes so naturally to them whereas I am good at lying but it takes effort out of me because the minute I'm about to lie, the thought "You're about to be dishonest, how do you feel?" comes to mind. And I've witnessed the same in other INxx types, there's some sort of shifty pause. That doesn't happen when I watch my ENTP friends lie.
Actually with me, it's less about morals and more that I'm thinking of the many ways I can get caught. Or I just can't bother butting up or lying. (especially to authority figures -- I mean who the hell cares what people think of you)
 

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Yup it takes me very very long to finally see somebody as a friend rather than an acquaintance. I don't trust people easily, and it takes a while for me to accept their intentions as they are.

For authority figures I've learned to tone myself down when I'm meeting them for the first time. Might be because of my cultural upbringing/background, but in general I'm very meek with those people, so they just think I'm very quiet and submissive.
 

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I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I make terrible first impressions.

Authority figures often wince at me because of how I treat them when we first meet (I believe that respect has to be earnt and that it has to be mutual), accompanied by my matter-of-fact/norm-breaking responses, they seem to really dislike and doubt my ability. However, once they see the quality of my work (whether it be through a report I wrote, a deed they didn't know I had done) their perspective of me changes in a blink of the eye and they suddenly talk to me with a lot more respect.

Then there's the making friends thing. It takes 6 months after having met a person for me to start becoming less aloof or even the tad bit talkative. It strikes my curiosity but according to many of my friends, they all tell me that they didn't like me at first but that I grew on them. (that is unless I meet an INFJ/INTP/anyone similar in which we click quite quickly)

I don't know, is this an INTJ thing? I mean, my INTP friend said I had no charm whatsoever. lol.
For me, I know how I can come off as as my parents often told me when I was young that I could rub people the wrong way if I continued to behave like that. I think now, I might just come off as being somewhat awkward since I'm reigning it in.
 
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First impressions can vary wildly, usually depending on my mood and the person I come across.
I either come off as rude and quiet or as very friendly and open (think ENFP).

Well, not everyone is going to like you or even get the right impression of you, so eh. Whatever really.
It can be troubling in an academic setting, but that's what the extrovert mask is for. Usually works like a charm.
 

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I suppose I would appear to be a bit quirky, quiet and odd to another person meeting me for the first time. I've learned over the years not to hide my real personality and just to be myself. For a while, in my introductions I was coming across as extroverted, energetic and interested in the other person, at least initially. This was designed to help people feel at ease around me. However, I kept disappointing people because the longer they hung around me, the more I avoided them and "transformed" into the reclusive, introspective oddball I really am. People seemed to enjoy their interactions with me at first, but were maybe a bit confused when they saw the other side of me. Maybe they felt like they had done something wrong, but in truth, I like my circle of friends to be small and genuine. It was too difficult and draining to keep up with that facade, so I stopped altogether.
 

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It depends on the teachers, they either see great potentials in me either as an asocial/ arrogant / cold student.
The first ones are the ones who keep their distance with their students, and are really professional. Therefore, when I raise my hand to correct their mistakes or ask a question, they don't take it personnally.
On the other hand, the ones who hates me are the kind of teacher who likes to "bond" with their students. (whether it's because they want to act cool, or if they actually care.) When I correct their mistakes, they feel offended, like I disrespect them, when I ask a question, they want to know "why".

No need to say I'd rather the first categories :)

Concerning friends, I know the way to do things. (It has come with a lot of reading "How to make friends", "How to socialize"...) So my technique: I usually wear a friendly mask when I met my friends' friend (it's the only way I meet new people), and when I feel he/she likes me, I reveal him/her my true nature. He/she laughs, saying that I'm weird, but since he/she already knows me, he/she's okay with that.
Since I do that a lot, my closest friends happen to directly introduce me to their friends as a weirdo, so I won't have to make that much efforts. It's kinda cool. :)
 

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It wasnt bad impressions its was more of how I phrased things. I may have explained something wrong. Or Maybe he didnt understand me. But never thought about the total impression. Never really cared that much. It's like I care, just not enough because I have my own situations that I'm working on and planning for that I never cared.

For example. While observing a child birth delivery , All I could do was look out side and see the snow, then calculate how long it'll take to go to work, then When I get off work ....and before today is done... Ya I have all that to fill in so worrying about my first impression doesn't really fit in there anywhere. Nor do peoples feelings or needs unless they're my loved ones. Then again I can just increase my capital and make sure everyone is taken care of while I work on my next move.

Honestly, No real time to leave ANY king of impression on anyone because meeting new people is scarce.
 

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I'm not sure if I'm the only one but I make terrible first impressions.

Authority figures often wince at me because of how I treat them when we first meet (I believe that respect has to be earnt and that it has to be mutual), accompanied by my matter-of-fact/norm-breaking responses, they seem to really dislike and doubt my ability. However, once they see the quality of my work (whether it be through a report I wrote, a deed they didn't know I had done) their perspective of me changes in a blink of the eye and they suddenly talk to me with a lot more respect.
I think perhaps your first impressions are not as bad as you think. In my experience if i'm disliked and my ability doubted then it doesn't matter how good my quality of work is or what kind of great ideas I have for improvement they will do their best to dismiss me (assuming its possible and not something where the quality of my work can't be disputed). People certainly won't change their perspective in the blink of an eye and suddenly talk to me with a lot more respect. What kind of work do you do?
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
I think perhaps your first impressions are not as bad as you think. In my experience if i'm disliked and my ability doubted then it doesn't matter how good my quality of work is or what kind of great ideas I have for improvement they will do their best to dismiss me (assuming its possible and not something where the quality of my work can't be disputed). People certainly won't change their perspective in the blink of an eye and suddenly talk to me with a lot more respect. What kind of work do you do?
Oh I go to school and there's this teacher that supervises the Y10 IB project called the 'Personal Project', my personal supervisor was on sick leave so I had to ask the y10 supervisor to help me with my work. Whenever I asked questions, she was abrupt, in-my-face rude (I think she's an ESTJ/ESFJ) because I didn't really butt up to her and she thought I was 'arrogant' and all. After she read my work, she treated me a lot nicer lol
 
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